Birds of a Feather s01e04 Womens Troubles Subtitles

00:00:02,540 --> 00:00:08,What will I do when you are far

00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:15,away and I ** blue? What will I

00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:22,do when I'm alone with only

00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:28,dreams of you that won't...

00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,I don't know what I'm going to do with
her for two weeks.

00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:57,You better behave yourself in Tenerife,
that's all.

00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:58,What do you mean?

00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,I know what goes on in them football
club holidays.

00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,There won't be love urging left in play,
love, America.

00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,I won't get into any trouble, sir.

00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,I'll probably be legless every night.

00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:09,Well, that's all right, then.

00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,I'll bring you something nice back.

00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,As long as it ain't nothing sexually
transmittable.

00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:42,Not really.

00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,You? Yes, eventually.

00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,I hope you're being careful.

00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,I never get on top of that safety net.
That's what's worrying me.

00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:52,You know what I mean.

00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,I don't know what you mean.

00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:56,Well, I can't have kids.

00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,I weren't thinking about kids.

00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,There's so many things you can catch
these days.

00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,I'll leave it there.

00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,You're so ignorant, Sharon.

00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:06,There doesn't have to be anything you
can see wrong with a bloke.

00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,I was reading this article in my best,
all about, you know, STDs.

00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:14,Are you trying to tell me there's some
special risk involved in going out for

00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:15,blows if he works on the telephone?

00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:20,STDs, sexually transmitted diseases.

00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,Look, Dave's all right.

00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:24,He has a bath every day.

00:02:26,260 --> 00:02:27,I've seen him.

00:02:28,220 --> 00:02:30,Talking of baths, do you mind if I have
a fizzy one later?

00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,No, no, feel free.

00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:35,I suppose I'm lucky you ain't invited
Dave in to bollock in the phone with

00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,Well, I hope you don't think I'm that
much of a liberty taker.

00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:43,I mean, I did think twice before I
invited Dave in for a quickie in your

00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:44,little bed when he was that way close.

00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,What's that then? Don't touch that.

00:02:47,570 --> 00:02:48,All right, all right.

00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:54,Hang on, that's one of them pregnancy
test things, isn't it? Yeah, well,

00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:58,you go jumping to any conclusions... I
ain't the one that's been doing the

00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,jumping.

00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:03,Well, you must think you're pregnant or
you won't be doing this test thing.

00:03:03,970 --> 00:03:07,Well, I ain't crystallising, Trace, but
who's the... It's Daryl's.

00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:09,Are you sure?

00:03:10,130 --> 00:03:11,If Daryl's all right.

00:03:11,550 --> 00:03:12,If there isn't it, that is.

00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:14,What's that there?

00:03:14,550 --> 00:03:15,It's cleaning the nip from us.

00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:17,Don't you believe me?

00:03:18,270 --> 00:03:19,Of course I believe you.

00:03:20,370 --> 00:03:22,Just like Daryl does when you go and
visit him tomorrow.

00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:26,Look, remember when I went to visit
Daryl just before the trial?

00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:27,Day of our wedding anniversary.

00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:29,Well, Daryl'd cooked up this idea.

00:03:29,990 --> 00:03:33,He knew that the prison chaplain was
taking a bit of a shine to him. Oh,

00:03:33,550 --> 00:03:34,remember that chaplain.

00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,I always thought he looked a bit stoke
on Trent.

00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:39,Not that sort of shine.

00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:41,You're mine.

00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:45,It was after Daryl had volunteered to re
-glaze them windows in the chapel.

00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:49,You know, after the riot. And the
chaplain found Daryl on his knees,

00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,about the state of our marriage.

00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:55,And? Well, it was a ruse, weren't it?
And it worked.

00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,The chaplain was dead sympathetic.

00:03:56,980 --> 00:04:00,Let me and Daryl get together in his
office to try and talk things over in

00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:04,private. So you persuaded the Rev to
leave you two alone?

00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:08,for a bit. We were alone in that office
a whole half hour. It was fantastic.

00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:13,I never thought you could... Anyway, it
was fantastic.

00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:16,Well, it would be, wouldn't it?

00:04:16,450 --> 00:04:20,Doing it in unusual places with a risk
of discovery always makes it better.

00:04:21,310 --> 00:04:23,Me and Dave did it in the back of his
telecom van.

00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:28,It ain't so daring. Even me and Daryl
had done it in the back of a van.

00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:30,Yeah, but we was going through a car
wash.

00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:35,I hesitate to cook this.

00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:37,It's done.

00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:38,Here you go.

00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:39,Fingers crossed.

00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,Why didn't you bring me a cigar?

00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,I like a nice cigar.

00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,I know.

00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:57,What have you g***t against me then,
Sharon?

00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,It's only a one -hour visit. Where do
you want me to start?

00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:06,Yeah. He seems to be settling down right
nicely at school.

00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:08,Can't wait to see him at half term.

00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:10,Yeah, it'd be good, wouldn't it?

00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,Well, not good, but you know.

00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:13,Yeah.

00:05:13,770 --> 00:05:17,Yeah, Garfield wrote me how he'd come
third in the lower school cross -country

00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:18,out of nearly 300 kids.

00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:20,Must take after me, eh?

00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:23,Remember when I legged it for Mollesley
Bay Ballstalk?

00:05:23,510 --> 00:05:26,Yeah, and I remember how the police
picked her up and married me mum a

00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:27,days later.

00:05:27,390 --> 00:05:29,I know you had to serve an extra three
months.

00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,I know, you said you'd go straight after
that, and now I believed you, and now

00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,you're... I don't want to talk about it,
all right.

00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,Me neither, I'm sorry.

00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:40,So, you're all right for money now,
anyway?

00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,Yeah, looks like Randy thought he'd the
bank out.

00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:44,Cheek, freezing our assets.

00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,Well, they'd be frosted now, aren't
they?

00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,So,

00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:50,what you been up to then?

00:05:50,820 --> 00:05:53,Stayed indoors most of the time, same as
you.

00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:55,At least you're allowed to watch the
telly after half seven.

00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:56,Yeah.

00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,So... You seeing anyone?

00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,What's that supposed to mean?

00:06:02,650 --> 00:06:04,Just wondered if anyone's dropped round.

00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:07,My Uncle Charlie embezzled and he
said... Don't do me that. You want to

00:06:07,610 --> 00:06:08,I'm knocking it off with another fella?

00:06:09,190 --> 00:06:10,No. I know you wouldn't.

00:06:11,650 --> 00:06:12,Would you?

00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:13,No, I would not.

00:06:13,870 --> 00:06:14,That's all right, then.

00:06:15,310 --> 00:06:19,Daryl, we've been married... Daryl,
we've been married over 15 years.

00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:24,I know, but... Women on the outside... I
mean, it's only natural.

00:06:25,390 --> 00:06:26,And you are a great looker.

00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:28,G***t the best -looking bird here.

00:06:28,810 --> 00:06:30,Look, it ain't g***t nothing to do with
it.

00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:33,I love you, and I promise to wait for
you.

00:06:34,150 --> 00:06:35,Yeah, I know.

00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,Sorry, sugar.

00:06:37,110 --> 00:06:38,Only so many women do.

00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:39,I know.

00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:40,Sharon's g***t a bloke.

00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:42,You're joking.

00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:43,No, phone engineer.

00:06:43,930 --> 00:06:44,Very well connected.

00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:49,Listen, don't say nothing to Chris or
he'll blow his top.

00:06:50,350 --> 00:06:51,You what?

00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:53,You slag!

00:06:54,670 --> 00:06:56,Well, it didn't take you long, did it?

00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,British Telecom have been reducing their
waiting list.

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