Birds of a Feather s01e05 Cheat Subtitles

00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:08,What will I do when you are far

00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:14,away and I ** blue?

00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:19,What will I do when I'm alone

00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:26,with only dreams of you?

00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:00,And you haven't worked since your
dismissal from the supermarket.

00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,Well, I had a couple of days casual at
Buck House when one of Her Majesty's

00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,ladies -in -waiting had the croup.

00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:11,This is a serious restart interview, Mrs
Theodopolopoulos. Not an audition for

00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,Bob Says Opportunity Knocks.

00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,Sorry, Miss Pollock.

00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,There are several supermarket checkout
vacancies at the job centre.

00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:20,Have you tried for any of them?

00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,No, I can't go back to that sort of
work. It's too aggravating.

00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:27,That's why I lost my job.

00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,The stress of dealing with stroppy
members of the public.

00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,One of whom you hit on the head with a
£3 Polish neckwurst.

00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,I was provoked.

00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:38,What sort of work do you think would
suit you?

00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,Oh, I don't know.

00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:46,Film star, top model, pool's winner,
Harrison Ford's love toy.

00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,Not the sort of vacancies a public
employment service tends to attract.

00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:52,No? Shame.

00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,Oh, well, I just had to struggle, buy
all me pitiful doll money then.

00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,Whilst actively seeking employment?

00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,As active as Ben Johnson after an
injection.

00:02:06,940 --> 00:02:09,Come in.

00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:15,Ah, Mrs Stubbs, isn't it? Do sit down. I
don't want to bother you. I only called

00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,for a repeat prescription. The
receptionist said that I don't give

00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:19,prescriptions. Please sit down.

00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,I see you've been on antidepressants for
six months.

00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,That's right. Ever since your husband
was sent to prison.

00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:31,Who told you?

00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:32,Oh, it's in your notes.

00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:35,Oh. Well, can I have my Jimmy Eels then?
I've only g***t a week's supply left.

00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:38,I must tell you, Mrs. Stubbs, that I'm
not inclined to give you any more.

00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:39,What?

00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:40,What's going on?

00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:44,Oh, it's because I'm on the NHS, isn't
it? All right, I'll come to you private,

00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:45,how much? Mrs. Stubbs, um, Tracy.

00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,Look, I never had this bother with Dr.
Graham.

00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,I mean, you could ring him up any time
of the day or night and give him a

00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:51,prescription for anything.

00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,What happened to him anyway?

00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,Struck off over prescribing.

00:02:58,190 --> 00:03:00,Tracy, why do you suppose that you need
antidepressants?

00:03:01,350 --> 00:03:02,Because I'm depressed.

00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,Are you sure you're a doctor?

00:03:05,730 --> 00:03:07,But why do you think you're depressed?

00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:09,What is this, some new game show?

00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,My Daryl's away at Nick, my son's away
at school.

00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:15,I haven't had any you -know -what for
months. And you think that

00:03:15,170 --> 00:03:16,will solve these problems, do you?

00:03:16,750 --> 00:03:17,Well, what do you suggest?

00:03:18,070 --> 00:03:19,Go out and get my leg over?

00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:20,Is that what you want to do?

00:03:21,370 --> 00:03:22,Cheek.

00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:25,Tracy...

00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:29,Depression is often a form of anger
turned in on oneself.

00:03:30,530 --> 00:03:33,You're probably mad as hell with your
husband for getting himself put away.

00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:37,And until you can learn to express your
rage... Look, I don't want all this

00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:38,problem -pied crap.

00:03:39,310 --> 00:03:40,Forget me tranks or not.

00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:47,Not. What I'm prescribing for you is
life. People, get out of the house.

00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:49,Indulge in some social intercourse.

00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,So you are telling me to cheat on you.

00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:04,Mrs. Stubbs refused to repeat
prescriptions, made good progress in

00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:05,express anger.

00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:33,Yeah, great. Oh, yeah. No, mate. Now,
the lorry stopped with the lights at red

00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,light. All this gear fell off the back
light, so I was there with me motor.

00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:36,Found it in light, yeah.

00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,Now, I've g***t none left, son. No.

00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,Here, listen, mate. G***t to go. Yeah.
Yeah, ta -da. Ta -da.

00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,What do you say?

00:04:44,620 --> 00:04:45,How's life in the fast lane?

00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,Oh, the don't do the laugh a minute.

00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:52,Not every day you see a photocopier in
your front room.

00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:53,What's going on, Stan?

00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:56,Yes. Oh, great.

00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,Yes. Yeah, looks good in a T -shirt,
does she?

00:05:00,170 --> 00:05:03,Yeah, one or two points of outstanding
interest, daughter.

00:05:04,790 --> 00:05:06,No, no, mate, no.

00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:09,£200 a night, I take them, they'll bring
them back.

00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:11,All right, son, you're to die. Be lucky.

00:05:12,670 --> 00:05:16,You're bang out of all this, Dan. You've
turned my flat into a knocking shop,

00:05:16,730 --> 00:05:17,haven't you?

00:05:17,410 --> 00:05:18,On my boy's eyes.

00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:19,You're so legit.

00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:21,You ain't g***t a boy.

00:05:21,650 --> 00:05:22,Thanks.

00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:26,Are you trying to tell me that your
girls are only two tan a night in the

00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:27,vertical position?

00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:31,Yeah. Why don't you come in the bedroom?
I'll show you what my girls do.

00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:36,You dirty... I'm a happily separated
woman.

00:05:37,860 --> 00:05:38,I don't want it taped.

00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:50,Where's Mrs Fisher?

00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:54,Having another hot flush, is she? No, I
had to let her go.

00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:55,Oh, what?

00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:59,Someone paid a rent for her? No, Randy's
coming round later for a serious talk.

00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:01,He reckons we've really g***t to cut down.

00:06:02,410 --> 00:06:06,Anyway, it's stupid for two healthy -year -olds to employ an unhealthy
00:06:06,590 --> 00:06:10,-year -old who needs massive hormone
replacement therapy before she can get a

00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:11,support odon of a morning.

00:06:12,650 --> 00:06:14,I'll pay for Mrs Fisher.

00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:16,There.

00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:17,50 quid.

00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:20,Where's this come from?

00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:22,Stan. Who's Stan?

00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:25,The speed what's up letting me flat for
a warehouse.

00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:28,The Stones are at Wembley all next week,
right?

00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:32,And Stan reckons I can flog a couple of
hundred of these T -shirts a night.

00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:34,I'll get a quid each.

00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:38,Well, they're bound to do well because
the official tour T -shirt cost a

00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:41,He's only a fiver. What, you mean
they're pirates?

00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:45,Yep. Personally printed by Captain
Birdseye.

00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:49,So you're doing the Stones out of their
rightful.

00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,Oh, don't, Tracey. You'll make me cry.

00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:55,Poor old Bill Wyman.

00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:59,He'll really be struggling to raise his
wife's school fees, won't he?

00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:07,Oh, I'm sorry, Mangy. I should have
realised you don't eat bacon. Don't

00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:11,I always thought it was your four -by
-twos what didn't eat bacon.

00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,Carry on, Mangy. Well, that's it,
really.

00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,You're f***ing Tracy. Sorry.

00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:19,You're joking.

00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,Accountants don't make jokes about
money.

00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,But what about Daryl's business?

00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,It's useless without Daryl.

00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:25,Still, you can at least sell the house.

00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:28,I can't sell the house. It's everything
Daryl's worked for.

00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:32,And blagged for. Look, the housing
market's a bit flat at the moment, but

00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,can still get out with enough money to
pay off your debts, buy a nice little

00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,semi...