Bless This House s05e03 The Biggest Woodworm In The World.eng Subtitles

00:00:47,620 --> 00:00:49,Oh, Jean, come here quick.

00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:51,Oh, dear.

00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:52,Look at that, eh?

00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,They knew how to make chairs in those
days, didn't they?

00:00:56,201 --> 00:00:59,Oh, that's lovely, isn't it?

00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,Go on, you have a go.

00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,Oh, it is nice and comfortable.

00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:08,It's a pity you didn't let Barry look at
it before you bought it.

00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:11,I do not need that long -haired, cow
-faced boyfriend of yours to tell me

00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:12,it.

00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,Well, it wasn't cheap.

00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,I mean, after all, it is a genuine
Georgian mahogany antique.

00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:19,Not Georgian, Daddy.

00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:20,It's Regency.

00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,All right, then it's a genuine Regency
mahogany antique.

00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,I don't think it's mahogany either. I
think it's beach.

00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:32,That is mahogany. It's beach, Daddy. You
can tell by the weight. It's mahogany.

00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:33,You can tell by the colour.

00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:35,Yes, but feel the weight.

00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:39,Do you think you should have had it
weighed before you bought it?

00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:43,You don't buy antiques by the pound.
They're not sausages.

00:01:45,370 --> 00:01:46,It's full of woodworm holes.

00:01:46,851 --> 00:01:48,Well, there you are.

00:01:48,170 --> 00:01:50,That's probably why it doesn't weigh as
much as it should.

00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:53,It hasn't g***t woodworm, has it?

00:01:53,231 --> 00:01:56,Well, of course it had woodworm. All old
chairs had woodworm. That's how you

00:01:56,730 --> 00:01:57,know when they're antiques.

00:01:57,770 --> 00:01:59,Well, this one's still g***t it.

00:02:00,390 --> 00:02:01,Stop banging it about.

00:02:02,130 --> 00:02:04,Look, there's dust coming out of the
holes.

00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:06,That means there's live woodworm.

00:02:06,550 --> 00:02:08,Sid, you've g***t to get rid of it.

00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:10,live woodworm in the house.

00:02:10,789 --> 00:02:14,It'll destroy everything. The whole
house will be infested with it.

00:02:14,270 --> 00:02:15,Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

00:02:15,651 --> 00:02:17,I'll get some woodworm killer off Barry.

00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,He's g***t gallons of it.

00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:20,Has he g***t woodworm?

00:02:21,450 --> 00:02:23,He could have anything under that beard.

00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:27,He uses it on some of the furniture in
his shop.

00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:29,Well, you're not to go around to that
shop.

00:02:29,970 --> 00:02:32,Oh, Blimey, it's only woodworm. It's not
the bubonic plague.

00:02:32,981 --> 00:02:36,Go get your boyfriend to get some of
that stuff and I'll fix it when I come

00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,tonight. And just give that chair a
little respect.

00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:41,Whatever she says, that is a mahogany
antique.

00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,You see, my darling, I've g***t nowhere to
stay.

00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:48,Well, can't you find another room? Oh,
it's not so easy. Once they find out

00:02:48,270 --> 00:02:49,about Jason, nobody wants me.

00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:51,And he's only a baby.

00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:52,Well, how big is he?

00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:54,Nine foot six.

00:02:54,510 --> 00:02:55,Nine foot six?

00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:57,Well, he's not big for a python.

00:02:57,550 --> 00:02:58,Anyway, you've seen him.

00:02:58,751 --> 00:03:00,Yeah, but only on stage when you do your
act.

00:03:00,990 --> 00:03:04,Oh, I just don't know what to do. I
suppose I could book at the hotel, but

00:03:04,790 --> 00:03:06,very expensive when you're not working.

00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:08,Well, if it wasn't for Jason...

00:03:08,591 --> 00:03:10,You could stay at our house for a couple
of days.

00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,You've seen my act. He just goes around
me. He doesn't hurt me.

00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:18,No, no, Mum and Dad would never allow
Jason in the house. But they don't have

00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:22,know about him. I keep him in a basket
for two days and feed him at night.

00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,Oh, Mike, darling, I would be so
grateful to you.

00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,Would you?

00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:33,Of course, Mike. She can stay as long as
she wants to.

00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,I've g***t the stuff, Mummy. It's in here.

00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:37,Oh, God.

00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,Inject them with it.

00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,Oh, Sally, they're so tiny, we'd never
even catch them.

00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:48,No, Mummy, you inject the holes.

00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:49,Oh.

00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,Yes, Mike, what were you saying?

00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,Yes, bring around whenever you want to.

00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:56,Too much.

00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,See you.

00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,It's OK.

00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,Oh, Mike, darling, thank you.

00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:06,Did you tell them about Jason?

00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,Not likely. And if they ask you what's
in that hamper...

00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,You tell him it's your costume.

00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,But that's what he is.

00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,My costume.

00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:15,Okay, babes, let's split.

00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,Hello, darling.

00:04:24,620 --> 00:04:27,Hello. What's this thing in the hall
here?

00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:28,It belongs to Zoe.

00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,Zoe?

00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,Friend of Mike.

00:04:31,451 --> 00:04:34,She's staying with us for a few days
till she can get a room.

00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:36,What's she do for a living? Take in
washing?

00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:38,She's a dancer.

00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,She's very nice. You won't be any
bother.

00:04:45,131 --> 00:04:48,Oh, thank you very much. You're doing a
good job, dear.

00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,That'll fix them. Now we won't have to
burn it.

00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,Have you been drinking?

00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,No, it's this stuff.

00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:59,What are you doing?

00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,I'm treating the woodworm.

00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:03,They can treat their bloody selves.

00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:12,What's that, then?

00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:14,Oh, Sid.

00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,Here's the rambunctious.

00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,I wonder what that one did to them.

00:05:21,270 --> 00:05:22,I wouldn't worry about that.

00:05:22,651 --> 00:05:25,They're probably all in their little
holes, staggering about, singing Nellie

00:05:25,770 --> 00:05:26,Dean.

00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,Oh, hi, Dad.

00:05:29,130 --> 00:05:30,I hope you don't mind about Zoe staying.

00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:33,No, that's all right. Where is she?
Taking a bath.

00:05:33,161 --> 00:05:36,I'll fix the camp bed up in Sally's
room. No, it's all right, Mum. She's

00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,in my room.

00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:38,No, she's not.

00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:40,We're not having any of that.

00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:41,Why don't you listen, Dad?

00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,I shall sleep down here on the sofa.

00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:45,That's different.

00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:47,Why can't you share with Sally?

00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:48,Because of our pie.

00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,All right.

00:05:51,620 --> 00:05:53,Yes. What sort of pie is it?

00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,Uh, pork?

00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:57,Pork?

00:05:57,780 --> 00:06:00,Yes. You see, she's a compulsive eater.

00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:03,That's right. She's a compulsive eater.

00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:05,She sits up all night eating.

00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,And, uh, on the way home, we went out
and we bought this pie.

00:06:09,501 --> 00:06:11,That big.

00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:13,And she'll be sitting up all night
eating it.

00:06:13,251 --> 00:06:14,Get away.

00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:19,Really. And munching away and making all
sorts of incredible noises. And you

00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:22,might hear them and you might think to
yourself, I wonder what they are.

00:06:22,380 --> 00:06:24,And she keeps it up all night.

00:06:24,021 --> 00:06:27,I mean, if you're in the same room with
her at night, you can't get a wink of

00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:28,sleep.

00:06:29,040 -->...