Game On s03e02 Martins Baby Subtitles

00:00:01,640 --> 00:00:08,But Sunday morning is only for the
blessed, and

00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:14,the sacred moments of silliness are
where I find my

00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:17,heaven, where I find my heaven.

00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:39,You ready, Mark?

00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,No, I'm just waiting for Matt to finish.

00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:44,He's not satisfied with the videos I've
been choosing, so he's writing a

00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:45,checklist for me.

00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:47,The English patient?

00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,That's a lovely video.

00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:50,Why are you taking that back?

00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:52,The way he carries her out of that cave.

00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:55,Even though she must have started to
decompose.

00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,He must have really loved her.

00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:01,I'd carry Claire out of a cave if she
was decomposing.

00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:06,And then, in order to prevent further
wear and tear, I'd get her pickled.

00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:09,You're all romantic.

00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:10,What would it cost to have someone
pickled?

00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:12,You'd need a shitload of vinegar,
wouldn't you?

00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,And a bottle of Sarsen's costs about
60p, and you'd need gallons of it.

00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,Oh, I wouldn't have a pickled in
Sarsen's.

00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:22,No, I'd get them to use one of those
fancy white wine vinegars.

00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:23,She was a classy girl.

00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:26,Right, here's my checklist.

00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,The list is organised under three
headings.

00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,s***x, violence, and bad language.

00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:37,Under each of those headings, there are
subheadings, e .g. under violence, we

00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,have the subheading weaponry.

00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:43,Then you can look up under weaponry and
find a list of weapons, e .g.

00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:46,chainsaws. And you look up under
chainsaws, you find standard electrical

00:01:46,970 --> 00:01:52,building site quality or petrol -powered
lumberjack quality and so on.

00:01:52,430 --> 00:01:56,Now, for each film you take out, Mark,
you need to be able to tick off one

00:01:56,410 --> 00:02:01,division of at least two subsections
under each of the three headings,

00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:09,Mark, the film features an item from the
special interest list, e .g.

00:02:09,180 --> 00:02:13,head blown off at close range, which
means the film automatically qualifies.

00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:16,It's all pretty straightforward. Any
questions?

00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:23,Read and digest, Mark, and take all
these mincy, saucy, wussy,

00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:29,potsy, ginger videos out of my sight.

00:02:30,670 --> 00:02:34,And, man, would you get me a large bag
of dry roasted peanuts and some beers

00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:35,while you're out?

00:02:35,830 --> 00:02:36,Well, you'll have to give me the money.

00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:40,I can't get any cash out. The bank still
won't let me have a cheque card, even

00:02:40,590 --> 00:02:43,though I've paid off all my debts now.
Yeah, except for that £9 ,000 you

00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:48,borrowed from Archie. He must be a right
cost piece if he thinks he'll ever see

00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:48,that again.

00:02:48,830 --> 00:02:52,He's very kind, and I'm going out with
him tomorrow night, as a matter of fact.

00:02:52,330 --> 00:02:53,What, is he your new boyfriend?

00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:56,No. You're only going out with him
because he's rich.

00:02:56,780 --> 00:02:59,Not. What does that word say, Matt? Uh,
intestines.

00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:08,Do you know if there's any s***x in this
one?

00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:20,A***l or lesbian group, sadomasochistic

00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,or nasal.

00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,Any what, sorry?

00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,No.

00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:36,Any rude bits, like, um... I'm hearing
impaired. My

00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:39,hearing aid's not working. What is it
you want? A***l s***x.

00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,Hello, Martin.

00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,You said you'd bring me.

00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,I know.

00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:56,I keep meaning to.

00:03:57,190 --> 00:03:59,Look, I'm really grateful for that money
you lent me.

00:03:59,390 --> 00:04:00,I'll pay it back, of course.

00:04:01,870 --> 00:04:02,What have you been up to?

00:04:04,230 --> 00:04:07,I'm really sorry, Martin. I can't talk
now. You've caught me at a bad time.

00:04:08,110 --> 00:04:09,Oh, right, sure.

00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,Give me a ring sometime.

00:04:12,890 --> 00:04:16,Oh, God, Claire, I still worship you. Is
there any hope at all? Please, a ring.

00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:18,Sorry.

00:04:19,110 --> 00:04:21,Sorry, I... Don't take any notice.

00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:23,I'm all right now. All under control.

00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:25,Take care of yourself.

00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,God, that was a clue. Let's get out of
here before he sees I've g***t a baby.

00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:38,Claire?

00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,Why don't you want him to see you've g***t
a baby?

00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:44,Hi, Mandy. I didn't realise you were
there as well.

00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,Have you met my friend Jackie from the
hospital?

00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:48,Hi.

00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,Oh, your baby's lovely.

00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:52,How old is she?

00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:56,Um, she's about a week old.

00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,A week old?

00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:00,Yeah.

00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,She's, uh, large for her age.

00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,Marge? She's gigantic.

00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:08,Who's the dad? Pavarotti.

00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:13,Um, so why don't you want Martin to see
her?

00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,I think it'd really upset him.

00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:18,Well, he's already really upset.

00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,You've g***t to be straight with him,
Claire.

00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:25,I mean, if he knew he had someone else's
baby, he'd realise you're never going

00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:26,back to him.

00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:27,Martin!

00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:31,You've g***t to tell him.

00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,Oh, Mart, I, um... I forgot to mention
I've had a baby.

00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,Her name's Rosie.

00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,Oh, that's a cute hat. No, no, don't
touch her hat.

00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:44,Why not?

00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,Look,

00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:06,I really do have to feed her.

00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:08,I'll send you some money soon.

00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:12,Martin, Rose is your baby.

00:06:12,810 --> 00:06:13,I know.

00:06:16,190 --> 00:06:17,You're a father.

00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:19,I know.

00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:29,Have a tea, anyone?

00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,You're taking fatherhood very calmly,
Mart.

00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:38,Leave him alone.

00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,He's a man.

00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:41,He doesn't get excited.

00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:47,What you've g***t to understand, man, is
fathering children is no great shape for

00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:48,us men.

00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:54,We men came into the world solely to
plant our seeds in women's bellies. We

00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:58,a woman, we plant our seed. We see
another woman... We plant another seed.

00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,There's nothing special about it.

00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:07,We men were born to be big, throbbing
seed drills. Women were born to be

00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:09,the patch of earth we sow our seeds in.

00:07:10,370 --> 00:07:11,That's interesting, that.

00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:16,Of course, the feminist response to that
would be, stop talking bollocks, you

00:07:16,210 --> 00:07:17,pathetic little arsehole.

00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:23,All I'm saying is it would take
something a bit more extraordinary than

00:07:23,050 --> 00:07:26,baby to get old Mark Henson worked up.
Isn't that right, Mark?

00:07:26,890 --> 00:07:28,Can somebody clear me a space on the
table, please?

00:07:29,090 --> 00:07:30,Oh, no, you can't move this.

00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:32,My dad made this the weekend before he
died.

00:07:33,610 --> 00:07:38,I mean, not that I give a toss about it,
obviously, but purely out of habit,

00:07:38,630 --> 00:07:42,I'll give it a bit of a clean once a
year. I mean, if it was up to me, I'd

00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:49,the thing for a laugh, but I can't
because... Well, I'm in the habit

00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:52,now, and you'll have to find somewhere
else to put the tray, Mark. Are you

00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:53,listening?

00:07:55,870 --> 00:07:57,I think it's quite sunk in that he's a
father yet.

00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:02,Who have you?

00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,I'm a father!

00:08:05,890 --> 00:08:08,Oh, Max!

00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:12,I always knew you cared about that old
s***t.

00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:14,I didn't!

00:08:14,510 -->...