Game On s03e01 Palms Pigs Subtitles

00:00:01,550 --> 00:00:06,But Sunday morning is only for the
black.

00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:14,And the sacred moments of silliness are
where I find

00:00:14,430 --> 00:00:15,my heaven.

00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:18,Where I find my heaven.

00:00:19,530 --> 00:00:21,Where I find my heaven.

00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,Just around a minute.

00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,Mmm. You've g***t a beautiful palm here,
Maureen.

00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,Line of the heart, deep and clear.

00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,Sign of sensuality, that is.

00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:52,And here, your Mount of Venus is all
plump and fleshy and swollen.

00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:57,You're capable of great passion,
Maureen. And bloody hell, you've only

00:00:57,620 --> 00:01:00,star on your Mount of Venus. That's
rare. I've never seen one before.

00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:05,Oh, that means you love shagging and
you're really good at it. ** I?

00:01:06,570 --> 00:01:07,Of course not, you cretin.

00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,It's in my technique.

00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,Oh. Well, I didn't realise you believed
that stuff.

00:01:12,050 --> 00:01:12,I don't.

00:01:12,950 --> 00:01:14,Astrology is bollocks.

00:01:14,630 --> 00:01:18,Fortune telling is tossed, and
palmistry's for skunk pussies, right?

00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:24,We know that we men, but girls, girls
and shirtlifters, they really believe

00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:27,So I reckon if I read girls' palms,
they'll let me shag them. You get it?

00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:29,No, not really.

00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:33,Loser. So what does my palm really say,
then?

00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,Look at the way you get to hold the
girl's hand.

00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:41,Have I really g***t a star on my... what
is it? Mount Athena.

00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:43,No, mate.

00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,You haven't even g***t a Mount Athena.

00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:48,Hi, Matt.

00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,Hey, Matt, try your palm thing out on
Mandy. He's g***t this new thing he does.

00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,reads girls' palms and then he shags
them.

00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:59,Actually, if it doesn't work on Mandy,
you're a bit stuck, aren't you? No.

00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,Well, you are, because where do we get
girls from?

00:02:02,380 --> 00:02:03,Well, it's not a problem.

00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:07,I suppose you could put an ad in the
South London Press.

00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,Mythic maths specialist in palm readings
and shags.

00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,Or you could just try going outside and
meeting girls.

00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:18,You know, last year, for a few days
after you met that ginger student, you

00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:19,almost normal.

00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,I don't know why you chucked her.

00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:28,Do you want to come out for a drink?
Out. What?

00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:31,Out. Out. Out. Out.

00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,She was insane.

00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:49,Stay while I have my tea. Oh, I can't,
Matt. I've g***t to go to work. God, you

00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:52,think of nothing but yourself, self,
self, don't you? Your own happiness,

00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,own comfort, your own pleasure.

00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,I used to think about Claire's pleasure.

00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,Her pleasure was my pleasure, actually.

00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:05,Used to make these little happy squeaks
when I... I remember.

00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:08,Mandy remembers.

00:03:09,310 --> 00:03:11,Dennis and Ursula next door remember.

00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:15,Yeah, but it's finished now. She's out
of my life forever and I'm completely

00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:16,over her.

00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:21,Couldn't be more over Claire if she was
a hurdle and I was Sally Gunnell.

00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,Forget about Claire, Mark.

00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,You were too good for her anyway.

00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:30,Good riddance to the bitch, eh, mate?

00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:31,Yeah, right.

00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:34,Good riddance.

00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:39,Yeah, I suppose she was a bit... not all
that nice sometimes.

00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,Yeah. She was just a warty old tart,
really, eh, mate?

00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,About as s***y as snot, right?

00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:50,I don't know what you saw in the putrid
s***t, to be honest with you.

00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,Yeah, you're better off without the
bandy -legged, pot -bellied, sewage

00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,-breathed old dog.

00:04:00,579 --> 00:04:02,£3 .50 for the Clare box.

00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,£50? What is 50p?

00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,You know the rules, mate.

00:04:07,660 --> 00:04:11,50p, I mention. You've been going on and
on and on about it ever since you came

00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,in here.

00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:21,I've done the minutes of the gravel
committee and I've finished all the

00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:22,you gave me. Is there anything else?

00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,No.

00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:25,Not just now.

00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,Actually, I haven't really g***t anything
to do myself.

00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,I feel an absolute twit having a
secretary.

00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:39,Don't really need one, you see.

00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,But Father thinks I ought to, so there
it is.

00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,Right, well, if you think of anything,
I'll be waiting.

00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:51,Yes.

00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:57,Oh, there is one personal letter you
could type for me, if you wouldn't mind.

00:05:00,170 --> 00:05:03,I'd write it by hand, but my
handwriting's totally illegible.

00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:06,Seven years at Eton and I can barely
write.

00:05:08,490 --> 00:05:09,D***n shame, really.

00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:13,Probably too busy flogging each other
and having masturbation competitions.

00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:18,Sorry.

00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:20,Sorry, that was a terrible thing to say.

00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:23,No, not at all.

00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,It's just I've never heard a girl say
masturbation.

00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:28,Well, I know far ruder words than that.

00:05:33,390 --> 00:05:34,Take a letter.

00:05:34,790 --> 00:05:35,Right, yes.

00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,It's to Mr Bostic.

00:05:41,190 --> 00:05:46,Dear Mr Bostic, I'm writing to apologise
for Kevin's behaviour last weekend.

00:05:47,830 --> 00:05:51,It was his birthday on Saturday and I'm
afraid he drank a lot of Guinness.

00:05:52,450 --> 00:05:56,Anyway, I enclosed a cheque for £1 ,to cover damage to your helicopter.

00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:00,Kevin is usually a very well -behaved
pig.

00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:03,And I will try to ensure that she
doesn't escape again.

00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:04,Yours sincerely.

00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:06,Kevin's a pig?

00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:08,Yeah.

00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:12,I keep a couple at our place in
Berkshire.

00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:17,Wanted to be a pig farmer when I left
the Marines, but father wouldn't hear of

00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:19,it, that it was undignified.

00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,Horses would have been all right, but
pigs?

00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:27,D***n shame, really, because I'm far
better with pigs than I ** with people.

00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:30,Oh, you don't seem too bad to me.

00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:33,You haven't tried to have s***x with me on
your desk once.

00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,It's just that's what a lot of my bosses
are like.

00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,I had no idea secretarial work was so
varied.

00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:43,It's a living hell.

00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,You see, what I really wanted to do was
be a novelist.

00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,In fact, I'm writing a novel in my spare
time.

00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:54,It's about this girl who's a secretary,
and all of these men keep falling madly

00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:56,in love with her, which ultimately leads
to their destruction.

00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,In a way, it's a kind of modern take on
the Helen of Troy myth.

00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:04,Written in a stream of consciousness
style, though, with a sort of Tolstoyan

00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,feel.

00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:03,My name, Matthew Malone, and that's my
phone number printed underneath.

00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,It's in Gothic typeface, which is quite
hard to read, so I've written everything

00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:09,on the back clear.

00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:12,Thanks.

00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,So is this where Amanda Wilkins lives?
Yeah, but she's not in right now.

00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,You can come and wait if you like.

00:08:26,410 --> 00:08:30,I bet you think I'm just saying that
because I fancy you, don't you? Well,

00:08:30,370 --> 00:08:34,not. I mean, I do fancy you, but I'm not
just saying that.

00:08:35,270 --> 00:08:39,I can tell by your hand that you're a
deeply s***y person.

00:08:40,049 --> 00:08:41,Oh, thank you.

00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:43,You're so handsome.

00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:49,I don't normally shag bears, but I don't
know....