Married.With.Children.S08E07.Take.My.Wife.Please.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Azkars_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:01:14,264 --> 00:01:18,All right. Now, let's review
this year's Halloween strategy.

00:01:18,531 --> 00:01:20,This is the Miller house.

00:01:20,599 --> 00:01:23,The Millers give away
nice, healthy fruit...

00:01:23,399 --> 00:01:27,...so obviously we'll be egging
the Miller house.

00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:31,Now, Mr. Grover here,
he doesn't believe in Halloween...

00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:36,...but I say we ring his doorbell
over and over again anyhow.

00:01:36,501 --> 00:01:38,-Well, how come?
-He's a Jehovah's Witness...

00:01:39,068 --> 00:01:41,...and I want him to know
what it feels like for a change.

00:01:54,304 --> 00:01:55,I'm sorry I'm late.

00:01:55,803 --> 00:01:58,We had a Halloween party
down at the extermination company.

00:01:58,838 --> 00:02:01,It was fun for a while, but we
all learned a very valuable lesson:

00:02:02,071 --> 00:02:06,Never spray poison into
each other's mouths and play Twister.

00:02:06,405 --> 00:02:08,People were dropping like flies.

00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,Well, that just goes to show you,
you're never too blond to learn.

00:02:16,707 --> 00:02:21,All right, kids. Let's put on our
costumes that we made last night.

00:02:33,010 --> 00:02:35,I ran out of ideas.

00:02:35,642 --> 00:02:37,All right, let's go.

00:02:38,243 --> 00:02:40,Peggy.

00:02:44,044 --> 00:02:45,I'm in terrible trouble.

00:02:45,644 --> 00:02:47,How'd you know it was me?

00:02:48,811 --> 00:02:52,Well, you told me
you were going as a princess.

00:02:54,412 --> 00:02:59,Anyway, I'm hosting a Halloween
charity fundraiser tonight...

00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:03,...for women who killed their husbands
just to watch them die.

00:03:05,314 --> 00:03:08,You can't imagine how hard it is
to find an appropriate theme party.

00:03:09,048 --> 00:03:12,And then it hit me. What I needed
was a mega-star rock group.

00:03:12,715 --> 00:03:16,And I did it. I g***t the hottest
rock group from the '70s.

00:03:16,249 --> 00:03:17,The Village People.

00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:25,Surely you've heard
of the Village People.

00:03:26,117 --> 00:03:29,They were huge. They sold millions.

00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:33,And they just called collect
and said they can't make it.

00:03:33,551 --> 00:03:38,So now I've g***t a house full
of angry menopausal women...

00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:41,...who have paid $100 a head
to see the Village People.

00:03:41,519 --> 00:03:44,So as a favor to me, I'd like you all
to come over to the party.

00:03:44,719 --> 00:03:46,Thank God. I thought
she was gonna ask us...

00:03:46,919 --> 00:03:50,...to dress up as the Village People
and entertain.

00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,And dress up as the Village People
and entertain.

00:03:54,221 --> 00:03:57,-That's insane.
-We couldn't possibly pull that off.

00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:01,What kind of idiot would set himself
up for a suicide mission like that?

00:04:12,957 --> 00:04:14,I don't know, Marcie.

00:04:14,457 --> 00:04:17,Are you sure the lead singer
wore his pants this tight?

00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:21,The cow these came from
couldn't walk in this leather.

00:04:21,625 --> 00:04:23,Jefferson, there are women
at our house...

00:04:24,158 --> 00:04:27,...who have killed their husbands
for saying, "Where's my bacon?"

00:04:28,092 --> 00:04:31,Now, do you wanna be the one
to tell them there's no Village People?

00:04:33,726 --> 00:04:36,Now, go oil your pecs
and get macho.

00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:42,I'll oil my pecs,
but no way I'm getting macho.

00:04:42,495 --> 00:04:44,I have my dignity.

00:04:47,561 --> 00:04:49,So any other volunteers?

00:04:49,362 --> 00:04:51,-No way, Mrs. D'Arcy.
-No way I'm going over.

00:04:51,929 --> 00:04:53,There's $500 in it for you.

00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,Oh, how I hate Halloween.

00:05:27,367 --> 00:05:29,Ask me how much I hate Halloween.

00:05:31,268 --> 00:05:32,More than that.

00:05:33,902 --> 00:05:36,Well, they make all us employees
put on these costumes...

00:05:36,702 --> 00:05:39,...like some woman's gonna say,
"Gee, I wasn't gonna--

00:05:39,436 --> 00:05:41,I wasn't gonna buy
any shoes today...

00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:45,...but since I see you
in a dinosaur costume, I will."

00:05:46,103 --> 00:05:48,And the ride home
wouldn't have been so bad...

00:05:48,437 --> 00:05:50,...if the kids had actually g***t gas...

00:05:50,371 --> 00:05:52,...instead of painting the needle
on the gauge full.

00:05:55,238 --> 00:05:57,But I don't mind pushing
the Dodge through gang turf...

00:05:58,105 --> 00:06:00,...because I'm a mighty stegosaurus.

00:06:02,272 --> 00:06:04,By the way, did I mention
how much I hate Halloween?

00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:06,Go away.

00:06:12,341 --> 00:06:15,Dear Al,
trick-or-treat plans are canceled.

00:06:15,374 --> 00:06:17,We're at Marcie's house
being Village People.

00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:19,Love, Peggy.

00:06:19,342 --> 00:06:23,P.S. There's a plate warming
in the oven for you.

00:06:35,344 --> 00:06:37,How does she find the time?

00:06:38,311 --> 00:06:42,I hate life, life hates me
Soon I'll--

00:06:43,645 --> 00:06:45,Quiet, Buck.

00:06:49,112 --> 00:06:51,Good dog.

00:06:51,446 --> 00:06:55,I saw you push into the driveway,
Bundy. Open up.

00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:57,All right.

00:06:58,380 --> 00:07:01,Pint-sized, greedy little
shakedown artist.

00:07:04,681 --> 00:07:06,What the hell do you want?

00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,What the hell do you think?

00:07:08,748 --> 00:07:14,It's Halloween, I'm in a costume,
I have a bag.

00:07:15,550 --> 00:07:17,I don't have any candy. Go away.

00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:21,Say, are you one of those dinosaurs
that spits?

00:07:21,518 --> 00:07:24,-No.
-Well, I **.

00:07:43,454 --> 00:07:46,Next to Christmas, Thanksgiving,
Sunday through Monday...

00:07:46,687 --> 00:07:49,...Halloween's gotta be the worst day
of the year.

00:07:50,088 --> 00:07:52,Bundy is a doody-head

00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,Bundy is a doody-head

00:07:58,089 --> 00:08:00,I wish I was dead.

00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:05,Unless you're Death, go away.

00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:09,That's it.

00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:17,Look, kid, I'm out of patience
and I'm out of candy, so beat it.

00:08:23,592 --> 00:08:26,-How'd you do that?
-I'm Death.

00:08:26,927 --> 00:08:30,That's the first thing they teach you
in Death school. Gotta have a gimmick.

00:08:38,595 --> 00:08:40,Hey, you are Death.

00:08:40,862 --> 00:08:44,Oh, you found my G-spot.

00:08:45,662 --> 00:08:47,I'm just kidding...

00:08:47,530 --> 00:08:50,...you nearly departed
hunk of beefcake.

00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,You mind if I take this hood off?

00:08:53,264 --> 00:08:57,It's hot as hell in here,
and I just had my hair done.

00:09:04,132 --> 00:09:06,Perfect.

00:09:06,899 --> 00:09:08,This?

00:09:08,566 --> 00:09:10,I thought that might get you.

00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,Actually, I can look any way I want.

00:09:13,933 --> 00:09:15,I can be your greatest fantasy.

00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:18,I could be your worst nightmare.

00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:20,I could be my worst nightmare...

00:09:20,568 --> 00:09:24,...but who'd wanna go around
looking like Sally Struthers?

00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:29,-But why me?
-You've been calling.

00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,I have not.

00:09:32,602 --> 00:09:37,Well, let's just check
the Grim Beeper, shall we?

00:09:38,503 --> 00:09:41,Isn't this your number?

00:09:42,304 --> 00:09:46,Yes. Maybe I have called for death
once or twice or a hundred times...

00:09:46,471 --> 00:09:50,...but you know, it's just something that
you say, that you don't actually mean.

00:09:50,739 --> 00:09:53,You know, like, "How you doing?"
Or "I love you."

00:09:55,073 --> 00:09:56,I knew it.

00:09:56,540 --> 00:10:00,Another weenie turning yellow
in the face of eternal darkness.

00:10:00,773 --> 00:10:02,You know, you people make me sick.

00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:05,I didn't have this hard a time
with Elvis.

00:10:07,141 --> 00:10:11,-Then Elvis really is--?
-Oh, please.

00:10:12,341 --> 00:10:15,It took six of us
to get him out of there.

00:10:16,543 --> 00:10:19,We had to take the bathroom door
off the hinges...

00:10:20,143 --> 00:10:23,...slipping on Ho Hos all the way.

00:10:25,310 --> 00:10:27,You wouldn't lick
the back of his postage stamp...

00:10:27,744 --> 00:10:29,...if you'd seen what I saw.

00:10:30,877 --> 00:10:32,Oh, please don't take me!

00:10:33,178 --> 00:10:36,Take somebody who deserves it,
like Michael Bolton...

00:10:40,145 --> 00:10:43,...or whoever wrote
that Facts of...