Only When I Laugh s01e07 Is There A Doctor In The House Subtitles
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00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:24,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.
00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:29,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.
00:00:29,550 --> 00:00:33,I know I **, I'm sure I **.
00:00:33,890 --> 00:00:36,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.
00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:42,I know I **, I'm sure I **. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.
00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:56,You know, it's amazing the way the
stomach can digest tripe, isn't it?
00:00:57,630 --> 00:01:01,You wouldn't talk about tripe. I don't
like tripe. I know, but if you could,
00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:04,could digest it. And that's amazing when
you think about it. Why is it?
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:05,Because that's what tripe is.
00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:07,Stomach lining.
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:10,I mean, how can you digest tripe and
leave your stomach? You'd think they'd
00:01:10,730 --> 00:01:11,go the same way.
00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:14,In which case, when you came to your
pudding, it'd fall straight through.
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,Of course, you know what the answer is,
don't you?
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:20,Mucus.
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:23,What's the matter? Don't you want it?
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,I suddenly don't feel very hungry.
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,You want to watch that, you know. You're
supposed to be building up your
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,strength. I don't like this loss of
appetite.
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,Oh, please, Fig, don't start diagnosing
me again. I've had quite enough of your
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,medical facts for one day. You told that
man in X -ray he had hydrophobia.
00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:41,No, I didn't. Just said there was a
possibility he had trouble swallowing.
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,did when you finished with him. He had
trouble standing up.
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,What about Archie? What about him?
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:49,You've been waiting for him to peel over
ever since the operation. You've
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:54,diagnosed creeping paralysis, prostrate
gland and angina. You've pronounced him
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,dead twice.
00:01:55,730 --> 00:02:00,I wouldn't mind, but you always said he
was a hypochondriac. I know he's a
00:02:00,070 --> 00:02:04,hypochondriac, but what you've g***t there
is that rarity in medical practice, the
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:07,doctor's dilemma, a sick hypochondriac.
00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:12,Then why are they discharging him?
Because he's cried wolf once too often,
00:02:12,630 --> 00:02:15,hasn't he? He's g***t that many symptoms
they can't sort him out.
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:16,I feel sorry for him.
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,He's g***t no job, no money, nowhere to
go.
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,He could always go to his GP.
00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:22,Oh, do me a favour.
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,You can't get hold of them, can you? You
have to shout your symptoms down the
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:26,bleeding phone.
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,And even if they do see you, all you
get's a dozen purple hearts. Now, I
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:33,they should have kept you near for
further observation.
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:35,Sorry, mate, no visitors. You're still
feeding the animals.
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:38,It's Archie!
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,Blimey, so it is. I didn't recognise you
with your clothes on.
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,How do I look?
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:46,You look...
00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:47,Terrific, Archie.
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:48,Do you think so? Yeah.
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,There's something missing now. What is
it? Oh, I know. It's a shooting stick.
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:53,I haven't g***t a shooting stick.
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:55,No, well, they do tend to make holes in
the carpets, don't they?
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:58,Sir, it's a pity. You need something to
lean on. How do you feel?
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,I feel fine.
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,You look great.
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:07,My God, you can't get beyond that tweed
jacket, can you? Trust you to be
00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:08,impressed by a bit of good cloth.
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,Clothes make the man.
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,Make him? They're probably all that's
holding him up.
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:18,Blood pressure's down, the cholesterol's
down, the palpitations have gone. What
00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:19,about the ruddled poker in the side?
00:03:19,610 --> 00:03:20,I'm not going to let it worry me,
figures.
00:03:21,590 --> 00:03:23,I'm going to try to lead a normal life.
00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:27,The first thing I'm going to do is have
a stiff gin and tonic followed by a slap
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,-up meal. Well, you take it easy. You
might finish up with your face in the
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,ghetto. You take care of yourself.
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:36,Yes. I suppose that this is goodbye.
00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:39,Oh, wait a minute. I've g***t something
for you.
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:41,Oh. What are you going to do when you
get out?
00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:43,I suppose you'll have to find yourself a
job.
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:44,I'm not sure.
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,I may take a villa in the Algarve for
the summer, or possibly a cruise.
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,I see.
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:51,I'm sure you've g***t enough bus fare.
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,As a matter of fact, I'm a bit short. I
still haven't found my checkbook. Oh,
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,yes, the elusive checkbook. I told you,
you should have informed Interpol.
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:06,Now, look here, I think it's... When
I... What's this? What's it look like?
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,a tenner.
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:10,Oh, no, really, Roy, I couldn't... Now,
go on, take it.
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:18,Here you are, Archie. Oh, thank you,
Norman.
00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:23,That's... That's very nice.
00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:26,You can hang things in it. Yes, of
course. That's what I'll do.
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:28,I'll hang things in it.
00:04:29,610 --> 00:04:32,You've g***t it upside down. Oh, yes, of
course.
00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:34,Oh, yes. It's very attractive.
00:04:35,690 --> 00:04:38,Well, I... I suppose this is goodbye.
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:41,Ah! There you are. All ready.
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,Glad to see you've made such an
excellent recovery. No blood pressure,
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,palpitations, no red -hot pokers on the
side.
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,Ah, I wanted to talk to you about that.
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:53,Don't tell me it's come back.
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,No, it's more like a branding iron now.
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,Ah, well, that's an improvement, isn't
it? I think I'd rather have a branding
00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:00,iron than a red -hot poker.
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:04,Don't worry, you're looking marvellous.
But what about my eyes?
00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:08,What about your eyes? Well, they seem to
be bulging. Well, of course they're
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,bulging. It's perfectly normal.
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:12,Don't forget, you haven't worn the tie
for some weeks.
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,Clother's probably too tight.
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:24,Always think of the simple explanation
first, Clother, before you come
00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:26,us. Now, you know the way out, don't
you?
00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:27,Bye -bye.
00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:32,Do you think he's going to be all right,
Doctor? Of course he's going to be all
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:33,right.
00:05:33,430 --> 00:05:37,Moments like this are very rewarding. It
gives you a sense of purpose, a feeling
00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:38,of a job well done.
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:44,They come in here thick and bent, and we
send them out tall and straight. Yeah,
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:45,tall and straight and horizontal.
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:48,What's that, Figgis?
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:52,I can't help being worried about him,
Doc. Are you sure you haven't missed
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:55,something? Of course I haven't missed
anything. We've given him every test. We
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,couldn't keep him here forever, Figgis.
I see. You need the bed, do you? We do
00:05:58,500 --> 00:05:59,not need the bed.
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,Glover has made a complete recovery and
he's been discharged.
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,What about the eyes? They were
definitely bulging.
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,Your eyes will be bulging in a moment. I
thought there might have been a clue in
00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:13,the human jigsaw puzzle. A guide in the
complex labyrinth of the body.
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:15,I think it's a symptom.
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:16,A symptom of what?
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:18,Hashimoto's disease.
00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:23,Hashimoto's disease?
00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:25,Whatever made you think of that?
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:27,Well, I thought he looked a bit yellow.
00:06:29,179 --> 00:06:31,Because Hashimoto's disease does not
give you an oriental appearance.
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:33,That's the name of the man who
discovered it.
00:06:34,680 -->...
00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:29,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.
00:00:29,550 --> 00:00:33,I know I **, I'm sure I **.
00:00:33,890 --> 00:00:36,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.
00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:42,I know I **, I'm sure I **. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.
00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:56,You know, it's amazing the way the
stomach can digest tripe, isn't it?
00:00:57,630 --> 00:01:01,You wouldn't talk about tripe. I don't
like tripe. I know, but if you could,
00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:04,could digest it. And that's amazing when
you think about it. Why is it?
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:05,Because that's what tripe is.
00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:07,Stomach lining.
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:10,I mean, how can you digest tripe and
leave your stomach? You'd think they'd
00:01:10,730 --> 00:01:11,go the same way.
00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:14,In which case, when you came to your
pudding, it'd fall straight through.
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,Of course, you know what the answer is,
don't you?
00:01:19,670 --> 00:01:20,Mucus.
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:23,What's the matter? Don't you want it?
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,I suddenly don't feel very hungry.
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,You want to watch that, you know. You're
supposed to be building up your
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,strength. I don't like this loss of
appetite.
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,Oh, please, Fig, don't start diagnosing
me again. I've had quite enough of your
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,medical facts for one day. You told that
man in X -ray he had hydrophobia.
00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:41,No, I didn't. Just said there was a
possibility he had trouble swallowing.
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,did when you finished with him. He had
trouble standing up.
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,What about Archie? What about him?
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:49,You've been waiting for him to peel over
ever since the operation. You've
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:54,diagnosed creeping paralysis, prostrate
gland and angina. You've pronounced him
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,dead twice.
00:01:55,730 --> 00:02:00,I wouldn't mind, but you always said he
was a hypochondriac. I know he's a
00:02:00,070 --> 00:02:04,hypochondriac, but what you've g***t there
is that rarity in medical practice, the
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:07,doctor's dilemma, a sick hypochondriac.
00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:12,Then why are they discharging him?
Because he's cried wolf once too often,
00:02:12,630 --> 00:02:15,hasn't he? He's g***t that many symptoms
they can't sort him out.
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:16,I feel sorry for him.
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,He's g***t no job, no money, nowhere to
go.
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:20,He could always go to his GP.
00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:22,Oh, do me a favour.
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,You can't get hold of them, can you? You
have to shout your symptoms down the
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:26,bleeding phone.
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,And even if they do see you, all you
get's a dozen purple hearts. Now, I
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:33,they should have kept you near for
further observation.
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:35,Sorry, mate, no visitors. You're still
feeding the animals.
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:38,It's Archie!
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,Blimey, so it is. I didn't recognise you
with your clothes on.
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,How do I look?
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:46,You look...
00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:47,Terrific, Archie.
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:48,Do you think so? Yeah.
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,There's something missing now. What is
it? Oh, I know. It's a shooting stick.
00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:53,I haven't g***t a shooting stick.
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:55,No, well, they do tend to make holes in
the carpets, don't they?
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:58,Sir, it's a pity. You need something to
lean on. How do you feel?
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,I feel fine.
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,You look great.
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:07,My God, you can't get beyond that tweed
jacket, can you? Trust you to be
00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:08,impressed by a bit of good cloth.
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,Clothes make the man.
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,Make him? They're probably all that's
holding him up.
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:18,Blood pressure's down, the cholesterol's
down, the palpitations have gone. What
00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:19,about the ruddled poker in the side?
00:03:19,610 --> 00:03:20,I'm not going to let it worry me,
figures.
00:03:21,590 --> 00:03:23,I'm going to try to lead a normal life.
00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:27,The first thing I'm going to do is have
a stiff gin and tonic followed by a slap
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,-up meal. Well, you take it easy. You
might finish up with your face in the
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,ghetto. You take care of yourself.
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:36,Yes. I suppose that this is goodbye.
00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:39,Oh, wait a minute. I've g***t something
for you.
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:41,Oh. What are you going to do when you
get out?
00:03:41,570 --> 00:03:43,I suppose you'll have to find yourself a
job.
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:44,I'm not sure.
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,I may take a villa in the Algarve for
the summer, or possibly a cruise.
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,I see.
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:51,I'm sure you've g***t enough bus fare.
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,As a matter of fact, I'm a bit short. I
still haven't found my checkbook. Oh,
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,yes, the elusive checkbook. I told you,
you should have informed Interpol.
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:06,Now, look here, I think it's... When
I... What's this? What's it look like?
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,a tenner.
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:10,Oh, no, really, Roy, I couldn't... Now,
go on, take it.
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:18,Here you are, Archie. Oh, thank you,
Norman.
00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:23,That's... That's very nice.
00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:26,You can hang things in it. Yes, of
course. That's what I'll do.
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:28,I'll hang things in it.
00:04:29,610 --> 00:04:32,You've g***t it upside down. Oh, yes, of
course.
00:04:32,470 --> 00:04:34,Oh, yes. It's very attractive.
00:04:35,690 --> 00:04:38,Well, I... I suppose this is goodbye.
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:41,Ah! There you are. All ready.
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,Glad to see you've made such an
excellent recovery. No blood pressure,
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,palpitations, no red -hot pokers on the
side.
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:51,Ah, I wanted to talk to you about that.
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:53,Don't tell me it's come back.
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,No, it's more like a branding iron now.
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,Ah, well, that's an improvement, isn't
it? I think I'd rather have a branding
00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:00,iron than a red -hot poker.
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:04,Don't worry, you're looking marvellous.
But what about my eyes?
00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:08,What about your eyes? Well, they seem to
be bulging. Well, of course they're
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,bulging. It's perfectly normal.
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:12,Don't forget, you haven't worn the tie
for some weeks.
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,Clother's probably too tight.
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:24,Always think of the simple explanation
first, Clother, before you come
00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:26,us. Now, you know the way out, don't
you?
00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:27,Bye -bye.
00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:32,Do you think he's going to be all right,
Doctor? Of course he's going to be all
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:33,right.
00:05:33,430 --> 00:05:37,Moments like this are very rewarding. It
gives you a sense of purpose, a feeling
00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:38,of a job well done.
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:44,They come in here thick and bent, and we
send them out tall and straight. Yeah,
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:45,tall and straight and horizontal.
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:48,What's that, Figgis?
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:52,I can't help being worried about him,
Doc. Are you sure you haven't missed
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:55,something? Of course I haven't missed
anything. We've given him every test. We
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,couldn't keep him here forever, Figgis.
I see. You need the bed, do you? We do
00:05:58,500 --> 00:05:59,not need the bed.
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,Glover has made a complete recovery and
he's been discharged.
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,What about the eyes? They were
definitely bulging.
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,Your eyes will be bulging in a moment. I
thought there might have been a clue in
00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:13,the human jigsaw puzzle. A guide in the
complex labyrinth of the body.
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:15,I think it's a symptom.
00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:16,A symptom of what?
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:18,Hashimoto's disease.
00:06:22,580 --> 00:06:23,Hashimoto's disease?
00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:25,Whatever made you think of that?
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:27,Well, I thought he looked a bit yellow.
00:06:29,179 --> 00:06:31,Because Hashimoto's disease does not
give you an oriental appearance.
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:33,That's the name of the man who
discovered it.
00:06:34,680 -->...
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