Only When I Laugh s02e02 Where Theres A Will Subtitles

At 00:00:21,610, Character said: I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

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At 00:00:25,610, Character said: I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

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At 00:00:28,730, Character said: I know I **, I'm sure I **.

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At 00:00:33,090, Character said: I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

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At 00:00:36,130, Character said: I know I **, I'm sure I **. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.

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At 00:00:57,900, Character said: Are we alone?

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At 00:00:59,500, Character said: Yes. Good. Except for him. I'm not
talking about Norman. He's in on this.

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At 00:01:03,380, Character said: that's all right, then. I'm talking
about our friend over there, Perkins.

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At 00:01:06,180, Character said: You mean Joe?

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At 00:01:06,980, Character said: Yes, where is he? Having a bath.

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At 00:01:09,140, Character said: Well, that makes a change. Who's holding
him down?

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At 00:01:11,820, Character said: You get one, Archie. Well, you must
admit, he does lack a certain personal

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At 00:01:16,280, Character said: freshness. I'm surprised you haven't
noticed.

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At 00:01:19,100, Character said: Oh, you all haven't g***t your delicate
nostrils, Glover.

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At 00:01:21,900, Character said: So you think he smells. Well, that's
charming, isn't it?

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At 00:01:25,310, Character said: I wondered why you were always dashing
round him with the air freshener. I'm

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At 00:01:28,170, Character said: the only one who thinks so.

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At 00:01:29,610, Character said: Norman agrees with me. Oh, does he?
Well, he can speak for himself. Do you

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At 00:01:33,050, Character said: he smells?

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At 00:01:33,830, Character said: Well, he does pong a bit, Roy. There you
are.

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At 00:01:37,590, Character said: I see. And do you know what that smell
is, Glover? I'll tell you. That's the

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At 00:01:40,890, Character said: smell of hard manual labour, poor
housing and bad sanitation brought on by

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At 00:01:45,790, Character said: middle -class twits like you.

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At 00:01:48,640, Character said: It's not just that he smells, Fig. He
has these funny ways. What funny ways?

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At 00:01:53,360, Character said: Oh, come along, Fig. You know what he's
talking about. He talks to himself.

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At 00:01:57,100, Character said: Well, he's been on his own for a long
time, hasn't he? Stuck out there in the

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At 00:02:00,360, Character said: country, miles from anywhere, with only
the sheep for company. What do you

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At 00:02:03,240, Character said: expect?

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At 00:02:04,220, Character said: Anyway, he doesn't talk to himself.

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At 00:02:07,100, Character said: He talks to his dog.

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At 00:02:08,889, Character said: But he hasn't g***t a dog.

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At 00:02:10,650, Character said: I know that, but it's not doing you any
harm, is it?

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At 00:02:14,390, Character said: I don't mind him talking to an imaginary
dog fig, but now he wants me to take it

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At 00:02:18,210, Character said: for walks.

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At 00:02:19,770, Character said: See? Well, you should be flattered. You
wouldn't trust that dog with anyone.

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At 00:02:24,090, Character said: I think he's taken a fancy to you. I
know.

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At 00:02:27,550, Character said: I woke up last night and found him
sitting on the edge of my bed.

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At 00:02:30,950, Character said: Oh, yes?

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At 00:02:31,650, Character said: He said he liked me.

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At 00:02:33,990, Character said: What? Well, of course he likes you.
You're a very prepossessing young man. I

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At 00:02:37,750, Character said: don't like the sound of this at all.

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At 00:02:39,490, Character said: Never mind, Archie. Perhaps he'll sit on
your bed tonight. I hope not.

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At 00:02:43,550, Character said: I don't like all this nocturnal
wandering. It makes my flesh creep. He

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At 00:02:47,310, Character said: was the son he'd never had. He wanted to
be my father.

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At 00:02:49,890, Character said: He left that a bit late, hasn't he?
That's what I told him. I told him to go

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At 00:02:52,530, Character said: away. I can't stand him. And he eats
with his mouth open. Well, of course he

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At 00:02:56,070, Character said: eats with his mouth open. What do you
expect him to do? Shove it in his ear?

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At 00:03:00,390, Character said: He's an uncouth old man, Figgis. I mean,
what about all that? Business with his

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At 00:03:04,050, Character said: teeth.

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At 00:03:05,090, Character said: You never know where he's going to put
them next.

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At 00:03:07,690, Character said: I found them under my pillow this
morning.

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At 00:03:10,370, Character said: We think he should be moved into a
sidewalk.

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At 00:03:13,230, Character said: Oh, do you? Well, he's as nutty as a
fruitcake.

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At 00:03:16,050, Character said: He's harmless.

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At 00:03:17,330, Character said: If he was rich, you wouldn't say he was
as nutty as a fruitcake. You'd say he

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At 00:03:20,830, Character said: was eccentric.

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At 00:03:21,710, Character said: Ha! He says he is rich.

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At 00:03:23,810, Character said: What? He says he's g***t land as far as
the eye can see and a fortune in gold

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At 00:03:28,110, Character said: sovereigns, and it'll all be mine if I
change my name to Perkins.

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At 00:03:31,770, Character said: Mine? God!

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At 00:03:33,440, Character said: What did I tell you?

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At 00:03:34,700, Character said: Delusions of grandeur. And I don't think
he's harmless. I don't like that mad

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At 00:03:38,120, Character said: glare in his eyes. Well, they don't put
people away for that, Archie. I mean,

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At 00:03:41,300, Character said: yours aren't exactly friendly.

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At 00:03:43,320, Character said: I'll be darned, this enough.

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At 00:03:46,280, Character said: Mind you, I wouldn't trust that dog of
his.

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At 00:04:02,510, Character said: Good heavens, Gupta, what's going on in
there?

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At 00:04:05,450, Character said: This buck is having a buck.

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At 00:04:07,210, Character said: Well, he seems to be putting up quite a
struggle.

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At 00:04:10,150, Character said: Of course, you've g***t to remember,
Gupta, he's a son of the soil, not used

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At 00:04:13,430, Character said: these refinements.

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At 00:04:14,410, Character said: What's the matter? Will he take his
clothes off? No, he won't put them back

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At 00:04:17,269, Character said: again.

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At 00:04:18,769, Character said: You'd better get back in there and keep
an eye on him. He won't let me near him.

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At 00:04:21,810, Character said: He thinks I'm out there sitting bucks.

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At 00:04:23,430, Character said: Good heavens, has he g***t it in there
with him?

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At 00:04:25,070, Character said: He won't go anywhere without it. Well,
I'd leave it well alone, Gupta. He

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At 00:04:28,210, Character said: probably keeps his ferret in it.

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At 00:04:31,710, Character said: He's very difficult. Will he be with us
much longer? I don't think so. I can't

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At 00:04:35,130, Character said: find much that matters with him. I've
tested him for everything except hard

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At 00:04:39,970, Character said: I don't know why they've sent him to us.

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At 00:04:43,030, Character said: I think he's little bananas.

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At 00:04:46,070, Character said: No, not another. Why do they keep
sending him to us? We're not trained for

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At 00:04:49,710, Character said: sort of thing.

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At 00:04:50,890, Character said: Look at the jab we did last week.
Thought he was Edward VIII.

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At 00:04:53,830, Character said: He'd only been here five minutes before
he knighted three doctors and made

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At 00:04:57,070, Character said: matron and dame of the British Empire.

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At 00:05:00,620, Character said: I suppose we'll have to refer him to
psychiatric. They'll soon tell them he's

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At 00:05:03,740, Character said: Dottie.

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At 00:05:05,140, Character said: Ah, hello, Perkins.

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At 00:05:07,520, Character said: Settling in all right?

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At 00:05:08,780, Character said: Yes, thank you, Doctor.

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At 00:05:10,120, Character said: Nothing worrying you at all?

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At 00:05:11,760, Character said: Oh, no, no, Doctor.

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At 00:05:13,340, Character said: I know I'm in good hands.

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At 00:05:15,360, Character said: They speak very highly of you in the
parish.

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At 00:05:18,600, Character said: They say you have the gift.

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At 00:05:20,920, Character said: Oh, do they?

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At 00:05:23,300, Character said: Good.

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At 00:05:24,600, Character said: Well, better get back to bed, Perkins.
Don't want to overtax yourself.

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At 00:05:28,360, Character said: Yes, Doctor.

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At 00:05:30,670, Character said: He's fairly normal to me, Gupta.

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At 00:05:32,790, Character said: In fact, quite intelligent.

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At 00:05:34,910, Character said: Come on, my beauty.

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At 00:05:36,690, Character said: Come on.

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At 00:05:47,550, Character said: Now, Joe, enjoy your bath.

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At 00:05:49,570, Character said: D***n near scorned me.

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At 00:05:51,670, Character said: I don't hold with all this hot water.

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At 00:05:54,690, Character said: Fries up all the natural oils.

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At 00:05:57,150, Character said: I don't agree with it.

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At 00:05:58,850, Character said: Say, we've noticed.

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At 00:06:00,300, Character said: Um, Beckett.

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At 00:06:02,700, Character said: Um, perhaps you'd like to use some of my
body rub?

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At 00:06:07,480, Character said: No, thank you, Dover. It's very
refreshing after a hot bath. No, no.

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At 00:06:11,200, Character said: I don't want to smell like a tart.

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At 00:06:14,460, Character said: What are you talking about? It's a very
masculine cologne. It's called granite.

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At 00:06:18,440, Character said: I don't care what it's called.

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At 00:06:20,400, Character said: I don't want to be personal, Dover, but
ever since I come in here, I've noticed

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At 00:06:25,260, Character said: this smell.

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At 00:06:29,320, Character said: You smell of scent, lover.

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At 00:06:31,040, Character said: Sure makes me eyes water some nights.

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At 00:06:33,300, Character said: I see. I suppose you'd prefer a rubdown
with a damp hedgehog.

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At 00:06:36,680, Character said: I like a man to smell like a man.

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At 00:06:39,960, Character said: I'd stop using it if I were you. People
might get the wrong idea.

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At 00:06:58,510, Character said: G***t a good face, boy.

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At 00:07:02,250, Character said: Takes me back nigh on 50 years to that
night at Braden Fair.

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At 00:07:09,210, Character said: She were dancing for a yellow ribbon and
I were over for the...