Only When I Laugh s02e03 It Can Damage Your Health Subtitles

At 00:00:20,940, Character said: I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

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At 00:00:24,920, Character said: I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

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At 00:00:28,060, Character said: I know I **, I'm sure I **.

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At 00:00:32,380, Character said: I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

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At 00:00:35,500, Character said: I know I **, I'm sure I **. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.

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At 00:00:51,370, Character said: I want you to tell me something and I
want you to be absolutely honest.

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At 00:00:56,590, Character said: How old do you think I look?

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At 00:00:58,750, Character said: Absolutely honest? That's right. Forty
-five.

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At 00:01:02,270, Character said: Yes, well, there's no need to be that
honest.

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At 00:01:05,150, Character said: I normally pass for early thirties.
Yeah, in a darkened room with your back

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At 00:01:08,610, Character said: the window.

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At 00:01:09,250, Character said: But not in the harsh light of day,
Archie. Let's face it, you've aged.

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At 00:01:12,770, Character said: I know.

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At 00:01:13,650, Character said: These last weeks have certainly etched
in a few more lines, Roy. I mean, look

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At 00:01:18,510, Character said: the... Suffering in that face, it's a
tragedy.

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At 00:01:20,710, Character said: Oh, never mind, Archie, you may have
aged, but you still kept your looks.

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At 00:01:23,570, Character said: Do you think so?

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At 00:01:24,370, Character said: Yeah, a little worn round the edges, but
you still retain that sort of male

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At 00:01:27,930, Character said: beauty that can set the pulses racing.

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At 00:01:30,230, Character said: A little greyer, a little less air,
perhaps.

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At 00:01:33,070, Character said: A little less hair, my God, is it
beginning to show?

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At 00:01:35,510, Character said: Well, there were three more strands in
the comb this morning.

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At 00:01:38,130, Character said: Oh, it's so fine, such a silky texture.

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At 00:01:42,670, Character said: Do you have anything I can use to keep
it in, I guess?

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At 00:01:45,650, Character said: I've g***t a cigarette box.

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At 00:01:48,780, Character said: I'm talking about a remedy. After all,
you're supposed to be the medical expert

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At 00:01:51,920, Character said: round here. Well, there is one method
that's quite effective. Stand on your

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At 00:01:54,780, Character said: for half an hour each day. It gets the
blood from the follicles. It feeds the

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At 00:01:58,500, Character said: roots of the hair.

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At 00:01:59,640, Character said: Mind you, it gives you terrible
headaches.

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At 00:02:01,440, Character said: If I can hardly stand on my feet and you
expect me to stand on my head?

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At 00:02:04,880, Character said: Phil, I have to do something.

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At 00:02:06,580, Character said: Women won't look at a man with a
receding hairline.

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At 00:02:09,539, Character said: They say bee stings can be very
effective.

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At 00:02:12,020, Character said: Bee stings? Yes, it's a technique.

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At 00:02:14,240, Character said: Well, how do they get the bees to sting
you? Tap the eye and shove your head in

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At 00:02:17,180, Character said: it? Are they trained to dive on you one
by one?

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At 00:02:19,830, Character said: Of course not.

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At 00:02:21,010, Character said: They probably put one in a bottle, shake
it up until you get angry and stick it

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At 00:02:24,590, Character said: on your head.

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At 00:02:25,410, Character said: Sounds a bit drastic to me.

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At 00:02:27,250, Character said: Actually, there's only one sure way to
ensure a complete head of hair,

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At 00:02:31,050, Character said: speaking. What's that?

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At 00:02:32,150, Character said: Castration.

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At 00:02:34,630, Character said: Still, I suppose that defeats the object
of the exercise in your case.

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At 00:02:38,270, Character said: It's not funny, Figgy. What's all this
about, Archie? Has some bird turned you

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At 00:02:42,750, Character said: down again? Is that what it's all about?
No, of course not. It's just that...

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At 00:02:46,160, Character said: I want to put in for this job, and the
age limit is 35.

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At 00:02:51,600, Character said: Do you think I'll get away with it? I
don't see why not, as long as it doesn't

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At 00:02:54,260, Character said: involve humping things about.

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At 00:02:56,660, Character said: Humping things about?

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At 00:02:59,500, Character said: I'm a senior executive. I don't hump
things about, Figgis. No, this is a high

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At 00:03:04,240, Character said: -powered executive position.

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At 00:03:06,200, Character said: Not that I'm going to be very impressed
with a letter written from a hospital

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At 00:03:08,760, Character said: bed. You never know, they might be
impressed by your courage, your natural

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At 00:03:12,200, Character said: resilience, your Dunkirk spirit.

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At 00:03:14,640, Character said: It's a pity you look as sick as a dog.

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At 00:03:17,120, Character said: I know.

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At 00:03:18,100, Character said: I wish I felt better.

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At 00:03:20,180, Character said: I haven't felt really well for years.

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At 00:03:24,460, Character said: Age is a terrible thing, you know.

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At 00:03:26,740, Character said: I have a job getting my breath easy.

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At 00:03:28,840, Character said: You're not the only one, Archie. The
trouble is we're burned out.

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At 00:03:31,760, Character said: I only have to run upstairs and I'm
breathless. That's another thing that

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At 00:03:35,120, Character said: defeats the object of the exercise.

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At 00:03:37,300, Character said: You know what's happened, don't you?

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At 00:03:39,140, Character said: The lungs have gone, and do you know
why?

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At 00:03:41,640, Character said: Pollution. Too much lead in the
atmosphere. It's all this petrol

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At 00:03:45,640, Character said: Every time I drive that lorry down the
road, I can see the trees wilt.

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At 00:03:49,340, Character said: It's damage in the atmosphere.

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At 00:03:51,120, Character said: That and underarm sprays.

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At 00:03:53,740, Character said: We should do something about it. We
should join friends of the earth,

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At 00:03:57,040, Character said: before we end up in it. Yes, well,
before the world finally disintegrates,

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At 00:04:00,300, Character said: you mind if I get a decent job?

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At 00:04:02,560, Character said: Well, no, no, you put in for it.

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At 00:04:04,540, Character said: Norman, would you like a cigarette?

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At 00:04:07,740, Character said: Oh!

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At 00:04:10,860, Character said: Now then, I want you to tell me
something, and I want you to be

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At 00:04:14,660, Character said: honest.

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At 00:04:17,360, Character said: How old ** I?

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At 00:04:18,839, Character said: Why, can't you remember?

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At 00:04:21,360, Character said: I mean, how old do I look?

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At 00:04:24,300, Character said: Oh, I'm not very good at getting ages,
Archie. Oh, come on, have a go. I won't

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At 00:04:28,980, Character said: be offended.

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At 00:04:30,380, Character said: Um, 48?

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At 00:04:34,800, Character said: No, you're not very good, are you? In
fact, you're bloody awful.

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At 00:04:39,160, Character said: What's the matter with you?

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At 00:04:41,020, Character said: Well, you may not believe this, boy, but
before I came in here, I'd never smoked

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At 00:04:44,760, Character said: a cigarette.

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At 00:04:45,540, Character said: Mother never approved.

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At 00:04:46,940, Character said: Yeah, well, I sort of guessed that. You
see, the thing is, you don't burn

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At 00:04:49,300, Character said: evenly. You'll never do any good unless
you burn evenly, and you don't take it

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At 00:04:52,780, Character said: down. You can't enjoy a good cigarette
unless you take it down. I think I shall

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At 00:04:56,260, Character said: get a gold cigarette case, paper thin
and a lighter to match. I think that

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At 00:05:00,480, Character said: very sophisticated.

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At 00:05:02,080, Character said: There's more to smoking than a gold
cigarette case.

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At 00:05:05,060, Character said: The way you smoke a cigarette can be
very revealing.

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At 00:05:08,520, Character said: In what way? Well, they're smoking it
behind the back of the head. That's

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At 00:05:11,860, Character said: reminiscent of the prison yard.

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At 00:05:13,340, Character said: They're holding it in the fingers,
pufter style.

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At 00:05:15,520, Character said: Or they're flicking it about in a
nervous and agitated manner. Or simply

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At 00:05:19,240, Character said: it droop from the lower lip. You
normally get that in food shops.

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At 00:05:22,240, Character said: Now, the way a cigarette is smoked can
tell us a great deal about the person

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At 00:05:27,360, Character said: behind it.

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At 00:05:29,760, Character said: Oh, uh, Mr. Paul.

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At 00:05:31,520, Character said: Just a minute, Gupta. Did I hear a
voice?

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At 00:05:34,510, Character said: Do I detect a plan of life behind this
smoke -laden haze? Could I have a word,

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At 00:05:39,310, Character said: Doctor? Good heavens, it's Glover.

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At 00:05:41,470, Character said: Is all that smoke emanating from you, or
is the bed on fire?

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At 00:05:45,990, Character said: A little serious.

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At 00:05:48,050, Character said: I'm going to ask you something, and I
want you to be absolutely honest.

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At 00:05:52,430, Character said: How old do you think I look?

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At 00:05:54,290, Character said: It's very difficult to say, Glover. I
can barely see you.

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At 00:05:57,490, Character said: But don't worry, you won't be looking
much older, not with all this smoking.

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At 00:06:02,190, Character said: You do anything about this smoking?

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At 00:06:03,770, Character said: Yes, Mr. Topp. Good.

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At 00:06:05,550, Character said: I'm sending out for more ashtrays.

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At 00:06:08,290, Character said: More ashtrays? Good, but this is a
hospital, not a first -class smoker.

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At 00:06:12,350, Character said: trying to make them well, not finish
them off.

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At 00:06:15,130, Character said: Must have lungs like parchment.

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At 00:06:17,510, Character said: Shall I open a window?

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At 00:06:18,950, Character said: Yes, but do it slowly. We're in a
smokeless zone.

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At 00:06:22,790, Character said: Good Lord, even Norman.

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At 00:06:24,890, Character said: Norman, what on earth do you think
you're doing?

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