Only When I Laugh s02e01 Whatever Happened To Gloria Robins Subtitles

00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:32,I know I **, I'm sure I **.

00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:35,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:41,I know I **, I'm sure I **. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.

00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,You'll never guess who's just come in.
Who?

00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:49,I couldn't believe my eyes.

00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:52,pinch myself.

00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,She just stood there in front of me.

00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:57,Gloria Robbins.

00:00:58,820 --> 00:01:00,Who's Gloria Robbins?

00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,Who's Gloria Robbins? Well, surely you
can't have forgotten.

00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:09,Gloria Robbins, the unruly heart,
revulsion, the cruel earth. Oh, Gloria

00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:13,Robbins. Yes, I remember her. I knew you
couldn't have forgotten. No, she was a

00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:14,pain.

00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:16,No, she wasn't. She was superb.

00:01:16,390 --> 00:01:17,Yours gave me a pain.

00:01:17,570 --> 00:01:21,You're so insensitive, Figgis. Didn't
you see her in the cruel earth? Yes, I

00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:25,her. Well, remember that last scene
where she stood amongst the ruined

00:01:25,290 --> 00:01:28,brave smile playing round her lips? No,
I don't remember that.

00:01:29,050 --> 00:01:30,I must have been queuing for the ice
cream.

00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:35,Queuing for the ice cream? That's
typical of you, Figgis. You've g***t no

00:01:35,310 --> 00:01:38,feelings. She just stood there.

00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:43,framed against the night sky, an aura of
light around her head, and her face

00:01:43,940 --> 00:01:49,went sort of blurred, and a single tear
glinted on her cheek.

00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,It was probably glycerin. No, it wasn't
glycerin. She could weep real tears.

00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,There was nothing artificial about
Gloria Robbins.

00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:59,People were dazzled by her beauty. She
was physical perfection.

00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:02,How do we know? I noticed we never saw
her legs.

00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:05,She either wore long dresses or was
photographed from the waist up.

00:02:05,930 --> 00:02:07,She probably had legs like little tree
trunks.

00:02:07,890 --> 00:02:11,Don't be ridiculous, because we saw her
legs in the last days of Pompeii. We saw

00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:14,someone's legs. We don't know they were
hers, do we? They could have been

00:02:14,970 --> 00:02:16,dubbed. I don't have to listen to this.

00:02:17,210 --> 00:02:18,What do you think you're doing?

00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:21,I thought I'd just pop down there and
say hello. Where is she? She's in a

00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:22,private room down the corridor.

00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:25,I might have known she'd have a private
room. Talk about privilege.

00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:29,You've g***t to have a private room when
you're a celebrity. People won't leave

00:02:29,570 --> 00:02:31,you alone. They're attracted to the
famous.

00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:32,I should know.

00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:34,What do you mean, you're not famous?

00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:37,I know I'm not famous, but I do bear
this unfortunate resemblance to Gregory

00:02:37,510 --> 00:02:38,Peck.

00:02:39,470 --> 00:02:41,You're nothing like Gregory Peck.

00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:43,You're more like Lord Lucan.

00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:50,Only since I grew the moustache. I had
to do something. People kept pestering

00:02:50,030 --> 00:02:50,for my autograph.

00:02:50,910 --> 00:02:53,Well, I can't see it. Now, if we're
talking about likenesses, what about

00:02:53,810 --> 00:02:56,face? Doesn't it strike a chord? No.

00:02:56,650 --> 00:02:58,Well, does it remind you of anyone?

00:02:58,350 --> 00:02:59,Who? Clint Eastwood.

00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:05,I'm nothing like Clint Eastwood. That's
because I'm not wearing a poncho. Give

00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:08,me a cigar and a poncho and I'll look
like Clint Eastwood. Give anyone a cigar

00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,and a poncho and they'll look like Clint
Eastwood. Anyway, it's all of you.

00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,I didn't say standing up, did I?

00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:17,You'll never guess who's just come in.
Not in a hundred years. Go on. You'll

00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:17,never guess.

00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:18,Gloria Robbins.

00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:21,You've heard. I think everybody's heard
by now.

00:03:21,540 --> 00:03:24,Hey, aren't you? Where are you going
with my flowers? Can I just get them

00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:25,there while they were still fresh,
Norman? Down where?

00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,Where do you think? He's taken them to
Gloria Robbins. He can't wait to get

00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:30,there and sip champagne from her
slipper.

00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,I think his mother must have been a
gaiety girl.

00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,I hope he doesn't get carried away,
that's all. Well, you can't blame him to

00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:39,think that Gloria Robbins is right here
in this building.

00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:41,I think it's fate.

00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,This could be my big chance. I've always
wanted to act.

00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:46,You?

00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:50,Well, they thought I was quite good at
school. I had the lead in Romeo and

00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:51,Juliet.

00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:55,I'm sorry, Norman, I just don't see you
as a Romeo.

00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:57,No, actually, I play Juliet.

00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:00,Juliet?

00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,Sometimes I worry about you, Norman.

00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:04,It was an old boy's school.

00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:07,You mean you had to say, Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou, Romeo?

00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:10,Yes. I can imagine where Romeo was,
having his studdocks in the corner.

00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:15,I knew you'd make fun figures, but I
don't care. Now I've seen Gloria

00:04:15,890 --> 00:04:19,It all seems possible, because she still
has this charisma.

00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:23,Charisma? You're worse than Archie.
You're both being carried away by an

00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:27,illusion. Gloria Robbins isn't even her
real name.

00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:30,What is her real name? Maud Baggett.

00:04:32,290 --> 00:04:34,What's that, Figgis? Just talking,
Doctor.

00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:38,I understand we have a celebrity in our
midst. You've heard already, have you,

00:04:38,790 --> 00:04:40,Figgis? No doubt it's round the whole
hospital.

00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:45,Yes, Gloria Robbins has put herself in
my hands, and I must say I feel a very

00:04:45,030 --> 00:04:46,special responsibility.

00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:47,You mean it's a cash job?

00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:53,I mean it's an honour, Figgis. Besides,
Gloria, Miss Robbins... is physically

00:04:53,950 --> 00:04:57,exhausted. What was the new play in the
series in the baked bean commercial?

00:04:57,970 --> 00:04:59,And now the stomach pains.

00:04:59,670 --> 00:05:02,Well, she's been doing a baked bean
commercial. I'm not surprised she's g***t

00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:03,stomach pains.

00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:07,Nonsense figures. It's probably a direct
result of tension and overwork.

00:05:07,550 --> 00:05:10,True business isn't all tinsel and
glitter, you know.

00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:13,I shan't forget what I went through in
HMS Pinafore.

00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:15,She needs rest.

00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,I didn't want you going down there and
disturbing her. Don't worry, I've no

00:05:18,890 --> 00:05:20,intention of disturbing her. She doesn't
interest me.

00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:22,You haven't seen her, Fig.

00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:24,She's still beautiful, isn't she,
Doctor?

00:05:25,550 --> 00:05:27,She's a magnificent creature, Norman.

00:05:27,610 --> 00:05:29,A magnificent creature?

00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:33,Hardly a medical phrase, is it, Doctor?
I think we've departed from the textbook

00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,there, haven't we? I don't think I like
the sound of that. And I don't think I

00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,like that carnation in the butthole,
either.

00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:42,What are you suggesting, Fingers? As far
as I'm concerned, she's just another

00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,patient. Ah, but are you just another
doctor?

00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:48,I've g***t you down for a highly emotional
human being with a more than passing

00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:53,resemblance to Dr Kildare. And with her
well -known capacity for falling in

00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:55,love, anything could happen.

00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,Are you sure, Fingers? My approach would
be purely professional.

00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,The pain in the stomach is ready for you
now, Mr. Thorpe.

00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,That's Gloria Robbins down there, Gupta,
not a pain in the stomach.

00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:12,How many times have I g***t to tell you to
stop referring to the patients by their

00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,ailments, Gupta?

00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,Look what happened when we had the mayor
in last week and you referred to him as

00:06:16,660...