The Real ONeals s02e02 The Real Dates.eng Subtitles

At 00:00:00,001, Character said: To our first real date.

2
At 00:00:02,212, Character said: To my first, first date in 18 years.

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At 00:00:04,981, Character said: Oh! 18 years! Well, the pressure is on.

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At 00:00:10,750, Character said: It's not a great chugging alcohol.

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At 00:00:12,493, Character said: That is tannic. Yeah.

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At 00:00:14,157, Character said: Well, I just feel like the
luckiest man in the world.

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At 00:00:17,193, Character said: I'm on a date with a wonderful woman,

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At 00:00:18,717, Character said: and I have a new bestie.

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At 00:00:20,496, Character said: Who is my almost-ex-husband.

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At 00:00:22,732, Character said: Who doesn't know we're dating. [Laughs]

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At 00:00:24,527, Character said: You know, eventually, we will tell Pat.

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At 00:00:26,502, Character said: We have a long way to go before
we know if this is a real thing.

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At 00:00:29,238, Character said: Yeah. I mean, I want to make
sure he and I are solid

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At 00:00:31,474, Character said: before I put that stress
on the relationship.

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At 00:00:33,476, Character said: [Gasps] Oh, my God! He's here!

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At 00:00:35,739, Character said: What?!

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At 00:00:36,629, Character said: Don't look behind you. Pat is here.

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At 00:00:39,782, Character said: What? Why? Why is he here?

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At 00:00:40,898, Character said: He doesn't know about this restaurant.

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At 00:00:42,051, Character said: I told him about it.

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At 00:00:43,050, Character said: I can't stop talking
about the bruschetta.

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At 00:00:44,589, Character said: Is he looking over here?

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At 00:00:45,515, Character said: No. He's picking up a to-go order.

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At 00:00:46,846, Character said: Oh, God. I hope he g***t the bruschetta.

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At 00:00:48,548, Character said: Of course, he did. He eats
anything anybody says is good.

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At 00:00:50,956, Character said:
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At 00:00:54,924, Character said: Kenny: Well, here I ** again.

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At 00:00:56,526, Character said: Another day of being gay,
in theory, and not in practice,

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At 00:00:59,562, Character said: unlike my siblings,
who are getting more action

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At 00:01:01,664, Character said: on their devices than
I've gotten all year.

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At 00:01:03,599, Character said: Oh, man! I love dating a college girl!

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At 00:01:07,870, Character said: Lacey's at a party, and I think
she's getting a little tipsy.

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At 00:01:10,706, Character said: So you two might want to clear the couch,

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At 00:01:12,642, Character said: 'cause I sense this texting
is about to get steamy.

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At 00:01:14,944, Character said: With or without us on this couch,

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At 00:01:17,313, Character said: please never get steamy on it.

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At 00:01:19,659, Character said: Too late by 6 years. [Chuckles]

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At 00:01:23,519, Character said: [Laughs]

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At 00:01:25,254, Character said: It's cute how you think
the blanket's safe.

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At 00:01:27,390, Character said: That blanket probably has more
stories to tell than I do.

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At 00:01:29,992, Character said: Ah, Ethan thinks it's adorable
to steal my healing potion.

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At 00:01:33,429, Character said: Well, I'm going to decapitate him.

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At 00:01:35,598, Character said: Oh, look at his cute, little head.

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At 00:01:37,491, Character said: I'm gonna kick it.

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At 00:01:38,507, Character said: All right, you guys get off
your screens and talk to me!

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At 00:01:40,736, Character said: Is there something wrong with me?

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At 00:01:42,405, Character said: I mean, I feel like my bangs
are at their best angle ever,

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At 00:01:44,507, Character said: I found a deodorant that works
with my active lifestyle.

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At 00:01:47,143, Character said: I mean, is it me? Just be honest.

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At 00:01:48,911, Character said: Well, sometimes you do go on without

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At 00:01:50,754, Character said: - really hearing...
- I mean, ** I even gay

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At 00:01:52,048, Character said: if I'm just sitting on
the couch with you two?

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At 00:01:53,749, Character said: If a gay falls in the forest,
and there's not another gay to say,

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At 00:01:56,586, Character said: "Hey, girl, you okay?" did he even fall?

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At 00:01:59,422, Character said: The problem is that I'm completely alone

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At 00:02:01,524, Character said: in a forest of straight people.

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At 00:02:03,226, Character said: I need one where more gay guys
come to gather nuts and berries.

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At 00:02:06,229, Character said: Come on, Kenny. You know how
to find a more crowded forest.

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At 00:02:09,932, Character said: - Dating apps.
- Mm-hmm.

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At 00:02:12,602, Character said: Okay. I'll set up an account,

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At 00:02:14,103, Character said: but it seems like most gays

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At 00:02:15,538, Character said: don't use their faces in their profiles,

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At 00:02:17,473, Character said: just their best body feature.

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At 00:02:18,774, Character said: What's my best body feature?

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At 00:02:19,942, Character said: Both: Your calves.

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At 00:02:20,910, Character said: Really? Not my biceps?

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At 00:02:22,945, Character said: Please show me where you
think your biceps are located.

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At 00:02:25,748, Character said: Okay. My calves.

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At 00:02:27,617, Character said: They're the most manly part of your body.

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At 00:02:29,418, Character said: It's like your upper half

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At 00:02:30,553, Character said: didn't tell your lower half you're gay.

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At 00:02:32,588, Character said: Mm. Okay. Here we go.

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At 00:02:35,947, Character said: I ** stepping, calf-first,
into a whole new forest.

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At 00:02:40,218, Character said: Kenny, take your foot off the table.

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At 00:02:41,628, Character said: Excuse me.

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At 00:02:43,363, Character said: Where are you coming from
in your New Year's cardigan?

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At 00:02:45,131, Character said: I was having a drink with friends.

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At 00:02:47,267, Character said: You don't drink.

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At 00:02:48,635, Character said: You don't have friends.

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At 00:02:49,636, Character said: Well, okay, then. You caught me.

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At 00:02:52,605, Character said: I was measuring the hedges

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At 00:02:56,209, Character said: to make sure they're height-appropriate.

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At 00:02:57,744, Character said: That sounds about right.

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At 00:02:58,845, Character said: - Yep.
- There we go.

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At 00:03:00,113, Character said:

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At 00:03:02,649, Character said: Hi. How did the date with VP Murray go?

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At 00:03:05,685, Character said: Wait. I want to sit. No, I'll stand.

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At 00:03:08,054, Character said: I'll take a knee.

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At 00:03:08,831, Character said: Stop moving. It went great...

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At 00:03:10,957, Character said: after we crawled out from
under the restaurant table.

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At 00:03:13,460, Character said: [Laughs] Oh. It went that kind of great.

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At 00:03:17,530, Character said: I fooled around under the
bleachers with a mascot once,

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At 00:03:20,166, Character said: head still on, thank you very much.

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At 00:03:22,302, Character said: No. We were hiding.

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At 00:03:24,170, Character said: Pat came in.

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At 00:03:25,839, Character said: I still haven't told him
I'm seeing Clive yet.

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At 00:03:27,841, Character said: - Why not?
- He's so sensitive.

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At 00:03:30,143, Character said: He cried through "The Hangover 3."

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At 00:03:32,212, Character said: I'm afraid this would crush him.

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At 00:03:33,748, Character said: So, before I tell him,

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At 00:03:35,415, Character said: I'm going to soften him up first,

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At 00:03:37,425, Character said: with his favorite breakfast.

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At 00:03:39,752, Character said: Morning.

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At 00:03:42,589, Character said: Do I smell sausages
from the 99 cent store?

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At 00:03:44,691, Character said: Covered in jelly, like you like them.

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At 00:03:46,559, Character said: Come on over here, sleepy head.

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At 00:03:48,728, Character said: Hey, is that a new flannel?

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At 00:03:51,030, Character said: Oh, well, yeah, but it's exactly
like the one I replaced.

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At 00:03:53,399, Character said: I love how you do that.

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At 00:03:55,101, Character said: Here.

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At 00:03:57,437, Character said: - It's for me?
- Mm-hmm.

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At 00:03:59,806, Character said: Wow! Thank you.

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At 00:04:01,975, Character said: [Chuckles]

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At 00:04:03,142, Character said: Well, the Bears game's
about to start, so...

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At 00:04:04,444, Character said: Oh, don't go down there to watch it.

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At 00:04:06,002, Character said: Watch up here with your
family, above ground.

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At 00:04:08,348, Character said: And I'm giving you Pop-Tarts for lunch.

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At 00:04:10,984, Character said:

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At 00:04:13,786, Character said: Kenny! I have a problem!

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At 00:04:16,322, Character said: Lacey hasn't texted me back
since the party last night.

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At 00:04:18,157, Character said: W-W-What do you think happened to her?

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At 00:04:20,059, Character said: You think she's dead?!

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At 00:04:21,361, Character said: Not that I want that,
but that would explain things.

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At 00:04:24,063, Character said: I'm sure it's fine.

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At 00:04:26,232, Character said: [Gasps] My app!

126
At 00:04:27,867, Character said: I swiped right on two
cute guys last night.

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At 00:04:30,637, Character said: I wonder which one of them liked me.

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At 00:04:32,171, Character said: What if it's both?

129
At 00:04:33,106, Character said: I might need to get a burner phone.

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At 00:04:34,741, Character said: Why did we not lose our virginity to
each other before she went to college?

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At 00:04:38,211, Character said: It seemed like such a good idea, you know,

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At 00:04:40,059, Character said: wait till Thanksgiving,

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At 00:04:41,014, Character said: because everyone knows that if
you make it till Thanksgiving,

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At 00:04:43,269, Character said: you make it forever.

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At 00:04:44,384, Character said: That's not a thing.

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