The Real ONeals s02e05 The Real Tradition.eng Subtitles

At 00:00:01,288, Character said: [Classical music playing ]

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At 00:00:02,813, Character said: Kevin: Thanksgiving has always been
my favorite O'Neal family holiday

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At 00:00:07,150, Character said: because of our traditions.

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At 00:00:09,152, Character said:

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At 00:00:14,711, Character said: Traditions like me being
Mom's little sous-chef.

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At 00:00:19,070, Character said: [Timer dings]

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At 00:00:20,134, Character said: Traditions like Shannon standing
guard until it's time to eat.

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At 00:00:24,202, Character said: Ow!

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At 00:00:26,382, Character said: Traditions like Dad
and Jimmy on the couch

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At 00:00:28,827, Character said: wearing their lucky jerseys

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At 00:00:30,437, Character said: - and high-fiving over everything.
- [Both cheering]

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At 00:00:32,890, Character said: [Laughs]

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At 00:00:36,111, Character said: And of course our dining
table lovingly set by me

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At 00:00:39,578, Character said: with all of the wisdom and strength

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At 00:00:41,572, Character said: of a post-prison Martha Stewart.

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At 00:00:43,384, Character said: Oh, sorry, Kenny.

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At 00:00:44,804, Character said: We g***t to put the extra leaf in

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At 00:00:46,454, Character said: to make room for Mom and I's plus-ones.

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At 00:00:48,728, Character said: What? You're bringing dates
to our family Thanksgiving?

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At 00:00:51,235, Character said: - Yeah.
- And our newest tradition...

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At 00:00:53,561, Character said: doing any [bleep] thing
we feel like, apparently.

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At 00:00:57,180, Character said:
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At 00:01:01,382, Character said: - Why?
- Why would you invite dates?

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At 00:01:03,526, Character said: Pat: Listen, I invited Gloria

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At 00:01:04,851, Character said: because I knew your mother
had invited V.P. Murray.

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At 00:01:07,141, Character said: Ugh. V.P. Murray is such a drip.

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At 00:01:09,700, Character said: Well, that drip is a licensed
notary... and our guest.

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At 00:01:13,601, Character said: - So you need to be nice to him.
- Fine.

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At 00:01:16,759, Character said: I guess if the pilgrims could
share food with the Indians,

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At 00:01:19,226, Character said: I could share food with him.

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At 00:01:20,618, Character said: - Not what happened.
- [Door closes]

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At 00:01:21,578, Character said: Jodi: Hello? Anyone home? Little help.

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At 00:01:23,962, Character said:

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At 00:01:25,993, Character said: Guess who's coming to dinner!

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At 00:01:28,162, Character said: The the cat you share
custody of with Uncle Dwayne.

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At 00:01:30,345, Character said: That's right, your cousin, sweet,
lovable, ancient Mr. Pickles.

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At 00:01:33,767, Character said: He goes back to Dwayne tomorrow,

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At 00:01:35,078, Character said: but I couldn't bear to leave
him by himself on the holiday.

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At 00:01:37,525, Character said: [Cat meows]

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At 00:01:38,705, Character said: [Cat growling]

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At 00:01:41,524, Character said: Is he still alive?

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At 00:01:43,510, Character said: Barely. I g***t more stuff in the car.

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At 00:01:45,511, Character said: So, you guys are bringing dates,

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At 00:01:47,013, Character said: and there's a cat fighting
for its life in our kitchen.

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At 00:01:49,564, Character said: That's [clears throat] cool.

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At 00:01:51,517, Character said: That's super, super cool.

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At 00:01:53,586, Character said: Yeah, I'm gonna need you to
continue the prep without me.

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At 00:01:55,855, Character said: What? But we always do this together.

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At 00:01:58,791, Character said: Yes, but V.P. Murray's having
Thanksgiving with his mother,

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At 00:02:02,031, Character said: and I thought it might
be nice to meet the woman

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At 00:02:04,111, Character said: who made the man that I'm seeing.

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At 00:02:05,431, Character said: Nice? Is it nice that you're wearing
your book-club eye shadow for him?

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At 00:02:08,570, Character said: Yeah, I see it, Mom.

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At 00:02:10,526, Character said: I'm just meeting them for
dessert before he comes here.

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At 00:02:13,238, Character said: And luckily, she's one
of those insane people

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At 00:02:14,681, Character said: who has Thanksgiving
dinner at 11:00 a.m.

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At 00:02:16,439, Character said: So I'll be home in plenty of time.

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At 00:02:18,063, Character said: But who's gonna chiffonade
the Brussels sprouts with me?

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At 00:02:19,908, Character said: That is a two-person job.

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At 00:02:21,269, Character said: You'll be fine. I won't be long.

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At 00:02:24,524, Character said: Come on, Shannon, grab your coat.

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At 00:02:26,867, Character said: What? Shannon has to go with you?

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At 00:02:28,422, Character said: [Chuckles] That's karma for slapping me.

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At 00:02:30,353, Character said: See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

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At 00:02:31,970, Character said: Well, you're gonna see her and be her

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At 00:02:33,681, Character said: because you're coming, too.

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At 00:02:35,170, Character said:

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At 00:02:39,163, Character said: Kenny.

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At 00:02:40,665, Character said: I need your advice.

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At 00:02:42,233, Character said: So, I went a little too far
on my last date with Gloria

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At 00:02:45,109, Character said: with the skinny jeans.

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At 00:02:46,484, Character said: So this time, I decided
to play it a little safer,

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At 00:02:48,807, Character said: and I g***t myself a
pair of boyfriend jeans

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At 00:02:51,608, Character said: in case, you know, she
wants me to be her boyfriend.

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At 00:02:54,092, Character said: - It's not what that means.
- Whatever. It doesn't matter.

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At 00:02:56,080, Character said: Can you just do me a favor and tell me,

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At 00:02:57,681, Character said: do they make my butt look good?

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At 00:03:00,351, Character said: I...

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At 00:03:02,490, Character said: As far as I'm concerned,

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At 00:03:03,555, Character said: - you don't have butt.
- [Doorbell rings]

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At 00:03:05,622, Character said: So helpful. Really, thank you.

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At 00:03:10,756, Character said: Hey, Kenny. Happy Thanksgiving.

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At 00:03:12,963, Character said: Hm.

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At 00:03:14,732, Character said: Hey, Gloria. You're early.

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At 00:03:17,367, Character said: By like three hours. [Chuckles]

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At 00:03:19,302, Character said: It's really nice of your family
to have me over for dinner.

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At 00:03:21,630, Character said: If Pat hadn't asked,

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At 00:03:22,781, Character said: I was just gonna have
another orphan Thanksgiving.

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At 00:03:24,578, Character said: Hm, with other friends and co-workers

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At 00:03:26,299, Character said: who don't have any family in town.

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At 00:03:28,057, Character said: No, with other adults
whose parents are both dead.

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At 00:03:30,847, Character said: - Fun story.
- [Door slams]

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At 00:03:33,183, Character said: Oh, hey.

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At 00:03:34,317, Character said: Well, hello. [Chuckles]

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At 00:03:35,885, Character said: Happy Thanksgiving.
Gobble, gobble, gobble.

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At 00:03:38,187, Character said: What... what are you...

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At 00:03:39,240, Character said: - what are you doing?
- What?

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At 00:03:40,453, Character said: What happened to the clothes
you had on like 30 seconds ago?

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At 00:03:43,092, Character said: I just wanted to put on something
a little more comfortable.

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At 00:03:45,262, Character said: [Sniffing]

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At 00:03:47,730, Character said: Are you wearing cologne?

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At 00:03:49,231, Character said: No. I just g***t some new soap.

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At 00:03:52,234, Character said: Maybe that's it.

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At 00:03:53,801, Character said: Well, your "soap" smells like cedar

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At 00:03:57,095, Character said: with top notes of citrus and cardamom.

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At 00:03:59,308, Character said:

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At 00:04:00,841, Character said: - Eileen.
- Hello, Clive.

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At 00:04:02,192, Character said: Hello.

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At 00:04:03,987, Character said: Um, thank you for agreeing to do this.

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At 00:04:06,331, Character said: As I said, Mother's a little prickly,

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At 00:04:08,995, Character said: but the good news is she's not
going too long between naps,

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At 00:04:11,395, Character said: so this should be a short visit.

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At 00:04:13,145, Character said: Just do not bring up the
cancellation of "The Mentalist."

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At 00:04:16,090, Character said: We should be fine.

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At 00:04:18,393, Character said: I don't think it'll be a problem.

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At 00:04:20,428, Character said: [Southern accent] I'll
just kill her with kindness.

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At 00:04:22,200, Character said: Oh, God, she's gone Southern.

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At 00:04:24,432, Character said: Mom, when you go
overboard with politeness,

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At 00:04:26,390, Character said: you sound like the genteel neighbor
in a Tennessee Williams play.

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At 00:04:28,926, Character said: Well, I don't reckon that's true.

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At 00:04:31,362, Character said: Ooh, I find it alluring.

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At 00:04:33,707, Character said: I'll go get Mother.

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At 00:04:35,009, Character said: And I'll plate the pie.

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At 00:04:38,246, Character said: Ugh.

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At 00:04:42,016, Character said: - This place gives me the creeps.
- I know.

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At 00:04:44,172, Character said: Isn't it wonderful?

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At 00:04:45,453, Character said: Wha... why are you so happy?

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At 00:04:47,649, Character said: I hate that we have to be here.

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At 00:04:49,206, Character said: I hate that Mom is making
us hang out with V.P. Murray.

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At 00:04:50,972, Character said: I hate that Mom and Dad
aren't together any...

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At 00:04:52,606, Character said: Hey! Do not spin out.

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At 00:04:54,428, Character said: I'm here on a mission...

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At 00:04:55,696, Character said: to find awkward childhood
photos of V.P. Murray.

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At 00:04:58,608, Character said: I'm gonna blackmail him
into giving me free periods

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At 00:05:00,477, Character said: and get-out-of-gym passes.

136...