Warrens Vortex s01e01 Desolation of Smugg.eng Subtitles

00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,(LAWNMOWER WHIRRS)

00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,- This is Warren Harrison,

00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:10,an ordinary human from
Lower Hutt, New Zealand.

00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:14,18 years ago, an interdimensional
portal opened in his garden shed,

00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,its origin unknown,
its purpose unclear.

00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:24,What Warren didn't know at the time was that
it's a gateway to countless alternate realities ?

00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:26,strange, perilous versions
of the same place,

00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,governed by different
laws of time and space.

00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,He still doesn't know,
because he's never gone in it.

00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:38,Warren also doesn't know that
two hours and 53 minutes from now,

00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:42,he will leap into the vortex
for the very first time.

00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:48,But for now, he's just going to
use it to dump his lawn clippings.

00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,- Warren!

00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,DISTANTLY: Warren.
(ELECTRO MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES)

00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:55,Can you come sort the fridge?

00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,(VORTEX HUMS)
Warren! - Coming!

00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,(INTRIGUING ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:06,Captions were made with
the support of NZ On Air.

00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2025.

00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:14,Yo, babe.
- Oh, babe, you go to another world when you mow those flippin' lawns.

00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:18,- I travel to a world of funk, where
funky cats do funky moves on their funky lawns.

00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,- (CHUCKLES) Well,
if you've finished with the funk,

00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,could you fix the fridge?
The screen's gone funky.

00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,- Yo.

00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,- (SIGHS)
- (FRIDGE WHIRRS, BLEEPS)

00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:34,Nah, this thing's totally pakaru. You hear that?
You're useless. - Don't speak to her like that.

00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,- Um, since when diditget pronouns?

00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:42,- Oh, Lucy and I decided to call the
fridge Rhonda, after Auntie Rhonda.

00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,- Why? Cos she's shaped like a fridge
and can put away heaps of food?

00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,- ROBOTIC: Hi, W-W-Warren.

00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:51,(CHIMES, STATIC CRACKLES)
- How does it know my name? This thing's giving me the creeps.

00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,- Crepes? Are you
making cr-cr-cr-crepes? - Shut up!

00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,- Hey! Don't speak to Rhonda
like that. She's whanau.

00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:03,Oh, can you go ask Lucy to help?
Oh, and how did that talk go?

00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,Oh, babe. We have to let her go.

00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,- Punch it in the butt
and get out! Just get out! (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)

00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,Oh. Dad. Um, not you.
I meant for my death squad.

00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,- Oh.
- Step down. AFK.

00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,- Yeah, perhaps you wanna step down
as the commander of your death squad

00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,and go help out in the kitchen,
all right? (CHUCKLES)

00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,Oh!

00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:37,He aha tenei? You promised your mum
you were gonna quit with the whole... Urgh! Ew!

00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,(COUGHS)

00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:45,- I did. That's a thumb drive.
- Urgh... Oh yeah... I knew that.

00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:49,Please go help your mum in the
kitchen. We're doing this for your birthday.

00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,Might be the last one that you
have in this house for a while.

00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,- You're letting me go?

00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,SHRIEKS: Are you serious?!

00:02:57,721 --> 00:03:01,Come on, Dad, it's not the end
of the world. Just a gap year to France.

00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,I'm not getting abducted
by a Dothraki horselord.

00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,- Well, you don't have to pack now.

00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,Oh, I still don't know why you
want to spend a year in that place.

00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:13,What can you get in Paris that you
can't get right here in Lower Hutt?

00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,Hmm? Have you learned nothing
from our favourite movie, Taken?

00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,Look at what happened
to the girl in that.

00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:19,- Uh, she was taken.

00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,- Yeah. And then in Taken 2,
the mum and dad get taken.

00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:24,People get taken.

00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,- Dad, it's a movie.
Yourfavourite movie.

00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,- But I thoughtyouliked it.

00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,- You made me watch it when I was 5.

00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,- Oh.

00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,Just go help your mum
in the kitchen. OK?

00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,- Look at him!

00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,I mean, you would, right?
- I would not.

00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,Why are so many of them
holding up fish?

00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,- Shows they're good providers.

00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,Oh, look at him! Look at those arms!

00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,- No. Look, he's g***t
a wedding ring on.

00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,- So? I just want him
to slide into my DMs.

00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,- I ** so telling my therapist
about this, Mum.

00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,- (SCOFFS) We're all adults,
my little Boo-Boo Bear.

00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,- There she is ?
old Divorcee Spice, eh? Mwah!

00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,- Oh! Your jokes have
moved into the '90s, Waz.

00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,- Hey, uh, Laurel...

00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,Is it cool that I invited Muzz?

00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:11,- Sure.

00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,Because Murray is a dead corpse

00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,floating down the stagnant river
that was my life.

00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,- Suh-weet!

00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,(DOOR CLOSES)

00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,- Mieux vaut tard que jamais.

00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,- Yeah, speaking of.

00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,They're letting me go.
- To France?

00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,That's awesome! (CHUCKLES)
That's great.

00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,So you're going away?

00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,- Yeah. If Dad had his way,
I'd never leave this house.

00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:36,- I will let you leave this house

00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,to go and take the chairs
out the back. Hmm?

00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,- Hmm.

00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,(SIZZLING)
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS)

00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,- EXHALES: Yeah.

00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,- Ooh, I reckon it could
do with a bit longer.

00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,- Nah, nah, nah ? see, some people
measure time on their phones, right?

00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,Other people measure time
by those little marks

00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,you make on the doorframe to see how
tall your kids are getting.

00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,But for me, time is a
perfectly cooked steak.

00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,And that, my bros,
is a perfectly cooked steak.

00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,- Yeah, it's not
a very accurate measure,

00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,and you can't walk around with
a steak in your pocket, Warren.

00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,- I thought that was a great
way of measuring a time unit.

00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,- Thank you, Muzz.
- Yeah.

00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,I could say to Warren,
'Hey, I'll see you in three steaks,'

00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,and he'd know exactly
how long I was gonna be.

00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,- Well, it's all relative,
though, isn't it?

00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,- Laurel loved a good steak.

00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:24,(SIGHS)
- I thought she was a vegetarian.

00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,Was she?
- There you go! (LAUGHS)

00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,- You need to move on, Muzz.
She certainly has.

00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,In fact, you need to move on

00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,to a beautiful little
three-bedroom en-suite

00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,I'm selling in Chilwood Close.

00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,Now, it needs a new kitchen,
but you're lonely as.

00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,So when will you ever cook,
** I right?

00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,- What Muzza needs to do
is grow a pair.

00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,Mind you, they've
probably shrivelled up

00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,with all that cycling, have they?

00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,- Is there a problem, Phil?
- No, ain't no problem.

00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:51,I'm just about to hit the hay.

00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,I was gonna punch out some Z's,
but I heard you girls talking.

00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,Thought...