Warrens Vortex s01e01 Desolation of Smugg.eng Subtitles

At 00:00:00,000, Character said: (LAWNMOWER WHIRRS)

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At 00:00:04,200, Character said: - This is Warren Harrison,

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At 00:00:06,640, Character said: an ordinary human from
Lower Hutt, New Zealand.

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At 00:00:10,120, Character said: 18 years ago, an interdimensional
portal opened in his garden shed,

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At 00:00:14,960, Character said: its origin unknown,
its purpose unclear.

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At 00:00:18,800, Character said: What Warren didn't know at the time was that
it's a gateway to countless alternate realities ?

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At 00:00:24,240, Character said: strange, perilous versions
of the same place,

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At 00:00:26,960, Character said: governed by different
laws of time and space.

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At 00:00:30,720, Character said: He still doesn't know,
because he's never gone in it.

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At 00:00:34,240, Character said: Warren also doesn't know that
two hours and 53 minutes from now,

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At 00:00:38,840, Character said: he will leap into the vortex
for the very first time.

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At 00:00:43,000, Character said: But for now, he's just going to
use it to dump his lawn clippings.

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At 00:00:48,760, Character said: - Warren!

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At 00:00:50,760, Character said: DISTANTLY: Warren.
(ELECTRO MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES)

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At 00:00:53,760, Character said: Can you come sort the fridge?

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At 00:00:55,760, Character said: (VORTEX HUMS)
Warren! - Coming!

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At 00:00:59,480, Character said: (INTRIGUING ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

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At 00:01:02,160, Character said: Captions were made with
the support of NZ On Air.

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At 00:01:06,160, Character said: www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2025.

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At 00:01:10,040, Character said: Yo, babe.
- Oh, babe, you go to another world when you mow those flippin' lawns.

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At 00:01:14,360, Character said: - I travel to a world of funk, where
funky cats do funky moves on their funky lawns.

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At 00:01:18,920, Character said: - (CHUCKLES) Well,
if you've finished with the funk,

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At 00:01:21,080, Character said: could you fix the fridge?
The screen's gone funky.

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At 00:01:23,240, Character said: - Yo.

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At 00:01:26,480, Character said: - (SIGHS)
- (FRIDGE WHIRRS, BLEEPS)

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At 00:01:29,480, Character said: Nah, this thing's totally pakaru. You hear that?
You're useless. - Don't speak to her like that.

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At 00:01:34,840, Character said: - Um, since when diditget pronouns?

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At 00:01:37,840, Character said: - Oh, Lucy and I decided to call the
fridge Rhonda, after Auntie Rhonda.

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At 00:01:42,080, Character said: - Why? Cos she's shaped like a fridge
and can put away heaps of food?

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At 00:01:45,000, Character said: - ROBOTIC: Hi, W-W-Warren.

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At 00:01:47,040, Character said: (CHIMES, STATIC CRACKLES)
- How does it know my name? This thing's giving me the creeps.

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At 00:01:51,480, Character said: - Crepes? Are you
making cr-cr-cr-crepes? - Shut up!

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At 00:01:55,960, Character said: - Hey! Don't speak to Rhonda
like that. She's whanau.

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At 00:01:58,880, Character said: Oh, can you go ask Lucy to help?
Oh, and how did that talk go?

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At 00:02:03,840, Character said: Oh, babe. We have to let her go.

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At 00:02:10,440, Character said: - Punch it in the butt
and get out! Just get out! (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)

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At 00:02:14,320, Character said: Oh. Dad. Um, not you.
I meant for my death squad.

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At 00:02:17,200, Character said: - Oh.
- Step down. AFK.

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At 00:02:20,440, Character said: - Yeah, perhaps you wanna step down
as the commander of your death squad

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At 00:02:24,280, Character said: and go help out in the kitchen,
all right? (CHUCKLES)

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At 00:02:26,760, Character said: Oh!

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At 00:02:30,800, Character said: He aha tenei? You promised your mum
you were gonna quit with the whole... Urgh! Ew!

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At 00:02:37,800, Character said: (COUGHS)

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At 00:02:40,240, Character said: - I did. That's a thumb drive.
- Urgh... Oh yeah... I knew that.

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At 00:02:45,280, Character said: Please go help your mum in the
kitchen. We're doing this for your birthday.

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At 00:02:49,680, Character said: Might be the last one that you
have in this house for a while.

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At 00:02:52,960, Character said: - You're letting me go?

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At 00:02:55,440, Character said: SHRIEKS: Are you serious?!

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At 00:02:57,721, Character said: Come on, Dad, it's not the end
of the world. Just a gap year to France.

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At 00:03:01,840, Character said: I'm not getting abducted
by a Dothraki horselord.

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At 00:03:04,200, Character said: - Well, you don't have to pack now.

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At 00:03:06,720, Character said: Oh, I still don't know why you
want to spend a year in that place.

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At 00:03:09,520, Character said: What can you get in Paris that you
can't get right here in Lower Hutt?

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At 00:03:13,440, Character said: Hmm? Have you learned nothing
from our favourite movie, Taken?

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At 00:03:17,240, Character said: Look at what happened
to the girl in that.

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At 00:03:18,840, Character said: - Uh, she was taken.

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At 00:03:20,000, Character said: - Yeah. And then in Taken 2,
the mum and dad get taken.

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At 00:03:23,640, Character said: People get taken.

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At 00:03:24,680, Character said: - Dad, it's a movie.
Yourfavourite movie.

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At 00:03:27,640, Character said: - But I thoughtyouliked it.

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At 00:03:29,360, Character said: - You made me watch it when I was 5.

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At 00:03:31,480, Character said: - Oh.

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At 00:03:33,840, Character said: Just go help your mum
in the kitchen. OK?

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At 00:03:39,080, Character said: - Look at him!

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At 00:03:40,680, Character said: I mean, you would, right?
- I would not.

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At 00:03:43,280, Character said: Why are so many of them
holding up fish?

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At 00:03:45,680, Character said: - Shows they're good providers.

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At 00:03:47,640, Character said: Oh, look at him! Look at those arms!

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At 00:03:49,560, Character said: - No. Look, he's g***t
a wedding ring on.

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At 00:03:51,160, Character said: - So? I just want him
to slide into my DMs.

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At 00:03:54,440, Character said: - I ** so telling my therapist
about this, Mum.

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At 00:03:56,720, Character said: - (SCOFFS) We're all adults,
my little Boo-Boo Bear.

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At 00:03:59,520, Character said: - There she is ?
old Divorcee Spice, eh? Mwah!

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At 00:04:02,520, Character said: - Oh! Your jokes have
moved into the '90s, Waz.

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At 00:04:05,640, Character said: - Hey, uh, Laurel...

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At 00:04:08,120, Character said: Is it cool that I invited Muzz?

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At 00:04:10,760, Character said: - Sure.

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At 00:04:11,920, Character said: Because Murray is a dead corpse

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At 00:04:13,800, Character said: floating down the stagnant river
that was my life.

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At 00:04:16,640, Character said: - Suh-weet!

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At 00:04:18,800, Character said: (DOOR CLOSES)

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At 00:04:23,160, Character said: - Mieux vaut tard que jamais.

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At 00:04:24,920, Character said: - Yeah, speaking of.

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At 00:04:26,480, Character said: They're letting me go.
- To France?

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At 00:04:29,240, Character said: That's awesome! (CHUCKLES)
That's great.

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At 00:04:31,880, Character said: So you're going away?

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At 00:04:33,080, Character said: - Yeah. If Dad had his way,
I'd never leave this house.

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At 00:04:35,480, Character said: - I will let you leave this house

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At 00:04:36,640, Character said: to go and take the chairs
out the back. Hmm?

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At 00:04:38,160, Character said: - Hmm.

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At 00:04:42,280, Character said: (SIZZLING)
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS)

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At 00:04:44,520, Character said: - EXHALES: Yeah.

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At 00:04:45,760, Character said: - Ooh, I reckon it could
do with a bit longer.

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At 00:04:47,760, Character said: - Nah, nah, nah ? see, some people
measure time on their phones, right?

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At 00:04:51,440, Character said: Other people measure time
by those little marks

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At 00:04:53,480, Character said: you make on the doorframe to see how
tall your kids are getting.

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At 00:04:55,960, Character said: But for me, time is a
perfectly cooked steak.

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At 00:04:59,120, Character said: And that, my bros,
is a perfectly cooked steak.

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At 00:05:02,200, Character said: - Yeah, it's not
a very accurate measure,

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At 00:05:03,760, Character said: and you can't walk around with
a steak in your pocket, Warren.

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At 00:05:06,440, Character said: - I thought that was a great
way of measuring a time unit.

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At 00:05:09,480, Character said: - Thank you, Muzz.
- Yeah.

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At 00:05:10,800, Character said: I could say to Warren,
'Hey, I'll see you in three steaks,'

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At 00:05:13,760, Character said: and he'd know exactly
how long I was gonna be.

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At 00:05:16,040, Character said: - Well, it's all relative,
though, isn't it?

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At 00:05:19,240, Character said: - Laurel loved a good steak.

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At 00:05:21,521, Character said: (SIGHS)
- I thought she was a vegetarian.

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At 00:05:24,240, Character said: Was she?
- There you go! (LAUGHS)

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At 00:05:26,920, Character said: - You need to move on, Muzz.
She certainly has.

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At 00:05:30,160, Character said: In fact, you need to move on

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At 00:05:32,840, Character said: to a beautiful little
three-bedroom en-suite

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At 00:05:35,840, Character said: I'm selling in Chilwood Close.

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At 00:05:37,320, Character said: Now, it needs a new kitchen,
but you're lonely as.

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At 00:05:40,600, Character said: So when will you ever cook,
** I right?

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At 00:05:43,320, Character said: - What Muzza needs to do
is grow a pair.

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At 00:05:46,120, Character said: Mind you, they've
probably shrivelled up

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At 00:05:47,320, Character said: with all that cycling, have they?

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At 00:05:48,640, Character said: - Is there a problem, Phil?
- No, ain't no problem.

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At 00:05:51,000, Character said: I'm just about to hit the hay.

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At 00:05:52,000, Character said: I was gonna punch out some Z's,
but I heard you girls talking.

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At 00:05:54,560, Character said: Thought...