The.Goldbergs.2013.S10E14.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,Back in the '80s,
I was a boy who put it all
on the line romantically.

00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,But now that I was
kind of an adult

00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,in kind of
an adult relationship,

00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,I didn't need to do
that stuff anymore.

00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,Nice ketchup work.

00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,You really know your way
around a bottle of red.

00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,Aww, look who knows
how to talk to a lady.

00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,I used to be a tad uncomfy
around the gals,

00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,but now complimenting
your condiment work

00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,is as easy as breathing.

00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,Don't you carry
an inhaler?

00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,You know it.

00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,You and ragweed take
my breath away, girl.

00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:31,Yep, I was on cloud nine.

00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:34,Every moment with Carmen
felt like
a fantastical dance number.

00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,♪ Ohhh, yeah ♪

00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,♪ Dance all night ♪

00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,♪ Never gonna stop ♪

00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:46,♪ We'll be groovin'
till the break of dawn ♪

00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,♪ Hey, dance all night ♪

00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,♪ Hey, dance all night ♪

00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,♪ Doo-doo-da da-da-doo ♪

00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:01,Goldnerd!
What the hell, bro?

00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,Stop getting freaky
with the mop.

00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,Sorry, I was in
a semi-fugue state

00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,dreaming about
my special lady.

00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,- Nancy Reagan?
- No.

00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,Poetess Maya Angelou?

00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,- What?
- Leslie Nielsen?

00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,It's Carmen,
my girlfriend!

00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,Yeah,
I don't think so, man.

00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,We're literally dating,

00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,and you think
white-haired actor
Leslie Nielsen

00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,is a more likely
romantic partner for me?

00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,Tennis legend
Billie Jean King?

00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,Yep, BJK.
You g***t me.

00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,It was useless-- I would
always be a romantic at heart.

00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,Which meant it was time
to celebrate our relationship,

00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,no matter
how small the reason.

00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,Oh, don't worry.

00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,I won't peek
at the special surprise

00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,someone's making
his mamaaaa!

00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:35,None of this is for you.

00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:36,And why would it be?

00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,Because it's Mother's Day.

00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:40,No, it's not.
It's a random Tuesday
in February.

00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,Well, every day
should be Mother's Day.

00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,We only created
the entire world.

00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,You certainly created
this awkward moment.

00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,- And these are for Carmen.
- Really?

00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,You're still seeing
that girl, huh?

00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,For the millionth time, yes.

00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,So what's it gonna be
this time?

00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,A standard "Say Anything"
boombox

00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:57,followed by a trellis climb
for a PG-rated smooch?

00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,You don't know
all my moves!

00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,But basically, yeah.

00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,- It's our
"one month-iversary."
- Month-iversary?

00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,Plus I rented a tux, and
I'm putting the final touches

00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,on a patented
Adam Goldberg mixtape!
Why are you crying?

00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,I just remember when you were
so teeny and innocent

00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,and didn't like
strange local women.

00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,I'm taking this upstairs.

00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,But I love you!
I've always loved you!

00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,Okay, how do you turn
this thing on from here?

00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪

00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,♪ I don't know the future ♪

00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,It was February 22nd,
1980-something,

00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,and Erica was preparing
to introduce

00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,the newest member
of the Goldbergs

00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,to the one person
who hadn't met her,

00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,Erica's best friend,
Lainey Lewis.

00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,Okay, I need
to get this right.

00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:50,With the hat
or without the hat?

00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,I think you're putting too much
emphasis on appearances, Erica.

00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,It's just been a while since
Lainey's come back from LA.

00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,I want our baby to make
a good impression.

00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,Get the tiny sunglasses.

00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,It's true, she's a fox.

00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,Good luck,
boys in 15 years.

00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,25 years!

00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,Or whenever.
I'm a chill dad.

00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,I'm just saying,
Lainey has a rock 'n roll life,

00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,and I'm a full-time mom.

00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,Our lives couldn't be
more different.

00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,Please, she's probably
wallowing in misery like you.

00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,Like me?
And why would she be wallowing?

00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,Because her spirit
has been crushed

00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,since Barry went back
to the girlfriend dealership

00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,and upgraded his model.

00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:27,- It's so great to see you!
- Oh, you, too!

00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,What a fun,
screechy reunion.

00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,I was not met with that level
of enthusiasm

00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,when I scooped her
at the airport

00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,in the dead center
of the work day.

00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,Yeah, Dad's here, too.

00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,Now where's that little beam
of sunshine?

00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,Auntie Lainey,
meet Muriel.

00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,Oh, my God.

00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,This is the cutest child
who ever walked the earth.

00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:45,Oh, she's actually
not walking yet.

00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,The doctor said
it's totally normal,

00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,no matter how many times
I ask him.

00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,Lainey Lewis.

00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,And your father,
Mr. Bill Lewis.

00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,Hello to both of you.

00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,Hi, Bar.
Is that a giant chocolate kiss?

00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,'Tis.
Been working it all day.

00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,Wanted to bloat up so not
to look too attractive
for my old flame.

00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,Look at that, it worked.

00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,It's also out of respect

00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,to my former lover's
father.

00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,I'm no threat
to your baby girl.

00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,The brown ring around your lips
tells the story, son,

00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,but thanks for the words.

00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,Maybe I'll just
swing by later, Erica.

00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,But we have so much
to catch up on.

00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,Bye, kiddo. Move out
as soon as you can, 'kay?

00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,I guess I'll just use
the restroom at home.

00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,Ciao!

00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,Y'know, that reminds me...

00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,I, too, should mosey on out
of here in a casual fashion.

00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,Take that the completely
innocent way it is intended.

00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,- What you up to, Bar?
- Conventional things.

00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,Just going to meet
Matt Bradley

00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,so he can help me pick out
some jean shorts, you know.

00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,What a strangely exhausting
three minutes.

00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,- Hanky-panky!
- What?

00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:40,An illicit entanglement
is brewing

00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,between Barry and Lainey!

00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,No way.
I know Lainey,

00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,and...