The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E05.Car.Wars.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,(theme music playing)

00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,Oh. Oh, hey, America.

00:00:21,296 --> 00:00:22,I ain't g***t nothin'
to talk about.

00:00:22,964 --> 00:00:24,Nothing but waiting
on Vanessa

00:00:24,141 --> 00:00:26,to come back
with my d***n truck!

00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:37,Girl know I was supposed
to get my manicure!

00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,My nails g***t longer
just in the time

00:00:39,231 --> 00:00:40,I've been waiting for her!

00:00:44,453 --> 00:00:45,(dialing)

00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:46,VANESSA (on phone):
Hello.

00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,Nessa, you know you better--

00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,G***t ya. At the beep,
leave a message.

00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:53,(beep)

00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:56,Do I, do I need this?

00:00:56,164 --> 00:00:59,(vehicle approaching)

00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,Oh, yeah. (chuckles)
(tires screech)

00:01:02,838 --> 00:01:05,America, it's on.

00:01:11,179 --> 00:01:12,Oh... uh...

00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,Well, I know I'm late,
but the traffic was...
You see these?

00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,My cuticles will be
getting pushed back

00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,right now
at Mama Kim's.

00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,You know, I'm tired
of this, Nessa.

00:01:20,272 --> 00:01:21,You do this
every doggone time!

00:01:21,731 --> 00:01:23,Well, it wouldn't happen
if you'd just go on

00:01:23,441 --> 00:01:25,and get me
my own car.
A car for what?

00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,What you need a car-- Where
do you think you gonna be going

00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,that you need a car?

00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:30,I don't know.
Study groups.

00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:32,Study groups? If you can't
study here, Nessa,

00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,I guess you're just
going to have to flunk,

00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,'cause there ain't no way
I'm buying you no doggone car!

00:01:37,038 --> 00:01:39,Ain't no way
in hell I'm buying...

00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:41,You know, every time
I g***t somewhere to go, Nessa...

00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:42,I'm tired of this, man!

00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,(door shuts)

00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,America, I hope y'all know

00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,this isn't about a car.

00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:48,No, suh.

00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:51,It's about where
a car would take her.

00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,To boys!

00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:55,She's hollerin' about,
"You don't trust me.

00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:58,You don't trust me."
Oh, I trust her.

00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:01,I don't trust them. America.

00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,JORDAN:
Comic-Con's coming?

00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:06,I hear it rocks.

00:02:07,068 --> 00:02:08,We totally have
to go to this.

00:02:08,403 --> 00:02:10,(scoffs)
Who's going to take us?

00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:12,Maybe we can ride
our bikes there.

00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:15,You doofus,
there's no sidewalk
to San Diego.

00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,If only we had parents
cool enough to take us.

00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:19,I'm cool.
What's the problem, fellas?

00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:22,We're trying to figure out
a way to get to Comic-Con.

00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:25,(low voice)
"Do or do not.
There is no 'try'."

00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,Yoda, Star Wars: Episode V.

00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:28,And so apropos.

00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:34,You guys want
to ask me something?

00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,Will you take us
to Comic-Con?

00:02:37,098 --> 00:02:38,-Sure.
-JORDAN: Wow!

00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:40,Thanks, Aunt Wanda!
Oh, wait.

00:02:40,101 --> 00:02:41,Here comes
the disappointment.

00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,No, it means
there's not much time

00:02:43,939 --> 00:02:45,to get you guys
new costumes.

00:02:45,407 --> 00:02:47,JORDAN: Oh, come on.
I g***t the catalog
in my room.

00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,I wish your mom
was as cool as
your aunt.

00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:52,I hope she takes us
in the Beamer.

00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,And drops the top.

00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:02,Hey, Miss Thang.
What you beamin' about?

00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,Oh, nothing.

00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,Just that Jordan
and his friends
think I'm cool.

00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:09,Oh. So you g***t
the nerd seal
of approval, huh?

00:03:09,464 --> 00:03:11,Don't hate, they're kids.

00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,Now, see, America?

00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:15,Wanda's a grown woman,

00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:16,but there's still
something in her

00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,that needs approval from boys.

00:03:18,306 --> 00:03:19,Only she's grown.

00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,Can't tell her nothing, though.

00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:23,But Nessa...

00:03:24,696 --> 00:03:26,d***n.

00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:28,Can't tell her
nothing, neither.

00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,(vehicle approaches)

00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,What the hell?

00:03:35,332 --> 00:03:36,Come on.
Come on, baby.

00:03:36,992 --> 00:03:38,(engine chugging loudly)

00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,(engine backfires)

00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,Who lent you this bucket?

00:03:48,679 --> 00:03:50,Oh, I didn't borrow it.
I bought it.

00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,You bought it?
You mean to tell me
you bought this

00:03:53,341 --> 00:03:56,after I stood right
here and told you you
couldn't have no car?

00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:58,Actually, you said
you weren't going
to buy me one.

00:03:58,730 --> 00:04:00,You never said
I couldn't buy my own.

00:04:00,515 --> 00:04:02,Don't try to twist
my words around, Nessa!

00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,You went behind my back!
Baby, she went
behind my back.

00:04:04,936 --> 00:04:05,It's ugly.

00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:09,Uh, where'd you
get the money?
I used my savings bond.

00:04:09,858 --> 00:04:12,Wait a minute. You spent
a thousand dollars on this?

00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:17,Well, actually, it was $and then that left me $to get a new muffler.

00:04:17,699 --> 00:04:20,It runs a lot
quieter now.

00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:21,So let's turn
some corners.

00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,Oopsy.

00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:28,(engine splutters sickly)

00:04:28,918 --> 00:04:30,Back up.

00:04:30,128 --> 00:04:31,You right, Nessa.
It's quiet.

00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:34,I mean, real quiet.

00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,You g***t took.

00:04:35,425 --> 00:04:37,What ** I going to do?

00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:39,Well, I tell you the first thing
you're going to do.

00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:41,You're goin' to get this
hunk of junk out our driveway.

00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:44,That's what you're going to do.
Come on, baby.

00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:45,Get out and help
your sister push.

00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:47,Baby Girl, let's go.

00:04:47,479 --> 00:04:49,Babe, you know I told her
she couldn't have no car.

00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:50,Did you scratch
my paint?

00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,It's hard to tell.

00:05:00,658 --> 00:05:01,(sighs)

00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,(birds tweeting)

00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:12,Hey!

00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,Nessa, I thought I told you

00:05:14,156 --> 00:05:15,to move that car weeks ago.

00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,But I been trying
to raise the money.

00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,I baby-sat every night
this week.

00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,You tell your story walkin',
and I do mean walkin'.

00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:24,Because if that car's
not gone by Monday morning,

00:05:24,349 --> 00:05:26,if you don't move it,
I will.

00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,(scoffs)

00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,America, the Mac man

00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,come too doggone far
and worked too hard

00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,to have my house
looking all ghetto.

00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,It's bad enough
I g***t all these kids

00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,running in and out of here,

00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:42,but this... shoot.

00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:44,D***n car look homeless.

00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:46,Oil leaking all over
my driveway,

00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,big ol' rust spots.

00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,Nessa.

00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,(sighs)

00:05:51,459 --> 00:05:52,(engine splutters)

00:05:52,578 --> 00:05:53,Uh-uh! You're too late.

00:05:53,878 --> 00:05:55,I g***t a tow truck
here right now.

00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,This way, my man.

00:05:56,297 --> 00:05:57,Hurry up.

00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:58,Just back it
on up here.

00:05:58,508 --> 00:05:59,There we go.

144...