The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E06.Night.of.Terror.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:05,(theme music playing)

00:00:20,337 --> 00:00:22,Uh, sweetie, don't throw
the card over there.

00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:23,How ** I supposed
to know who it's from?

00:00:24,049 --> 00:00:25,(scoffs)
Who cares?

00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,Oh, Night of Terror, yes!

00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:32,Oh, happy birthday to me.

00:00:33,725 --> 00:00:35,Dang, Jordan,

00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:36,you made out
like a bandit.

00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,You g***t more gifts
than we did

00:00:38,355 --> 00:00:39,for our wedding,
huh, baby?

00:00:40,065 --> 00:00:42,A rocket ship
and a paratrooper.

00:00:42,150 --> 00:00:43,I'm going to go
launch it.

00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:45,Son,
it's too doggone
dark, I think.

00:00:45,570 --> 00:00:46,You're going to mess around
and you going to lose it.

00:00:46,988 --> 00:00:48,I'm not going
to lose it.

00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:49,He has
his own parachute.

00:00:49,574 --> 00:00:50,It's your toy, man.

00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,Go on and do
what you g***t to do.

00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:56,(funky music playing)

00:01:06,216 --> 00:01:07,Honey,
want some punch?

00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,Yeah, I'll take
a little bit.

00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,Three, two one.

00:01:11,721 --> 00:01:13,Houston,
we have liftoff.

00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,Ooh.

00:01:22,941 --> 00:01:26,America, I thought they were
supposed to get smarter

00:01:26,203 --> 00:01:27,as they g***t older.

00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,JORDAN:
It still hasn't
come down.

00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:31,Shoot, that boy's daddy
going to come back

00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,before that rocket does.

00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:36,Huh, stupid.

00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:37,WOMAN (on TV):
In the prairie and Midwest,

00:01:37,873 --> 00:01:40,predators like black bears,
wolves, and bobcats

00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,are beginning to return
to spots

00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,they haven't been seen
in years...

00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:45,You g***t to be kidding.

00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:46,It's 9:00.

00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,What you kids
think you're doing?

00:01:48,049 --> 00:01:49,Time for bed.
Let's go.

00:01:51,636 --> 00:01:52,You hear me, son?

00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,Yes, but I turned 13.

00:01:54,556 --> 00:01:57,Well, happy birthday.
Good night.

00:01:57,267 --> 00:01:59,No, but you said
that when I turned 13,

00:01:59,102 --> 00:02:00,I could stay up
till 10:00.

00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:01,You promised.

00:02:02,939 --> 00:02:04,I did promise him,
but America,

00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,I never thought
the boy'd live this long.

00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:08,With his asthma? Shoot.

00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,Those 13 candles
nearly killed him tonight.

00:02:10,906 --> 00:02:13,Shoot.

00:02:13,575 --> 00:02:19,(wheezing)

00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:22,(coughing)

00:02:22,885 --> 00:02:24,"I did it."

00:02:24,169 --> 00:02:26,Hey, how come he
gets to stay up?

00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:29,Because Jordan is becoming
a young man.

00:02:29,591 --> 00:02:30,That's not fair.

00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,Baby's g***t to go
to bed now.

00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:34,(laughs meanly)
Look here, son,

00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,let me tell you
something right now.

00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,You do everything
you have to do

00:02:38,066 --> 00:02:40,to be ready for bed
within an hour,
you understand me?

00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,That means brush your teeth,
wash your face,

00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:43,and have your PJs on,

00:02:43,813 --> 00:02:44,you g***t me?

00:02:47,242 --> 00:02:50,Say, honey, leave Saturday open

00:02:50,153 --> 00:02:51,for the auction
at the kids' school.

00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,You g***t to be kidding.

00:02:53,698 --> 00:02:55,You thinking about
showing your face

00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,after what happened
last year?

00:02:56,818 --> 00:03:00,What? Oh, please.
Nobody remembers that.

00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:01,Okay.

00:03:01,998 --> 00:03:03,You know what?
Say what you want,

00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:06,but they asked me
to be the host this year.

00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:11,Why? Because I have
sales savvy and personality.

00:03:11,341 --> 00:03:15,Okay, Personality,
I'm just trying
to keep you from

00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:18,getting your name
written up on the church
bulletin board again.

00:03:18,682 --> 00:03:21,What?
JORDAN: Hey, let it go!
I was in here first!

00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,BRYANA: Get out!
I was in here first!

00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:23,JORDAN:
Stop it! Give it...
No, you get out...

00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:25,Come on, baby.
BRYANA:
Stop!

00:03:25,563 --> 00:03:26,JORDAN: Don't squeeze
toothpaste on me!
Ooh!

00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:28,(both grunting)

00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:31,What the hell's
going on in here?
She started it.

00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:33,She squirted toothpaste
all over me.

00:03:33,488 --> 00:03:35,I don't care who started it!
Baby Girl, get to bed!

00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,I'll take care
of Jordan.

00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,(grunts)

00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:40,What is wrong with you, boy?

00:03:40,578 --> 00:03:42,You're her big brother.

00:03:42,247 --> 00:03:44,Yeah, but she makes
me crazy.

00:03:44,249 --> 00:03:45,I don't care,
Jordan!

00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,She's a kid!

00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,You're 13 years old
now, son!

00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,You g***t to start
acting like a man!

00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:54,Shoot, when I was 13,
I was 20!

00:03:54,342 --> 00:03:56,Now clean this mess
up in here and get to bed!

00:03:56,428 --> 00:03:57,But I get to stay up
an extra hour.

00:03:58,054 --> 00:04:00,Not anymore.
You messed that up

00:04:00,223 --> 00:04:02,when you messed
with your baby sister.

00:04:02,517 --> 00:04:04,I'll kill her.
What?

00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,You're not going
to do nothing.

00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,You better not
touch her.

00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,Repeat after me:
"I'm not going
to touch her."

00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,I won't touch her.

00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,No. "I'm not going
to touch her."

00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,I'm not going
to touch her.

00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,(beeping)

00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:36,(long, drawn out note)

00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:41,SINGER: ♪ You're on fire,
what's up, man? ♪

00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,♪ Now what you doin',
what's up with that? ♪

00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:45,♪ Man, I won't know
where to go ♪

00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:47,♪ Ain't your man ♪

00:04:47,145 --> 00:04:51,Oh, Lord...
that boy is nasty.

00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:55,Ugh! And this one here...

00:04:55,412 --> 00:04:58,this one like
a crime scene photograph.

00:04:58,656 --> 00:05:01,That's a dead boy
walking right there.

00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:04,(Bryana coughs
and vomits)

00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:07,Keep rinsing, Baby Girl!
Keep rinsing.

00:05:07,999 --> 00:05:09,Look at this.

00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,Ugh!

00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:14,But you told me
not to touch her.

00:05:14,631 --> 00:05:17,You just don't learn,
do you, Jordan?

00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,You're taking all my gifts?

00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,I'm going
to take everything,
and when I get done,

00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:23,there won't be
nothing else to take,

00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,except your bone marrow.

00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:27,But I didn't touch her!

00:05:27,602 --> 00:05:28,(Jordan groans)
Oh!

00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,Here's your dinner.

00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:40,Sorry, Bryana ate
all the sweet potatoes.

00:05:40,865 --> 00:05:42,I'll kill her.

00:05:42,617 --> 00:05:44,And then you'll
be grounded for
another night.

00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,Uncle Bernie's already
threatening

00:05:46,287 --> 00:05:47,to take away
your Halloween.

00:05:47,923 --> 00:05:49,Why do you keep
doing this to yourself?

00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:51,I don't know.
I can't help it.

00:05:51,626 --> 00:05:53,It's like a movie.

00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:56,I see myself going after her
and I can't stop.

00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:59,And then the screaming
and hitting...
darkness.

00:05:59,384 --> 00:06:01,(scoffs)
Yeah, and then
Uncle Bernie comes.

00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:04,No, he is the screaming
and hitting and darkness.

00:06:04,889 --> 00:06:06,How do you put up with it?

00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:08,Same way
I put up with you.

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