The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E11.Sorely.Missed.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:05,(theme music playing)

00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,Baby, you look good today.

00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,Drop a little bit for me.

00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,Sorry, honey,
I can't g***t to go.

00:00:27,052 --> 00:00:29,Not even a little one?
No, honey, I can't.

00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:30,And you know what?

00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,Bryana doesn't like peaches.

00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,Bye.

00:00:34,109 --> 00:00:36,Baby Girl doesn't like peaches.

00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:38,She knows everything
about Baby Girl.

00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,What about me?

00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:41,Bernie Mac would like a little

00:00:41,149 --> 00:00:43,hot drop in the morning.

00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:46,But see, this is what happens
when you g***t kids.

00:00:46,238 --> 00:00:48,Grown folks can't play
like they used to.

00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,Shoot, I should have
seen it coming.

00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:52,Let me show y'all something.

00:00:52,911 --> 00:00:54,Dig this.

00:01:01,419 --> 00:01:02,Mmm.

00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:03,Mmm.

00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:04,Mmm.

00:01:04,714 --> 00:01:06,Mmm.

00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,Mmm.
Mmm, yeah.

00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,Mm.

00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:14,(snores)

00:01:14,224 --> 00:01:16,(smacks teeth)

00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,(sighs)

00:01:20,438 --> 00:01:21,(kisses)

00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,See what I mean?

00:01:23,608 --> 00:01:26,We're tired
all the time, America.

00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,That ain't us.

00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,Never has been.

00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:33,We need to mix it up
a little bit.

00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,I mean, get us some excitement.

00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:36,You know?

00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,Baby, I g***t reservations

00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,for the Hot Springs.

00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:42,Just me and you.

00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:43,Nessa gonna watch the kids.

00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,Me and you, baby.
Ooh, fun.

00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:47,When is it?
Saturday.

00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,Oh, honey, we can't.

00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,Well, why?

00:01:51,061 --> 00:01:52,'Cause, honey,
we have plans Saturday night,

00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:53,remember?

00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,You promised.

00:02:09,154 --> 00:02:11,This ain't healthy, America!

00:02:11,114 --> 00:02:12,For either of us!

00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:14,A man needs some alone time

00:02:14,784 --> 00:02:15,with his wife.

00:02:15,994 --> 00:02:17,I'm being deprived.

00:02:17,662 --> 00:02:19,I want a hot drop.

00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:21,What?

00:02:21,499 --> 00:02:23,I don't care, it's natural.

00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,How you think you g***t here?

00:02:25,420 --> 00:02:26,(upbeat music playing)

00:02:26,922 --> 00:02:29,♪ I want candy ♪

00:02:31,176 --> 00:02:33,♪ I want candy ♪

00:02:35,513 --> 00:02:37,♪ I want candy ♪

00:02:40,018 --> 00:02:42,♪ I want candy ♪

00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:44,Look what I have.

00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:47,Hot chocolate chip cookies.

00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,I'm allergic to chocolate

00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:49,and most sweet things.

00:02:49,645 --> 00:02:51,Well, now, that's why I g***t you

00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:54,an organic oatmeal bar.

00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,Thanks, Mrs. Mac.

00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:57,You're welcome.

00:02:57,118 --> 00:02:59,♪ I want candy ♪

00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,Your mom is pretty.

00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,She's not my mom,
she's my aunt.

00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:04,Where's your mom?

00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,She's sick.
GIRL: What's she g***t?

00:03:06,336 --> 00:03:08,I bet I've had it before.

00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,You seem tired.

00:03:15,838 --> 00:03:18,Ooh, God, that was
three hours ago.

00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,BRYANA:
Aunt Wanda!

00:03:20,725 --> 00:03:22,(whimpers)

00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:24,D***n, I thought
I covered everything.

00:03:26,147 --> 00:03:28,Oh, move,
move, Bernie, move.

00:03:29,693 --> 00:03:30,See?

00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:32,It's affecting Wanda, too.

00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:35,She never snaps at me!

00:03:35,365 --> 00:03:38,But, it don't phase me.

00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:40,Because I know what's up.

00:03:40,212 --> 00:03:42,If you don't spend
regular time together,

00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:44,your rhythm gets off--
that's all.

00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:47,Wanda needs a little rhythm.

00:03:47,335 --> 00:03:49,You know what I mean?

00:03:49,087 --> 00:03:50,A little caressing,

00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,a little...
on her little neck

00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,around here, around here,

00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:54,You know, that kind of thing.

00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,I can't show you all my moves.

00:03:56,177 --> 00:03:57,Oh, boy.

00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:01,Mmm.
Ooh, honey, please.

00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:03,(spits)

00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,Come on, baby.

00:04:05,186 --> 00:04:06,Honey...

00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:07,there's kids
in the house.

00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:11,There's always kids
in the house.

00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,Well, I'm exhausted.

00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,I'm gonna take a shower,

00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:16,and I'm going to bed.

00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,(upbeat music playing)

00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:29,SINGER: ♪ I been
really tryin', baby ♪

00:04:31,463 --> 00:04:34,♪ Tryin' to hold back
this feelin' ♪

00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:37,♪ For so long ♪

00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,♪ And if you feel ♪

00:04:39,971 --> 00:04:42,♪ Like I do, baby ♪

00:04:42,432 --> 00:04:44,♪ Then come on... ♪

00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,BERNIE: Good morning, baby.

00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:47,Good morning.

00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,Can I help you with something?

00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,Uh, no, it'd be
a good morning

00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,if you just slept in.

00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,But I just made
breakfast for five kids.

00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,Yeah, I see.

00:04:56,321 --> 00:04:58,Hey...

00:04:58,623 --> 00:05:01,Was a good night
last night, wasn't it?

00:05:01,993 --> 00:05:04,(laughs)

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,Uh-uh.

00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,America...

00:05:06,956 --> 00:05:08,what happened?

00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:11,I thought I hit
the joy button last night,

00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,but she's still stuck on funk.

00:05:13,254 --> 00:05:15,Giving me a, "Mm-hmm."

00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,I put down last night.

00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,We shared
a religious experience.

00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,I usually get...

00:05:23,014 --> 00:05:25,(chuckles)
(choir singing)

00:05:25,475 --> 00:05:27,Yeah, anyway.

00:05:27,102 --> 00:05:28,Well, I'll tell you one thing.

00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,Bernie Mac...

00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,he will make his woman happy.

00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:35,America, I will

00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,make my woman happy.

00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,Ladies of America,

00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:46,see, Bernie Mac
begs your forgiveness.

00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:48,See, I was acting like a man,

00:05:48,289 --> 00:05:50,trying to solve
a problem with s***x.

00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,What's bothering Wanda

00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:54,is not an issue of the flesh.

00:05:55,463 --> 00:05:57,It's the kids.

00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,They're everywhere.

00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:02,And we added two more
last night.

00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:03,She needs a break.

00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:07,And Bernie Mac's
gonna make sure she gets one.

00:06:09,319 --> 00:06:10,Hey, hey, hey.

00:06:10,311 --> 00:06:12,Hold on, hold on, hold on.

00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:14,Hold on, baby.
What, honey?

00:06:14,691 --> 00:06:16,I want you to listen up.

00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,I'm taking you to lunch.

00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:20,To your favorite restaurant.

00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,Just you, me,

00:06:22,699 --> 00:06:24,and a bottle of Dom.

00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:27,Well...

00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:28,Wow.

00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,What's the occasion?

00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:33,Does a man need an occasion
to take his wife out?

00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,Huh?

00:06:34,252 --> 00:06:35,You tell your boss

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