The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E09.Prison.Break.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,(theme music playing)

00:00:17,727 --> 00:00:19,America, you know
you ain't safe!

00:00:19,878 --> 00:00:21,Nobody's safe!

00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:24,They're in your neighborhoods,
your schools, your home!

00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:27,Cold-blooded criminals.
That's right.

00:00:27,803 --> 00:00:29,I'm talking about
your children.

00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:32,They're public enemy #1.

00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,(dramatic music playing)

00:00:44,319 --> 00:00:45,Oh, check it out,
check it out.

00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,There she is.

00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:50,JORDAN:
Oh, Trina,
she's beautiful.

00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:51,"She's beautiful."

00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,Why don't you just
marry her then?

00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,Because at my age
It wouldn't even be
a legal contract

00:00:56,206 --> 00:00:57,unless I went down
to the Ozarks.

00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,But even then...
Dude, dude.

00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:02,I dare you to go over
and touch her butt.

00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:03,BOY: Yeah.

00:01:04,047 --> 00:01:05,Touch her booty.

00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:07,I can't do that.

00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:10,-I knew it.
You're such a punk.
-Chicken.

00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,Wait, wait, wait a minute.

00:01:13,181 --> 00:01:16,Okay, hold on.
I'll do it.

00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:17,It's no big deal,
right?

00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:19,Dude, it's easy.

00:01:19,604 --> 00:01:21,Okay.

00:01:22,190 --> 00:01:26,(Curtis Mayfield: "Little Child
Runnin' Wild" playing)

00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,SISTER:
I just wanted
to remind you...

00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:43,Oh, my gracious!

00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,Oh, no, no,
not that to you!

00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,(students laughing)

00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:51,♪ Runnin' wild ♪

00:01:52,762 --> 00:01:56,♪ Watch a while ♪

00:01:56,367 --> 00:02:00,♪ You see he never smiles ♪

00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:06,♪ Broken home ♪

00:02:06,118 --> 00:02:09,♪ Father gone ♪

00:02:09,905 --> 00:02:13,♪ Mama tired ♪

00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:17,♪ So he's all alone ♪

00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,Excuse me,
Bryana.

00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:23,Yes, Father?
All your other
quizzes

00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:25,were signed
"Bernard McCullough."

00:02:25,587 --> 00:02:28,But this paper
here was signed,

00:02:29,007 --> 00:02:32,"Who ya wit? Bernie Mac."

00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:36,♪ Little child ♪

00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:39,♪ Running wild ♪

00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,You know what your problem is?

00:02:42,237 --> 00:02:43,I treat you too doggone good.

00:02:43,813 --> 00:02:45,Ever since you all
came to California,

00:02:45,941 --> 00:02:49,especially you, Jordan,
you done lost
your doggone mind.

00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:52,You know better to invade
a woman's personal space.

00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:53,Especially a nun!

00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,But...
But nothing.

00:02:55,116 --> 00:02:57,Old freak pervert.

00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:59,I'm going to do to you what
Big Mama would have done to me.

00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,I want you all to
go to your rooms.

00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:03,And I mean
don't do nothing.

00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:05,You better not even
breathe heavy.

00:03:05,961 --> 00:03:08,I don't even want
to see a smile.

00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:12,If you do, I better see a smile
wipe right behind it.

00:03:12,509 --> 00:03:14,Now get on out
of here!

00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:20,(dramatic music playing)

00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,Hey, Uncle Bernie.

00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,Hey, baby.

00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:26,I thought you were at
a golf tournament all day.

00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:27,I was.

00:03:27,691 --> 00:03:29,I g***t called away.

00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,Jordan and Baby Girl
g***t in trouble.

00:03:31,486 --> 00:03:33,Really?
Pfft, kids, huh?

00:03:34,072 --> 00:03:35,Mm.

00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:39,Say, what you doing home
this time?

00:03:39,369 --> 00:03:41,I told you, Uncle Bernie.

00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,I g***t early dismissal
for the college fair
in Century City.

00:03:43,915 --> 00:03:47,You don't smell
like you've been
at no college fair.

00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:52,(sniffs) Matter of fact,
you smell more or less
like cocoa butter.

00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:54,G***t to keep my skin smooth.

00:03:57,012 --> 00:03:58,She's lying!

00:03:58,596 --> 00:04:00,She don't have to keep
her skin smooth, America,

00:04:00,473 --> 00:04:01,'cause good black don't crack.

00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:04,But I'm going to crack her,
because she didn't go

00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:06,to no college fair, America!

00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,Bernie Mac is on the case.

00:04:08,824 --> 00:04:11,So, honey, you had
to punish them all?

00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:12,Everyone except that evil one.

00:04:12,494 --> 00:04:14,She'll slip up,
and when she does,

00:04:14,195 --> 00:04:15,she's all mine.

00:04:15,447 --> 00:04:17,Ah, if she's guilty.

00:04:17,449 --> 00:04:19,"If she's guilty"?

00:04:20,035 --> 00:04:21,Baby, I don't
need no proof.

00:04:21,703 --> 00:04:23,Huh, my gut.

00:04:23,238 --> 00:04:25,Okay, I understand
why you punished 'em.

00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:27,Ooh, honey, remember.

00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:30,Damian's fund-raising
carnival Sunday.

00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,Of course, yeah.

00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:35,Honey, come on now.
It's for the kids.

00:04:35,592 --> 00:04:37,And I'm the chair
of the event.

00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,Hey, no worries,
we'll be there.

00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:41,They'll be off punishment
by then. Don't worry.

00:04:41,723 --> 00:04:42,Okay.

00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:51,All right, kids, chow time.

00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,(gasps)

00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,(breathes heavily)

00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:14,(gaming gunfire
and music playing)

00:05:17,175 --> 00:05:18,(door opens)

00:05:18,468 --> 00:05:20,He's coming out!

00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:25,(Inner Circle:
"Bad Boys" playing)

00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,♪ Bad boys, whatcha want? ♪

00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,♪ Watcha want,
whatcha gonna do? ♪

00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:34,♪ Whatcha gonna do
when they come for you? ♪

00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,♪ Bad boys, bad boys
whatcha gonna do? ♪

00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,See?

00:05:39,823 --> 00:05:41,When Big Mama would send me
to my bedroom,

00:05:41,866 --> 00:05:44,that's all there was:
a bed and a room.

00:05:44,702 --> 00:05:47,No, not these kids.
They have too much.

00:05:47,664 --> 00:05:50,This here is like
Martha Stewart-type prison.

00:05:51,042 --> 00:05:52,They need a hardcore prison.

00:05:52,627 --> 00:05:54,Lil' Kim-type, you know?

00:05:54,546 --> 00:05:56,I'm going to tighten up
the reins.

00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:59,Huh, they now on lockdown.

00:05:59,217 --> 00:06:01,There's a new warden in town.

00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,(dramatic empty whoosh)

00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,(organ plays a hollow note)

00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,Welcome to lockdown,
Mac style.

00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,And can you believe
it comes to this, America?

00:06:27,537 --> 00:06:29,I had to lock these kids up.

00:06:29,372 --> 00:06:30,You can't
just lock kids up.

00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,I mean, Judge Mablean,

00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:33,I don't know what
you're talking about.

00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,You don't know
nothing about this.

00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:37,You're just a divorce
court judge. Huh.

00:06:37,922 --> 00:06:40,Well, they don't just
give you the job.

00:06:40,425 --> 00:06:41,I worked in
the City Attorney's Office

00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:44,over five years
as a child advocate.

00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,Did you read them
their rights, Bernie?

00:06:46,764 --> 00:06:48,Did you give them
due process?

00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:50,I don't know anything
about no due process.

00:06:50,894 --> 00:06:54,The only rights I know,
is up here is Mac rights.

00:06:54,772 --> 00:06:56,You better watch
your tone.

00:06:56,608 --> 00:06:58,I'll throw you
out of my court.

00:06:58,943 --> 00:07:00,I mean, Miss Honor,
I don't know

00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:02,where the heck
you think you at.

00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:05,But this is my house.
My court.

00:07:05,116 --> 00:07:07,They just give kids
to anybody these days.

00:07:07,619 --> 00:07:10,You had company
here yesterday!
Now come clean!

00:07:10,371 -->...