The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E08.Pop.Pop.Goes.the.Weasel.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles

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00:00:04,196 --> 00:00:06,(theme music playing)

00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,(upbeat music playing)

00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,-Uncle Bernie,
can I help you barbecue?
-No, sir. No. Uh-uh.

00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:27,Aw, you always say no.
When can I help?

00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:30,When can he help?
When weenies fly.

00:00:30,889 --> 00:00:33,America, the last time I tried
to teach him to barbecue,

00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:37,all he wanted to do was stick
his fist in the chicken's butt.

00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:39,I'm scared to leave him
alone with a link.

00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:40,Little freak.

00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,Still, every man wants someone

00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,to pass his barbecue secrets
down to, you know?

00:00:44,486 --> 00:00:47,That's just...
just the way it is.

00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:50,Okay, son. Tell you
what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna give you a test.

00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,-If you pass this test,
I'll teach you how to barbecue.
-Okay.

00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:57,Now, I want you
to flip the burgers over.

00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,Not a second too early,
and not a second too late.

00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,You understand me?

00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:02,But--But how will I know?

00:01:03,755 --> 00:01:05,Trust the meat.

00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:07,(grill sizzling)

00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,(clanging)

00:01:41,877 --> 00:01:43,(groans)

00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:45,These burgers
are disgusting.

00:01:45,964 --> 00:01:49,Yeah, they're a
little bit... burnt.

00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,Why y'all looking at me?

00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:52,Jordan, you wanna
tell them what happened?

00:01:52,855 --> 00:01:54,I-I didn't trust the meat.

00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,You didn't
trust something.

00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:01,Hey, hey, hey! You can't go
wasting food, now.

00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:09,Mmm! These burgers are
mm-mmm good, little man! Mmm!

00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,You cwazy.

00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:14,Mmm! Oh, thank you,
princess.

00:02:16,912 --> 00:02:19,(smacking lips)
Mmm!

00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:21,Gimme another one.

00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,He thinks everything
in my house tastes good.

00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,(imitates chewing food)
'Cause it's free.

00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:28,Look, America,
I'm glad the man
moved out here

00:02:28,256 --> 00:02:30,to be close to his daughter,
but I don't think

00:02:30,425 --> 00:02:32,he counted
on how expensive kids are.

00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,Especially Elizabeth Taylor
over here.

00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:36,Yeah...
(sighing)

00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,Mm-hmm... yeah...

00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:42,Already... (stammers)
out of control.

00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,Look out, brother!
They're about to let
a spike strip down.

00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,Swerve!
Swerve!

00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:48,Ooh!

00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,Oh, man.
Look at that!

00:02:51,154 --> 00:02:52,They g***t a brother
rollin' on rims.

00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,Ooh, ooh. Oh, okay.
Watch this, watch this.

00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:57,Look, in a second,

00:02:57,336 --> 00:02:59,they're gonna find
his stash in his pocket.

00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,How do you know
that, Daddy?

00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:03,That's because
I'm observant.
You see, me.

00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,I don't miss nothing.
VANESSA:
Bryan?

00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:06,Yeah?

00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:08,Do you mind?
What?

00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,If you wanna talk
to the screen,

00:03:10,065 --> 00:03:11,go down
to the Magic Johnson Theater.

00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:14,Mmm. My bad.

00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:16,Can we go to the movies, Daddy?

00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,Naw.

00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,Princess, we can watch
a movie right now.

00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,Okay, now, which one
is the movie button
on the remote?

00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:26,No, she means she wants to go
to the movie theater.

00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:28,Where she can get
buttered popcorn and licorice.

00:03:32,654 --> 00:03:35,Oh, you just want
some popcorn, princes?

00:03:35,323 --> 00:03:39,I'm pretty sure
Uncle Bernie wouldn't mind
popping us some popcorn.

00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,Uh... Bernie!

00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,Bernie!

00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,BERNIE:
What?

00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,Hey, man, would you mind
popping us some popcorn?

00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:49,Uh, with extra butter.
Uh, a little salt.

00:03:49,212 --> 00:03:51,Anything else?
Yeah!

00:03:51,548 --> 00:03:54,Some of that
cheesy spray,
if you g***t some!

00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:57,(to himself):
"Some of that cheese spray,
if you g***t it."

00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:59,Some folks don't know
when to go home. I...

00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,What the...?

00:04:03,184 --> 00:04:05,Who in the hell
bit off this pear

00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:06,and put it back in the basket?

00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,Don't make no doggone sense.

00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,Look at this.

00:04:12,628 --> 00:04:14,Bit the pear,
put it in the basket,

00:04:14,529 --> 00:04:16,garbage all on the floor...

00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,(sighs)

00:04:18,950 --> 00:04:19,Animals!

00:04:21,119 --> 00:04:23,Bunch of doggone animals.
You hear me?

00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:26,I'm living
with a bunch of animals!

00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:27,You hear what I said?

00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:29,A bunch of doggone animals.

00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,Oh, my...
(screams)

00:04:33,965 --> 00:04:35,Let's go see
what that is.

00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,Hey, hey, hey, Bernie.

00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:38,Everything cool, man?
What's up?

00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:40,Look!

00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,WANDA: (gasps)
Ooh, my dear Lord,
what is it?

00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:44,It's a rat!
It's a possum.

00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,It's ugly.
Hey, hey, we better
get this outta here.

00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:48,Hey, Bernie,
where's your gat, man?
My what?

00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:51,Your gun.
Your--Your toolie, man.
Your--Your piece.

00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:53,Don't tell me
you're livin' this phat

00:04:53,568 --> 00:04:54,and you ain't g***t no
heat up in the house.

00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:57,I ain't g***t no gat, fool.
This ain't the ghetto.

00:04:57,405 --> 00:04:59,Tell that to that big a***s
rat in this kitchen.

00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:02,This is
a custom-made floor.
You think I'm gonna shoot it up?

00:05:02,077 --> 00:05:03,Y'all g***t
too much d***n money.

00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:08,(grunting)

00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,(shuddering)

00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,(door shuts)

00:05:14,339 --> 00:05:15,Okay, it's gone.

00:05:15,465 --> 00:05:16,You sure, baby?

00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,-Oh, my goodness.
-What?

00:05:19,436 --> 00:05:21,My man is scared
of a little bitty
old rat.

00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,I ain't afraid of no rat, man.

00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:26,It just ca--caught me
by... by surprise.

00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,Oh! Oh, okay.
Uh...

00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:28,'Cause it look like
you were scared.

00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,Naw.

00:05:30,605 --> 00:05:32,Shoot, I'm a man about mine.

00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,Oh, get on
down there, man.

00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,It's all cool.
(chuckling)

00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,There he is!
Watch out! He's behind you!
(cackling)

00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,Quit playing, man.

00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:40,(squeaking)

00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:44,I checked your soffits
and your subbasement.

00:05:44,119 --> 00:05:45,There are no other openings,

00:05:45,537 --> 00:05:47,so just keep
your patio doors closed,

00:05:47,539 --> 00:05:49,and that should prevent it
from coming inside again.

00:05:49,624 --> 00:05:52,Well, what about outside?
Well, you can
always set a trap.

00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:55,Oh, no.
I don't want to trap it.

00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,Uh... Well, you know
the solution.

00:05:57,465 --> 00:05:58,Pop, pop.

00:05:58,633 --> 00:06:00,We're not getting a gun.

00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:02,Actually, some people do
get BB guns to scare 'em.

00:06:02,637 --> 00:06:03,BRYAN:
See? See?

00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:04,And he's an expert.

00:06:04,973 --> 00:06:06,No gun.
(sighs)

00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:09,Any alternatives?

00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,Feed it some
of your cooking.
(chuckling)

00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,(sighs) You know,
I can't believe

00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:19,Animal Control
didn't...

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