The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E07.For.Whom.the.Belt.Tolls.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:00:02,986 --> 00:00:04,(theme music playing)

00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:21,Oh!

00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,Hey, America.

00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:26,Bernie Mac is road-weary.

00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,12 cities in 14 days.

00:00:28,136 --> 00:00:30,Long hours, different hotels
every night.

00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,I ** beat.

00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:35,But one thing traveling does,
America, it makes you appreciate

00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:38,what's waiting for you
at home, believe me.

00:00:38,188 --> 00:00:39,JORDAN:
Uncle Bernie! You're back!

00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,We missed you.

00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,Boy, I'm busy.
Don't come in here.

00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,(whistling)

00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:48,Mmm.

00:00:49,625 --> 00:00:51,(contented sigh)

00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,Oh, boy.

00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,Somebody's been in my seat.

00:01:18,895 --> 00:01:20,Them d***n kids.

00:01:22,533 --> 00:01:23,Wanda!
Yeah?

00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,You let those kids
go in my den?

00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:28,Wait, wait, wait, hold up.
I didn't let anybody
do anything.

00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:32,You know what?
They were acting up all
while you were gone, okay?

00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,I mean, I've had to deal with
constant fighting, back talk,

00:01:35,453 --> 00:01:36,and a small little fire

00:01:37,047 --> 00:01:39,Jordan may or may not
have started.

00:01:39,249 --> 00:01:41,Ooh, I ** at the end
of my rope with that boy.

00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,He is totally out of control.

00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:45,He's out
of control, huh?

00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:46,You give him the eye?

00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,The eye doesn't
work anymore.

00:01:48,884 --> 00:01:50,He doesn't listen to me.

00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,Let me see the eye.
Let me see it.

00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:55,I... Now you're not
listening to me.

00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:58,Well... All right, then,

00:01:58,185 --> 00:01:59,I'll deal with the boy
first thing in the morning.

00:01:59,603 --> 00:02:01,But right now I've
g***t to get me some sleep.

00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:04,Wait. You sleeping
in the middle
of the day?

00:02:04,250 --> 00:02:05,What ** I supposed to do?

00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,Wanda, baby,
what you always tell me?

00:02:08,069 --> 00:02:11,You said the people in your job,
they're just like children.

00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:13,So use some of that work
tactics here at home.

00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,You're the boss lady.

00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:16,Crack the whip. Pop it!

00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:17,(smacks with towel)

00:02:24,419 --> 00:02:27,Now you know you're not
supposed to watch TV
in your uncle's den.

00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:29,This is why we gave you
the TV in here.

00:02:29,424 --> 00:02:30,I can never
get to it.

00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:32,They're always
in here playing

00:02:32,594 --> 00:02:34,their stupid
video games.
Nuh-uh!

00:02:34,179 --> 00:02:35,Vanessa's always
kicking us out

00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,to watch The O.C.

00:02:37,182 --> 00:02:38,As if!

00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,Well, from now on,

00:02:40,602 --> 00:02:44,we have this schedule to
determine TV privileges.

00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:48,Now, as you can see,
you all have equal
viewing time, okay?

00:02:48,526 --> 00:02:51,This is normalized
by your respective ages

00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:53,to eliminate
all conflicts.

00:02:53,698 --> 00:02:54,Any questions?

00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,Yes, one.
Are you serious?

00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:58,Very.

00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,Look here, Bryana.
It's your hour.

00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,Enjoy.

00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,Ha-ha.

00:03:04,709 --> 00:03:06,(voices speaking
indistinctly on TV)

00:03:06,544 --> 00:03:09,MAN (on TV):
(singing indistinctly)

00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:11,KIDS (on TV):
♪ Aye, aye Captain! ♪

00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,Move.

00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:16,SINGER:
♪ Let's tighten it up now ♪

00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:20,♪ Do the tighten up,
everybody can do it now ♪

00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:23,♪ So get to it,
we're gonna tighten up ♪

00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:27,♪ Let's do the tighten up,
you can do it now ♪

00:03:27,315 --> 00:03:29,♪ So, baby, get to it ♪

00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:32,♪ Look to your left now
look to your right ♪

00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:36,(smashing
and whooshing)
What is all that noise?

00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:37,(gasps)

00:03:39,911 --> 00:03:43,Jordan? What are you doing?

00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:47,Uh... nothing, just trying
to teach myself golf.

00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:52,You are ruining my club,
and my garden! Ooh!

00:03:52,307 --> 00:03:54,You're not going to tell
Uncle Bernie, are you?

00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,Boy, you ain't
g***t to worry about

00:03:55,586 --> 00:03:57,Uncle Bernie,
you need to worry
about me.

00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,Now you replant all
of these flowers,

00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,mister, until you learn
how to respect other
people's property.

00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:03,Do you understand?

00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,So you're not going
to tell Uncle Bernie?

00:04:05,895 --> 00:04:09,No, he is sleeping
and you better not
disturb him.

00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,Get to planting.

00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,Oh, whatever you say.

00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,Phew.

00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:19,(snoring)

00:04:24,039 --> 00:04:25,GIRL (on TV):
Oh my God,
that's wonderful.

00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:27,Which one?

00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:30,What channel did
you say it was on?

00:04:30,628 --> 00:04:32,(TV channel changes
to funky music)

00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,Hey, I was watching that!

00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:36,You can have my hour later.

00:04:36,092 --> 00:04:38,Hmm, nice.

00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,Real nice.

00:04:40,272 --> 00:04:41,Give me that!

00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:42,In a minute.

00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,BERNIE:
Keep it down!

00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,Don't let me
come out there!

00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,(hushed)
I've g***t to go.

00:04:46,978 --> 00:04:48,Bye.

00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:50,And your hour
is up anyway.

00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,No, it's not.

00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:52,Let's consult
the schedule.

00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,I said, it's not.

00:04:58,782 --> 00:04:59,You are so dead!

00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,(hits piano keys)

00:05:06,956 --> 00:05:08,(muffled grunting)

00:05:14,089 --> 00:05:15,WANDA:
Isn't that sweet?

00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:17,My system is working.

00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:24,♪ I've g***t the schedule ♪

00:05:24,599 --> 00:05:26,So?
Give me that!

00:05:26,818 --> 00:05:28,Come and get it.

00:05:30,438 --> 00:05:32,(loud thump)

00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,(ominous music playing)

00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:37,(both whimper)

00:05:37,362 --> 00:05:39,(loud crash)

00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:44,You made those kids a schedule
and expect that to work?

00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:47,You just gave them something
else to fight about.

00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,I didn't know
what else to do.

00:05:48,373 --> 00:05:49,They don't listen to me.

00:05:50,041 --> 00:05:53,Wanda, I told you, all you
have to do is stand firm,

00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,stick to your guns.

00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,That's all I do and it works.

00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,That's because
they fear you.

00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,They better!
Because if they don't,

00:06:00,685 --> 00:06:02,I get Big Mama's belt
and I...

00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,(awkward music playing)

00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:10,America, if the problem is that
those kids don't fear Wanda,

00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,then don't worry, they will.

00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:15,I'll see to it myself.

00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,Wanda.
Hmm?

00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:27,Here, baby,
this is for you.

00:06:27,412 --> 00:06:28,Ooh.

00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,Isn't this Big
Mama's belt?
Mm-hmm.

00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,My God, was
she a size 40?

00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:36,No. It's not for wearing.
It's for scaring.

00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:38,Oh.
You understand that?

00:06:38,423 --> 00:06:40,You said the kids don't fear
you, now this is the key.

00:06:40,925 --> 00:06:43,I call this the weapon
of a***s destruction.

00:06:43,887 --> 00:06:45,Uh, thanks, honey,
but you know what?

00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:48,The belt, that's
not my...