Everybody Hates Chris -ion265 En S02E20 Subtitles

At 00:00:01,735, Character said: Everybody Hates Chris #042
"Everybody Hates Dirty
Jokes" CLOSED CAPTIONED

2
At 00:00:03,071, Character said: CHRIS ROCK:
Ever since I was a kid,
I always loved comedy.

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At 00:00:04,538, Character said: I loved cartoons.

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At 00:00:06,207, Character said: (meowing)

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At 00:00:07,508, Character said: I loved sitcoms.

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At 00:00:10,444, Character said: Sunday's supposed to be my day
of rest, you know.

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At 00:00:12,513, Character said: But most of all,
I loved stand-up comedians.

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At 00:00:16,450, Character said: Michael Jackson kept his
sunglasses on.

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At 00:00:18,786, Character said: He had to-- Cyndi Lauper
kept shining in his eyes.

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At 00:00:21,155, Character said: (laughing)

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At 00:00:23,157, Character said: All right, y'all,
time to go to bed.

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At 00:00:26,727, Character said: Ma, can I stay up
and watch 'til the end?

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At 00:00:29,163, Character said: It's almost over.

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At 00:00:30,398, Character said: All right.

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At 00:00:31,565, Character said: Drew and Tonya, go.

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At 00:00:32,866, Character said: Good night.

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At 00:00:36,804, Character said: And Prince didn't show up.

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At 00:00:38,139, Character said: He doesn't like to go anywhere

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At 00:00:39,373, Character said: where the cast
outnumbers his bodyguard.

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At 00:00:40,708, Character said: What I didn't know was that my
parents loved comedians, too.

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At 00:00:44,478, Character said: REDD FOXX (on record player):
You knew it in your heart,
you haven't washed your hair.

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At 00:00:51,219, Character said: * Express yourself

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At 00:00:53,221, Character said: (laughter)

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At 00:00:55,389, Character said: (laughter)

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At 00:00:58,392, Character said: FOXX:
So one night,
the time was right,

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At 00:01:00,494, Character said: he asked her, he said,
"Honey, would you marry me?"

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At 00:01:03,131, Character said: She said "wooden eye?"

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At 00:01:04,598, Character said: I can't say what he just,

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At 00:01:06,367, Character said: but it was the first dirty joke
I had ever heard.

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At 00:01:09,903, Character said: "Geez, baby, what time
do you have to be home?"

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At 00:01:12,173, Character said: And it wasn't the last.

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At 00:01:13,507, Character said: She said "Christmas..."

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At 00:01:15,509, Character said: A lot of kids would get
in trouble sneaking out of bed

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At 00:01:17,778, Character said: trying to listen
to dirty jokes.

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At 00:01:19,513, Character said: I ended up getting a career.

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At 00:01:21,382, Character said: Captioning sponsored by CBS
PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION

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At 00:01:54,948, Character said: CHRIS ROCK:
I risked a beating

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At 00:01:56,584, Character said: trying to hear one side
of that Redd Foxx album.

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At 00:01:58,719, Character said: Now I was risking my life
trying to hear the other side.

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At 00:02:08,796, Character said: Now, I know it was wrong
to sneak behind my parents back

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At 00:02:11,532, Character said: and listen to dirty records,

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At 00:02:12,600, Character said: but if listening to dirty
records was wrong,

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At 00:02:14,568, Character said: I don't wanna do right.

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At 00:02:15,736, Character said: REDD FOXX:
When I was a kid,
during the depression...

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At 00:02:17,838, Character said: I mean we were poor.

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At 00:02:20,308, Character said: When Christmas time came,
if I hadn't been a boy

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At 00:02:23,211, Character said: I wouldn't have had nothing
to play with.

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At 00:02:26,714, Character said: I found out one thing in life,

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At 00:02:28,549, Character said: if you want people to laugh,
tell 'em a joke.

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At 00:02:30,884, Character said: Now, if you want them
to really laugh,

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At 00:02:32,620, Character said: tell 'em a dirty joke.

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At 00:02:33,954, Character said: Okay, and there was
one black sheep,

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At 00:02:36,657, Character said: and the chief said,

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At 00:02:37,725, Character said: "Okay, you don't tell on
me, I won't tell on you."

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At 00:02:40,661, Character said: (laughs)

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At 00:02:42,663, Character said: All right, stop it, man, come
on, I can't take another one.

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At 00:02:46,467, Character said: No, no, no, no, wait,
I've g***t one more.

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At 00:02:48,336, Character said: Hold on.
No, no.

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At 00:02:49,537, Character said: I can't take it.

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At 00:02:50,704, Character said: Who is that?

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At 00:02:51,472, Character said: Redd Foxx.
From Sanford and Son?

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At 00:02:53,941, Character said: He's a comedian?

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At 00:02:55,343, Character said: Yeah, you big dummy!

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At 00:02:56,510, Character said: Yeah, I didn't know it either.

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At 00:02:57,478, Character said: My parents have like a bunch
of his albums.

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At 00:02:58,712, Character said: And they let you
listen to that?

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At 00:03:00,381, Character said: Not really.

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At 00:03:01,582, Character said: Still won't!

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At 00:03:02,683, Character said: JOEY:
Hey, Buckwheat.

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At 00:03:03,584, Character said: Alfalfa. What's so funny?

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At 00:03:06,019, Character said: Uh, I was just telling
a stupid joke.

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At 00:03:07,855, Character said: Tell me.

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At 00:03:08,956, Character said: Nah, you wouldn't
really like it.

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At 00:03:11,024, Character said: Yeah, you won't like me smashing
your face in a locker.

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At 00:03:13,561, Character said: Now, tell me the joke.

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At 00:03:14,728, Character said: It's funny. Tell him.

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At 00:03:16,564, Character said: Okay.

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At 00:03:18,566, Character said: There's a missionary who went
to an African village...

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At 00:03:20,634, Character said: If you can make your worst
enemy laugh with a joke,

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At 00:03:22,903, Character said: that's a funny joke.

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At 00:03:24,505, Character said: ...and there was
one black sheep.

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At 00:03:25,973, Character said: And the chief said,

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At 00:03:27,375, Character said: "Okay, you don't tell on me,

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At 00:03:28,642, Character said: I won't tell on you."

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At 00:03:30,644, Character said: (laughing):
That's real funny, Flip.

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At 00:03:32,513, Character said: Hey, guys,

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At 00:03:33,614, Character said: For the first time,
come here.

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At 00:03:34,982, Character said: I realized a good joke can stop

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At 00:03:36,817, Character said: a beat down.

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At 00:03:38,319, Character said: Too bad Reginald Denny
didn't know any jokes.

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At 00:03:39,753, Character said: All right,
so there's a missionary

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At 00:03:41,322, Character said: who lived in
an African village...

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At 00:03:42,656, Character said: (Maxine humming)

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At 00:03:44,658, Character said: Momma, what you
doing in here?

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At 00:03:46,627, Character said: I thought you might
need a hand with dinner.

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At 00:03:48,696, Character said: Since my grandfather
passed away

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At 00:03:50,664, Character said: my grandmother had a lot
of free time on her hands,

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At 00:03:53,601, Character said: and she was giving it
to my mother.

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At 00:03:55,503, Character said: (clears throat)

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At 00:03:56,570, Character said: Baby, that's not
the way to do that.

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At 00:03:58,706, Character said: But I do it this way
all the time.

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At 00:04:00,674, Character said: Yeah, but the way
you do it is wrong.

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At 00:04:02,676, Character said: Go ahead sit down,
I'll do it.

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At 00:04:04,578, Character said: Go ahead, I'll do it.

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At 00:04:06,414, Character said: The only thing
my mother hated worse

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At 00:04:07,948, Character said: than no help
was help from my grandmother.

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At 00:04:11,985, Character said: Okay.

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At 00:04:13,787, Character said: Dinner is served.

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At 00:04:17,358, Character said: Ooh, um...

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At 00:04:19,727, Character said: I can't eat this.

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At 00:04:21,495, Character said: My gout will flair up.

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At 00:04:22,763, Character said: Oh, don't worry.

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At 00:04:24,632, Character said: That's oven-fried chicken.

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At 00:04:26,734, Character said: I used skim milk
in your macaroni,

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At 00:04:28,669, Character said: that's a baked
potato and salad.

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At 00:04:30,638, Character said: So, you go ahead, eat up,
you'll be just fine.

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At 00:04:32,440, Character said: Wow, Momma never did
all that stuff.

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At 00:04:35,376, Character said: Shh!

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At 00:04:35,943, Character said: Where's Momma anyway?

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At 00:04:39,847, Character said: Hey, baby,

121
At 00:04:40,848, Character said: you wanna sit down and
have something to eat?

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At 00:04:43,050, Character said: Mm, I'm fine.

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At 00:04:44,051, Character said: Grandma made oven-fried chicken.

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At 00:04:45,853, Character said: Oh, really?

125
At 00:04:47,054, Character said: That's nice.

126
At 00:04:48,789, Character said: Well, I'm gonna finish
the laundry.

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At 00:04:50,758, Character said: It's finished.

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At 00:04:51,725, Character said: Then I'll go
straighten up

129
At 00:04:52,793, Character said: the kids' room.

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At 00:04:53,494, Character said: Oh, they're
straightened.

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At 00:04:54,127, Character said: Uh-oh.

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At 00:04:55,563, Character said: Then I guess I'll go do my toes.

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At 00:04:57,431, Character said: They're done.

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At 00:05:01,402, Character said: ROCHELLE:
When did you do my toes?

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At 00:05:02,836, Character said: MAXINE:
While you were asleep.

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At 00:05:04,472, Character said: I didn't want to wake you.

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At 00:05:06,039, Character said: That look means,

138
At 00:05:07,675, Character said: "If you do something else,
you're finished."

139
At 00:05:09,510, Character said: Here comes your
girlfriend, Drew.

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At 00:05:13,747, Character said: Girlfriend?

141
At 00:05:14,848, Character said: I don't like her.

142
At 00:05:15,983, Character said: Well, she likes you.

143
At 00:05:17,250, Character said: And she's going around telling
everybody that you kissed her.

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At 00:05:20,488, Character said: Wait, Tonya...

145
At 00:05:21,922, Character said: Just about every girl
in the neighborhood liked Drew,

146
At 00:05:23,757, Character said: and Chantal was just about
the only girl Drew didn't like.

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At 00:05:27,795, Character said: Hey, Drew.

148
At 00:05:29,029, Character said: What you doing?
Uh, nothing.

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At 00:05:29,897, Character said: I was just about to go
back in the house.

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At 00:05:31,965, Character said: Oh... you coming
back out?

151
At 00:05:34,067, Character said: Ah, I don't think so.

152
At 00:05:36,036, Character said: Oh, you gonna be out
tomorrow after school?

153
At 00:05:38,038, Character said: I don't know.
I may have to...