Clarksons.Farm.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10 Subtitles

00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:05,[engine revving]

00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:07,Sideways in linen.

00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,[tires screech]

00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:12,[Jeremy] For many years,
this has been my day job.

00:00:15,359 --> 00:00:16,-[tires screech]
-[gun fires]

00:00:17,039 --> 00:00:18,Going in hard and hot!

00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:21,[Jeremy] But when
the important work was over...

00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,[tires screeching]

00:00:22,679 --> 00:00:24,I've lost one of my nose tampons!

00:00:25,679 --> 00:00:27,[Jeremy] ...I came home to this.

00:00:32,679 --> 00:00:35,It's my farm in the Cotswolds.

00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,Nestling among the ancient
stone villages,

00:00:41,399 --> 00:00:46,it's a peaceful, 1,000-acre haven
of wide open fields,

00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,brooks,

00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,waterfalls,

00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:55,woods,

00:00:55,119 --> 00:00:57,and wild flower meadows.

00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,It stretches from those trees
over there on the far horizon,

00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,then it goes behind that big wood,

00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,down into the valley
and then up past here

00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,to a point a couple of miles over there.

00:01:14,799 --> 00:01:18,And ever since I bought it back in 2008,

00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,it's been run by a chap from the village.

00:01:20,359 --> 00:01:23,However, he told me a couple
of months ago that he is retiring,

00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,so I've come up with a plan.

00:01:27,719 --> 00:01:29,I shall farm it myself.

00:01:30,359 --> 00:01:33,["Every Picture Tells a Story"
by Rod Stewart playing]

00:01:35,079 --> 00:01:36,[bee buzzing]

00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,[opening theme song playing]

00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,I've never done this.

00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:46,Ooh! Farming happening.

00:01:46,079 --> 00:01:47,That's as straight as a roundabout!

00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,Oh, that sign of me going up there
is not happening.

00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,We're gonna have a sign saying,
"Guess who drilled this?

00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,Jeremy, Kaleb?"

00:01:55,599 --> 00:01:57,[automated voice] Take off!

00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,[Jeremy] Right.

00:01:58,879 --> 00:02:01,Let's go round up some sheep.

00:02:01,159 --> 00:02:02,[woman] Jeremy, you're going
too fast.

00:02:02,959 --> 00:02:04,[Jeremy] Oh, s***t. Please stop.

00:02:07,359 --> 00:02:09,Come on, don't rain. Don't rain.

00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,This is global warming.

00:02:13,159 --> 00:02:16,And you racing about all your life
in vehicles.

00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,Just unbelievable horseshit.

00:02:18,759 --> 00:02:20,[man] See them? They're goldfinches.

00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,Really? It actually makes me really happy.

00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,Behold! I ** Moses.

00:02:27,599 --> 00:02:30,[gasps] And what the f***k
are you doing up here?

00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,Who's Moses?

00:02:39,439 --> 00:02:40,It's a baby.

00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,Ooh. Jeez.

00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,Have you looked after sheep before?

00:02:46,319 --> 00:02:48,-[sheep bleating]
-[Jeremy] I think I've g***t in its anus.

00:02:50,159 --> 00:02:50,No.

00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,[engine revving]

00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:55,[Jeremy] Oh, yes!

00:02:56,319 --> 00:02:58,This is my wilding project.

00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,-[man] Oh, my God!
-[Jeremy] Oh, no, no, no.

00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,This is not wilding.
That's damage.

00:03:04,319 --> 00:03:06,It's like Fortnum & Masons.

00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:07,It's what?

00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,[engine whirring]

00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,Oh, my God. What have I done?

00:03:12,599 --> 00:03:14,Whoa!

00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,-[chuckles]
-[Jeremy sighs]

00:03:16,079 --> 00:03:19,Stay in your vehicle please.
Stay in your vehicle.

00:03:19,879 --> 00:03:23,I'm pushing 60. I've smoked three
quarters of a million cigarettes.

00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,I've had pneumonia. If I get it...

00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,Yeah, there's not a lot of hope.

00:03:27,879 --> 00:03:29,[Jeremy whistling]

00:03:30,879 --> 00:03:32,[Jeremy] Oh, s***t.

00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,S***t, s***t.

00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,Wayne Rooney's dead.

00:03:40,439 --> 00:03:42,And this is the moment.

00:03:53,479 --> 00:03:54,You missed a bit.

00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,-Where?
-In the mirror.

00:03:57,639 --> 00:03:58,-No, I didn't.
-You did.

00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,-I didn't.
-You did.

00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,[Jeremy] All that is to come,
but right now,

00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,it's time to start my first job.

00:04:12,759 --> 00:04:15,The biggest, most important
job of them all.

00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:20,Planting wheat and barley
in all the big fields like this one.

00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:22,And how do you do that?

00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:29,No idea. Literally, honestly,
I have absolutely no clue.

00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:33,All I do know is it's going
to involve some tractoring.

00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,[theme music playing]

00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,[Jeremy] Obviously,
to do tractoring I need a tractor.

00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:02,So, on day one,
I set off to my local dealership.

00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:07,Quite like this one.
Look, the Super Major.

00:05:10,199 --> 00:05:11,There are worse names.

00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:17,As I'm familiar with stuff that has
four wheels and an engine,

00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,I should have been at home here,
but I wasn't.

00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:25,So I sought advice from
the dealership's owner, Patrick Edwards.

00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,How much is this?

00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,7,500. That is what we specialize in.

00:05:30,639 --> 00:05:32,-You've g***t an engine at the front.
-[Jeremy] Yeah.

00:05:32,319 --> 00:05:37,You've g***t a gear box, and a back axle.
No suspension. No fancy electronics.

00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,There's nothing to go wrong
that we can't mend.

00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:43,-What horsepower has that g***t?
-[Patrick] 45 horsepower.

00:05:43,519 --> 00:05:44,[Jeremy] It's a bit feeble.

00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,Well, it fed the country.

00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,I know but people didn't
eat very much in those days.

00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,-[Patrick laughs]
-Um...

00:05:52,399 --> 00:05:55,What's the most power,
what's that g***t horsepower-wise?

00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,[Patrick] Well, that would be
about 65 horsepower.

00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,And is that the most
powerful one here?

00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,Yes, yeah.

00:06:01,399 --> 00:06:02,-65 Horse-power?
-Yes.

00:06:07,439 --> 00:06:11,[Jeremy] I then took one of his
restored tractors for a test drive.

00:06:11,959 --> 00:06:13,Oh, it begins.

00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,Let's open it up.

00:06:25,439 --> 00:06:26,Oh.

00:06:28,199 --> 00:06:31,[Jeremy] Having finished
my test drive, I made a decision,

00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:32,and bought this.

00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,[engine whirring]

00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:41,This is a Lamborghini R8.

00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:48,Oh, my God, this thing is enormous!

00:06:49,439 --> 00:06:52,Everything about it is just large.

00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,Weighs ten tons.

00:06:55,639 --> 00:07:00,I have 40 forwards gears,
and 40 reverse gears.

00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:07,And I know that little Massey Ferguson
was very sweet, but come on!

00:07:09,839 --> 00:07:12,Okay, and here we are
at the farm.

00:07:14,319 --> 00:07:15,Ooh, hello.

00:07:17,319 --> 00:07:18,Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,Oh, s***t.

00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,Right.

00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:37,[Jeremy] First up with
an opinion was my girlfriend, Lisa.

00:07:37,519 --> 00:07:39,That is, that's too big. [laughs]

00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,[Jeremy] It isn't. It isn't,
the shed's too...

00:07:42,319 --> 00:07:43,Enormous.

00:07:44,079 --> 00:07:45,Little.

00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,-[car honks]
-Ah!

00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,Here's someone who does
know about farming.

00:07:50,079 --> 00:07:53,It's Charlie Ireland.
Now he's my, sort of, land agent.

00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,He knows what's needed
and when it's needed.

00:07:57,279 --> 00:07:59,He'll be guiding me over the coming year.

00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:01,-Jeremy, hello.
-Charlie, how are you?

00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,Very well thanks.
How are you?

00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,-[grunts]
-It's quite large.

00:08:07,079 --> 00:08:08,Um...

00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,Come on, it's a good tractor.

00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,It's g***t the wrong hitch on.

00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:14,What?

00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,[Charlie] That's a European hitch.

00:08:16,879 --> 00:08:18,[Jeremy] What's...
I g***t it from Germany.

00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,[Charlie] You may well have done.

00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:22,So I can't attach anything
to the back of this?

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