The Bernie Mac Show Stone Nuts Eng S04E08 Subtitles

At 00:00:02,837, Character said: (theme music playing)

2
At 00:00:24,883, Character said: (up-tempo music playing)
Hey, how are my two sick little girls?

3
At 00:00:29,638, Character said: A little better.

4
At 00:00:31,056, Character said: Hey, can you
wrap this for me?

5
At 00:00:32,399, Character said: It's Auntie Wanda's
birthday present.

6
At 00:00:36,236, Character said: Ooh, Lachian.
She'll love this.

7
At 00:00:38,739, Character said: She will?

8
At 00:00:39,940, Character said: (sniffs)
I can't smell it.

9
At 00:00:41,858, Character said: What else did you get her?
What else did I get her?

10
At 00:00:44,361, Character said: That's $200 an ounce.
Mm.

11
At 00:00:47,989, Character said: Mm?
Mm.

12
At 00:00:50,468, Character said: Mm? Better be trying to clear
her sinuses.

13
At 00:00:54,287, Character said: Ignorant little thing.

14
At 00:00:55,923, Character said: Wanda ain't greedy.

15
At 00:00:57,308, Character said: She appreciates quality
over quantity--

16
At 00:01:00,352, Character said: an unassuming little gift,

17
At 00:01:02,429, Character said: romantic dinner,
nice bottle of wine,

18
At 00:01:06,258, Character said: and Bernie Mac,
of course, for dessert.

19
At 00:01:09,094, Character said: That's quality and quantity.

20
At 00:01:12,973, Character said: (kids chattering)

21
At 00:01:19,729, Character said: Hey, guys.
Anyone want to fly a kite?

22
At 00:01:21,898, Character said: (all laughing)

23
At 00:01:23,742, Character said: JORDAN: And now everyone's
calling me Ben Franklin.

24
At 00:01:26,712, Character said: Oh, but now, that's better
than Puddles, right?

25
At 00:01:29,156, Character said: You told her?

26
At 00:01:30,791, Character said: Look, if you want the kids
to stop laughing at you,

27
At 00:01:33,085, Character said: you g***t to give
an effort.

28
At 00:01:34,703, Character said: You gotta start doing some
of the things the kids do.

29
At 00:01:37,038, Character said: But how?
I don't know, Jordan.

30
At 00:01:38,999, Character said: Do what the other kids does--
play baseball, kickball, something.

31
At 00:01:43,003, Character said: Fit in.
Do what the other kids do.

32
At 00:01:45,505, Character said: Now, get ready to go to bed.

33
At 00:01:47,733, Character said: Good night.

34
At 00:01:50,468, Character said: Ow!
I told you don't say nothing about...

35
At 00:01:52,029, Character said: You did not tell me that.
I did. I did so.

36
At 00:01:53,180, Character said: (phone ringing)

37
At 00:01:55,015, Character said: Hello.
WOMAN: Yes, is this Mr. Mac?

38
At 00:01:57,684, Character said: Yeah, this is Mac.

39
At 00:01:58,744, Character said: (indistinct)

40
At 00:02:00,061, Character said: Sure, I remember you, yeah.

41
At 00:02:01,605, Character said: (indistinct)

42
At 00:02:03,073, Character said: What?
Fainted.

43
At 00:02:05,192, Character said: He fainted?

44
At 00:02:06,577, Character said: The nurse said you
didn't eat lunch today.

45
At 00:02:08,320, Character said: I lost my lunch money.

46
At 00:02:09,696, Character said: That fat girl
picking on you again?

47
At 00:02:13,700, Character said: No.

48
At 00:02:15,493, Character said: I lost it fair and square
playing poker.

49
At 00:02:17,454, Character said: Where'd you get the
fool idea to play poker?

50
At 00:02:19,247, Character said: You said to.
Me?

51
At 00:02:20,749, Character said: Yeah, you said, "Do what all
the other kids are doing,"

52
At 00:02:23,251, Character said: and all the other kids
are playing poker.

53
At 00:02:25,212, Character said: Texas Hold 'Em.

54
At 00:02:26,597, Character said: It's pretty fun, actually,
but it's over real fast.

55
At 00:02:30,717, Character said: I'm gonna have to
give you some pointers.

56
At 00:02:34,554, Character said: You know, I
don't think it's a good idea

57
At 00:02:36,223, Character said: to be teaching
the boy how to gamble.

58
At 00:02:38,284, Character said: What are you talking about?
You want the kid to go hungry every doggone day?

59
At 00:02:41,436, Character said: Look at him.
He's skinny enough as it is.

60
At 00:02:44,272, Character said: Look like
a science project.

61
At 00:02:46,066, Character said: You know, I just think gambling
is one of those gateway things.

62
At 00:02:49,110, Character said: Gateway?
Yeah.

63
At 00:02:50,445, Character said: What the hell are you
talking about?

64
At 00:02:52,113, Character said: Take down your voice.

65
At 00:02:53,549, Character said: Poker ain't no doggone different
than pitching pennies,

66
At 00:02:56,326, Character said: flipping baseball cards,
or shooting marbles.

67
At 00:02:58,787, Character said: I'm just trying
to give the boy a fighting chance.

68
At 00:03:01,098, Character said: Ketchup.
Ketchup.

69
At 00:03:03,383, Character said: You ketchup.
I'll get it.

70
At 00:03:05,502, Character said: I just hope you know
what you're doing.

71
At 00:03:06,836, Character said: You let me handle him.
You handle the girls.

72
At 00:03:08,588, Character said: I know exactly what I'm doing.

73
At 00:03:11,442, Character said: We're not the Old West.

74
At 00:03:13,635, Character said: No one's gonna draw
a six gun on him.

75
At 00:03:15,896, Character said: This is an elementary school.

76
At 00:03:18,098, Character said: There's metal detectors
at every door.

77
At 00:03:20,567, Character said: Come on!

78
At 00:03:21,726, Character said: This is 2004.

79
At 00:03:23,270, Character said: Work with me.

80
At 00:03:25,814, Character said: Texas Hold 'Em.

81
At 00:03:27,407, Character said: First thing you need to know,
you can't be trifling

82
At 00:03:31,069, Character said: because it'll rip you apart.

83
At 00:03:34,364, Character said: The first two cards,
they must be face down.

84
At 00:03:40,921, Character said: (tapping table)
There's numerous names you give these cards:

85
At 00:03:43,790, Character said: pit, holding ground,
stomping ground, strip.

86
At 00:03:48,503, Character said: You're talking about
the meanest game on Earth.

87
At 00:03:52,007, Character said: This will make
a sissy a man.

88
At 00:03:54,759, Character said: And you're close
to being both of them.

89
At 00:03:57,929, Character said: You're playing
two tough cowboys. What do you do?

90
At 00:04:00,265, Character said: Pocket kings. If the big
blind raises, I'm all in.

91
At 00:04:03,393, Character said: Let me see
your poker face.

92
At 00:04:06,313, Character said: Little bit lower.

93
At 00:04:07,856, Character said: To the left.

94
At 00:04:08,940, Character said: There you go.

95
At 00:04:10,358, Character said: There goes Spiderman!

96
At 00:04:12,569, Character said: Look at my boy...
(chuckles)

97
At 00:04:15,405, Character said: Boy, I think
you're ready.

98
At 00:04:19,659, Character said: Here.

99
At 00:04:23,872, Character said: Jordan, this is for you.

100
At 00:04:26,041, Character said: Wow, your lucky money clip.

101
At 00:04:27,375, Character said: You're doggone
right it is.

102
At 00:04:29,019, Character said: It works for me.

103
At 00:04:30,503, Character said: Aren't you afraid
I might lose it?

104
At 00:04:32,047, Character said: Give it back.
Give it here.

105
At 00:04:34,174, Character said: Give it here. Here.

106
At 00:04:36,443, Character said: Here, take the money.

107
At 00:04:37,594, Character said: Give him my lucky money clip.

108
At 00:04:39,888, Character said: Must be out of his d***n...

109
At 00:04:41,848, Character said: America, you see me getting soft
like that, you g***t to holler.

110
At 00:04:46,603, Character said: It's been generation
from generation.

111
At 00:04:48,655, Character said: My grandfather gave me this.

112
At 00:04:50,440, Character said: His grandfather gave him this.

113
At 00:04:53,943, Character said: His grandfather g***t it
from a prostitute.

114
At 00:04:56,088, Character said: Her name was, uh...

115
At 00:04:59,282, Character said: You don't need to know
everything.

116
At 00:05:00,667, Character said: You don't need
to know everything.

117
At 00:05:02,952, Character said: (up-tempo music playing)

118
At 00:05:04,204, Character said: You guys are
all going down.

119
At 00:05:06,122, Character said: (boys chattering)

120
At 00:05:16,016, Character said: Hey, guys, can I play?

121
At 00:05:17,517, Character said: Get lost, Ben Franklin.

122
At 00:05:19,094, Character said: Yeah. Go chop down
a cherry tree.

123
At 00:05:21,429, Character said: (all laughing)

124
At 00:05:22,597, Character said: That was
George Washington...

125
At 00:05:24,516, Character said: and so are these.

126
At 00:05:28,978, Character said: Nerd money is
just as green.

127
At 00:05:32,357, Character said: ♪ Now we gonna go down ♪

128
At 00:05:35,360, Character said: ♪ In the meantime ♪

129
At 00:05:36,945, Character said: ♪ Gettin' ready... ♪

130
At 00:05:40,990, Character said: Hey, Baby Girl.

131
At 00:05:44,744, Character said: Come on, man.
How'd it go?

132
At 00:05:46,797, Character said: They're still calling me
Ben Franklin.

133
At 00:05:48,799, Character said: You're kidding?

134
At 00:05:49,975, Character said: But that's because
I'm all about the Benjamins!

135
At 00:05:52,168, Character said: Yeah!
Yeah, baby.

136
At 00:05:54,304, Character said: That's what I'm
talking about.

137
At 00:05:55,880, Character said: Look at...
You did all this? Oh, yeah.

138
At 00:06:02,929, Character said: You should have seen his face
when I called him, Uncle Bernie. Mm-hm.

139
At 00:06:06,108, Character said: I had the stone cold nuts,
and he was on tilt after that.

140
At 00:06:09,436, Character said: And I cleaned him out.

141
At 00:06:10,895, Character said: Well, you'd better hurry
up and clean that out.

142...