00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:12,- D***n, I'm sick of sitting down in The Pit

00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,with the Urkels and Section Eights.

00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,This ain't no place for a legend.

00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:17,- Yeah, we ain't gon' get no "vajayjay Abrams"

00:00:17,967 --> 00:00:20,sittin' next to fly guy.

00:00:21,633 --> 00:00:23,- Speaking of getting no "vajayjay," where's Milk?

00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:24,- Ah!

00:00:24,967 --> 00:00:26,- Don't you ever grab my p***y again!

00:00:26,633 --> 00:00:27,- Here come Machine Gun Smelly.

00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:31,- Our president said it was okay, so mind your business.

00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:32,Man, white girls g***t too much carbon.

00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:35,I gotta find me a righteous Hotep ho

00:00:35,133 --> 00:00:36,with them brown n***s.

00:00:40,867 --> 00:00:42,- A'pos'trafee'a?

00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:45,- From now on, my name is Queen La'pos'trafee'a.

00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:46,I have discovered my African roots

00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:50,on Black Twitter. I ** inviting you Nubian kings

00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,to my first annual Nat Turn Up.

00:00:52,267 --> 00:00:55,So please come, Grover and Jamal.

00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,Uh-uh, not you, Paul Wall.

00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,But I'm more nig than all you nigs.

00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,Ah! Ah! Ah!

00:01:00,167 --> 00:01:01,Ah! D***n!

00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:04,Ever since Trump g***t elected, y'all been taking extra slaps.

00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:06,- Uh, Milk, my turn up is for uplifting

00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:10,the black experience and you, my melanin starved brother,

00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:13,are as my grandmother would proudly say, a honky.

00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:14,- I don't know what that mean,

00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,but if I don't go, they don't go.

00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:18,- S***t, I'll be there.

00:01:18,133 --> 00:01:21,Sorry, Milk, this party only for black.

00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,- What?

00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,- This turn up gon' be lit.

00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,A'pos'trafee'a's parties are legendary.

00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:34,- And nothing makes a "vagiggle" wriggle like rosé,

00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:36,trap music, and Swahili.

00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:37,- How she gon' invite you two and not me?

00:01:37,733 --> 00:01:39,I'm the "gangsterest" one in here.

00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,- You sure are, my little Nipsey Hustle.

00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:42,- Ain't nobody ask you, Moms,

00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:45,but you goddamn right.

00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:46,Thanks for always having my back.

00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:48,- All right, off to the party.

00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,- Make sure you check our Snapchats at the party!

00:01:50,367 --> 00:01:52,- Hashtag Milk ain't here.

00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,- Whoo! Black guys!

00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,I'm not in the mood. I'm going through some "thangs."

00:02:06,467 --> 00:02:08,- Are you feeling pasty and pale?

00:02:08,367 --> 00:02:11,Unathletic and small meated?

00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:15,Would you like to be able to sing every word

00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:17,to your favorite rap song with your windows down?

00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:18,Without getting f***d up?

00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:23,Are your black friends invited to Nat Turn Ups without you?

00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:27,Well, then, hail a cab while you still can

00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,and come on down

00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:31,to the Rachel Dolezal Tanning Salon!

00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,- I know exactly why you're here.

00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:46,Hi, I'm Shoshana, your certified melanologist.

00:02:46,067 --> 00:02:47,How'd you find out about us?

00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:50,Yelp, Snapchat, or Kardashian s***x tape?

00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,- Man, f***k all that. Just show me to the black beds.

00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:55,- Okay, super serious question.

00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:57,How often do you wanna be stopped and frisked?

00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,- A lot. A whole lot.

00:03:01,467 --> 00:03:03,- Slow down, Macklemore.

00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:05,Straight to Akon requires a manager's approval.

00:03:05,967 --> 00:03:08,There's paper work, it's this whole process.

00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:11,Let's just get you started with a nice golden Chris Brown.

00:03:11,533 --> 00:03:13,It's our biggest hit.

00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,- Hell "jeah," I finally get to fix God's mistake.

00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:24,- Welcome, my kemetic Hoteps of the Black Twitterverse.

00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:27,- What's this for? I didn't leave my wallet in El Segundo.

00:03:27,633 --> 00:03:30,- Oh, one cannot twerk in the uniform of the oppressor.

00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:35,Instead, we will shake our asses in the robes of glory.

00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,- I ain't wearing this Kunta Kinte cloth.

00:03:37,633 --> 00:03:39,This s***t ain't league.

00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,- Yeah, I think mine g***t aids.

00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,- Hey, Grover.

00:03:43,367 --> 00:03:44,- Wait up, my empowered sista.

00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,Let's get freaky in the dashiki.

00:04:08,933 --> 00:04:11,- Mmm! That buffet is on point!

00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,They g***t "Bernie Mac and Cheese,"

00:04:13,367 --> 00:04:15,"Tri-tip Called Quest," "Keisha Coleslaw,"

00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:19,and for desert, "Cuba Pudding Junior."

00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:23,Hey, it's kinda boring, but somehow it works.

00:04:23,233 --> 00:04:24,- This Hotep party is not the wave.

00:04:24,833 --> 00:04:27,They should call it a "no-tep" party, my nig.

00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,- Yeah, the "itis" is setting in.

00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:31,This janky-a***s party need a kicker.

00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,- What's crackin', my ni-i-igs?

00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,- Milk, is that you?

00:04:37,333 --> 00:04:38,It's Chocolate Milk, homey,

00:04:38,833 --> 00:04:41,and thanks to the Rachel Dolezal tanning salon,

00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:44,I'm "black-ish," my nigs.

00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:46,- Part of me wants to smack him. The other wants to dap him.

00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:49,- Bars. - Well, while you contemplating,

00:04:49,067 --> 00:04:51,let's get this s***t lit.

00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:08,- Aye, homey, no reniggin'.

00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,He g***t me!

00:05:11,433 --> 00:05:12,Deep burn.

00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:14,- D***n, my nig, hangin' with the brown boy

00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,formerly known as white could get us nuts deep in black booty.

00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:21,- Yeah, we might even get some of his after-skeets.

00:05:21,467 --> 00:05:22,Hey, you trying to cuddle with this puddle

00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,and, uh, touch taste buds ?

00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,- F***k off. I'm trying to get

00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,dicked down by this butterscotch brownie.

00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:31,- Oh! That's our nig! You wanna meet him?

00:05:31,433 --> 00:05:34,'Cause maybe we can arrange something.

00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,Maybe a little tit for dat?

00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,- Oh, s***t, you shoulda led with that.

00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,- I jumped on the grenade last time.

00:05:40,967 --> 00:05:43,- Mm-mm. Ho, but I f***d Dellavedova bareback

00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:44,and he wasn't even starting, bitch.

00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:48,- Hello, can somebody make a decision please?

00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:48,- F***k it. Let's just flip for it.

00:05:49,967 --> 00:05:51,- Yass!

00:05:51,933 --> 00:05:53,- Oh, f***k.

00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,both: Mmm.

00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,- Hey, quit hogging the stink, Jamal.

00:05:58,933 --> 00:06:01,- Mmm.

00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:05,- Hey, Milk. You better call me.

00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:06,- Okay.

00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:08,- Hey, that party was lit, but you know

00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:11,it ain't no fun if your homeys don't get none.

00:06:11,067 --> 00:06:13,- Funny, the homeys is the only ones that say that.

00:06:13,767 --> 00:06:15,- Yo, you gon' play us like that?

00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:17,- Y'all know the drill. I keep the nines and dimes.

00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:18,Y'all can have my soft sixes and sevens,

00:06:18,933 --> 00:06:22,but I get all them Caribbeans. "Non-negrotiable."

00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:25,- Maybe your "light-skindedness" can help me get Cindy.

00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:26,- Whatever you need.

00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,What up, my nig? - Look, I don't care

00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:29,what transition you go through,...