Birds of a Feather s04e10 Sisters Are Doing It Subtitles

00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:06,What will I do when you are gone?

00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,Sharon, I've just had the most gorgeous
man reading my meter.

00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:47,Tom Cruise's eyes.

00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:49,Will Carling's smile.

00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:50,Kevin Costner's bum.

00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,Honestly, they do put them in some dark
places.

00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:00,Oh, I don't know, though.

00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:04,Hello.

00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:07,Again. Don't you ever stop.

00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:09,Only to get my breath back.

00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,Honestly, she's g***t a one -track mind.

00:01:13,210 --> 00:01:14,Nothing a cold shower won't cure.

00:01:15,130 --> 00:01:17,I've always had a soft spot for men in
uniform.

00:01:17,690 --> 00:01:19,And out of uniform and all, I shouldn't
wonder.

00:01:19,570 --> 00:01:20,See you. Cheers.

00:01:21,610 --> 00:01:22,A bientot.

00:01:28,490 --> 00:01:29,Oh, look at that rear.

00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:32,Like two peaches inside a handkerchief.

00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,Yeah, you can't beat an ice bum.

00:01:37,790 --> 00:01:41,Chris may have been a complete washout
as a human being, but he had a great

00:01:41,010 --> 00:01:42,little butt on him.

00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:45,Marcus thinks his is spreading, but I
told him size isn't everything.

00:01:47,430 --> 00:01:48,Trace, is that you?

00:01:48,570 --> 00:01:49,No, it's Santa Claus.

00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,Maddy, we're coming down chimneys.

00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:53,All right, all right, you sarky mare.

00:01:53,790 --> 00:01:57,I ain't being sarky. I've come bearing
gifts. Oh, what are we celebrating?

00:01:58,110 --> 00:02:01,Probably just clinched Maidstone
Prison's Stoppiest Wife of the Year

00:02:01,670 --> 00:02:04,I ain't been to Maidstone, clever cluck.
Yes, you have.

00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:06,Where else would you be in your best
gear?

00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:08,Oh, to meet a man, of course.

00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:10,That's your answer to everything, isn't
it, Dor?

00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,A man.

00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:14,Well, that or a box of Belgian truffles
and the latest Jilly Cooper.

00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:17,Perhaps Dorian's right for a change.

00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,Tracy, you dark horse.

00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,Well, why else would I have bought this
champagne?

00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:25,I knew this would happen.

00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,You've met another fella and you've
fallen in love and he's moving in here

00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:30,you won't want me around anymore.

00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,I'll end up in Cardboard City.

00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:36,Or else you'll move... Move in with him,
I'll have to pay the mortgage on this

00:02:36,770 --> 00:02:39,place and I'll go bankrupt and I'll
still end up in cardboard.

00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,What a job, you lemon.

00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:43,You mean I won't have to move out?

00:02:43,470 --> 00:02:47,The man I met is the sales manager of
Leckham's Commercial Offset Printers and

00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:48,I'm now his secretary.

00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,Temporary for now, but you never know.

00:02:51,050 --> 00:02:53,What about my bookkeeping, Sharon?

00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:57,Congratulations, Tracy. I'm dead proud
of you, Tracy. What about your

00:02:57,210 --> 00:03:01,bookkeeping? Well, if you've g***t a job,
who's going to do the cafeca? Sharon!

00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:04,I will, on a Sunday morning like I
always do.

00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:08,Now say something nice or you'll get
this bottle of bubbly right up your

00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:09,column.

00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:14,Congratulations, Trace. I'm dead proud
of you.

00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:17,So, what's this sales manager like?

00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:20,Grey quilted shoes and a Bobby Charlton
hairdo?

00:03:21,530 --> 00:03:25,His name's Bill Steele and he's late
thirties and he looks a bit like that

00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,newsreader with the twinkly eyes.

00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:28,Moira Stewart?

00:03:29,930 --> 00:03:31,Michael Pratt, you burk.

00:03:32,110 --> 00:03:33,I mean Burke, you prat.

00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:36,I've always liked Michael Burke.

00:03:36,490 --> 00:03:38,He talks about the recession with such
humanity.

00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:43,So you'll be having this twinkly -eyed
boss of yours up behind the filing

00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:46,cabinets before you can say, take a
letter, Miss Stubbs. You always have to

00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:47,lower the tone, don't you?

00:03:48,210 --> 00:03:49,Only if Dorian don't get there first.

00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,He's married, I'm married.

00:03:52,790 --> 00:03:54,He's the boss, I'm the secretary.

00:03:54,950 --> 00:03:56,All right, now let's party.

00:04:03,219 --> 00:04:04,Green fingers too, eh?

00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,I reckon you laughed at me too. I was
trying to go faggins in it.

00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,Is there no end to your talent?

00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,Well, I did forget to cancel your
meeting with George Bannerman last week.

00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:16,Yeah, but I g***t two grand order out of
it, didn't I, eh?

00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,What a pair, eh?

00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,Better get on with that report if you
want it for tomorrow.

00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:25,So, how are you settling in?

00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:28,Terrific. I'm really grateful to you for
taking me on when you could have had

00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,some Kylie clone straight out of
college.

00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:34,I've had it with brainless bimbos in
lycra mini skirts that leave nothing to

00:04:34,670 --> 00:04:38,imagination. I know. Some of the skirts
my Garth's girlfriends wear. I've g***t

00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:39,air bands wider.

00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:41,Oh, God.

00:04:41,410 --> 00:04:42,I've turned into me mother.

00:04:42,990 --> 00:04:45,Arthur, you're lying about your son's
age. I'm not honest.

00:04:46,230 --> 00:04:47,He's 18, next birthday.

00:04:47,730 --> 00:04:49,Oh, you had him when you were seven.
Now, which is it?

00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:55,I always thought at 18 I'd be working as
a PA up west, sharing a flat with an

00:04:55,090 --> 00:04:57,air hostess and driving down King's Road
in a sports car.

00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,Not washing out nappies under a cold tap
in Tottenham.

00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,My garth did put the muckers on my
career, which is why it's great to have

00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:08,now. And it's great to have you here. I
like a woman who's been around and knows

00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:09,how to handle a bloke like me.

00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,The Hargreaves order.

00:05:14,820 --> 00:05:16,Frank wants your valued opinion.

00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,G***t to have someone else who's paid the
wrong side this morning, Sheila.

00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,Listen, Anne and I are going up to
Fedley's lunchtime if you fancy coming.

00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:26,can't. I've g***t to finish this report.

00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,Tracey's very conscientious. I can spell
that for you if you need to look it up

00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,in her dictionary.

00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:32,Don't bother.

00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:34,We don't get much call for long words on
reception.

00:05:37,340 --> 00:05:39,Blimey. Who's rattled her cage?

00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,Steer well clear of that one, Tracey.
She's not known as Sheila Blige for

00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:43,nothing.

00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:52,Trace, I'm on tenterhooks. I ain't been
so excited since I last watched paint

00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:53,dry.

00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:55,Here I come.

00:05:58,060 --> 00:05:59,Do you reckon it's OK?

00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:01,I mean, they said I could take it back
if it clashed with the bride's outfit.

00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:04,What bride's outfit?

00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,Oh, you know what I'm like. I can't take
something back unless I make up this

00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,big story as to why it might be
unsuitable.

00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:11,Unsuitable? Boom, boom!

00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:14,Look, just do what I do.

00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,Say you bought it for someone and they
died.

00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,Look, I know it's a bit extravagant
blowing my first wage packet on some new

00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:22,gear, but I need some proper work
clothes.

00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:25,It's no skin off my nose what you do
with your dosh.

00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,You, er... So you spend it. Well, what
about the skirt?

00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,What about it? You don't think it's too
short, do you? I don't want the world

00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,and his wife getting an eyeful of my
jacksie.

00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,I've seen you wear a lot shorter.

00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,Remember that dress you bought to see
the Osmonds at Wembley? You could have

00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,corrupted little Jimmy every time you
crossed your arms.

00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,It's just I don't want to look like a
brainless...