Bless This House s05e04 Home Tweet Home.eng Subtitles

00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:45,Would you like an egg, Sally?

00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:48,It's not on my diet, but I will.

00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:49,Any bacon?

00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:50,Yes, and sausage.

00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,I'll just have two.

00:00:52,101 --> 00:00:54,I shouldn't really, because they're not
on my diet either.

00:00:54,810 --> 00:00:58,Oh, darling, it seems to me the only
thing not on your diet is you.

00:01:01,790 --> 00:01:02,Is it?

00:01:02,990 --> 00:01:04,Oh, Sid, you've cut yourself.

00:01:04,811 --> 00:01:08,Well, my electric razor blew up halfway
through. I had to use a little pink one

00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,of yours.

00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:12,But I've been trimming the bathroom line
over there.

00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:16,Daddy's in a mood.

00:01:16,770 --> 00:01:20,Daddy is not in a mood. That is the
usual happy, cheerful stuff.

00:01:21,090 --> 00:01:22,Turn that rubbish off.

00:01:22,810 --> 00:01:24,I'm waiting for a request.

00:01:24,550 --> 00:01:26,You just had one. Turn it off.

00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:31,Sid? Yes?

00:01:31,350 --> 00:01:35,What would you like me to throw into
your cage for breakfast this morning?

00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:36,I'm not hungry, thank you.

00:01:36,710 --> 00:01:38,Are you still mad at me and Mike? Yes, I
**.

00:01:38,991 --> 00:01:43,If you and that petrified log upstairs
don't want to come on holiday with your

00:01:43,030 --> 00:01:45,mother and me, we couldn't care less,
could we?

00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,Oh, no, dear. Yes, we could.

00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:49,What's wrong with Torquay?

00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,What's right with Torquay?

00:01:51,301 --> 00:01:53,Don't answer one question with another.

00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,Should I do that? Yes, you did.

00:01:54,901 --> 00:01:58,Mike and I would much rather go to the
club, Mediterrani. And you did say we

00:01:58,980 --> 00:01:59,could.

00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,Did I?

00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:04,Oh, yes, dear. It was the third grunt
last Monday at breakfast.

00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,Whose club?

00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:09,Mediterrani. Yes, tell me about it.

00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:10,It's back to nature, Daddy.

00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,Everyone lives in Groucho.

00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,They use beans for money.

00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,And everyone turns off their trammels.

00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,You are keeping your trammels on
wherever you go.

00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,Please contact Sally for me, dear.

00:02:21,631 --> 00:02:23,Morning, all.

00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,He's up.

00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:25,He's awake.

00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:29,What happened? Did the mattress burst
into flames?

00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,Oh, no.

00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:32,He's in a mood.

00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,No, he's his usual happy, cheerful self.

00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,Turn that rubbish off. Why?

00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:40,Turn it off.

00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,What's the matter with him?

00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:46,Just for once, your father would like to
sit down to breakfast without that

00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:48,Scotsman.

00:02:48,890 --> 00:02:49,What Scotsman?

00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:52,Oh, you know, um, Terry Wogan.

00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,Is this club?

00:02:57,101 --> 00:03:00,Mediterranean. Mediterranean, thank you
very much. Explain it. Well, it's living

00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:03,in grass huts, using beads for money.

00:03:03,131 --> 00:03:06,Yes, yes, yes, I've heard all about
that. Go on. Well, it's back to nature,

00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:09,It's a simple life. And all the girls go
around topless.

00:03:13,570 --> 00:03:14,Topless? Yeah.

00:03:14,930 --> 00:03:15,Really?

00:03:18,710 --> 00:03:21,Get in there, son. Fill your boots. Have
a good time.

00:03:22,130 --> 00:03:23,You are not going.

00:03:24,410 --> 00:03:27,I won't be topless. Not with the
competition I'll have there.

00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:30,They're getting close to nature, Sid.
How much?

00:03:30,550 --> 00:03:32,48 quid each. That's close to rock.

00:03:32,870 --> 00:03:34,But it's what they want.

00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:36,I know it's what they want.

00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,Where are they going to get the money?

00:03:40,311 --> 00:03:42,Here it comes.

00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:45,Well, you won't have to pay for it,
darling. They've put an advert in the

00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:46,paper.

00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,You have put an advert in the local
paper? Begging for money?

00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,No, Sid, it's not like that at all.

00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,Save it. Wait till I get back.

00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,Sid? Yes? Your face.

00:03:57,940 --> 00:03:58,Sally,

00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,that could be our first customer.

00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,You're right. Sally, finish your
breakfast.

00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,Mr Abbott?

00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,His name's Roger.

00:04:09,221 --> 00:04:10,Is it?

00:04:10,860 --> 00:04:14,Three feet a day, not too much water, as
I said on the phone. Talk to him as

00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:16,much as you like, but please, watch your
language.

00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:17,I beg your pardon?

00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:22,Now, give him a crust of bread in the
morning, some millet for his lunch, and

00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:25,likes a little bit of something before
he goes to bed.

00:04:25,060 --> 00:04:26,Don't we all?

00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:31,Well done, boy.

00:04:31,351 --> 00:04:35,Forgive me, look, I've g***t to dash. I'm
in a hurry, you see.

00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,I'm going to Wales for my holiday. Well,
you would, wouldn't you?

00:04:38,451 --> 00:04:42,See you in a fortnight, Roger. Watch
your language now, won't you? They do

00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:46,things up, see? A little bit of
something before you go to bed, eh?

00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:49,I don't want to come in!

00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:50,All right, Daddy.

00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:52,We'll be fine, Mr. Silver.

00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:54,Silver? Not Long John.

00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:56,Hello,

00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,Roger. You know each other?

00:04:58,910 --> 00:04:59,Well, not really.

00:04:59,961 --> 00:05:02,This is our scheme for raising money for
our holidays.

00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:04,What, buying and selling parrots?

00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:05,No, Daddy.

00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,Looking after people's pets while
they...

00:05:08,581 --> 00:05:11,Will somebody please tell me what's
going on here? Well, look, it's all in

00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:12,there, Edward.

00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:13,Hold that.

00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:14,No, we might find it.

00:05:15,110 --> 00:05:18,You hold him. Yes, you hold him. With a
bit of luck, you can cop it. Go on.

00:05:19,810 --> 00:05:21,Park a pet with us.

00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,The Abbott Kennels.

00:05:23,450 --> 00:05:25,Competitive rates all animals catered
for.

00:05:26,090 --> 00:05:27,Oh, no!

00:05:27,141 --> 00:05:31,It's a very good idea, Sid, and they
thought of it all themselves. They take

00:05:31,470 --> 00:05:32,after their father.

00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:34,Their father does not collect old birds.

00:05:34,770 --> 00:05:36,You know what I'm talking about.

00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:38,It showed great initiative.

00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:43,All the proper kennels are fully booked
up at this time of year. And they charge

00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:44,so much.

00:05:44,950 --> 00:05:49,We are not turning this house into a
bloody... You know what?

00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:54,They charge a hamster for bed and
breakfast. No. How much?

00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:56,£1 .50 a week.

00:05:56,470 --> 00:05:57,With or without cornflakes.

00:05:58,530 --> 00:06:00,It won't be as good, Sid.

00:06:00,471 --> 00:06:04,They're not planning on having anything
big and hairy around the place. Neither

00:06:04,570 --> 00:06:06,did we. Look what we finished up with.

00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,We charge one pound per budgie per week.

00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,Get off that phone. We've already g***t a
budgie.

00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:13,I'll get it.

00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:18,If it's another parrot, tell him to take
it and get it stuffed.

00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:20,Hang on a minute, Mike.

00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,Can we do a discount on three?

00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,Knock off 5 % if you have to.

00:06:24,620 --> 00:06:26,Hello? Yes, that'll be fine. Good...