Ebony.And.Ivory.2024.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX] Subtitles

00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,Downloaded from
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00:05:25,048 --> 00:05:26,So, how was your journey?

00:05:27,741 --> 00:05:31,Very, very, very, very long.

00:05:31,434 --> 00:05:35,It was a very, very,
very, very long journey.

00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:37,Let there be absolutely
no doubt about that.

00:05:42,928 --> 00:05:44,Oh, funny, is it?

00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:46,Yes, it's funny!

00:06:10,611 --> 00:06:13,This is one of my famous
hot cups of tea that say,

00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:16,'Welcome to my
Scottish Cottage'.

00:06:18,999 --> 00:06:22,'Scottish Cottage?'

00:06:26,696 --> 00:06:29,S***t and f***k! S***t and f***k!

00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,How's the hot cup of tea?

00:06:34,463 --> 00:06:36,Not bad. Not great.

00:06:36,844 --> 00:06:38,What kind of hot
cup of tea is it?

00:06:39,571 --> 00:06:41,It's called Lapsang Souchong.

00:06:42,505 --> 00:06:43,Oh yeah.

00:06:44,024 --> 00:06:45,I know that tea.

00:06:45,991 --> 00:06:48,It's the smoky tea.

00:06:48,546 --> 00:06:52,It's possibly the smokiest
tea out there.

00:06:52,239 --> 00:06:54,I mean, ** I right about that?

00:06:54,655 --> 00:06:56,Oh yes you are.

00:06:56,174 --> 00:06:57,She's a smoky brew.

00:06:58,038 --> 00:06:59,Give her an inhalation.

00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,Don't mind if I do.

00:07:08,151 --> 00:07:09,Do you like it?

00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:11,It's g***t a very
distinct flavour.

00:07:12,155 --> 00:07:13,Smell like pee pee.

00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:14,Tastes like pee pee.

00:07:14,744 --> 00:07:15,Is that what they say?

00:07:16,781 --> 00:07:18,That's not cheap, mate.

00:07:19,093 --> 00:07:20,That's an expensive brew.

00:07:21,337 --> 00:07:24,And I steeped it for exactly
the right amount of time.

00:07:24,961 --> 00:07:28,You're sounding
pretty ungrateful there.

00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:30,Maybe you want
to take that back?

00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:32,Take what back?

00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:36,Take what you said back.

00:07:36,628 --> 00:07:38,Back where?

00:07:38,216 --> 00:07:39,You what?

00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:43,I never take anything back.

00:07:43,393 --> 00:07:45,Not usually anyway.

00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:48,But okay, I'll take that back.

00:07:48,813 --> 00:07:51,Only because I just arrived

00:07:51,712 --> 00:07:55,and I want everything here
to go smoothly...

00:07:56,786 --> 00:07:58,If you know what I mean.

00:07:59,548 --> 00:08:01,No, I don't know what you mean.

00:08:01,998 --> 00:08:05,Well, I mean I kind of do know
what you mean.

00:08:05,588 --> 00:08:08,I'm just trying to talk
like you. In riddles.

00:08:08,764 --> 00:08:10,I don't talk in riddles.

00:08:10,386 --> 00:08:11,I just talk like me.

00:08:12,043 --> 00:08:15,I'll talk like me
and you talk like you.

00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:18,You don't have to tell me
to talk like me.

00:08:18,325 --> 00:08:19,I ** me.

00:08:19,637 --> 00:08:21,I've always been me.

00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,Anyway, it's dinner time.

00:08:23,917 --> 00:08:26,Oh, it's chow time, is it?

00:08:26,436 --> 00:08:28,It's time to do
the munchy-munchy.

00:08:28,922 --> 00:08:32,And how exactly do I find
the dining room

00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:37,when I've never set foot in
this Scottish Cottage before?

00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,We have ways
of getting you

00:08:42,418 --> 00:08:43,into the dining room

00:08:43,971 --> 00:08:46,for the veggie casserole, mate.

00:08:56,605 --> 00:08:58,Hey, hey! That tickles!

00:08:58,952 --> 00:09:00,Yeah, it kinda does, right?

00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:03,I hooked my fingers
in your armpits.

00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:05,I was wondering if that
was your fingers.

00:09:05,890 --> 00:09:07,Yes, it's me fingers.

00:09:27,877 --> 00:09:28,Well?

00:09:29,879 --> 00:09:32,What was that that we ate?

00:09:32,848 --> 00:09:35,Exactly. And I mean exactly.

00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,It was a vegetarian ready-meal.

00:09:40,441 --> 00:09:42,A vegetarian ready-meal?

00:09:43,134 --> 00:09:46,The wife has a range
of vegetarian foods.

00:09:46,758 --> 00:09:48,We just had one of them.

00:09:48,484 --> 00:09:49,You and me.

00:09:50,037 --> 00:09:51,I grabbed it out of the freezer.

00:09:52,764 --> 00:09:56,Are you actually a vegetarian?

00:09:56,734 --> 00:09:58,I'm a proper veggie, mate.

00:09:59,875 --> 00:10:01,Ah. And you know what I **?

00:10:03,188 --> 00:10:04,No. What are you?

00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:09,I'm a sometimes-atarian.

00:10:12,163 --> 00:10:14,Oh, okay.

00:10:15,338 --> 00:10:17,That sounds exotic.

00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:24,So-a, sometimes-a
I eat-a the meat-a.

00:10:24,865 --> 00:10:28,And sometimes-a I eat-a
the sausage-a.

00:10:29,283 --> 00:10:33,So, sometimes-a you eat-a
the sausage-a?

00:10:34,564 --> 00:10:37,It's a possibility-a?

00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,No-a. I-a don't-a eat-a
of the sausage-a.

00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,It's-a not-a a possibility-a.

00:10:53,825 --> 00:10:57,It's gone awfully quiet.

00:11:09,979 --> 00:11:10,Come on.

00:11:11,291 --> 00:11:14,What's this all about,
you travelling all the way here?

00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,You came here by car.

00:11:17,331 --> 00:11:18,You came here by plane.

00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:24,I did NOT come here by plane!

00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,You came a long, long,
long, long way.

00:11:29,827 --> 00:11:31,That has to mean somethin'.

00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:43,So, what's this all about?

00:11:44,013 --> 00:11:45,Oh, we'll get to that.

00:11:47,154 --> 00:11:48,Aren't you pleased to see me?

00:11:49,087 --> 00:11:50,If you're pleased to see me,

00:11:51,193 --> 00:11:53,then you'll build a real
log fire in here

00:11:53,954 --> 00:11:57,and warm up this
Scottish Cottage

00:11:57,199 --> 00:12:00,for the two dirty great
big musical legends

00:12:00,202 --> 00:12:02,who are gathered here
right now, right here

00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:06,in this most especially
Scottish Cottage!

00:12:07,347 --> 00:12:08,Okay, here we come.

00:12:08,797 --> 00:12:11,We've g***t a roaring log fire
right now.

00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,Here we come, mate!

00:12:14,147 --> 00:12:18,Slide me one more
of your fizzy beers.

00:12:22,396 --> 00:12:26,This is another Wee Billy's
Big Wee Fizzy Beer.

00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:53,This is the Green Man.

00:13:07,303 --> 00:13:08,Aah.

00:13:12,895 --> 00:13:14,Go upstairs.

00:13:14,690 --> 00:13:16,Make yourself comfortable.

00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:19,Have a bubble bath.

00:13:19,212 --> 00:13:20,I'll get the fire crackling.

00:13:21,076 --> 00:13:23,See you in a few momentitos.

00:13:25,943 --> 00:13:27,Momentitos?

00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,It's... too... hot!

00:13:34,744 --> 00:13:37,S***t and f***k! S***t and f***k!

00:13:51,002 --> 00:13:52,I'm going to pour you

00:13:52,935 --> 00:13:56,a Wee Billy's Big Wee
Frisky Whisky.

00:14:09,952 --> 00:14:10,Here you go, mate.

00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:19,This whisky is from
the actual Mull of Kintyre.

00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:26,Aaaah!

00:14:28,626 --> 00:14:30,You're meant to sip it, mate.

00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,You ever been on a journey
so long

00:14:34,425 --> 00:14:37,that your thirst became
truly biblical in its enormity?

00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:40,You what?

00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:46,Fill me up immediately
and no half measures!

00:14:59,174 --> 00:15:00,Here you go, mate.

00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:05,Numero dos!

00:15:11,462 --> 00:15:12,Aaah!

00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,Hey, you know
what I was thinkin'?

00:15:16,260 --> 00:15:18,What exactly were you thinkin'?

00:15:19,332 --> 00:15:22,I was thinking we could have
a bit of a doobie woobie.

00:15:22,507 --> 00:15:24,A bit of a what?

00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,A bit of a doobie woobie.

00:15:26,511 --> 00:15:27,Just a little tug.

00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:29,Come on.

00:15:29,204 --> 00:15:31,Just a little tug?

00:15:31,516 --> 00:15:32,Just a little tug!

00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:35,Of a doobie woobie?

00:15:35,555 --> 00:15:37,A little tug of a doobie

00:15:37,488 --> 00:15:40,and a little tug of a woobie
while we're at it!

00:15:41,078 --> 00:15:45,I mean, I did travel a long,
long, long, long way

00:15:45,703 --> 00:15:46,to get here.

00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,And a man needs to relax.

00:15:50,811 --> 00:15:52,A man has to relax.

00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,THE man has to relax.

00:15:57,059 --> 00:15:58,'The' man?

00:15:58,647 --> 00:15:59,THE man.

00:16:00,028 --> 00:16:01,THE myth.

00:16:01,408 --> 00:16:04,THE legend.

00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:06,THE man?

00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:07,THE myth?

00:16:08,415 --> 00:16:09,THE legend?

00:16:09,796 --> 00:16:10,Who's that?

00:16:11,487 --> 00:16:12,Me!

00:16:12,419 --> 00:16:14,Even I need to relax sometimes.

00:16:15,491 --> 00:16:16,Even you?

00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:19,Even me....