Bless This House s02e10 People In Glass Houses Subtitles

00:00:10,999 --> 00:00:15,VTR terms 5 -4 -00, part one, take one.

00:01:14,830 --> 00:01:16,Well, she can't do without that bit.

00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:20,There.

00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:23,Go, go, blimey.

00:01:24,030 --> 00:01:26,Oh, just look at that carpet.

00:01:27,310 --> 00:01:28,Oh, no, see!

00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:31,Oh, blimey, look at that now.

00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,What? The bottom's falling off.

00:01:34,070 --> 00:01:35,Oh, sorry.

00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:37,What did you do with Mike's birthday
card?

00:01:37,410 --> 00:01:38,It's in my private drawer, yeah.

00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:40,Oh, that.

00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:54,What shall I put?

00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:57,Do you mean to tell me that after all
these years, everybody's had private

00:01:57,110 --> 00:01:59,access to my blooming secret documents
here?

00:01:59,710 --> 00:02:02,No, not everybody, dear. Just Mike,
Sally and me.

00:02:02,410 --> 00:02:08,To our dear son on his 20th birthday,

00:02:08,889 --> 00:02:12,wishing you joy, health... And an early
marriage.

00:02:13,970 --> 00:02:15,How can you say that?

00:02:15,430 --> 00:02:16,Easy.

00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:21,You've never been bothered by the
children. I've had them since they were

00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,When they wanted money for school
outings, they came to Mummy.

00:02:24,820 --> 00:02:28,When they wanted money for tape
recorders and record players, they came

00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,Mummy. Even now, when they want new
clothes, they come to Mummy. What does

00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:33,do? She comes to Daddy.

00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,That's not true.

00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:39,What shall we get Mike for his present?
I haven't thought about it.

00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:40,Gold watch would be nice.

00:02:41,580 --> 00:02:42,Gold watch?

00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:43,Do you know what they cost?

00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:46,You've only g***t one son.

00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,And he's had 19 birthdays.

00:02:48,829 --> 00:02:49,I see.

00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:52,Counting his birthdays now. I don't have
to. As soon as May sets in, he starts

00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:55,trotting about here like a mobile
broadcasting unit.

00:02:55,650 --> 00:02:58,Children are like that. He's not a
child. He's a man.

00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:03,I don't care what you say. Mike will
always be a little boy to me. Good.

00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:04,give him a little train set then.

00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:10,But when it's your birthday, the
children spend hours discussing what

00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:11,going to buy you.

00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:13,And they spend hours trying to bum the
money off me to pay for it.

00:03:14,209 --> 00:03:17,They put a lot of thought into it.
That's quite true. I've g***t boxes and

00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:18,of handkerchiefs to prove it.

00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:20,All right.

00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:24,There'll be no more birthdays in this
house. Good. No presents, no

00:03:24,010 --> 00:03:26,handkerchiefs. You can go around with
your nose running.

00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:28,Oh, gee, no! Oh,

00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:33,God. She's lost her left one now.

00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:38,And another thing. You should be ashamed
of yourself spending all your time

00:03:38,370 --> 00:03:39,messing about with nude women.

00:03:39,910 --> 00:03:41,Can't be you to worry. She's going to
start messing about with nude fellas.

00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:48,trouble with mummy. It's daddy I'm
worried about.

00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:52,So? All I want to do is celebrate my
birthday with a few mates. Now, what's

00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:53,wrong with that?

00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:56,You've g***t 30 people on the list
already. That's what's wrong with it.

00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:58,on. Give me the list. We'll cross them
off.

00:04:25,770 --> 00:04:26,kiss solves everything.

00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,You think you've only g***t to kiss me and
everything's fine.

00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:41,You think all you have to do is kiss me.
I thought we'd make a nice gold watch.

00:04:42,170 --> 00:04:43,Oh, darling.

00:04:43,970 --> 00:04:46,You know you've only g***t to kiss me and
everything's fine.

00:04:48,190 --> 00:04:49,Keep wearing.

00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:59,McCarthy off. You've g***t to be kidding.
I've been stalking her for weeks. But

00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:00,she's David's girlfriend.

00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:02,Great. We'll cross him off.

00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:03,That makes 29.

00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:07,Oh, forget it. Look, the only way we can
cut down on this party is by you and I

00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:09,getting off the list. Come on. Get it
over with.

00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,Well, that's settled then.

00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,All right. You've had your gold watch
work.

00:05:17,660 --> 00:05:19,Look, Mike. They're holding hands.

00:05:20,260 --> 00:05:23,What do you think we do? Swing on the
curtains and chuck bananas at each

00:05:30,090 --> 00:05:33,Oh, Flummy, here's the vocabulary for
you. Great, groovy, and gas. It's like

00:05:33,730 --> 00:05:34,living with two hippie parrots.

00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:39,You might be interested to know that
your mother and I hold hands

00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:41,because we love each other. And if we
didn't have you two galloping about all

00:05:41,870 --> 00:05:43,day, we might get down to something a
little more substantial.

00:05:44,190 --> 00:05:45,Steve!

00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:50,You don't have to explain to us, Daddy.
Holding hands is symbolic of physical

00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:53,awareness, and physical awareness
culminates in total union.

00:05:54,450 --> 00:05:56,What do you know about total union?

00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:57,Nothing yet.

00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,Total union? Yeah, all right, all right.

00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,What are you hanging about for? The
cabaret's over.

00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:07,Well, actually, I came to have a word
with you about my birthday.

00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:11,Yes, and I came to support Mike whilst
he had a word with you about his

00:06:11,150 --> 00:06:13,birthday. Oh, we're keeping your
birthday a surprise.

00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:16,That's going to be a bit difficult, Mum.
I happen to know it's on Friday.

00:06:17,830 --> 00:06:20,What your mother's trying to say is that
we want to keep your birthday present a

00:06:20,470 --> 00:06:22,surprise. Oh, that's cool. I don't want
a present.

00:06:23,330 --> 00:06:27,Call the vet. No, no, no, no. What I
actually want is a... Well, I'd like

00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:30,Well, go on, dear. You can talk to your
father. Of course he can.

00:06:30,410 --> 00:06:31,He'd like a...

00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:33,Party?

00:06:33,670 --> 00:06:38,You can't talk to your father. Well,
what Sal means is a minute party.

00:06:38,650 --> 00:06:40,Yes, that's it. Minute. Just a few
friends.

00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,Minute. Small.

00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,Small party or small friends?

00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,Small party. Average -sized friends.

00:06:47,010 --> 00:06:49,Well, that sounds nice, Sid. You can't
refuse that.

00:06:49,850 --> 00:06:50,It doesn't, and I can.

00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:56,Why? Because I know very well that if
you leave a lot of average -sized boys

00:06:56,010 --> 00:06:58,average -sized girls alone together,
eventually one of those average -sized

00:06:58,930 --> 00:07:01,girls is going to finish up in normal.

00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,My mother went on holiday last year and
she had her party.

00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,And the only person who ended up
enormous was her mother.

00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,Spanish waiter.

00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,You've g***t an answer to everything,
haven't you? Yes.

00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,No, I will not have my house wrecked.
Who's going to wreck your house? A gang

00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,marauding chimps you call friends.

00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,Oh, that's great, isn't it, Dad? I have
a birthday and I can't even celebrate it

00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:25,with a few friends. I'm deprived.

00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:27,And your mates are depraved.

00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,If I leave you lot alone in the south,
I'll finish up with nothing but the damp

00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:32,course. Please, Daddy.

00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,Wasting your time kissing me.

00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,Please, Dad. No, no, I'm sorry. Just
don't bother. Dad. No, no.

00:07:38,940 --> 00:07:39,What's the matter?

00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:40,I thought he was going to have a go as
well.

00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,Get out or I'll thump you.

00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,I'll talk to your father.

00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:46,See you. No, darling, no.

00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:48,Well,

00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:52,that settles then.

00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,I'll provide the food and your father
will provide the drink.

00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:58,Terrific. I thought the party was going
to be a gas.

00:07:58,330 --> 00:08:01,I think I'll make a beautiful bacon
kidney pie.

00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:03,Your...