Captain Butler s01e06 Jailhouse Crock.eng Subtitles

00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:11,All right, calm down, now, lads. Calm
down, fellas. Chorus coming up. Here we

00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,go.

00:00:31,780 --> 00:00:38,Well, that's... A fair successful
robbery, and it went like a dream. Aye,

00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:43,well done to you, Master Roger, for
sneaking in through the porthole. And

00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,for carrying out the safe single
-handedly. Well done to you two, both of

00:00:46,821 --> 00:00:50,for dispatching those two guards with
your wooden arse. And you were... Well

00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:54,done to you, sir, for staying behind and
looking after the boats. Yes, Captain,

00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:55,well looked after the boat.

00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:59,Thanks a lot for the aid, Ramon, but I
stuck at it. But I want you lads to

00:00:59,941 --> 00:01:02,If anything had gone wrong out there, I
would have bust a gut to get you lads

00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,out. Aye, you would as well.

00:01:04,660 --> 00:01:05,Good old sir.

00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:07,Let's have a look at the booty.

00:01:07,460 --> 00:01:08,Hey.

00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:09,Gone signet ring.

00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,Fair enough.

00:01:11,451 --> 00:01:13,Diamond bracelet.

00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,Lovely.

00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,Stainless steel St. Christopher.

00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,You can have that, Rog.

00:01:18,361 --> 00:01:21,All right, lads. Why don't we divide all
this into blocks?

00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:24,I'll take all the fiddly stuff, like the
gold, the money and the diamonds.

00:01:24,980 --> 00:01:27,And you guys can share all the, um, all
the wooden items.

00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:28,What?

00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,There you go, lad.

00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:32,What is this?

00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:36,This is something incredibly special and
expensive.

00:01:36,611 --> 00:01:38,What is it, Cliff?

00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:40,It's a Fabergé egg, Captain. There you
go.

00:01:40,771 --> 00:01:43,Fabergé egg. One of the best aftershaves
money can buy.

00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:45,And a little bottle, too.

00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:46,Oh, wow. Thanks, Captain.

00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:47,We're rich.

00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,Aye. Oh, that's... I'm off to Tahiti.

00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,Spend the rest of your day sunning me
top.

00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:57,sandwiched between several sun -kissed
sweethearts, sunbathing on a diet of

00:01:57,580 --> 00:01:59,s***x, sand and cellulite.

00:02:00,060 --> 00:02:01,Here's the future.

00:02:01,111 --> 00:02:02,The future.

00:02:02,380 --> 00:02:05,And who said piracy doesn't pay?

00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,This is the Royal Navy.

00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:09,You're on arrest for piracy.

00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,Come out with your hands up.

00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:12,Captain, we're surrounded.

00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,Oh, Christ. Shall we stand and fight?

00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,No, let's stop and think.

00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,Come on.

00:02:20,750 --> 00:02:23,Oh, Captain, it's OK. Ha, ha, ha. Disho,
disho, disho.

00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:26,Look at our horses kick, lads.

00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:28,Oh, bollocks.

00:02:28,431 --> 00:02:35,All right, lads, now remember, we've g***t
nothing on us, so we admit to nothing,

00:02:35,330 --> 00:02:36,all right?

00:02:36,050 --> 00:02:38,Gentlemen, you are pirates, are you not?

00:02:38,890 --> 00:02:39,Aye, we are.

00:02:41,090 --> 00:02:42,No. No, we're not.

00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,No. No. No, we're not. Yes, we are.

00:02:45,810 --> 00:02:46,You are.

00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:48,We are. We are, yes.

00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:53,And you are accused of attacking a ship
and stealing its valuables. How do you

00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,plead? Guilty. Absolutely.

00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:56,Guilty as sea.

00:02:56,580 --> 00:02:58,No, no, we're not guilty.

00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,No, no, we're not guilty.

00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:06,Not guilty -ish.

00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,Gentlemen, you plead not guilty -ish.

00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,You'll be held in remand.

00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,Your trial takes place one week from
today.

00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:18,Next. Nice defence, lad.

00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:21,You knob.

00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,Here, Smiler. Want to see my puppy?

00:03:27,311 --> 00:03:29,Good Lord.

00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:32,Have you seen what that man's doing?
Yeah, leave him to his own devices.

00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:38,Are you going to be the daddy on this
here wing, or what?

00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,No, Bolson. I'm more likely to be the
mummy.

00:03:43,870 --> 00:03:45,They can't lock it up.

00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:47,We won't take this lying down.

00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:51,We'll take this whatever way they want
to give it to us. Lying down, sitting

00:03:51,511 --> 00:03:54,bent double with our heads between our
knees, a lump of lard between our

00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:56,buttocks, bleating jet like a frightened
goat.

00:03:56,951 --> 00:04:00,What we're not going to do is draw
attention to ourselves. I can't take

00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,anymore, you screws.

00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:07,I'll go mad, I'll go mad. All right, I'm
going to take off all my clothes and

00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:08,cover this entire cell in poo.

00:04:11,230 --> 00:04:13,You sodding will not.

00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:17,Look, we're only on remands. If we shut
up and smile sweetly, we'll be out of

00:04:17,529 --> 00:04:18,here in a couple of days.

00:04:19,790 --> 00:04:21,Cliff. Captain.

00:04:21,150 --> 00:04:25,The men aren't taking this very well,
Cliff. I thought you could sing us a

00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:26,and cheer us up a bit.

00:04:26,630 --> 00:04:27,Very good idea, Captain.

00:04:31,910 --> 00:04:34,Smile, don't ask me why.

00:04:35,190 --> 00:04:38,We're going to D -I -E, die.

00:04:38,610 --> 00:04:43,We're going to die in this cell. Cliff,
Cliff. When we die... Cliff.

00:04:43,340 --> 00:04:45,Have you g***t anything a bit more up
-tempo?

00:04:45,511 --> 00:04:48,Up -tempo, Captain? Yeah, you know, put
a swing in it for the white folks.

00:04:48,340 --> 00:04:49,Oh.

00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:54,One, two, one, two, three. We're going
to die in this cell. When we die, we're

00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:57,going to die. No, I can't take it.
You're going to die. I can't take it.

00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:58,going to die. Shut your mouth.

00:04:58,860 --> 00:04:59,Shut your mouth.

00:04:59,911 --> 00:05:01,We're going to die.

00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,Shut your mouth.

00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:03,Excuse me.

00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:07,Could you keep the noise down, please? I
** trying to rest.

00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,Look, sir, an inmate. Inmate?

00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,All right, Art, shut your mouth.

00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:15,All right, mate. Your name's Butler.

00:05:15,550 --> 00:05:17,Captain Butler of the high seas.

00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:19,We're pirates, we are.

00:05:19,271 --> 00:05:20,See him?

00:05:20,890 --> 00:05:23,That is Roger Mad Dog Crumsby.

00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,And that one?

00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:27,That's a deal completely off his rocker,
Kumar.

00:05:28,610 --> 00:05:29,We're mad, we are.

00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:35,In fact, we're so mad, sometimes we
just, like, sit around and laugh for no

00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:36,reason. Don't we, lads?

00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:41,What about you, pal? What's your name?

00:05:42,330 --> 00:05:43,Uh, my name, huh?

00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:46,They, uh, they call me Mr. Perkis.

00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:48,Perkis, eh?

00:05:48,990 --> 00:05:51,Is that Mean Machine Perkis?

00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:52,No. Good.

00:05:52,691 --> 00:05:56,So you're not cut up your family and pop
them under the floorboards, Perkis,

00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:57,then? No.

00:05:57,610 --> 00:05:59,I, uh, I did have a nickname once.

00:05:59,891 --> 00:06:00,Oh, yeah?

00:06:00,990 --> 00:06:04,Yeah. They called me Marbles Perkis.

00:06:05,810 --> 00:06:06,Marbles, eh?

00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:08,What is that?

00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:09,I used to collect marbles.

00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,How long have you been banged up for,
Marbles?

00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:15,I beg your pardon?

00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:17,You know, how long have you been eating
porridge?

00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,About 30 years.

00:06:18,940 --> 00:06:19,30 years?

00:06:20,140 -->...