Billy.Madison.1995.1080p.BluRay.H264.ACC.5.1.BADASSMEDIA -English Subtitles

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00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,Suntan lotion is good for me

00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,You protect me

00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,Tee-h***e-h***e

00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:57,Oh, the sun tries to burn me,
but you won't let it, will ya?

00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:03,Ultraviolet rays - bad.
Lotion - good.

00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]

00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:05,[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]

00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,[BLOWS RASPBERRIES]

00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,Smiley.

00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:22,There's something important
I was supposed to do today.

00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,Have five daiquiris?

00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,No, you remembered to do that.

00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:32,Man, why did I have so many drinks?
I can't remember.

00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,- What's today?
- October?

00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,It's nudie-magazine day!

00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,Yeah!

00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,Watch out, butler!

00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,Ooh, you're a quick one.

00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:11,Nudie-magazine day!
Nudie-magazine day!

00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,Nudie-magazine day! Nudie...

00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,Agh! Ooh!

00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,Ooh.

00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:42,Eee...

00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,Ah!

00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,Oh!

00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,[SQUAWKING]

00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,Holy jeez!

00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:07,Lookee what we g***t here.
That silly penguin is back again.

00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:11,No, Mr. Madison, there no penguin.
You g***t too much sun today.

00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,- There no penguin!
- [SQUAWKS]

00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:19,It's too d***n hot for a penguin
to be just walkin' around here.

00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:24,I gotta send him back to the South Pole.

00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:28,No!

00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:41,Penguin! Don't you dare run away!

00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,Come here, Mr. Penguin!

00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,I'm one of the good guys, penguin.

00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,Don't run! Oh. Oh...

00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,Don't run!

00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:08,Don't run from me!

00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,Penguin!

00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,Penguin.

00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,You're a bad penguin.

00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,Whee-h***e!

00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,Call the zoo!

00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:38,All the people at the zoo
are very nice, penguin.

00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:42,They'll treat you real respectable, like.

00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,There's nothing to worry about, big fella.

00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,Here I come!

00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:02,Right this way, gentlemen.
Mr. Madison is expecting you.

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,Leg.

00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:15,Billy! You shouldn't pull that crap in front
of your father's business associates.

00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:19,Now you get yourself upstairs
and get ready. Dinner's in 15 minutes.

00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,- Yeah, yeah.
- Don't "yeah, yeah" me, boy.

00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,This is a very important dinner.
You best be there.

00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:28,I will. Thank you, Juanita.

00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:32,You gotta dress yourself up
and look nice, too.

00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:36,Oh, that boy's a fine
piece of work all right.

00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:40,He's a fine piece of a***s though, too.

00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,Where the hell is he? I'm starvin'.

00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:54,I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car.
You should've had some.

00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,If you'd told me
there were Triscuit crackers,...

00:05:57,733 --> 00:06:00,- ..I could've enjoyed them with you.
- I'm sorry.

00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:04,Sorry doesn't put the Triscuit crackers
in my stomach, does it, Carl?

00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,Gentlemen?
I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.

00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:13,Have you all met?
Eric Gordon, my executive vice president.

00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:17,And our operations manager Carl Alphonse.
Sit down, gentlemen, sit down.

00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,Beautiful table.

00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,Good seeing you, sir.

00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,Where's Billy?

00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,Juanita said he'd be down
in a few minutes.

00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:35,I'm sure you'll all be very impressed.

00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:40,Shampoo is better.
I go on first and clean the hair.

00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,Conditioner is better.

00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:46,I leave the hair silky and smooth.

00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,Oh, really, fool? Really!

00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,Stop looking at me, swan.

00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,[SLURPS]

00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,- Hey, Carl, what's up?
- Nothing much, Billy.

00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:25,- I see you g***t a little sun today.
- You think so?

00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:30,- I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours.
- Did you fall asleep or did you pass out?

00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,Shut up!

00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:39,That's enough, Billy. Because you took
your sweet-a***s time coming down here,...

00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:41,these gentlemen will miss their flights.

00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:45,Well, this guy can stay in my room,
I'll tell you that much.

00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,Billy? Eat your soup.

00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:56,It's good soup.

00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:01,Gentlemen, I can't thank you enough
for coming this evening.

00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:04,[YELLS GIBBERISH]

00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:07,Please, Billy, please,
no gibberish tonight, please. I beg you.

00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,Sorry, Daddy.

00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:14,This is a big night for me tonight, gents.
I have an important announcement.

00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:17,[FAST GIBBERISH]

00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,That's it, Billy! Get the hell outta here!

00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,[SLOW GIBBERISH]

00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:37,- Nice talkin' to you, Billy.
- [SINGSONG GIBBERISH]

00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,[YELLS]

00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,Right. One, two, three!

00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,Hey, Billy, how come
you ain't poundin' any tonight?

00:08:57,329 --> 00:09:01,I don't know. My dad was yellin' at me.
I'm just not in the mood.

00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:08,Hey, Billy, who would you rather bone,
Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?

00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:12,Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?

00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,'74.

00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,- Meg Ryan.
- Go.

00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:21,Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,Oh, my God! I ** the winner!

00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:30,- Billy is not an idiot.
- I'm not saying he's an idiot.

00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:35,I just think he might not be mature
enough to run a Fortune 500 company.

00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:39,My late wife Emily and I
started this company...

00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,with a 15-unit motel
in Patchogue, Long Island.

00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:45,We built it into 650 hotels.

00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:50,Our dream was to one day
turn it over to our only son Billy.

00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,- How many people work for Madison?
- 61,000 and change.

00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:59,How long will they have jobs once Billy
has the hotel operator speaking gibberish?

00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,Oh, Billy, Billy boy.

00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:12,When are you gonna find
whatever it is you're lookin' for?

00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,Here's a nice piece of s***t.

00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:24,My, oh, my. Wait till old man Clemens
realises it's a bag of s***t.

00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:28,He's gonna s***t when he realises it's s***t.

00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,Who g***t the lighter?

00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,Come on.

00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,Light it.

00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,[RINGS DOORBELL]

00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,Oh, my God! Old man Clemens hates s***t!

00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,Shh. Here he comes!

00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,Who the hell is it? What do you want?

00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,Judas Priest, Barbara!
One of those flaming bags again!

00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,[BARBARA] Don't put it out
with your boots, Ted.

00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,Don't tell me my business, devil woman.

00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:11,Call the fire department.
This one's outta control!

00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,[SNIFFS]

00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:21,It's poop again!

00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:24,He called the s***t "poop"!

00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:28,This is the best night of my life!

00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:33,I'll get you d***n kids for this!
You're all gonna die!

00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,Billy, could...

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