Chance In A Million s03e06 The Wedding.eng Subtitles

00:00:09,989 --> 00:00:12,Here I go again.

00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:15,I hear the trumpet blow again.

00:00:16,370 --> 00:00:19,Oh, what a blow again.

00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:22,Taking a chance on love.

00:00:23,350 --> 00:00:26,We ride light again.

00:00:26,870 --> 00:00:29,About to take that ride again.

00:00:36,890 --> 00:00:37,Well,

00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:44,that sorts out WPC Potts' wedding
present.

00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:49,Now, item 14, the hookers of Ledwith
Grove.

00:00:50,610 --> 00:00:54,All right, all right, all right. Now, it
appears, it appears that since the

00:00:54,990 --> 00:01:00,recent creative marketing seminar in the
Ledwith Hotel, our good ladies...

00:01:00,431 --> 00:01:04,have come into contact with a number of
high -pressure selling techniques.

00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,All right, all right.

00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:11,Local residents have complained of
leaflet drops, a midweek two for the

00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:15,one offer, and a money -back guarantee
if not completely satisfied.

00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:22,All right, all right. Now, since vicars are attending the diocesan synod

00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:27,at Ledwith House at the moment, we are
bringing the tart sweet forward.

00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:29,Tonight's the night.

00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:38,The Diocesan Synod. Not to be confused
with item 15, Jack the Vicar. New to our

00:01:38,190 --> 00:01:43,patch. The word is that he poses as a
member of the clergy, addresses the WI

00:01:43,910 --> 00:01:48,similar, and reduces the old dears to
sobs with pictures of orphan kiddies.

00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:54,And, while they're out of the room,
pledging large sums of money to Oxfam,

00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:55,robs their handbag.

00:01:56,690 --> 00:01:58,Unambitious, but...

00:01:59,690 --> 00:02:00,A final item.

00:02:01,090 --> 00:02:02,The Chance wedding.

00:02:02,770 --> 00:02:05,Now, I think most of you know Tom
Chance.

00:02:06,470 --> 00:02:10,Well, as you know, as you know, he's
getting married tomorrow.

00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:13,And I'd like him to have an uneventful
trip to the altar.

00:02:13,490 --> 00:02:17,So if you find him standing over the
inert body of a blood -stained woman,

00:02:17,810 --> 00:02:23,wheeled in a meat cleaver, remember, she
is a migraine sufferer who's fainted.

00:02:24,820 --> 00:02:29,Burnt in the ketchup bottle in her
shopping bag while Steve was passing on

00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:30,way to the knife sharpeners.

00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,Understood? All right, move it out,
then.

00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:35,All right, sir.

00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:41,And, uh, remember, let's be careful out
there.

00:02:52,751 --> 00:02:54,Nervous, Tom?

00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:58,Nervous? Well, you know, it's quite a
scare getting married.

00:02:58,520 --> 00:02:59,Ah, hmm.

00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:00,Are you nervous?

00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:02,Raw meat.

00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:04,Ah.

00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:07,Stomach churning, teeth on edge.

00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:11,Break linings of nervous system worn
down to bare metal.

00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,Trick is, keep busy.

00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:16,Very good of you to do that, Tom.

00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,Where on earth did you learn to do all
this, anyway?

00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,No idea.

00:03:20,620 --> 00:03:21,Out swimming.

00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,In 1965,

00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:28,over -ambitious Heron dropped 28 -pound
salmon pike on head.

00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:35,Temporary amnesia. Came round three
months later doing leatherwork

00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,apprenticeship in remand home.

00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:43,Well, I must say, it looks marvellous.
Yes, it's a bit of a rushed job,

00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:49,unfortunately. Normally prefer to hand
cure, hide, match grains, chase borders.

00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:53,Well... Perhaps you could chase my skirt
when I get back from the party.

00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,Doubtful, Alison.

00:03:56,390 --> 00:03:57,Don't have right equipment.

00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:04,I'll fill this up for you, Tom. Yeah,
thanks.

00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:06,Tom? Yes?

00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:12,Was there ever a specific moment when,
you know, you realised that, you know, I

00:04:12,030 --> 00:04:13,was the one?

00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:18,Ah, yes. Yes, actually, was one moment,
sort of turning point, really.

00:04:19,470 --> 00:04:20,That time in County Hospital.

00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:22,Groin injury.

00:04:22,511 --> 00:04:26,Oh, and that terrible doctor flung back
the sheet and said, is this the one for

00:04:26,670 --> 00:04:27,the s***x change operation?

00:04:30,450 --> 00:04:35,Sheer speed with which you shoved kidney
bowl down front of pyjama bottoms.

00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,Oh, it's what any woman would have done,
Tom.

00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:45,Actually, that was the time when I
realised that you, for me, were...

00:04:45,290 --> 00:04:47,All finished.

00:04:47,761 --> 00:04:49,It's good.

00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:50,Oh, lovely!

00:04:50,821 --> 00:04:51,I've g***t it on.

00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:54,Yes, it's good. Where exactly is the
party?

00:04:54,270 --> 00:04:56,Oh, Mr. Wynne said we could hold it in
the library.

00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,Ah, a civilized place for celebration.

00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:02,Downing occasional lager in shadow of
masters.

00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,Ta -da!

00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:29,It might be better if... Oh, no, it's in
the restricted book section, Tom.

00:05:29,691 --> 00:05:33,Mr Windham keeps his own little blow
-heater down there. No -one's allowed in

00:05:33,290 --> 00:05:35,normally, so really it's quite an
honour.

00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:40,I've personally always been rather fond
of little Viola dress.

00:05:40,850 --> 00:05:42,Stuart Tartan.

00:05:42,230 --> 00:05:43,White collar.

00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:45,Oh, no, it's a decadence party, Tom.

00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:49,Everyone has to go in some example of
declining moral values.

00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:51,Barbara's going as Germaine Greer.

00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,Angela's going as a concubine of the
Emperor Nero.

00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,All this wingence idea, presumably?

00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,Well, no, it's more mine, really.

00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:05,Ah. You're going to be all right, Tom.
There isn't a statue, is there? No, no,

00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:10,no. Decided to avoid more obvious
disaster areas. Probably just spent a

00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:14,evening at home. G***t candle -making kit
somewhere, I think.

00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:18,Oh, Tom, if you mean that box at the
back of the wardrobe, I'm afraid Daddy

00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:20,threw it out.

00:06:20,430 --> 00:06:23,He was a bit worried what you did with
those rubber mould things.

00:06:27,030 --> 00:06:32,Well, probably just spend time putting
Argentine section of cheese label

00:06:32,230 --> 00:06:33,collection in order.

00:06:33,411 --> 00:06:35,You're going to be all right, then?

00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:37,Yes, yes, yes. Give you a lift to party?

00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:38,No, no, it's no need.

00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:42,Oh, no, no, no, no. Going to off
-licence to make small contribution to

00:06:42,850 --> 00:06:45,celebrations. That'd be very nice, Tom.

00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,What are you doing tonight, then,
handsome?

00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:53,Just told you, Alison.

00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,Quiet evening at home.

00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,Anyway, Mummy and Daddy should be back
soon.

00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:03,What on earth have they g***t to?

00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,The strain of endless walking.

00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:18,The cold of hunger is beginning to
weaken my family's resolve.

00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:22,We have been in this hellish place for
it seems an eternity.

00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,We were either taking a photograph for
the family album, when a criminal gang,

00:07:29,230 --> 00:07:33,taking us to be associates of the
photographer, or pornographer, as it

00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:37,out, threatened us with acts of
unspeakable violence and forced us to

00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:40,of the basement studio and into the
sewers.

00:07:40,390 --> 00:07:43,Now look, as I see it, we have two
chances.

00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:46,Plan A and Plan B.

00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:50,Plan A is to keep trying for the opening
in the sewers, the manhole covers,

00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:52,until we find one that Janet can move.

00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:58,And Plan B, incidentally my own personal
preference,...