Chancer s01e03 Hazard.eng Subtitles

00:00:26,910 --> 00:00:28,Want me to drive for a bit?

00:00:28,470 --> 00:00:29,No, I'm alright, thanks.

00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:33,Morning like this. Nice to get behind
the wheel.

00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:42,One good thing.

00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:45,At least the ruddy car's asleep.

00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:02,Ingenious, isn't he, old Steve?

00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,Ingenious is one of the words that
springs to mind, yes.

00:01:06,811 --> 00:01:10,You don't care for him? On the contrary,
I have a great respect for the fellow's

00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:13,initiative. Certainly g***t us out of a
corner with this business.

00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,You really don't like him, do you?

00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,I don't have to like him.

00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:19,He's what we need. He's g***t fight.

00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:25,Yes? Steve?

00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:29,Marcus, it's good to hear you. Get off
the line, I'm expecting a call.

00:01:30,570 --> 00:01:32,You remember a guy called Albany?

00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:36,He's head of recruitment here. You met
him at the clay business of last

00:01:36,110 --> 00:01:38,Christmas. Corpse in a suit.

00:01:39,610 --> 00:01:45,Listen, there's a vacancy here for a
management consultant stroke analyst at

00:01:45,510 --> 00:01:46,highest level.

00:01:49,991 --> 00:01:57,I mean, basically, mate, all you have to
do is turn up s***t with a sweaty little

00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,hand and the job's yours.

00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,That's terrific, Marcus. Thank you.

00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,He's that wet you can bloody water -ski
on him. But the situation has changed.

00:02:06,420 --> 00:02:08,I've booked a table for dinner tonight.

00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,Eight o 'clock. You, me and Albany.

00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:16,Marcus? Just keep your gob shut about
Transfrontier and he'll be all over you

00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:17,like a rash.

00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,Marcus, listen, I appreciate it. I'm
very grateful and I should have told you

00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,earlier, but I've made up my mind and...

00:02:22,561 --> 00:02:24,I don't know what else to say, mate.

00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,It's all cancelled, right?

00:02:26,351 --> 00:02:27,I'm sorry.

00:02:27,450 --> 00:02:29,Well, up yours with a bloody cordon
screen.

00:02:31,930 --> 00:02:32,Goodbye, Martin.

00:02:37,910 --> 00:02:39,And hello, Joe.

00:02:40,950 --> 00:02:42,Hello, Stephen.

00:02:42,001 --> 00:02:47,Come for breakfast or just a few years?
It won't be for long, I promise. One

00:02:47,070 --> 00:02:48,more load.

00:02:48,121 --> 00:02:51,Stephen, you look a bit depressed today.
Is there anything I can do? Barge into

00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:52,your flat or something?

00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:56,Listen, you're hiding from Bartycard,
big deal. I'm living like a bloody

00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:57,in Chelsea.

00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,I can't go out, I can't pull the
curtains, I can't eat, I'm bored and I'm

00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:02,lonely, and every time the lift goes, I
have a heart attack because I think it's

00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,going to be my father.

00:03:04,011 --> 00:03:05,God, actually, you do look depressed.

00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:07,God, actually, I **.

00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,Look, OK, my mistake. Edivine me, I'm
not welcome. I wanted you to come round.

00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,What? I wanted you to come round. I've
missed you.

00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,Have you really? No, just kidding.

00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:21,Come on, what's the matter? Tell me.

00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:26,I'm not psychic.

00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:27,Can't sell the flat.

00:03:27,710 --> 00:03:28,Oh, bum.

00:03:29,530 --> 00:03:30,As you say, bum.

00:03:30,751 --> 00:03:34,Been on the market two weeks. Guess how
many people have been round?

00:03:34,370 --> 00:03:36,None. So what are you going to do?

00:03:36,231 --> 00:03:40,Well, this afternoon I've g***t a board
meeting at Douglas Motors, so that'll be

00:03:40,050 --> 00:03:41,exciting.

00:03:44,780 --> 00:03:45,Shall I open?

00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:47,Do what you want.

00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,I'm going to kill myself.

00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:54,Hello?

00:03:54,311 --> 00:03:57,No, my friend Mr. Crane isn't here at
the moment. He just popped out to kill

00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,himself.

00:03:58,180 --> 00:03:59,Can I take a message?

00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:01,Yeah.

00:04:03,380 --> 00:04:05,Well, about now. What do you think?

00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:18,Tell you what, now you're here, you can
give me a hand with Mr.

00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:19,Goodfellow.

00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:37,Oh, my God.

00:04:44,741 --> 00:04:50,When I was here last night, I was
assured my colleague was yours. The

00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:54,smuggling of military computer software.
It's the agreed procedure, I'm afraid.

00:04:58,450 --> 00:05:01,If I asked you what was happening, would
I get an intelligible reply?

00:05:02,790 --> 00:05:06,Deeper question, really. All you've g***t
to do is say, I love it.

00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,I love it? See? Easy peasy.

00:05:09,111 --> 00:05:10,Love what?

00:05:10,630 --> 00:05:13,For the next half an hour, just, I love
it.

00:05:13,590 --> 00:05:14,Oh, God.

00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:15,It's a scam, isn't it?

00:05:15,931 --> 00:05:19,I'm going to get arrested and go to
prison. Oh, come on, Joe, what's the

00:05:19,450 --> 00:05:20,Don't you trust me?

00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:25,If Franklin were ever to discover how
his wretched daughter came to be

00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:29,from her employment, do you know what he
would do?

00:05:29,670 --> 00:05:31,Come round here with an axe in his hand.

00:05:31,950 --> 00:05:33,Very probably.

00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:37,And what do you suppose I would say in
my defence?

00:05:38,110 --> 00:05:39,You tell him it was my fault.

00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:42,You're learning.

00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:51,I'll tell you what Stephen's done with
that check for Douglas Motors. What?

00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:53,He's given it to Douglas Motors.

00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,Brilliant. Ready?

00:05:58,430 --> 00:06:02,Please! We are obliged by law... Or, Mr.
Douglas, to restore the vehicles to the

00:06:02,870 --> 00:06:05,condition... Lord, you know such thing.
These cars are hand -built. I'm not

00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:06,having just anybody.

00:06:06,930 --> 00:06:10,As you wish. In that case, the
disassembled parts will be...

00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:12,What kind of a euphemism is that?

00:06:12,391 --> 00:06:15,Will be made available to you for
collection when they are cleared by my

00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:18,department. If you wish, I can arrange
for a collection to be made today.

00:06:18,910 --> 00:06:21,Can you believe this? It's like talking
to a robot.

00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:22,He's only doing his job, Robert.

00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:26,It's possible to do one's job and be a
human being at the same time.

00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,I'm sorry, that was appallingly rude.

00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,You've been very helpful and very
courteous.

00:06:33,780 --> 00:06:36,I'm just a bit overwrought. I apologise.

00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:45,Do you think I could possibly use your
telephone?

00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:47,Well worth a shout.

00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:52,Hey, right there. Dilly is being brought
back into contact.

00:06:57,260 --> 00:06:58,Bunch of geriatrics.

00:06:58,800 --> 00:06:59,Yes, dear.

00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,Forgotten how to run.

00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:04,That's the problem. State of the nation,
quite frankly.

00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:05,No initiative.

00:07:05,331 --> 00:07:08,I mean, people nowadays, they think
enterprise is a place where what's -his

00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:09,-face lives.

00:07:09,380 --> 00:07:13,C***k. Your father, he worked damned hard
to guarantee you a private income.

00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:14,Damned hard.

00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,Hello. This is Norman Atwood speaking.

00:07:21,260 --> 00:07:25,Sadly, I'm out working on a case at the
moment and unable to speak to you.

00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,But... If you'd like to leave a message,
please do so after the tone.

00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,Edward, if you're there, please answer
the telephone.

00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,It's Robert Douglas.

00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:40,Look at that!

00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,I really ought to write a letter.

00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,Happy? Page 27. No typographical
blunders so far.

00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:52,Touch...