Chancer s01e05 Pretenders.eng Subtitles

00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:42,I think you will, Miss Jamie.

00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:08,Morning, Victoria.

00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,Morning.

00:01:18,630 --> 00:01:20,Please? Yes, please.

00:01:25,770 --> 00:01:26,Listen, darling.

00:01:27,090 --> 00:01:32,Why don't you stay home, relax, and sort
it out with Tony next week, hmm?

00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:34,Relax?

00:01:35,030 --> 00:01:37,A little bit, though.

00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:41,Oh, man, I have to go back.

00:01:41,470 --> 00:01:44,I don't care if somebody's head off
about this. I'm going insane.

00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:47,Such a civilized place, Oxford.

00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,Bloody hell, I thought it was water from
there.

00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:02,Well, if you only sit down pulling
frauds to help his company. A whingsy

00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,fraud let.

00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:04,Half a million pounds?

00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,I wish I'd seen it. I wish I hadn't.

00:02:17,491 --> 00:02:19,What's that?

00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:20,Lunchbox, yeah.

00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,Terrific sense of humour.

00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:23,He's going to need it.

00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:38,Good morning, Madam Stallman.

00:02:43,020 --> 00:02:44,The old lunchbox.

00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:46,Where's the bath nut?

00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:48,It's chaos here. No organisation.

00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,How ** I supposed to nick him? What do
you want him for? Top left.

00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,G***t him. Lint and smart.

00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:53,Again? Deal with.

00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,It'd be cheaper for him to buy a new
bloody car.

00:02:57,860 --> 00:02:58,Eh.

00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:00,Moves can play them.

00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,Hello.

00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:09,Wouldn't it be easy if I came in?

00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,I prescribe shocking.

00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:13,The British hate a fuss.

00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:17,If you keep it up for long enough,
they're bound to give you them.

00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,Sorry?

00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:19,Tony Stanhope.

00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,Using Troy's research.

00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:22,Oh.

00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,You're going to see each other today?

00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:27,Wrong question, if you would say.

00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,The course of true love... Closed for
road work.

00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:33,Permanently.

00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,I'll phone you this afternoon, after
I've spoken to Professor Garfet.

00:03:38,660 --> 00:03:40,Good luck with the shouting.

00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,Eagerness. That's what I admire about
you, Stephen.

00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:56,I'm psyching myself up for Fitchford.

00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:02,Today, the Inquisition swoops on the
Accounts Department.

00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,I wonder what Peter will feel about
that.

00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,Crane's law, rule number one.

00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:09,Never tell Fitchford anything.

00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:11,Then he can't argue about it.

00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:14,Busy today, Peter?

00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:17,What's that?

00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:21,Today I thought we'd go through the
accounts for the past five years

00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,then get Lorraine to put them on there.

00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,Proper invoicing, stock control, cash
flow, etc.

00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,The usual.

00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:30,Starting today.

00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:31,Why wasn't I told?

00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,Because I didn't want to worry you.

00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,There's a word for this, son.

00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,Accountancy.

00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,And my brother said, no, silly, it's a
paperweight. Oh, he's crying.

00:04:44,171 --> 00:04:49,We go there every year. They pay a bit
more, but the food's worth it.

00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,They always remember your name.

00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,And they don't switch the lights off and
sing happy birthday. Marcus, you

00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:54,b***d.

00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:56,Happy birthday, Lorraine.

00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:58,Stevie.

00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,I sorted out a death for you.

00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,And I hope you'll be comfortable.

00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,What's the matter, Robert? Don't you
trust me? I trust everyone.

00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:12,It's pathetic risking our jobs for a bit
of pocket money.

00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,And prison, Joe. You've g***t prison.

00:05:14,890 --> 00:05:16,Look, stop panicking.

00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:20,I just need a day to sort the invoices
out, and Crane isn't actually expecting

00:05:20,490 --> 00:05:23,to find anything, so he won't. We
haven't g***t a day.

00:05:23,330 --> 00:05:27,What exactly brings Matt, is it, Joe?
Look, I don't care, lads. I'm out.

00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:32,All we've g***t to do is stay calm, right?

00:05:32,850 --> 00:05:34,Find ourselves a bit of time.

00:05:41,301 --> 00:05:45,Well, you could have told us earlier,
Peter.

00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:47,I'm sorry, Robert. I'd hoped we wouldn't
have to.

00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:51,As it is, we only need about 30 ,000,
but we do need it now.

00:05:52,150 --> 00:05:54,I thought you were speaking to the bank
last week.

00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:56,That's so vague.

00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,Well, I must say, I'm not optimistic
about another overdraft.

00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:02,Mr Bailey and I had words the last time
we met.

00:06:03,070 --> 00:06:05,Perfect. That's today down the toilet.

00:06:05,890 --> 00:06:08,I've made an appointment for this
morning.

00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:11,It took a bit of doing, but they managed
to make room for us.

00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:12,Smashing.

00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:15,Right, well, give us a call when you're
ready to go.

00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:20,That's all right, Mr Pitchford. You just
stay here and do whatever you do.

00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,Well, if you don't mind.

00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:26,There's a fair amount to get through
here, all right?

00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:29,Forgive me asking, but are you mad?

00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:34,I mean, how many Sonias do you think
there are in the village?

00:06:35,610 --> 00:06:39,No, no, no, forget it. But just let me
call you in future, all right?

00:06:40,450 --> 00:06:41,What?

00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:43,When?

00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,I'll be there, all right.

00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:51,Yeah.

00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,Bye.

00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,Bye.

00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,Young people today.

00:07:06,740 --> 00:07:07,No patience.

00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:11,It's very good of you to see us at such
short notice, Mr Bailey.

00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,Yeah.

00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,There comes a time in the life of every
business...

00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,How much? 30 grand for two months.

00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:24,I thought... I thought I'd discussed
such an arrangement with Mr. Fitchford

00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:25,the phone last week.

00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,No?

00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,Obviously some wires crossed here.

00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:36,I'll just have a word with my... I think
you'll find

00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,I've already sanctioned the relevant
loan for this particular account.

00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,I'm sure you're right.

00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:47,Then why are you here?

00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:50,I wanted to meet you, Mr. Bailey.

00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:54,And what a pleasure it's been.

00:07:59,470 --> 00:08:01,What a waste of time.

00:08:01,430 --> 00:08:03,Has Fitzford ever shown any unusual
symptoms?

00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:08,Glazed eyes, trembling hands, sexual
advances towards furniture? It's most

00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:09,unlike Peter.

00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:12,What do you reckon he'd like as a
retirement present?

00:08:12,110 --> 00:08:14,So I suppose we were lucky to see Bailey
so quickly.

00:08:16,090 --> 00:08:19,I don't think our ideas of lucky have
much in common, Robert.

00:08:19,101 --> 00:08:23,Stephen, do you think you could find it
in you to be a little bit more patient

00:08:23,290 --> 00:08:24,with Peter?

00:08:24,510 --> 00:08:26,You know, I don't think he likes me.

00:08:26,431 --> 00:08:28,Well, he probably feels threatened.

00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:29,Just give him time, will you?

00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:34,This lot are hot. Put them on me desk.

00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:37,This is stalling and fetch,...