Family Matters s09e13 Crazy for You 1 Subtitles

00:00:12,750 --> 00:00:19,have you been oh i took a long walk
where to pittsburgh over

00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:26,28 bucks in tolls who knew they charged
pedestrians steve you went on a
00:00:26,350 --> 00:00:30,mile walk what is that power walking for
the chronically loopy

00:00:43,820 --> 00:00:47,that's been gnawing at my belly, and I
think we need to talk about it. Oh,

00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:48,whatever, Steve.

00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:55,Well, ever since you professed your
romantic feelings for me, I feel like

00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,caught in this weird, wacky love
triangle.

00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,Steve, I have feelings for you and
Stefan.

00:01:01,780 --> 00:01:06,Well, maybe it would help if I knew what
kind of triangle I was in. See, if it's

00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,an isosceles triangle, I g***t a lot of
catching up to do.

00:01:10,180 --> 00:01:12,If it's equilateral, well, then I'm
doing better than I thought.

00:01:13,980 --> 00:01:16,If it's scaling, oh, just give it to me
straight. I can take it.

00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:21,Steve, believe me, it's as hard on me as
it is on you.

00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:23,Oh, I don't stand a chance.

00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:26,You and I have never even been out on a
real date.

00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,What ** I going to do?

00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,Well, here's a fresh thought. Why don't
you ask me out?

00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:35,You're right.

00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:41,I've been so shocked and amazed that
you're no longer repulsed by me that

00:01:41,770 --> 00:01:43,completely neglected to ask you out.

00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:48,Well, in that case, Laura Lee?

00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:49,Yes, Steve?

00:01:50,690 --> 00:01:52,Would you go out with me this Friday
night?

00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:54,Sorry, I'm busy.

00:01:56,710 --> 00:01:58,Well, I'd just walk right into that one.

00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:01,But I'm free Saturday night.

00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,Saturday night, yeah, we'll have a
romantic meal at Amore's.

00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,Amore's? That's our restaurant.

00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,I heard there's salmon is to die for.

00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:43,I hope you choke on a bone, you hag.

00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:53,And, Laura, I promise you, Saturday
night will be the most wonderful night

00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:54,your entire life.

00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:57,Oh!

00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:05,You hear?

00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:06,I g***t a date with Laura.

00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:16,That date will never happen or my name
isn't Myra Boutros Boutros Monkhouse.

00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:30,But the dumbest bank robber of all has
to be Leonard Mulford. Leonard couldn't

00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,afford a real gun or even a toy gun.

00:03:33,150 --> 00:03:36,So he painted his thumb and index finger
gunmetal gray.

00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:41,That's a stupid man.

00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:46,Dad?

00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:52,Hey, son.

00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:55,Guess who scored the highest at the
police academy firing range today?

00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:57,Let me think.

00:03:57,950 --> 00:03:58,Clint Eastwood?

00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:01,No!

00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:06,Check out this grouping.

00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:08,I'm the best in my class.

00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:12,Hey, I guess that investment in Super
Nintendo finally paid off, huh?

00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:17,Dad. No, I'm just kidding, son. This is
some really fine shooting.

00:04:18,029 --> 00:04:21,Thanks. I want you to remember, it takes
more to be in a cop than putting six

00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,neat little holes in a target.

00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:24,Oh, I know that, Dad.

00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:28,A shotgun makes one big hole.

00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,Edward. I know cops.

00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:36,who've been on the force for 30 years
and have never fired their gun on the

00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,Well, maybe they ought to buy some
bullets.

00:04:41,830 --> 00:04:42,Well,

00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:44,you know, you sound a little too trigger
-happy.

00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:46,You know, I think that you should... Oh,
Dad.

00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:49,Hey, what's for dinner? You know, all
this gunplay can make a brother hungry.

00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:53,Yeah, but if you... I'm a hungry man.
I'm a hungry man.

00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:00,We fail at trashing.

00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:04,No. Rent it. It's about you.

00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:06,Have a seat, Steph.

00:06:07,140 --> 00:06:08,Yeah. I'll get right to the point.

00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,You and I are a lot alike.

00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,We're both gorgeous.

00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,And we're in love with fabulous people.

00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:20,So?

00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:25,So... Those two fabulous people are
going out this Saturday night with each

00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:26,other. Steve?

00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,You g***t it, baby.

00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:29,And my Laura.

00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:31,She won't be your Laura this Saturday
night.

00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,Uh -uh. No way. Way.

00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:40,Steve will take Laura home. Oh, no. I
don't want to hear any more.

00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:47,Steve and Laura will sit on the sofa,
and you know what Laura's like when she

00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:48,sits on comfortable furniture.

00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:18,g***t to do something.

00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:19,Here's the thought.

00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:26,You and I can prevent this tragedy.

00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:27,How?

00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:30,You're taking Laura out the night
before, right?

00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:36,Right. All you have to do is make sure
Laura arrives home at exactly

00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,1045.

00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,Well, what's going to happen at 1045?

00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:44,Don't you worry your pretty little head
about that.

00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,is that the natural order of the
universe will be restored.

00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:53,And Laura will be mine?

00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:55,Forever.

00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:56,Do we have a deal?

00:07:57,380 --> 00:07:58,I don't know, Myra.

00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,I feel like I'm making a deal with the
devil.

00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:03,Okay, I'm in.

00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:19,Look, when we graduate, I hope I get
assigned to a precinct with a lot of

00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,action. You know, I want to hit the mean
streets.

00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,I'm talking shootouts, robberies, car
chases, the whole nine.

00:08:25,780 --> 00:08:26,You know what I'm saying?

00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,I just want a squad car with air
conditioning.

00:08:32,059 --> 00:08:33,Just allow people.

00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:34,Settle down.

00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,Shut your pie holes.

00:08:42,539 --> 00:08:47,Cadets, today... we have a surprise
guest instructor, Captain Carl Winslow

00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,the 8th Precinct.

00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:53,Captain Winslow and I were cadets
together 22 years ago.

00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,Yeah, back when they taught this class
with crossbows.

00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:01,Well,

00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:04,moving right along.

00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,Class, up until now, all you've been
doing is plain old target practice.

00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:12,But now we're going to add a new
element, the judgment factor.

00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:16,Sometimes you only have a split second
to determine if your target is a good

00:09:16,970 --> 00:09:18,or a bad guy.

00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:19,Who'd like to go first?

00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:21,Why not?

00:09:21,830 --> 00:09:22,All right.

00:09:22,570 --> 00:09:23,Vent Winslow to the firing line.

00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,Yes, sir.

00:09:31,890 --> 00:09:33,Careful, that's a loaded gun.

00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:35,That's the only kind there is, sir.

00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:38,All right.

00:09:38,990 --> 00:09:41,Now, five targets will pop up at random.

00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,You have to use your judgment to
determine which ones to shoot.

00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,All right.

00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:49,Now you're on the night shift.

00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,You get a call to go down to the docks.
Are you ready?

00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,Yes, sir. All right.

00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,Stand by the fire.

00:09:58,340 --> 00:09:59,Good.

00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,Very good.

00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:09,Look at here, look at here.

00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,I shot all the criminals.

00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,And you also shot an innocent bystander
and a hostage.

00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:26,You know, the whole point of this
exercise is to use good judgment, which

00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,failed to do, Cadet Winslow.

00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:28,Yeah, but that's just cardboard.

00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:30,That was on a roll.

00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,Zip it, Cadet.

00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,Give me your weapon.

00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:39,Watch...