Ellen s02e05 the fix-up Subtitles

00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:01,Hey!

00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,Hey!

00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,Would your sister like more coffee,
Ellen?

00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,This is not my sister.

00:01:08,580 --> 00:01:10,You're kidding. I didn't know you had a
daughter.

00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,Joe, this is my mother. No way.

00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,Shouldn't you be in school, young lady?

00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,Are you seeing anyone these days?

00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,No one special.

00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,Whatever happened to that Chris fellow?

00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:27,That was three years ago.

00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:31,I liked him. I know you did. We broke
up.

00:01:31,630 --> 00:01:34,Oh. He moved to Chicago. Married someone
named Sandy.

00:01:35,090 --> 00:01:36,Are they getting along?

00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:39,I think it's time to give up on Chris,
Mom.

00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:44,I just worry about you. Well, you don't
have to. Well, Ellen, you're not

00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:47,immortal. You're going to lose your
looks just like everyone else.

00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:50,Already there are signs.

00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:54,Signs? What signs?

00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,Your hips are widening.

00:01:57,610 --> 00:02:01,They are not. Oh, you're coming to that
age. I remember when it started with me.

00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:05,I exercise every day. Oh, well, so did
I. And I ate like a bird, but they kept

00:02:05,850 --> 00:02:06,right on widening.

00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,Slow but sure.

00:02:10,090 --> 00:02:11,Like glaciers. Mom!

00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:16,I just want you to be happy.

00:02:16,710 --> 00:02:19,You know, it's possible to be happy
without a man.

00:02:19,510 --> 00:02:21,Must you joke about everything?

00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:26,Oh! Oh! Guess who I ran into yesterday?

00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:28,Wanda Henderson.

00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:29,Wanda Henderson? From New Orleans?

00:02:30,180 --> 00:02:32,Uh -huh. What's she doing in L .A.?
Well, she and her husband moved into our

00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:36,complex. And their son Doug came by. You
remember him? Oh, yeah.

00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:40,Now, why do you say it like that? He was
a very nice boy.

00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:41,Weird Doug?

00:02:41,940 --> 00:02:45,Mom, you know how in school there's
always that one kid who eats bugs and

00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:48,to himself and all the other kids try to
avoid? Yes. Okay, well, that kid

00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:49,thought Doug was a freak.

00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,I gave him your number.

00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:56,You what?

00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,You had no right. Why would you do this
to me again?

00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:02,Whenever you fix me up in these blind
days, they never work out. Well, you had

00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,very nice time with that Mitch Verdugo.

00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,He stole from me.

00:03:07,580 --> 00:03:08,You had no proof.

00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:23,Hey, Santa brought trash this year.

00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,It's not trash. It's recycling.

00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:28,Smells like trash.

00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:32,My recycling program is not exactly
going as planned. The neighbors seem to

00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,think it means dumping their empties on
our doorstep.

00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,Wow. Somebody sure can't put away the
scotch. Yeah.

00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:38,That's Jeff and 3B.

00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,How can somebody drink that much and
still hold down a job?

00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,That's no big deal. These days, those
big planes pretty much fly themselves.

00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,Oh, my God.

00:03:51,359 --> 00:03:53,Cosmopolitan Magazine wants to print one
of my pictures.

00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:56,You're kidding. That's great, Adam. I
entered a contest they held for photos

00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,depicting the women of L .A. Let's see.

00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:03,Our editors consider you one of the
finest up -and -coming female

00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:08,Uh -oh. You entered a contest for women
photographers?

00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,Well, I thought it was for pictures of
women, not by women.

00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,It's an honest mistake.

00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,Come on. You didn't even print your full
name, A. Green.

00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,Very clever.

00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:18,It's how I'm known professionally.

00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:20,By who?

00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:21,A imaginary friend?

00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,No, it's fine. Make fun.

00:04:24,650 --> 00:04:28,You know, my first shot at national
exposure dashed. That is amusing.

00:04:31,090 --> 00:04:32,I'm sorry, Adam. You're just going to
have to withdraw.

00:04:33,630 --> 00:04:34,Maybe not.

00:04:34,950 --> 00:04:36,After all, all they know is my first
initial.

00:04:37,470 --> 00:04:39,I could say my name is Annabelle.

00:04:40,270 --> 00:04:43,No, you couldn't. Why not? I took a good
picture.

00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:47,Why should I, once again, be
discriminated against just because I'm a

00:04:48,670 --> 00:04:52,Because then you would be a lying, self
-serving lowlife. I will not let you do

00:04:52,190 --> 00:04:53,it. It's a picture of you.

00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:55,I'm going to be in Cosmo?

00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:57,Maybe not.

00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,After all, I don't want to be a lying,
self -serving lowlife.

00:05:00,270 --> 00:05:02,Did I call you that? No, I meant scamp.

00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:06,Don't get that. That could be Doug. My
mother said he may call today. So I'm

00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,allowed to answer my phone again, ever?

00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:09,Just let the machine pick it up.

00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:13,Great.

00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:17,They hung up. You know, this could be
one of the most important calls of my

00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:20,life. This could have been a job. It
could have been the president. It could

00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:21,have been a woman.

00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:24,Well, okay, but it could have been the
president.

00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:28,Hey. Hey, Paige.

00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,I see Jeff's still putting away the
scotch, huh?

00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:33,How does he keep a job?

00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,It's no big deal. These days, those big
planes practically fly themselves.

00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:39,That's my joke.

00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:45,Oh, Ellen, I'm going to the opening of a
new club tonight, and I want to borrow

00:05:45,460 --> 00:05:46,your bomber jacket.

00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:47,No, you would lose it.

00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:49,Well, that is not true.

00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:51,Why don't you wear that new suede jacket
you just bought?

00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:53,It's temporarily missing.

00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:56,So did Doug call? No.

00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,He's probably still trying to figure out
where he's going to stash my body.

00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:03,Just because he was a weird kid doesn't
mean he's weird now.

00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:07,Oh, yeah, Paige. I mean, a childhood of
wedgies, arson, and bug eating almost

00:06:07,830 --> 00:06:09,always leads to a normal adulthood.

00:06:11,890 --> 00:06:14,Yeah, I don't know why parents think
they're such good matchmakers anyway.

00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,They were so good at it.

00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:20,How come they spent their entire lives
trapped in a loveless marriage,

00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:22,at each other night after night, and
then trying to blot out the pain with

00:06:22,740 --> 00:06:23,alcohol?

00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,Something you want to share with us,
Paige?

00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,No.

00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,If you don't answer that, I will.

00:06:40,420 --> 00:06:41,Maybe it's just an obscene caller.

00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,My luck is nowhere near that good.

00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:52,Hello? Hi, Doug.

00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,Yeah, it's me. I had a frog in my
throat.

00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,That's just an expression.

00:07:02,340 --> 00:07:03,So this is where he's taking you, huh?

00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,Swanky. Yeah.

00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,And me without my pearls.

00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,So, you know the drill.

00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,Right, just come back and bail you out.
Just tell me when.

00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:17,Well, it's 7 o 'clock now, and I should
spend some time with a guy, so let's say

00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:18,7 .05?

00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:21,7 .30.

00:07:21,130 --> 00:07:22,Okay? Right.

00:07:22,590 --> 00:07:23,Break a leg.

00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,Thanks.

00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:55,I was, uh, the traffic was just, you
know.

00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,That's all right.

00:08:03,790 --> 00:08:04,Nice place.

00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:11,Look.

00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:13,What are these?

00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:15,Pictures of me.

00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:16,They certainly are.

00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:19,Ellen?

00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:20,930...