family_matters_s04e01_surely_you_joust Subtitles

00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:08,Uh,

00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:19,Steve, you're late for work. I know,
Sweetums, but I had to put the finishing

00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,touches on my latest invention.

00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,So what'd you invent this time?

00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:27,Well, I like to improve my efficiency as
a waiter, so I took my skateboard and

00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,I... Well, you'll see. It's
demonstration time.

00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:19,It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper

00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:26,page. And love and tradition of the
grand design, some people say, is even

00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,harder to find.

00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:34,Well, then there must be some magic clue
inside these gentle walls.

00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:42,Cause all I see is a tower of dreams,
real lovers in every scene.

00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:50,The bigger love of the family.

00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:07,Okay, son.

00:02:07,970 --> 00:02:09,Herb, hand me those wire cutters.

00:02:10,270 --> 00:02:11,Okay, but what's the big rush?

00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:15,We want to finish installing this dish
in time for tonight's world bikini

00:02:15,550 --> 00:02:16,contest.

00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:39,Well, where is everyone?

00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,Oh, uh -huh.

00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:46,You, me, lips, samooch.

00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:53,You, me, oh, fist, her.

00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:58,Oh, you kidder. So, what were you doing
up there? Shaving the old pits?

00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:04,I was not shaving my pits.

00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,Anna, go for the biker chick look.

00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,Oh,

00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:18,what'd I say?

00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:20,Women.

00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,Careful with those wires, Dad. You don't
want to get fried.

00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,Son, relax.

00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,I ** no neophyte when it comes to
electronics.

00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:37,You see, these wires will connect to
this cord, and this cord is not plugged

00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:22,young to do the laundry.

00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:26,Rachel, where did you get that?

00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,Hey, it's not mine.

00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:29,Then whose is it?

00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:36,Come on.

00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,You bought this?

00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,Of course not.

00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:42,It was a gift.

00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:54,He wants me to shout out to him how the
picture looks.

00:04:57,140 --> 00:04:58,Mr. Winslow!

00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,Yeah?

00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:04,The picture looks real dark.

00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,Walter, honey, the TV's not on.

00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:12,Oh, shoot, then I came in here for
nothing.

00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:14,Walter, wait, wait, wait.

00:05:15,420 --> 00:05:16,We'll turn on the TV for you.

00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,I'm doing that.

00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:32,Hang out loud.

00:05:33,060 --> 00:05:34,Work with me, people.

00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,That's a stupid boy.

00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,Look, we lucked out.

00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:45,American Gladiators is on.

00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:50,20 seconds to go. Spencer has adopted a
defensive position. What's American

00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:55,Gladiators? It's a macho game show. Two
contestants battle gladiators, and

00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:56,whoever gets the most points wins.

00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:58,Yeah, I love it. this show.

00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:02,There's never been a lot of half -n***d
men flaunting their muscles.

00:06:02,850 --> 00:06:05,Exactly. I love this show.

00:06:06,770 --> 00:06:08,See that guy right there?

00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:09,You mean Sabre?

00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:11,She knows their names.

00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:13,There's my cousin.

00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:16,You g***t a cousin on television?

00:06:16,570 --> 00:06:19,Sure. Of course, he's not the only
successful fall, though.

00:06:19,910 --> 00:06:21,I have an uncle at Harvard.

00:06:21,270 --> 00:06:22,Does he teach?

00:06:22,870 --> 00:06:24,Nope. His head's in a glass jar.

00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,This is not a dance floor.

00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,And what are you doing up here anyway?
Didn't I tell you to stay away?

00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:42,Oh, now, come on, Carl. That little
electrocution thing should be a dim

00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:43,by now.

00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,Hey, that cleared my sinuses.

00:06:58,060 --> 00:07:01,Steve, we're almost done up here. Don't
mess things up.

00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,Well, look, I'll just have a little
look, Steve.

00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:09,Yeah. Mm -hmm.

00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:10,Mm -hmm.

00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:12,Mm -hmm. Uh -oh.

00:07:13,110 --> 00:07:14,What uh -oh?

00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:16,Well, you use wood screws instead of
masonry screws.

00:07:17,630 --> 00:07:18,Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.

00:07:19,430 --> 00:07:21,Wood screws are good enough.

00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:23,Well, sure, as long as the wind never
blows.

00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:26,One good guess and this baby's a lawn
sculptor.

00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:31,Steve, get off this roof. Now, Carl, I
think you're being... Get off this roof.

00:07:31,990 --> 00:07:34,If you just give me... Get off this
roof, get off this roof, get off this...

00:08:26,890 --> 00:08:27,Fortunately, we landed on Steve.

00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:32,Come on, Waldo.

00:08:32,770 --> 00:08:33,Let's go get some ice.

00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:36,Good idea, because my sody pops warm.

00:09:12,330 --> 00:09:13,to apologize to you?

00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:22,I came over to lend a helping hand, but
you were

00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:25,rude and patient and not a nice host.

00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:32,You ruined our satellite dish, and you
almost killed me and my son.

00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:37,And you think that justifies coarse
behavior?

00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,society and by golly we should handle
our differences in a civilized way

00:10:56,860 --> 00:11:00,fortunately i have a cousin that can
make that happen

00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:11,tonight

00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:16,on american gladiators a special grudge
match between beauty neighbor that's

00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:18,right mike tonight's matchup is between

00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,Welcome back, and let's talk to our
feuding neighbors.

00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,Bone Crusher, I understand that besides
our cash prize, you have a little side

00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:57,bet going. That's right, Mike. If I win,
and I most certainly will, he has to

00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,stay away from my house for the rest of
his life.

00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,And Hurricane, what happens if you win?

00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:05,Oh, there's no if, Mr.

00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:11,Zonka. When I win, this rude cop has to
give me a heartfelt apology.

00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,No, say it, don't spray it.

00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,Okay, gentlemen, go get ready for the
first event, and good luck.

00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,Let's see how our contestants match up.

00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:33,Yes, sir, this is a classic David and
Goliath matchup. It's strength versus

00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:34,agility.

00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:39,And, Larry, our first event is the
joust. The contender has 30 seconds to

00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,knock the gladiator from his platform.

00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,If he does, he gets 10 points.

00:12:43,580 --> 00:12:47,First up, Steve Hurricane Urkel, but he
draws the awesome turbo.

00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,Pretty good job of avoiding that
pugilist.

00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:39,Spoke too soon.

00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:46,That's Turbo's 11th victory this season.

00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,You're taking an early lead in the
competition.

00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,You hit my husband again, and you'll
have to answer to me.

00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,I'm down again.

00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:54,Yeah, spread the word. Don't mess with
Mrs.

00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:55,Bone Crusher.

00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:02,Okay, Steve, you're down ten points.

00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,I may be down, but I'm far from out, my
man, my man.

00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:10,Well, Hurricane, it's time for the wall.
You've g***t to get to the top before the

00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,gladiator pulls you off.

00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:12,You think you can do it?

00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:13,Piece of cake.

00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:16,No. Fine.

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