Ellen s01e08 The Houseguest Subtitles

At 00:00:03,739, Character said: So, what's a cappuccino?

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At 00:00:05,940, Character said: A cappuccino is a coffee drink of
Italian origin, comprised of equal parts

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At 00:00:12,240, Character said: milk, foam milk, and espresso.

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At 00:00:15,280, Character said: The name is derived from the foam cap,
which was thought to resemble the hooded

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At 00:00:20,580, Character said: robes of the cappuccino friars of the
16th century.

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At 00:00:26,260, Character said: I meant, what's it cost?

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At 00:00:35,400, Character said: Three dollars.

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At 00:00:37,100, Character said: Okay, what's a cafe latte?

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At 00:00:38,780, Character said: Also three dollars.

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At 00:00:40,380, Character said: No, I mean, does it have a little story
to go with it?

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At 00:00:46,820, Character said: Here's me.

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At 00:00:48,500, Character said: Here's my patience.

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At 00:00:51,840, Character said: I've lost it.

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At 00:00:53,960, Character said: Get out of here.

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At 00:01:00,700, Character said: Joe, around here we like to think that
the customer's always right.

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At 00:01:06,310, Character said: The customer's always right.

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At 00:01:13,790, Character said: Where do you come up with these?

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At 00:01:19,670, Character said: I g***t a good one for you.

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At 00:01:22,390, Character said: It's not whether you win or lose, but
how you play the game.

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At 00:01:31,510, Character said: Here's another one. Here's another one.

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At 00:01:34,700, Character said: People are basically good.

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At 00:02:48,840, Character said: Let us know if we can help you with
anything.

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At 00:02:50,460, Character said: Yeah, just give a yell.

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At 00:02:52,420, Character said: Actually, you know what? I could use
your help on this display over here.

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At 00:02:55,480, Character said: Oh, we were just being polite.

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At 00:02:58,440, Character said: You know, the only reason we come here
is because it's so much fun watching you

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At 00:03:01,280, Character said: work. Well, enjoy.

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At 00:03:04,620, Character said: Wow, this Jack Slade character is
amazing.

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At 00:03:07,540, Character said: What are you reading?

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At 00:03:08,440, Character said: The new Nestor Big novel, Cold Steel
Slade.

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At 00:03:11,920, Character said: Check this out.

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At 00:03:13,560, Character said: Big Gus Logan had Slade cornered, and
they both knew it.

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At 00:03:16,880, Character said: Suddenly... In one blinding motion,
Slade whipped the screwdriver out of his

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At 00:03:21,100, Character said: back pocket and sunk it deep into Gus's
neck.

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At 00:03:24,320, Character said: The blood flowed like wine.

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At 00:03:31,400, Character said: Authors always look so distinguished in
their photographs, don't they?

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At 00:03:35,060, Character said: I love Nestor Biggs. His books are
pedistic, violent trash.

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At 00:03:39,540, Character said: I know, aren't they great?

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At 00:03:41,340, Character said: They're for people who are too stupid to
watch television.

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At 00:03:43,800, Character said: I know, aren't they great?

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At 00:03:45,930, Character said: Off at night should not be a forum for
criminals.

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At 00:03:48,350, Character said: Oh, you kill one guy in a bar fight,
suddenly you're a criminal.

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At 00:03:52,030, Character said: Whose life can stand up to that kind of
scrutiny?

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At 00:03:57,010, Character said: Good afternoon, by the book.

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At 00:03:58,610, Character said: Hi, Dad.

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At 00:03:59,550, Character said: Hi, Ellie.

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At 00:04:01,890, Character said: How are you, dear?

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At 00:04:03,350, Character said: I'm great, and you?

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At 00:04:04,530, Character said: I'm wonderful. I'm trying out my new
pipe.

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At 00:04:07,510, Character said: What? You don't smoke. I do now. The
tobacco shop with having a two -for -one

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At 00:04:11,790, Character said: sale, you can't pass that off.

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At 00:04:15,560, Character said: No, you can't.

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At 00:04:16,640, Character said: Hey, listen, if chewing tobacco goes on
sale, keep in mind I g***t a birthday

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At 00:04:19,420, Character said: coming up.

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At 00:04:21,180, Character said: You know, smoking is kind of fun once
you get past the dizziness and the

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At 00:04:24,800, Character said: vomiting.

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At 00:04:27,360, Character said: Say, what time does Tracy's plane get
in? About 8 .30. 8 .30. You better get

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At 00:04:32,400, Character said: going.

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At 00:04:34,040, Character said: Dad, her plane is still on the ground in
Missouri. I refuse to leave before she

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At 00:04:36,960, Character said: does.

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At 00:04:38,260, Character said: Ellen, we're all a little worried about
your cousin's big trip out here to

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At 00:04:42,240, Character said: California.

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At 00:04:45,250, Character said: She's sweet and innocent. She isn't like
you.

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At 00:04:49,690, Character said: Well, thank you for that. But there's no
need to worry about Tracy. She's always

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At 00:04:53,270, Character said: been my favorite cousin. I'm the one who
convinced her to come out here.

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At 00:04:56,630, Character said: Dad?

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At 00:04:57,810, Character said: Dad?

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At 00:04:59,510, Character said: Oh, oh, oh.

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At 00:05:01,230, Character said: I g***t a little woozy.

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At 00:05:05,990, Character said: I think I'd better go lie down.

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At 00:05:08,970, Character said: Okay, you do that. Hey, and relax about
Tracy.

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At 00:05:11,410, Character said: She couldn't be in safer hands.

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At 00:05:22,800, Character said: This is going to be your best vacation
ever. I can't believe I ** finally in

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At 00:05:27,140, Character said: Angeles.

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At 00:05:28,700, Character said: Look, there's a palm tree.

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At 00:05:31,060, Character said: And another one, and another one, and
another one.

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At 00:05:34,720, Character said: And you wanted to go to Hawaii.

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At 00:05:37,140, Character said: Thank God I talked you out of that one.
Wait a minute.

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At 00:05:40,020, Character said: You could have gone to Hawaii and you
chose to come here?

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At 00:05:43,700, Character said: Yeah, what's wrong with that?

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At 00:05:47,560, Character said: Nothing.

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At 00:05:49,440, Character said: I was in Hawaii once.

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At 00:05:51,210, Character said: is the most beautiful place on Earth. So
clean and so safe.

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At 00:05:55,210, Character said: Oh, when I had to come back here, I
cried for two weeks.

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At 00:05:59,410, Character said: Oh.

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At 00:06:00,690, Character said: Tears of joy, I'm sure.

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At 00:06:02,890, Character said: She was just so happy to see the
sunshine and movie stars and palm trees.

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At 00:06:06,810, Character said: Look, there's a palm tree. And there's
another one. And another one. And

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At 00:06:10,010, Character said: one. And another one. It's kind of hard
to look at them the same way once you

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At 00:06:13,110, Character said: realize that they're just crawling with
tree rats.

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At 00:06:17,710, Character said: this friend of mine who had a rat fall
out of a tree into his shoulder. Ew. He

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At 00:06:21,490, Character said: had to get rabies shots every day for a
month. Ew.

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At 00:06:25,710, Character said: Shouldn't you guys be singing or playing
the alphabet game or something?

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At 00:06:30,370, Character said: Okay, okay.

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At 00:06:31,470, Character said: Me first. A, I see an arsonist. Uh, B, I
see a burglar.

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At 00:06:37,470, Character said: Carjacking. Bad guy.

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At 00:06:40,330, Character said: Tracy, they're just kidding. Bad things
almost never happen here.

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At 00:06:49,930, Character said: was the beach?

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At 00:06:50,810, Character said: It was fun.

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At 00:06:53,370, Character said: You okay? What happened?

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At 00:06:55,810, Character said: Oh, I stepped on something in the sand.

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At 00:06:58,630, Character said: You were walking on the beach barefoot?

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At 00:07:00,650, Character said: No, a beer bottle went right through my
sneaker.

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At 00:07:05,330, Character said: It was a pretty green bottle, so if we
can pick it out of her foot, I think we

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At 00:07:08,410, Character said: have a good souvenir.

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At 00:07:10,430, Character said: And when you make calamine lotion, I'm
starting to get a little itchy all over.

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At 00:07:14,560, Character said: Oh, my God. You didn't go in the water,
did you? Well, she kind of had to. That

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At 00:07:17,940, Character said: pit bull wouldn't take no for an answer.

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At 00:07:21,100, Character said: Is there something wrong with going in
the water? No, no. Those swim at your

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At 00:07:25,240, Character said: risk signs are merely guidelines.

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At 00:07:28,900, Character said: Spoilsport scientists don't want you to
have any fun anymore. Don't lay out in

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At 00:07:31,680, Character said: the sun. Don't eat fatty foods.

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At 00:07:33,480, Character said: Don't swim in raw sewage. Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.

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At 00:07:37,080, Character said: You know, I think I'm just going to take
a long shower.

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At 00:07:40,420, Character said: Oh, construction crew broke a pipe out
front.

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At 00:07:43,280, Character said: There's no hot water. Well, cold's okay.
I'm feeling a little feverish anyway.

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At 00:07:48,300, Character said: Ow. Ow.

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At 00:07:51,800, Character said: Remember, it's shampoo, rinse, repeat.

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At 00:07:56,580, Character said: Oh, this is going so badly. I just want
one thing that she does here to be fun.

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At 00:08:01,300, Character said: Please, something fun. Anything fun. One
little tiny piece of fun.

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At 00:08:05,260, Character said: Well, why don't you take her to see a
show?

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At 00:08:07,900, Character said: Something spectacular like, uh, Sunset
Boulevard?

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At 00:08:13,700, Character said: Great, Adam. If I would have thought of
that six months ago, maybe I'd be

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At 00:08:16,780, Character said: sitting here with tickets in my hand.

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At 00:08:19,780, Character said: Sitting here with tickets in my hand.

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At 00:08:22,120, Character said: Not just any tickets. Fourth row
tickets.

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At 00:08:24,580, Character said: Glenn, close.

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At 00:08:25,820, Character said: Yeah, real close.

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At 00:08:27,980, Character said: I g***t it from a scalper.

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At 00:08:29,920, Character said: I owe you big.

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At 00:08:32,500, Character said: Hey, Tracy!

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At 00:08:34,039, Character said: This is going to be...