Married.With.Children.S08E06.No.Chicken.No.Check.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Azkars_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:01:26,455 --> 00:01:28,Well, we finished the errands, Mom.

00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:32,It's such a treat driving Dad's Dodge.
The noise, the rust...

00:01:32,822 --> 00:01:36,...the thrill of watching the open road
through the open floorboard.

00:01:36,857 --> 00:01:41,We g***t everything you wanted from
the store: bourbon-flavored bonbons...

00:01:41,624 --> 00:01:43,...romance novels...

00:01:44,025 --> 00:01:46,...Kenny G CD.

00:01:47,258 --> 00:01:50,You and Dad are gonna have
quite a time tonight, huh?

00:01:50,525 --> 00:01:52,Batteries.

00:01:57,459 --> 00:02:00,You know, it seems like there's
something we forgot to do today.

00:02:11,929 --> 00:02:15,I guess my cries this morning
of "if you use the car...

00:02:15,462 --> 00:02:19,...please, I beg you, pick me up
from work" was a little vague.

00:02:20,263 --> 00:02:21,Al, would you shut up?

00:02:21,864 --> 00:02:24,We're trying to remember
what we forgot to do.

00:02:25,231 --> 00:02:27,How did I get home, you ask?

00:02:27,931 --> 00:02:31,Not having correct change
for public transportation...

00:02:31,464 --> 00:02:33,...nor the bills to get
correct change...

00:02:33,865 --> 00:02:37,...nor the job to get the bills
to get correct change...

00:02:37,232 --> 00:02:42,...I g***t a ride from two fine gentlemen
who drive the road-kill truck.

00:02:42,934 --> 00:02:44,How was your day, Peg?

00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:48,Anything interesting happen
on the couch?

00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:50,-Well, actually--
-I don't care.

00:02:53,634 --> 00:02:55,Give me my car key.

00:02:57,869 --> 00:03:00,Last time you get to use the Dodge!

00:03:04,069 --> 00:03:07,-How will I get to school?
-Yeah, Dad. How will I get to work?

00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:12,How will I get to the store to buy the
double issue of the National Enquirer?

00:03:13,371 --> 00:03:16,And food and groceries.

00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:19,Dad, why don't you just get us a car?

00:03:19,772 --> 00:03:23,Jeez, Louise,
why didn't I think of that?

00:03:24,039 --> 00:03:26,New cars for everybody!

00:03:27,973 --> 00:03:30,Peg, would you like a BMW?

00:03:31,373 --> 00:03:33,I kind of see myself in a Jaguar.

00:03:34,207 --> 00:03:37,If only we could find one that hungry.

00:03:42,741 --> 00:03:46,Well, I have $400 saved from work.
I'll get a car myself.

00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:49,Hey, wait a second.
I have $400 saved too.

00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:53,We can pool our money
and share a car twice as nice.

00:03:53,376 --> 00:03:57,-Yeah. Not like Dad's piece of--
-Children!

00:03:57,977 --> 00:04:00,Oh, what the hell.... Wolfen.

00:04:01,611 --> 00:04:05,Let me tell you something about
sharing. It can only come to trouble.

00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:10,Your mother and I shared a bed,
and nothing good came out of it.

00:04:11,379 --> 00:04:15,Well, maybe that's because
nothing good went into it.

00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:21,It doesn't matter. You've only g***t $800.

00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:23,And $800 can't buy you a car.

00:04:30,648 --> 00:04:33,-Jefferson, tell them what $800 can buy.
-Well...

00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:36,...it could buy you a nice car.

00:04:37,649 --> 00:04:40,You know where we can
get a car for $800?

00:04:40,417 --> 00:04:44,Car auctions. You know, where they
sell cars seized by federal agencies.

00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,True. They may not be
in the best of shape.

00:04:47,985 --> 00:04:50,Bullet holes, blood stains...

00:04:50,818 --> 00:04:53,...the smell of rotting bodies.

00:04:53,786 --> 00:04:57,But then you don't seem to mind
riding in the Dodge.

00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:01,There are no bullet holes in my Dodge.

00:05:01,853 --> 00:05:06,But that can be changed if
you're willing to crawl into the trunk.

00:05:06,788 --> 00:05:11,-Dad, take us to the auction. Please.
-We'll share.

00:05:16,689 --> 00:05:18,How'd the auction go?

00:05:18,456 --> 00:05:22,Do not touch the car. We don't know
where your hands have been.

00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,Then you better not sit in it!

00:05:31,391 --> 00:05:33,Fine.

00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,As you can tell, the kids purchased
a car. And as you can see...

00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:39,...all my fears about them sharing
were unfounded.

00:05:40,592 --> 00:05:42,I warned you!

00:05:47,026 --> 00:05:50,But on the good side, I g***t them
to knock off another $100 on the car.

00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:54,Why pay for seat belts
if you don't have brakes?

00:05:58,361 --> 00:06:01,-You know what I'm gonna do?
-Give the money to me?

00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,Yes. To buy groceries.

00:06:05,796 --> 00:06:07,Groceries?

00:06:08,263 --> 00:06:12,Yes, Peg. The stuff you have to
wade through to get to the TV Guide.

00:06:12,797 --> 00:06:17,And I better be able to eat everything
in that bag, Peg. Just food.

00:06:17,264 --> 00:06:18,Just beef.

00:06:19,196 --> 00:06:21,Just do it.

00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:21,Just do it.

00:06:22,699 --> 00:06:26,That's right, Peg.
God, they look so firm.

00:06:27,399 --> 00:06:30,Hold them up for me, baby.

00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,Now let's see that pretty rump.

00:06:38,434 --> 00:06:39,Beautiful!

00:06:45,902 --> 00:06:48,Al, my blisters are hurting
from carrying that food...

00:06:48,868 --> 00:06:50,...to the checkout counter.

00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,If you'd been there before...

00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:56,...you'd know the carts
in front of the store are for that.

00:06:56,903 --> 00:07:00,I thought that was parking
for the homeless.

00:07:02,804 --> 00:07:04,You will never guess who I met.

00:07:05,071 --> 00:07:09,The guy who plays Neuter the Cat
on the Tender Innards commercials.

00:07:10,072 --> 00:07:11,You mean that one that says...

00:07:12,006 --> 00:07:17,..."If this meat were any fresher,
the jockey would still be riding it"?

00:07:17,573 --> 00:07:21,He's so hot. He's the 10th most
recognizable cat in media history...

00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,...behind Heathcliff
and the late Miles Davis.

00:07:25,207 --> 00:07:28,Look, sweetheart. Daddy's g***t meat!

00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:31,That's great, Daddy.

00:07:32,175 --> 00:07:34,This guy could do wonders
for my career...

00:07:34,775 --> 00:07:37,...so I asked him on a date
in my new car.

00:07:37,409 --> 00:07:39,Not so fast, Pumpkin.

00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,You're gonna need to be covered.

00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:44,Isn't that up to the guy, Dad?

00:07:47,177 --> 00:07:50,I'm talking about auto insurance,
you little--

00:07:53,178 --> 00:07:54,Oh, now, Pumpkin...

00:07:54,878 --> 00:07:58,...just so you didn't think
I didn't care, I g***t the best.

00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:02,South Forty Auto Insurance,
the farmer's friend.

00:08:02,313 --> 00:08:07,-But there are things you need to know.
-You registered it as a farm vehicle?

00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:13,Don't be surprised.
He registered the Dodge as a pull toy.

00:08:14,214 --> 00:08:17,The next thing I register's
gonna be a handgun.

00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:21,Sweetheart, now that you drive
a farm vehicle...

00:08:21,882 --> 00:08:25,...there are a few restrictions
you need to know about:

00:08:25,249 --> 00:08:29,One, you must not drive
on paved roads.

00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:33,Two, the Amish always have
the right of way.

00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:37,Three, since you always
must be on official business...

00:08:37,285 --> 00:08:39,...you must have this in your car
at all times.

00:08:46,386 --> 00:08:50,Hence the South Forty motto,
"No chicken, no check."

00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:55,Hey, Kel, great news. I g***t--

00:08:57,420 --> 00:09:00,South Forty Insurance, Dad?

00:09:00,921 --> 00:09:02,It's a d***n fine company.

00:09:02,521 --> 00:09:07,Farmer's best friend,
next to a sheep and a tall wheat field.

00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:14,Anyhow, I g***t a date with a foreign
exchange student who's so easy...

00:09:14,523 --> 00:09:18,...she makes you look like
a calculus problem.

00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:26,Well, you can't have the car tonight
because I'm going out with Neuter.

00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:30,You can go out with Dad anytime.

00:09:34,626 --> 00:09:40,-I promised to take her to the drive-in.
-I'm taking my date there in my car.

00:09:40,427 --> 00:09:43,-I'm not giving up my date.
-I'm not giving up mine.

00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:02,American movies are so confusing.

00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:05,So much subtext. So much character.

00:10:07,264 --> 00:10:09,The important part to remember...

00:10:09,665 --> 00:10:12,...is that Elmer is mad at Bugs.

00:10:14,932 --> 00:10:19,You see, he tied his shotgun
into a bow earlier.

00:10:21,833 -->...