Married.With.Children.S08E05.Banking.On.Marcy.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Azkars_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:01:23,687 --> 00:01:27,Al, why you watching TV
with the sound off?

00:01:27,819 --> 00:01:29,It's the new rap channel, Peg.

00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:32,I hate this when I hear it on the radio,
but now that I see it...

00:01:32,586 --> 00:01:35,...I can appreciate
its profound statement.

00:01:38,452 --> 00:01:40,Well, what's that one called?

00:01:40,252 --> 00:01:42,It's called "Pump That Rump."

00:01:46,219 --> 00:01:47,I'm really into it.

00:01:48,819 --> 00:01:53,Well, if history teaches us anything,
you'll be out of it in seven seconds.

00:01:55,285 --> 00:01:57,Oh, God, what a day.

00:02:02,685 --> 00:02:06,I made an appearance as the
Verminator at this elementary school.

00:02:06,284 --> 00:02:08,They make me walk
through this metal detector.

00:02:08,585 --> 00:02:12,I've g***t enough poison strapped to
my back to dust an entire rain forest...

00:02:12,351 --> 00:02:15,...and they wanna know why
I'm carrying a toenail clipper.

00:02:15,817 --> 00:02:17,Then there's the pat-down.

00:02:17,284 --> 00:02:19,First by the principal...

00:02:19,351 --> 00:02:21,...then by the school nurse...

00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:24,...then again by the principal
while the school nurse watched.

00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:27,Finally, I make it into the classroom.

00:02:27,884 --> 00:02:30,After talking the substitute teacher
in from the ledge...

00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:34,...I go to the cafeteria where I taught
the kids how to kill roaches, rats...

00:02:34,817 --> 00:02:37,...and something they call
"sloppy joes."

00:02:37,817 --> 00:02:40,You know, it is a wonder
I g***t out of there unscathed.

00:02:45,883 --> 00:02:49,I'm telling you, that is the last time
I appear at a Catholic school.

00:02:55,883 --> 00:02:57,Peggy.

00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,Guess what happened
at the bank today.

00:03:04,049 --> 00:03:06,A hold-up man
gave you his mask to wear?

00:03:09,782 --> 00:03:12,Turn that disgusting thing off.

00:03:12,982 --> 00:03:16,Here, watch this. Steel Magnolias.

00:03:16,381 --> 00:03:19,What's Boris Karloff
doing in a dress?

00:03:20,415 --> 00:03:23,That's Shirley MacLaine,
you baco-bit.

00:03:23,381 --> 00:03:26,Well, I owe Boris an apology.

00:03:26,215 --> 00:03:28,You owe everything an apology.

00:03:28,548 --> 00:03:31,Anyway, Peggy,
those wormless weasels at the bank...

00:03:31,814 --> 00:03:34,...want me to be the speaker
at the next shareholders' meeting.

00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?

00:03:36,881 --> 00:03:39,No. Not when you have to tell them
the bank's in trouble.

00:03:39,814 --> 00:03:41,How much trouble?

00:03:41,881 --> 00:03:44,We backed Last Action Hero.

00:03:45,881 --> 00:03:49,-Oh, I'm so sorry.
-Thanks.

00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:53,And to cut costs, we may even have
to lay off some employees.

00:03:53,813 --> 00:03:55,Marcie, as someone
who's been to your bank...

00:03:56,047 --> 00:03:58,...I certainly hope you keep
those 75 vice presidents...

00:03:58,846 --> 00:04:01,...and lay off those pesky two tellers.

00:04:02,180 --> 00:04:06,You know, the ones who work
a cool half hour apiece on payday.

00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:10,You know, Al, you can avoid
the wait to cash your paycheck...

00:04:10,446 --> 00:04:15,...because the hot dog vendor outside
always has a coin dispenser.

00:04:20,745 --> 00:04:22,Marcie, why are you here?

00:04:23,612 --> 00:04:25,I wanted to talk to Peggy privately.

00:04:25,845 --> 00:04:28,No, no. Why here on Earth?

00:04:34,679 --> 00:04:36,I'll handle this, Marcie.

00:04:36,445 --> 00:04:38,You come in here to my house
and annoy me...

00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:42,...with your sad little hen--
There it is.

00:04:47,844 --> 00:04:50,There's no sound.

00:04:51,212 --> 00:04:53,No sound to us humans.

00:04:54,444 --> 00:04:56,Come on, Marcie.

00:04:56,611 --> 00:05:00,So tell me what's wrong with speaking
to the shareholders of the bank.

00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:03,Well, I'm terrified
of speaking in public.

00:05:03,644 --> 00:05:06,It all started
with a terrible childhood incident.

00:05:07,144 --> 00:05:09,This isn't your
Uncle No-Pocket story, is it?

00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:11,No.

00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:14,This was in the first grade
when I had to give a talk...

00:05:14,843 --> 00:05:17,...on why I love
the Pledge of Allegiance.

00:05:17,377 --> 00:05:20,Well, anyway, I was right
in the middle of my speech...

00:05:21,276 --> 00:05:24,...when I looked down and saw
the biggest, ugliest cockroach...

00:05:24,810 --> 00:05:29,...which ever spewed from the bowels
of the Earth, crawling up my little leg.

00:05:29,943 --> 00:05:31,Well, I screamed
like a lunch whistle...

00:05:31,976 --> 00:05:34,...and ran around the room
tearing off my dress...

00:05:34,443 --> 00:05:38,...revealing my "Hey, hey, we're the
Monkees" panties to the entire room.

00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,Well, it may not surprise you...

00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:47,...that boys can be extremely cruel
at times like this.

00:05:47,876 --> 00:05:51,They spent the rest of the school year
following me around saying:

00:05:51,475 --> 00:05:53,"Can Davy come out and play?"

00:05:55,975 --> 00:05:59,But one night I showed them.
I showed them all.

00:05:59,741 --> 00:06:02,There was a class field trip
to Mount Rushmore.

00:06:02,741 --> 00:06:06,I told them I was too sick to make it.

00:06:06,275 --> 00:06:09,The bus was barreling down
a rain-slicked highway.

00:06:09,575 --> 00:06:14,It would have been hard to stop even
if the bus had functioning brakes...

00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:20,...but they never laughed at me
or my panties ever again.

00:06:27,807 --> 00:06:31,Well, that was a lovely story.

00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:34,I don't think you'll be needing
any more of this.

00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:38,Marcie, I know who could help you
with your public-speaking problem.

00:06:39,173 --> 00:06:40,It's Dr. Angela.

00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:43,She is the best radio psychiatrist
in the city.

00:06:43,574 --> 00:06:47,And has quite an informative
car-repair show too.

00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,She's helped me
with some of my problems.

00:06:50,006 --> 00:06:54,Although, obviously not all of them.

00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:02,Yo, video channel?

00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:05,Yeah, do you take requests?

00:07:06,406 --> 00:07:08,I'd like "Rump Shaker"...

00:07:08,573 --> 00:07:13,..."Gangster Booty"
and "Put More A***s on That Lass."

00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:19,My age?

00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:22,I'm 15.

00:07:23,039 --> 00:07:25,I need parental permission?
Just a minute, please.

00:07:25,538 --> 00:07:27,Tell him it's okay.

00:07:30,005 --> 00:07:31,It's okay.

00:07:31,772 --> 00:07:33,He's over 40.

00:07:37,338 --> 00:07:38,Why'd you tell him my real age?

00:07:39,004 --> 00:07:40,They already knew your real age.

00:07:40,804 --> 00:07:43,They wanted to know your IQ.

00:07:44,371 --> 00:07:45,But they will play them, right?

00:07:46,205 --> 00:07:48,Oh, wipe your chin.

00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:54,Peggy, I just g***t off the phone
with Dr. Angela. She was a great help.

00:07:54,571 --> 00:07:57,Pig. Here. Watch this.

00:07:57,637 --> 00:08:00,Fried Green Tomatoes.

00:08:00,637 --> 00:08:03,Well, what's Mel Tormé
doing in a dress?

00:08:04,604 --> 00:08:07,That's Kathy Bates, you potted plant.

00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:10,Anyway, Peggy, Dr. Angela is a gem.

00:08:11,003 --> 00:08:13,I told her about my fear
of speaking in public...

00:08:13,603 --> 00:08:16,...so she asked is there any time
I'm not afraid of speaking.

00:08:16,603 --> 00:08:20,And I said, "Why, yes.
During s***x I talk, yell, scream--"

00:08:20,436 --> 00:08:22,Hey, excuse me!

00:08:25,136 --> 00:08:28,You know, I'm planning
on having dinner later.

00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:38,Well, I plan on having s***x later...

00:08:38,969 --> 00:08:42,...so I guess we'll both
be cooking for ourselves.

00:08:45,035 --> 00:08:47,Go on, Marcie. You were screaming?

00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:51,Oh, yes. So Dr. Angela suggested that
I try something called transference.

00:08:52,135 --> 00:08:54,Whenever I'm gonna have to speak
in a scary setting...

00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,...I just pretend
I'm in a more relaxed one.

00:08:56,968 --> 00:09:00,Like my bedroom.
And presto, I can speak in public.

00:09:01,601 --> 00:09:04,Dr. Angela just told me
I should take a lover.

00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,But I'm afraid we'd wake Al.

00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:10,Anyway, since you're the one
that helped me through this...

00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:14,...it would mean a lot if you...