Married.With.Children.S08E03.Proud.To.Be.Your.Bud.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Azkars_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:30,I ** fed out to here
with stupid people.

00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:34,A customer comes into the diner and
he asked for the Norwegian salmon.

00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,Then he wants to know
if it's fresh.

00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,I said, "Hey, chucklehead,
this is Chicago.

00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,This is not Norwegia, okay?

00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:46,Nothing is fresh."
Well, I shouldn't say nothing.

00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:57,-Speaking of nothing, where's Bud?
-Well, it's fall.

00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,So you know another school year
is beginning.

00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:03,Which means your brother is upstairs
trying on another persona...

00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,...in hopes of attracting a girl.

00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,He has as much chance
of finding a date...

00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:11,...as the cast of Roc does
getting served at Denny's.

00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,I can't wait to see what kind
of Prince Charming...

00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:18,...the little frog is gonna try
to mutate into this year.

00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,Let me guess: Billy Ray Bundy.

00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,D***n straight, missy.

00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,Country is in.

00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,Well, then what country are you?

00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:51,I'm going to ignore that,
human peepshow.

00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,Because this will work.

00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:57,Now, I've chewed my weight
in Red Man.

00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,I've learned my country sayings...

00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,...like "ornery"
and "I thought you was 18."

00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:07,So as I live and barely breathe
in these jeans...

00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,...I'll be riding
the country charts tonight.

00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,Well, I admit,
it's better than last year.

00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,Remember, he bought that wig,
gained 30 pounds...

00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,... and called himself
Joey Bud-afuoco?

00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,Peg, I must be hallucinating.

00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:41,I could have swore
that Yosemite Sam just passed me.

00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:46,-That was Bud.
-Then it must be fall.

00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,Well, as you know,
I've had a wee peck of trouble...

00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,...finding a alternator for my Dodge.

00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:55,Yes, and a deodorant
that your body won't reject.

00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:59,And a wife that my body won't reject.

00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,Anyway, after painstaking research
to find this part...

00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:05,...a bum told me to call
Irv's World of Junk...

00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,...in Woonsocket, Rhode Island.

00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,So you know what this means?
Means I'm gonna get my part.

00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:15,All I gotta do is call 800-head-on.

00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:23,-Welcome to Irv's World of Junk.
-Hey, Irv, it's Al Bundy here. I'd--

00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:26,If you'd like these instructions
in Spanish...

00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,...press 1. For French, press 2.

00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,Don't you love these things?

00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:35,For Cajun, press 4.

00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,And for English, press 5.

00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:44,You have pressed 5.
You speak English.

00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:49,If your car is Swedish, press 1.

00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:53,If your car is Japanese, press 2.

00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:57,If your car is Japanese,
but made in America...

00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:03,...in a patronizing attempt to pretend
we have a viable automobile industry...

00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,...press 3.

00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,What are the odds of running into
a Native-American-pride parade...

00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,...marching half a block
from our house?

00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:22,Bud, you're going about this
all wrong.

00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,Now, you keep trying to change
the clothes that you wear...

00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,...but what you really need
is a new head...

00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,...and while you're at it,
a new body to put it on.

00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:34,No. Thanks for caring,
but this is it for me.

00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:38,I will neither seek nor accept a date
from any woman for the rest of my life.

00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:41,Instead, I shall live out the rest
of my days in the basement...

00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,...as the gnome
you've always said that I was.

00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,Goodbye forever.

00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,Gee, I feel kind of bad.

00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,Well, honey,
you were pretty hard on him.

00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,No, I'm fine with that...

00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:02,...but I think I should have told him
there's no third step.

00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,Oh, well, one less plate for lunch.

00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:14,-Al, Bud is really upset.
-Bud's upset? Listen to this.

00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:18,If your car is a Pacer, press 61.

00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,If your car is a Studebaker, press 62.

00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:26,Honey, he said that he is never
dating again...

00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,...and wants to live in the basement
forever.

00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:32,Sounds like a good plan.
Wished I'd thought of it.

00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:35,If your car is a Hudson Hornet,
press 67.

00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:41,Well, I guess it's time
to hang this outfit with the others.

00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,Buderace.

00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:09,Thanks a lot for puberty!

00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:13,I'm staying down here forever!

00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,You hear that, family?

00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,No, don't all come down
at once now.

00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:29,If you build it, he will come.

00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:34,That you, Kel?

00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:37,Mom? Dad?

00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:39,Buck?

00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,Oh, God.

00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:44,Is this how that rainbow-wig guy
g***t started?

00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:52,If you build it, he will come.

00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:57,If your car has zero
to 10,000 miles...

00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,...press 1.

00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:06,Ten to 20,000 miles, press 2.

00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:13,-Bud?
-Yeah, Ma?

00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:16,-What are you doing?
-Building.

00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:20,-What are you building?
-I don't know.

00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:27,-So why are you doing it?
-So he'll come.

00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:37,-So who'll come, dear?
-Him.

00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,I think we should call Janet Reno.
She'll know what to do.

00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,It's gonna be so wonderful, Mom.

00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:52,Once he gets here, everything's
gonna be much, much better.

00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:59,Well, honey, if you need anything,
you just let me know, okay?

00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:06,Move, Kel. Back up the stairs.
Back up the stairs.

00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:13,If your Dodge has between 100,and 200,000 miles...

00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,...press 11.

00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,Two hundred to 300,000...

00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,...press 12.

00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,This is all my fault.

00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:28,I knew when he was a baby, I should
have gotten him a proper sitter.

00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:32,But, you know, Buck was right there
and the price was right.

00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:38,Yeah, well, I'm at fault too.
When you said push him to the park...

00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,...I probably should have put him
in the stroller.

00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:45,And, you know, I shouldn't have given
him PEZ and said they were vitamins.

00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,Well, I bet girls would have
dated him...

00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:51,...if I hadn't told everybody in school
that he only had one buttock.

00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:55,Well, look, don't worry, honey.
One thing is perfectly clear.

00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,Bud's problems
are all your father's fault.

00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,Al, you gotta do something
about the boy.

00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,Wait a second, Peg,
I've gone this far.

00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:07,In just a few more minutes
I'm gonna have my alternator now.

00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,If your Dodge is still on the road,
press 1.

00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:16,If your Dodge is on blocks, press 2.

00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,If your Dodge is on fire...

00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:22,...press 3.

00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:33,Bud, it's 1:00.
Do you wanna come to bed?

00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,Thanks, Mom.
I'm on a tight schedule here.

00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,I see.

00:10:39,606 -->...