Married.With.Children.S08E01.A.Tisket.A.Tasket.Can.Peggy.Make.A.Basket.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Azkars_track3_[eng] Subtitles
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00:01:16,339 --> 00:01:21,And in science news, researchers say
it may be true that after several years...
00:01:21,853 --> 00:01:26,...dogs and their masters
begin to look alike.
00:01:26,371 --> 00:01:28,Yeah, right.
00:01:34,943 --> 00:01:36,Hi, son.
00:01:41,655 --> 00:01:42,Over here, Mom.
00:01:43,915 --> 00:01:45,Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
00:01:45,809 --> 00:01:48,Your father'll be home soon,
and he'll be looking for dinner.
00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:51,Tell him I hope he finds it.
00:01:52,356 --> 00:01:53,I'm just going over to Marcie's.
00:01:54,151 --> 00:01:55,But you'll miss
Dad's latest episode...
00:01:56,045 --> 00:01:58,...of A Fat Woman Came
into the Shoe Store Today.
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,Actually, I already know how it ends.
00:02:01,198 --> 00:02:03,He doesn't get the sale or a life.
00:02:05,121 --> 00:02:06,Peg.
00:02:14,430 --> 00:02:15,Bud.
00:02:17,556 --> 00:02:19,Over here, Dad.
00:02:20,415 --> 00:02:23,I'm sorry, son. Guess what happened
today at the shoe store.
00:02:24,007 --> 00:02:25,Did a fat woman come in?
00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,Enormous.
00:02:30,061 --> 00:02:32,Wow, that was a spine-tingler.
00:02:32,688 --> 00:02:37,Much better than yesterday's, "A fat
woman walked past the shoe store."
00:02:37,710 --> 00:02:40,Oh, I'm sorry, Peg.
I must have forgot my manners.
00:02:40,239 --> 00:02:42,How'd you do at work today?
00:02:45,528 --> 00:02:47,I see.
00:02:47,690 --> 00:02:49,This woman comes in,
and she is so fat...
00:02:50,085 --> 00:02:54,...she actually has three smaller women
orbiting around her.
00:02:58,237 --> 00:03:03,So I'm trying to force a pair
of size-13 shoes on her Jurassic feet...
00:03:04,693 --> 00:03:07,...when she says to me
that her husband just left her.
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,The plot thins.
00:03:11,449 --> 00:03:14,Pardon me, son, let's hear
about your day at work today.
00:03:15,675 --> 00:03:16,That's interesting.
00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:19,So this woman's telling me
about how her husband left her.
00:03:20,002 --> 00:03:21,And she reaches into her purse...
00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,...moves aside the pastrami sub...
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:28,...and produces
two $500 courtside tickets...
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:31,...to tonight's
All-Star Charity Basketball Game.
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:39,The one to send overprivileged
white kids to basketball camp?
00:03:39,244 --> 00:03:41,Hands Across the Suburbs?
She gave you these tickets?
00:03:41,907 --> 00:03:44,Sold them to me for $1 apiece,
which I didn't have--
00:03:44,571 --> 00:03:46,And, Peg, thank you for that.
00:03:46,869 --> 00:03:51,--but which I was able to borrow
at the mall fountain...
00:03:51,896 --> 00:03:53,...and the charity mint box.
00:03:56,425 --> 00:04:00,So Jerry Lewis can't afford Rip Taylor
this Labor Day.
00:04:02,187 --> 00:04:04,Now it's just a matter
of who I go with.
00:04:04,385 --> 00:04:05,-Well--
-No.
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:08,And it's not because
I don't love you like a son, Buck.
00:04:09,747 --> 00:04:11,-Bud.
-Whatever.
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:14,It's just that you can do
nothing for me.
00:04:15,142 --> 00:04:20,Now, see, these are power seats.
I need to talk somebody with influence.
00:04:20,605 --> 00:04:23,I wonder what the doorman
at the nudie bar's doing tonight.
00:04:25,369 --> 00:04:29,Well, it's fall.
Maybe he's taking his shower.
00:04:30,132 --> 00:04:33,Call him, Bud, he's on speed dial,
listed under Grandma.
00:04:36,263 --> 00:04:37,Peggy.
00:04:44,791 --> 00:04:47,Do I have the most romantic husband
or what?
00:04:47,557 --> 00:04:51,-Guess where he's taking me tonight.
-On the kitchen table?
00:04:53,155 --> 00:04:58,Better. He's taking me to see
The Captain and Tennille Unplugged.
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:05,Gee, you would've thought somebody
would've plugged them by now.
00:05:06,251 --> 00:05:09,-It's their big reunion concert.
-Guess who's opening for them.
00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:11,The Carpenter?
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,You saw it in the paper.
00:05:18,182 --> 00:05:19,Yeah, these reunion concerts
are great.
00:05:20,115 --> 00:05:22,They stir memories
of the good times you had...
00:05:22,414 --> 00:05:24,...with the woman
you've always loved...
00:05:24,381 --> 00:05:27,...and the great times you had
with the women you barely knew.
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:35,I honestly can't think of another place
I'd rather be tonight.
00:05:42,348 --> 00:05:46,Please take me, Al.
Please. Please.
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,-What are those tickets to?
-Basketball.
00:05:49,848 --> 00:05:51,What a snore.
00:05:51,515 --> 00:05:53,It may not have the same
excitement...
00:05:53,648 --> 00:05:57,...of "My Daddy Saw My Behind"
on Oprah Week...
00:05:58,449 --> 00:06:01,...but it gives me a reason to live.
00:06:01,549 --> 00:06:03,I want a reason too, Al.
What'll it take?
00:06:04,350 --> 00:06:07,-What have you g***t?
-Marcie's Discover Card.
00:06:08,251 --> 00:06:10,I'm over the limit on her Visa.
00:06:11,185 --> 00:06:14,You're gonna be over the limit
on your health insurance deductible...
00:06:15,186 --> 00:06:19,...if we're not arm-in-arm singing
"Muskrat Love" in a couple hours.
00:06:21,187 --> 00:06:24,-I can't go, Al.
-I didn't invite you.
00:06:25,989 --> 00:06:28,Al, how come we never go
to concerts?
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:31,It's because we don't like
the same people.
00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:34,For instance, you like you.
00:06:36,858 --> 00:06:38,Peg, I can promise you...
00:06:38,292 --> 00:06:41,...the day they put Captain and Tennille
on a life-support system...
00:06:41,593 --> 00:06:44,...we'll be among the first
to see them unplugged.
00:06:49,897 --> 00:06:53,Well, if we didn't need them for s***x,
they'd make great compost.
00:06:54,098 --> 00:06:57,Well, in that case,
you can grind mine up right now.
00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:02,Oh, Al, what is the big deal about
going to a basketball game anyway?
00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:04,I mean, you watch it on TV
all the time.
00:07:04,669 --> 00:07:07,Because there's nothing like
being there in person.
00:07:07,437 --> 00:07:09,This All-Star Game
is a once-a-year thing.
00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:12,I mean, it transcends basketball.
It's limos....
00:07:12,706 --> 00:07:14,-It's bright lights.
-Celebrities.
00:07:15,007 --> 00:07:17,Celebrities?
There's gonna be celebrities?
00:07:17,675 --> 00:07:21,No, Peg. I meant celeries.
00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:25,Celeries is the official vegetable
of the NBA.
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,Al, I think I wanna go to this game.
00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:33,Peg, can't go.
Achmed the doorman is going.
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,Dad, Achmed can't make it.
00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:38,It's Silicone Madness Night
at the nudie bar.
00:07:43,621 --> 00:07:46,-Tonight? D***n!
-Tonight? D***n!
00:07:48,657 --> 00:07:50,Well, then it's settled. I'm going.
00:07:50,724 --> 00:07:53,You can't, Peg. There's a league rule.
No women allowed.
00:08:02,864 --> 00:08:05,I'm gonna be late.
I'm going to the All-Star Game tonight.
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:07,Wait a second.
00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:10,-How did you get a ticket?
-I don't need a ticket.
00:08:11,335 --> 00:08:14,I'm young, available
and I look like this.
00:08:18,105 --> 00:08:21,Kel, Kel.
When are you gonna give up?
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,Every year you try to marry
a basketball player...
00:08:23,675 --> 00:08:25,...and every year you just get older.
00:08:26,243 --> 00:08:28,And another crop of girls turn 18.
00:08:28,678 --> 00:08:31,Soon you're gonna be
girding your loose loins in leather...
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:35,...and sitting in the pathetically-past-
their-prime section with Dyan Cannon.
00:08:37,815 --> 00:08:40,Ho, ho, Pimple-stiltskin.
00:08:41,483 --> 00:08:46,By the way, the Eagle Scouts called,
your merit badge in celibacy came in.
00:08:47,953 --> 00:08:50,If I'm not back tonight,
then my mission was accomplished...
00:08:50,955 --> 00:08:55,...and you may forever refer to me
as Mrs. Vlade Divac.
00:08:59,992 --> 00:09:05,So, Al, what do you think
I should wear to the game tonight?
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:09,Peg, you can wear your robe
and your bonbon bib for all I care...
00:09:09,562 --> 00:09:13,...because you're absolutely,
positively staying home!
00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:25,Now, isn't this fun?
00:09:35,638 --> 00:09:40,Look, Al. It's my very own
Patrick Ewing groin-pull doll.
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,That's nice, Peg. At least
you won't be doing that to me now.
00:09:49,175 --> 00:09:51,444...
it may be true that after several years...
00:01:21,853 --> 00:01:26,...dogs and their masters
begin to look alike.
00:01:26,371 --> 00:01:28,Yeah, right.
00:01:34,943 --> 00:01:36,Hi, son.
00:01:41,655 --> 00:01:42,Over here, Mom.
00:01:43,915 --> 00:01:45,Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
00:01:45,809 --> 00:01:48,Your father'll be home soon,
and he'll be looking for dinner.
00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:51,Tell him I hope he finds it.
00:01:52,356 --> 00:01:53,I'm just going over to Marcie's.
00:01:54,151 --> 00:01:55,But you'll miss
Dad's latest episode...
00:01:56,045 --> 00:01:58,...of A Fat Woman Came
into the Shoe Store Today.
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,Actually, I already know how it ends.
00:02:01,198 --> 00:02:03,He doesn't get the sale or a life.
00:02:05,121 --> 00:02:06,Peg.
00:02:14,430 --> 00:02:15,Bud.
00:02:17,556 --> 00:02:19,Over here, Dad.
00:02:20,415 --> 00:02:23,I'm sorry, son. Guess what happened
today at the shoe store.
00:02:24,007 --> 00:02:25,Did a fat woman come in?
00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,Enormous.
00:02:30,061 --> 00:02:32,Wow, that was a spine-tingler.
00:02:32,688 --> 00:02:37,Much better than yesterday's, "A fat
woman walked past the shoe store."
00:02:37,710 --> 00:02:40,Oh, I'm sorry, Peg.
I must have forgot my manners.
00:02:40,239 --> 00:02:42,How'd you do at work today?
00:02:45,528 --> 00:02:47,I see.
00:02:47,690 --> 00:02:49,This woman comes in,
and she is so fat...
00:02:50,085 --> 00:02:54,...she actually has three smaller women
orbiting around her.
00:02:58,237 --> 00:03:03,So I'm trying to force a pair
of size-13 shoes on her Jurassic feet...
00:03:04,693 --> 00:03:07,...when she says to me
that her husband just left her.
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,The plot thins.
00:03:11,449 --> 00:03:14,Pardon me, son, let's hear
about your day at work today.
00:03:15,675 --> 00:03:16,That's interesting.
00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:19,So this woman's telling me
about how her husband left her.
00:03:20,002 --> 00:03:21,And she reaches into her purse...
00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,...moves aside the pastrami sub...
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:28,...and produces
two $500 courtside tickets...
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:31,...to tonight's
All-Star Charity Basketball Game.
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:39,The one to send overprivileged
white kids to basketball camp?
00:03:39,244 --> 00:03:41,Hands Across the Suburbs?
She gave you these tickets?
00:03:41,907 --> 00:03:44,Sold them to me for $1 apiece,
which I didn't have--
00:03:44,571 --> 00:03:46,And, Peg, thank you for that.
00:03:46,869 --> 00:03:51,--but which I was able to borrow
at the mall fountain...
00:03:51,896 --> 00:03:53,...and the charity mint box.
00:03:56,425 --> 00:04:00,So Jerry Lewis can't afford Rip Taylor
this Labor Day.
00:04:02,187 --> 00:04:04,Now it's just a matter
of who I go with.
00:04:04,385 --> 00:04:05,-Well--
-No.
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:08,And it's not because
I don't love you like a son, Buck.
00:04:09,747 --> 00:04:11,-Bud.
-Whatever.
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:14,It's just that you can do
nothing for me.
00:04:15,142 --> 00:04:20,Now, see, these are power seats.
I need to talk somebody with influence.
00:04:20,605 --> 00:04:23,I wonder what the doorman
at the nudie bar's doing tonight.
00:04:25,369 --> 00:04:29,Well, it's fall.
Maybe he's taking his shower.
00:04:30,132 --> 00:04:33,Call him, Bud, he's on speed dial,
listed under Grandma.
00:04:36,263 --> 00:04:37,Peggy.
00:04:44,791 --> 00:04:47,Do I have the most romantic husband
or what?
00:04:47,557 --> 00:04:51,-Guess where he's taking me tonight.
-On the kitchen table?
00:04:53,155 --> 00:04:58,Better. He's taking me to see
The Captain and Tennille Unplugged.
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:05,Gee, you would've thought somebody
would've plugged them by now.
00:05:06,251 --> 00:05:09,-It's their big reunion concert.
-Guess who's opening for them.
00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:11,The Carpenter?
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,You saw it in the paper.
00:05:18,182 --> 00:05:19,Yeah, these reunion concerts
are great.
00:05:20,115 --> 00:05:22,They stir memories
of the good times you had...
00:05:22,414 --> 00:05:24,...with the woman
you've always loved...
00:05:24,381 --> 00:05:27,...and the great times you had
with the women you barely knew.
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:35,I honestly can't think of another place
I'd rather be tonight.
00:05:42,348 --> 00:05:46,Please take me, Al.
Please. Please.
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,-What are those tickets to?
-Basketball.
00:05:49,848 --> 00:05:51,What a snore.
00:05:51,515 --> 00:05:53,It may not have the same
excitement...
00:05:53,648 --> 00:05:57,...of "My Daddy Saw My Behind"
on Oprah Week...
00:05:58,449 --> 00:06:01,...but it gives me a reason to live.
00:06:01,549 --> 00:06:03,I want a reason too, Al.
What'll it take?
00:06:04,350 --> 00:06:07,-What have you g***t?
-Marcie's Discover Card.
00:06:08,251 --> 00:06:10,I'm over the limit on her Visa.
00:06:11,185 --> 00:06:14,You're gonna be over the limit
on your health insurance deductible...
00:06:15,186 --> 00:06:19,...if we're not arm-in-arm singing
"Muskrat Love" in a couple hours.
00:06:21,187 --> 00:06:24,-I can't go, Al.
-I didn't invite you.
00:06:25,989 --> 00:06:28,Al, how come we never go
to concerts?
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:31,It's because we don't like
the same people.
00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:34,For instance, you like you.
00:06:36,858 --> 00:06:38,Peg, I can promise you...
00:06:38,292 --> 00:06:41,...the day they put Captain and Tennille
on a life-support system...
00:06:41,593 --> 00:06:44,...we'll be among the first
to see them unplugged.
00:06:49,897 --> 00:06:53,Well, if we didn't need them for s***x,
they'd make great compost.
00:06:54,098 --> 00:06:57,Well, in that case,
you can grind mine up right now.
00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:02,Oh, Al, what is the big deal about
going to a basketball game anyway?
00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:04,I mean, you watch it on TV
all the time.
00:07:04,669 --> 00:07:07,Because there's nothing like
being there in person.
00:07:07,437 --> 00:07:09,This All-Star Game
is a once-a-year thing.
00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:12,I mean, it transcends basketball.
It's limos....
00:07:12,706 --> 00:07:14,-It's bright lights.
-Celebrities.
00:07:15,007 --> 00:07:17,Celebrities?
There's gonna be celebrities?
00:07:17,675 --> 00:07:21,No, Peg. I meant celeries.
00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:25,Celeries is the official vegetable
of the NBA.
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,Al, I think I wanna go to this game.
00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:33,Peg, can't go.
Achmed the doorman is going.
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,Dad, Achmed can't make it.
00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:38,It's Silicone Madness Night
at the nudie bar.
00:07:43,621 --> 00:07:46,-Tonight? D***n!
-Tonight? D***n!
00:07:48,657 --> 00:07:50,Well, then it's settled. I'm going.
00:07:50,724 --> 00:07:53,You can't, Peg. There's a league rule.
No women allowed.
00:08:02,864 --> 00:08:05,I'm gonna be late.
I'm going to the All-Star Game tonight.
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:07,Wait a second.
00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:10,-How did you get a ticket?
-I don't need a ticket.
00:08:11,335 --> 00:08:14,I'm young, available
and I look like this.
00:08:18,105 --> 00:08:21,Kel, Kel.
When are you gonna give up?
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,Every year you try to marry
a basketball player...
00:08:23,675 --> 00:08:25,...and every year you just get older.
00:08:26,243 --> 00:08:28,And another crop of girls turn 18.
00:08:28,678 --> 00:08:31,Soon you're gonna be
girding your loose loins in leather...
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:35,...and sitting in the pathetically-past-
their-prime section with Dyan Cannon.
00:08:37,815 --> 00:08:40,Ho, ho, Pimple-stiltskin.
00:08:41,483 --> 00:08:46,By the way, the Eagle Scouts called,
your merit badge in celibacy came in.
00:08:47,953 --> 00:08:50,If I'm not back tonight,
then my mission was accomplished...
00:08:50,955 --> 00:08:55,...and you may forever refer to me
as Mrs. Vlade Divac.
00:08:59,992 --> 00:09:05,So, Al, what do you think
I should wear to the game tonight?
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:09,Peg, you can wear your robe
and your bonbon bib for all I care...
00:09:09,562 --> 00:09:13,...because you're absolutely,
positively staying home!
00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:25,Now, isn't this fun?
00:09:35,638 --> 00:09:40,Look, Al. It's my very own
Patrick Ewing groin-pull doll.
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,That's nice, Peg. At least
you won't be doing that to me now.
00:09:49,175 --> 00:09:51,444...
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