April.Fools.Day.2008.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX] Subtitles

00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,Downloaded from
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00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:53,(LOW CHATTER)

00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:02,-Put it in the foyer.
-Right away, sir.

00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,(FOOD BEING CHOPPED)

00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:04,Ow!

00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:07,Michael, you cut your finger!

00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,-Mike, you okay?
-(SCREAMING)

00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,Get a paper towel, quick!

00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:14,-Are you all right?
-Ow, my finger!

00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:15,-My god!
-(SCREAMING)

00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,Wilford!

00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:26,Quit messing around. My guests
will be here any minute,
and I need you out front.

00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,Yes, Ms. Cartier.

00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:39,Sorry, Wilford.
I'm just having a little fun.

00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,Good one on me, sir.

00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:47,Mikey! Nice.

00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:57,(CLEARS THROAT)
Mr. Cartier made me do it.

00:01:58,652 --> 00:01:59,Quite.

00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,(LAUGHING)

00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:09,I'm so glad you could make it.
I mean,
I know this isn't your thing.

00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,What, and miss my opportunity
to create another masterpiece?

00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,-Ooh.
-That's a hell of a tux, Ryan.

00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:18,You sure do know how to
pull off the starving
artist look.

00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,-I kind of like the starving
artist look.
-Thank you.

00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,I ** so sorry we're late.

00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:29,-Did we miss the toast?
-No, we're still waiting on
Her Highness.

00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,-We spend half our life
waiting for her.
-And you spend half your

00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,life spewing bullshit, Peter.

00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,Hello, Desiree,
it's lovely to see you.

00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,Peter's a politician
in training, Des.

00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,What more can you expect
from that s***t-eating grin?

00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,Thanks, Blaine.

00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:48,-Here you go, sweetie.
-So have you, uh,
sampled the main course yet?

00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:52,Well, it looks amazing,
but I'm saving my appetite
for something else.

00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,-We still on for polo
on Saturday?
-Have I ever missed a match?

00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,You have not.

00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,(CLEARS THROAT) (TAPS GLASS)

00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,You don't toast yourself,
sweetie. We toast you.

00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:11,At each one of our coming-out
parties, where us sweet,
young, innocent girls

00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:16,are introduced into
polite society

00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,we've all taken a moment
beforehand to gather together
before the other guests...

00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,(COUGHS) Old f***s.

00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,Other guests arrive

00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:29,to toast our guest of honor,
celebrate our friendships

00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,and welcome our
newest edition.

00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,Don't be a lender or
a borrower.

00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:35,-Peter!
-Thank you, Barbie.

00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,As I was saying, Torrance

00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:41,we are so proud to host
your debutant ball

00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:42,and welcome you into
our circle.

00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:47,Which I think you will find
will change your life forever.

00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:51,May God help you as the devil
leads the way.

00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,ALL: Cheers.

00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:07,(LAUGHING)

00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:10,-What's so funny?
-What happened to your mouth?

00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:19,-April fools.
-(LAUGHING)

00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:24,-What are you laughing at?
-Peter. Try to keep up, okay?
Jesus.

00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:29,Don't worry, sweetie.
Since it's your special night,
you'll be exempt from

00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:33,being pranked maybe.

00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:37,-(LAUGHING)
-Oh.

00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,(LOW CHATTERING)

00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:13,Oh, Torrance, there is no one
more deserving of this
honor than...

00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,-F***k, can we do that again?
-Yeah, ready when you are.

00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:21,As sponsor of your debut,
it is my honor to welcome
you into our elite society.

00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,Congratulations, Torrance.
You deserve it.

00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,(LAUGHING)

00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,Oh, I'll take one more of
those. That one's done,
thank you, sir.

00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:39,Hey, Charles, any well wishes
for the new debutant?

00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:51,Yes. Torrance, in the
popularity race, rehab rumors
might get you the finish line

00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:55,but nothing secures victory
better than a good
old- fashioned s***x scandal.

00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:59,-Isn't that right, Eltie-Poo?
-Perfect.

00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,-Also, uh...
-Thanks, Charles.

00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:07,Guys, we're makin' a video
for Torrance, have any advice?

00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:11,Yes I do, here you go.
Here you go, hold that.

00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,All right. Okay. On me.

00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:21,Torrance. My dear.
My wife and I would like to
extend our

00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:25,hearty congratulations on
your coming out party,
and wish you

00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:30,well with all your
future end...

00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:33,-Uh...
-How about you, Ms. Carolina?

00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:41,Torrance, honey,
I'm honored to call you
my friend

00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:45,and I look forward to sharing
many happy years together.

00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:51,-Great. Very sincere.
-Oh yeah! Um...

00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:54,-Marry rich,
and don't get fat! (LAUGHS)

00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,Endeavors. Future endeavors.

00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:06,Ryan, glad to see
you're living the dream.

00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,-Guy thinks he's Hitchcock.
-Who?

00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:11,I happen to be working
tonight, a***e.

00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,-Some people have to earn
a living.
-Yeah, I earn interest.

00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,You know what?
Take a close-up of Katie here.

00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,-Chloe!
-Whatever.
Isn't she beautiful?

00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:28,How many times do I have
to tell you?
Champagne then hors d'oeuvres.

00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,-Jesus.
-Sorry.

00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,Hey, have you seen Milan?

00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,I think she just walked in.

00:07:57,010 --> 00:08:01,Milan, you look divine!

00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:06,-You look stunning, as always.
-Thank you.

00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:11,-Just threw myself together.
-You know, this is all looking
very familiar.

00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:15,It's not nearly as beautiful
as your ball.

00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,But we did miss having
you here for the
pre-party toast.

00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:21,Well, I've been working so
much with my charities, I
haven't had time for as much

00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:24,-socializing or traditions.
-Admirable.

00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,So, are you still working
with those

00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,-retarded
-Developmentally disabled
children?

00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,Yes, they're so adorable.

00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:37,You know, helping others is
incredibly rewarding.

00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:56,Envy is an ugly shade
for you, Desiree.

00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,I don't know the meaning
of the word.

00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:03,Oh, and for the record,
I don't partake in the type
of exploits

00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:08,that make Milan Hastings so
popular with the boys.

00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,You know, as someone who
writes gossip for a living,
I sure would appreciate

00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,any light you could shed
on these

00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:16,-cries for attention, hm?
-Well

00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:22,-let's just say someone had
to stock up on her Penicillin.
-Ah.

00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:27,Milan Hastings,
goodie two-shoes and
village bicycle.

00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:33,What, you didn't know?
Feel free to use that for
your website.

00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:39,You know, how do I know that
you're not up to another one
of your little tricks, hm?

00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:44,Contrary to popular opinion,
I actually do try to verify
my sources.

00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:48,-Suit yourself.
-Oh, Desiree?

00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:51,Gossip is a poison for
which there is no antidote.

00:09:56,764 --> 00:10:00,Excuse me, young man.
Eltie's getting
a little sleepy.

00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,Would you mind taking him
to the Woodland room for me?

00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:05,Tuck him in,
make yourself a drink?

00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:09,My, Eltie. It's okay, baby.
Yeah, he's a nice young man.

00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:19,So, there we were in the
Alaskan tundra on
a hunting trip.

00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:22,My father gave me that knife
after my first kill.

00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,See that gun?

00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,This was my next kill.

00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,The animal never knew
what hit him.

00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse us....