Deadpool.2016.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H264-RARBG Subtitles

00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,Kinda lonesome back here.

00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,Yeah, little help.

00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:10,Okay, just, I have to keep my hands
on the wheel.

00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:12,Excuse me.

00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:15,Dopinder.

00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,Pool. Dead.

00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:20,Nice.

00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:22,Smells good, no?

00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.

00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,Yes. Gita. She is quite lovely.

00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:32,She would have made me
a very agreeable wife.

00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:36,But, Gita's heart has been stolen
by my cousin Bandhu.

00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:40,He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.

00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:45,Dopinder, I'm starting to think
there's a reason I'm in this cab today.

00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:47,Yeah, sir, you called for it, remember?

00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:52,No, my slender brown friend.
Love is a beautiful thing.

00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,When you find it, the whole world
tastes like Daffodil Daydream.

00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,So you gotta hold onto love...

00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,tight!

00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:03,And never let go.
Don't make the same mistakes I did.

00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,- G***t it?
- Yeah.

00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:08,Or else the whole world tastes
like Mama June after hot yoga.

00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?

00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,- Like two hobos f***g in a shoe filled with piss.
- Okay, enough.

00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:16,I can go all day, Dopinder.
The point is, it's bad!

00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,It's bad.

00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?

00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,That's because
it's Christmas Day, Dopinder.

00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,And I'm after someone on my naughty list.

00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,I've been waiting one year,
three weeks, six days and...

00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:32,14 minutes to make him fix
what he did to me.

00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?

00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,This s***t...

00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:39,Boo!

00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:01,They won't disappoint.

00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,They'd better not.

00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,And what about next month's shipment?

00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,There won't be one.

00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,You're not the only one with a war to win.

00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:12,That won't do.

00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:19,See, we've had this small disruption
to our supply chain...

00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,We'd appreciate your patience.

00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:29,Okay.

00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,We'll deliver in full the following month.

00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:36,Pleasure doing business with you.

00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,F***g mutant.

00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,Ah, s***t!

00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,I forgot my ammo bag.

00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,- Shall we turn back?
- No, no time.

00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,F***k it. I g***t this.

00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:03,9, 10, 11, 12 bullets, or bust.

00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,Right here!

00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,That's $27.50.

00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,I never carry a wallet when I'm working.

00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:12,Ruins the lines of my suit.

00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,But, how about a crisp high five?

00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:16,Okay.

00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:17,Merry Christmas.

00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:22,And a convivial Tuesday in April
to you too, Pool!

00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:30,Shoop shooop ba-doop, shoop ba-doop
Shoop ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop

00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:32,You're packed and you're stacked
'specially in the back

00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:35,Brother, wanna thank your mother
for a butt like that

00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:37,Can I get some fries
with that shake-shake boobie?

00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,If looks could kill you would be an uzi

00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,You're a shotgun - bang!

00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,Oh, hello. I know, right?

00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:50,Whose balls did I have to fondle
to get my very own movie?

00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:54,I can't tell you,
but it does rhyme with "Polverine."

00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:59,And let me tell you, he's g***t a nice pair
of smooth criminals down under.

00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:04,Anyway, I g***t places to be,
a face to fix and...

00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,Bad guys to kill.

00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,Maximum effort.

00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:24,C***k shot.

00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,Rich Corinthian leather.

00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,I'm looking for Francis!

00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,Have you seen this man?

00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:51,Yanky, yanky!

00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:26,I've never said this, but don't swallow.

00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,S***t.

00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,Did I leave the stove on?

00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,Now, breaking news.

00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,A multi-car collision turned shots fired
on the crosstown expressway this morning.

00:09:14,847 --> 00:09:16,Gridlock has kept police from the scene.

00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,Residents are advised
to remain in their homes.

00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,The assailant appears to be armed,
dangerous, and wearing...

00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:24,- a red suit.
- A red suit.

00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,Deadpool.

00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,Negasonic! Come, we have mission.

00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:32,Colossus, wait up.

00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:35,I've given Deadpool
every chance to join us...

00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,but he'd rather act like a child.

00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,A heavily-armed child.

00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:44,When will he grow up
and see benefits of becoming X-Man?

00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,Which benefits? The matching unitards?

00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,The house that blows up every few years?

00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:49,Please.

00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,House blowing up builds character.

00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,You ate breakfast, yes?

00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:56,Breakfast is most important meal of day.

00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:01,Here, protein bar. Good for bones.

00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,Deadpool may try to break yours.

00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:13,Get out of the way!

00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:32,Hey!

00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,Wait!

00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:47,You may be wondering, "Why the red suit?"

00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,Well, that's so bad guys
can't see me bleed.

00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,This guy's g***t the right idea.

00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,He wore the brown pants.

00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,Fine! I only have 12 bullets...

00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,so you're gonna have to share!

00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,Let's count them down.

00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:21,S***t.

00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,Motherfucker!

00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,10! S***t!

00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:30,Nine. F***k.

00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:31,Eight.

00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,S***t-f***k!

00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,Bad Deadpool.

00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:41,Seven. Good Deadpool.

00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,Someone's not counting. Six.

00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,Four.

00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:37,Gotcha.

00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:40,Right up Main Street.

00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,Three, two!

00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:48,Stupid! Worth it.

00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,I'm touching myself tonight.

00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,Francis!

00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:19,Francis...

00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:24,What the s***t-biscuit!

00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:25,Where you at, Francis?

00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:35,You're not Francis.

00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:46,Really? Rolling up the sleeves?

00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,You're probably thinking, "My boyfriend
said this was a superhero movie...

00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:03,"but that guy in the red suit just turned
that other guy into a f***g kabab!"

00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:08,Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero.

00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,And, yeah, technically, this is a murder.

00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,But some of the best love stories
start with a murder.

00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:16,And that's exactly what this is.
A love story.

00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,And to tell it right...

00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:22,I gotta take you back to long before
I squeezed this a***s into red spandex.

00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:28,Look, would it help if I slow it down
for you? I didn't order the pizza.

00:14:28,827 -->...