Watch Wirey Spindell - Free Movies (1999) Subtitles

At 00:00:13,246, Character said: (upbeat music)

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At 00:00:17,317, Character said: ♪ Something's always better than nothing ♪

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At 00:00:22,322, Character said: ♪ See your castles washing away ♪

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At 00:00:27,360, Character said: ♪ He can walk for miles without water ♪

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At 00:00:32,165, Character said: ♪ She can talk with nothing to say ♪

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At 00:00:37,137, Character said: ♪ Does it really make you happy ♪

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At 00:00:41,841, Character said: ♪ Does it really make you care

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At 00:00:46,813, Character said: ♪ If I had a pencil, I would draw a piece of paper ♪

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At 00:00:52,352, Character said: ♪ If I had a home, I would move ♪

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At 00:00:57,223, Character said: ♪ If I had the answer

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At 00:00:58,925, Character said: ♪ I would wonder what the hell I should do ♪

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At 00:01:03,863, Character said: ♪ But something's always better than nothing ♪

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At 00:01:07,834, Character said: - [Wirey] I was born Wirey Spokes Spindell,

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At 00:01:10,170, Character said: to hippie parents in the winter of 1962

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At 00:01:12,372, Character said: in New York hospital,

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At 00:01:13,440, Character said: and I'm getting married in nine days.

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At 00:01:16,242, Character said: As a result, I've been doing quite a lot of thinking,

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At 00:01:18,945, Character said: which people tell me is normal.

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At 00:01:20,914, Character said: I don't know,

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At 00:01:22,148, Character said: just a lot of soul searching and introspection,

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At 00:01:24,684, Character said: big life questions.

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At 00:01:26,853, Character said: You think at any point after those people

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At 00:01:28,288, Character said: were massacred a few years ago,

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At 00:01:29,522, Character said: you guys ever thought of subtracting them

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At 00:01:30,757, Character said: from the number of people served sign?

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At 00:01:32,592, Character said: Like 99 billion minus 42 served?

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At 00:01:35,895, Character said: ♪ If I had a pencil, I would draw a piece of paper ♪

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At 00:01:39,399, Character said: ♪ If I had a home, I would move ♪

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At 00:01:43,736, Character said: No?

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At 00:01:44,704, Character said: ♪ If I had the answer

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At 00:01:46,306, Character said: ♪ I would wonder what the hell I should do ♪

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At 00:01:51,277, Character said: - Hello!

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At 00:01:53,880, Character said: - Look at you!

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At 00:01:55,215, Character said: You glowing bride, you!

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At 00:01:56,816, Character said: - Well, actually this is an additional glow.

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At 00:01:58,651, Character said: This would be the,

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At 00:01:59,752, Character said: I just g***t promoted to senior account manager glow!

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At 00:02:02,455, Character said: - Get the f***k outta here!

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At 00:02:03,523, Character said: When did this happen?

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At 00:02:04,424, Character said: - About five minutes ago.

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At 00:02:05,425, Character said: - If the perfect life couldn't get any better.

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At 00:02:06,526, Character said: - Yeah, well come on, we're going to be very late.

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At 00:02:08,795, Character said: (horns honking)

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At 00:02:13,533, Character said: - Are you going to be able to fit into that?

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At 00:02:17,604, Character said: - Okay, you may have been Cosmo brainwashed

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At 00:02:20,340, Character said: into succumbing to some f***d up

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At 00:02:21,875, Character said: surreal barometer of what a woman's self esteem is,

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At 00:02:24,677, Character said: but I have not, and more importantly,

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At 00:02:26,679, Character said: of course, I'm going to fit into that wedding dress

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At 00:02:28,248, Character said: because IV saline solution's the only thing

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At 00:02:29,949, Character said: I've allowed my body for seven weeks.

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At 00:02:32,452, Character said: I won't even let Wirey c***m in me 'til after the wedding.

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At 00:02:38,992, Character said: ♪ If I had the answer

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At 00:02:40,627, Character said: ♪ I would wonder what

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At 00:02:41,828, Character said: - [Wirey] I really only have one main problem

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At 00:02:43,663, Character said: and although it's been joked about

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At 00:02:44,797, Character said: glibly and superficially throughout time,

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At 00:02:46,733, Character said: diminishing and minimizing its very real

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At 00:02:48,701, Character said: and significant effect on relationships

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At 00:02:50,270, Character said: of all kinds throughout the universe,

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At 00:02:52,605, Character said: it remains a problem I ** committed

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At 00:02:53,840, Character said: to solving and destroying,

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At 00:02:55,575, Character said: because I refuse to let it f***k up my life anymore

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At 00:02:57,911, Character said: and that problem is very simply that I'm a man.

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At 00:03:00,313, Character said: I ** stink-man!

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At 00:03:02,448, Character said: As a man, I'm at constant war with myself.

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At 00:03:05,785, Character said: One side says, look, you're 36 years old.

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At 00:03:08,555, Character said: You've been around the block, experienced life.

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At 00:03:10,657, Character said: How lucky are you that now,

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At 00:03:12,926, Character said: at the perfect time to settle down,

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At 00:03:14,928, Character said: God has graced you with the most beautiful,

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At 00:03:17,397, Character said: funny, smart, warm, compassionate,

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At 00:03:19,999, Character said: loving woman you could ever wish for?

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At 00:03:22,969, Character said: Thank you, God.

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At 00:03:24,470, Character said: Thank you, God.

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At 00:03:25,572, Character said: Thank you.

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At 00:03:27,340, Character said: Now the other side says,

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At 00:03:29,842, Character said: you see that s***y redhead

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At 00:03:31,878, Character said: at that table across the restaurant?

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At 00:03:33,613, Character said: Why don't you get the waiter to slip her a note,

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At 00:03:35,014, Character said: telling her to meet you in the bathroom in five minutes.

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At 00:03:37,450, Character said: You get up, your heart racing.

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At 00:03:39,752, Character said: You glance over to her.

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At 00:03:40,386, Character said: She reads the note.

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At 00:03:41,354, Character said: Will she tell the guy she's with

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At 00:03:42,655, Character said: and he'll come over and beat the s***t out of you?

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At 00:03:43,256, Character said: Will she show up?

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At 00:03:43,890, Character said: And what'll happen?

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At 00:03:46,059, Character said: You go into the bathroom and shut the door,

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At 00:03:47,493, Character said: but you don't lock it.

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At 00:03:48,361, Character said: Anyone could come in.

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At 00:03:49,495, Character said: Some fat, drunk businessman, a bus boy.

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At 00:03:50,730, Character said: Then this might very possibly even be illegal.

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At 00:03:53,933, Character said: The door knob turns.

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At 00:03:55,401, Character said: It's her.

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At 00:03:56,903, Character said: She slides in and you lock the door behind her.

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At 00:03:58,104, Character said: You hoist her up on the sink.

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At 00:03:59,239, Character said: She has one stiletto on the toilet basin

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At 00:04:00,440, Character said: and the other one on your chest for leverage.

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At 00:04:03,409, Character said: You slide her silk panties to the side

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At 00:04:04,944, Character said: and f***k the s***t out of her.

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At 00:04:07,480, Character said: Now, granted,

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At 00:04:08,881, Character said: maybe nothing even remotely like that has ever happened,

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At 00:04:11,351, Character said: but you know what?

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At 00:04:12,752, Character said: It might.

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At 00:04:14,387, Character said: Okay.

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At 00:04:15,555, Character said: It might.

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At 00:04:18,658, Character said: - Hi, honey.

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At 00:04:21,127, Character said: How's it going?

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At 00:04:22,662, Character said: Do you want some tea?

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At 00:04:26,699, Character said: - I'm in here now.

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At 00:04:29,535, Character said: - I realize that, sweetheart,

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At 00:04:31,070, Character said: and I was wondering if while you were in here,

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At 00:04:32,805, Character said: you might like a cup of tea.

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At 00:04:36,509, Character said: - I understand.

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At 00:04:39,412, Character said: It's just that it's really hard

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At 00:04:41,748, Character said: to have any alone, private time in here

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At 00:04:44,717, Character said: when you keep coming in to where

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At 00:04:47,687, Character said: I have my alone private time.

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At 00:04:50,990, Character said: - Look, it's no big deal.

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At 00:04:52,025, Character said: I was just making myself some tea

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At 00:04:53,426, Character said: and I thought maybe you'd like some.

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At 00:05:04,871, Character said: - I really appreciate how thoughtful you are

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At 00:05:08,541, Character said: and how considerate you are,

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At 00:05:09,776, Character said: and how you think of making me a cup of tea

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At 00:05:11,878, Character said: when you're making a cup of tea.

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At 00:05:12,845, Character said: It's super sweet, but I do have a beverage

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At 00:05:21,554, Character said: and it's just,

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At 00:05:25,692, Character said: it's really hard to have any kind of just,

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At 00:05:29,462, Character said: alone, private time,

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At 00:05:35,535, Character said: when you keep coming in here,

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At 00:05:38,905, Character said: to where I,

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At 00:05:42,141, Character said: where I have my alone, private time.

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At 00:05:50,783, Character said: - Can I ask you a question?

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At 00:05:52,585, Character said: - Prefer if you didn't.

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At 00:05:54,787, Character said: - Actually it's two questions.

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At 00:05:56,622, Character said: - Would it be okay if you asked me

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At 00:05:57,590, Character said: neither of them right now?

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At 00:05:59,025, Character said: - First, and I'm just curious,

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At 00:06:01,094, Character said: why do you have your alone private time in the bathroom,

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