Clarksons.Farm.S04E01.1080p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta Subtitles

00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:09,Here we go.

00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,No, cows, don't do that!

00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:17,Get back, get back!

00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:19,Do you understand?

00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,Get back.

00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,I'm on my own, here.

00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,Morning, pigs.

00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:47,Stop!

00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,I want to make it absolutely plain

00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:02,that I'm absolutely thrilled to bits
for Kaleb.

00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:03,I'm not a socialist.

00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,I want him to do well,
I want him to make money,

00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,I want him, one day,
to be able to buy his own farm.

00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,But

00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,he has left me
just a little bit in the lurch.

00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,Good evening, Coventry!

00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:25,Please give a huge agricultural welcome

00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,to the farmer on tour.

00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,All the way from Chipping Norton,

00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:34,Kaleb Cooper!

00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,Stop, no! Get off.

00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,Welcome back to Clarkson's Farm,

00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,where things have gone a bit topsy-turvy.

00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,How are you doing, mate? You all right?

00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,There we go.
There we go. Pleasure.

00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:27,Kaleb is now in the spotlight.

00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:29,There we go, look.

00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,And I'm in the winter.

00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,Outside, on the farm

00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:38,Doing all the jobs,

00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,on my own.

00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,Come on, rise and shine.
If I can get up, you can.

00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,Come on.

00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,Yeah, I know it's raining. Come on.

00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,Please, come on. Please.
It's freezing cold and soaking wet.

00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:02,Come on!

00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,Come on, out!

00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:13,They say that one man

00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,should be able to run

00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,anything up to a thousand-acre farm
on his own, and that's probably true,

00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,if the man is competent and practical.

00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,It's also probably true
if the farm is arable.

00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,But this is mixed.
I've g***t all the crops.

00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,And I've g***t pigs,

00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,and cows,

00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,and sheep,

00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,and goats,

00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:38,and the hens.

00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,Egg.

00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:47,Good.

00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,Yes, I'm shovelling s***t.

00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:02,What's this?

00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,Two and half tons of wild bird feed.

00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:06,Why have Why is it

00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,Charlie Ireland here.

00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,Sorry, I can't get to the phone
right now, but I'll call you back.

00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,Here we go, goats.

00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,Ah, ah, ah!

00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,No, f***k! One's escaped!

00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:20,Two's escaped.

00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,For f***k's sake.

00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,Back, otherwise you're gonna be
in an Indian restaurant.

00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,Ah, ah, ah!

00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,And sadly, Lisa wasn't around
to share the workload

00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:36,because she was away on one of her thin
blonde Oxfordshire women projects,

00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,learning how to make scent.

00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,So you've g***t your top notes,

00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,like oranges, like the bergamot,
like the lemons.

00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,And the middles are like the roses,
the jasmins, the lavenders.

00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,And then, you've g***t your patchouli,
you've g***t your

00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,You've g***t your musks,
which are much deeper

00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,Come on, pigs!

00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,Oh no! Oh, God, no!

00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,Oh, s***t. F***k.

00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,F***k.

00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,F***g hell.

00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:14,Oh, God.

00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,They've g***t 20 acres

00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,And you've g***t 43

00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,Now I've g***t
a brand-new combine harvester

00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,And I'll give you the key

00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:28,Come on now,
let's get together in perfect harmony

00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:34,I've g***t 20 acres
and you've g***t 43

00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,No.

00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,S***t.

00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,And there is my quest,

00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,clearing away Kaleb's soggy hay.

00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:04,Up you come.

00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:09,Oh, s***t

00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:10,No!

00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:14,For f***k's sake.

00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,Bollocks.

00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:28,Hi, Charlie.

00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:33,Yeah. I was just wondering why
we've g***t five bags of wild bird seed.

00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,Ah! Erm--

00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:37,We've g***t to do
some supplementary feeding

00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,under the Countryside Stewardship Scheme.

00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,So
What? Feeding the birds?

00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:44,Yeah.

00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:48,What do I put it into
to make it bird feed?

00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:52,Hello?

00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:53,Hello?

00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,Hello, can you hear me?
Yeah?

00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:57,Not really

00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,So, the rest of the day,
I've g***t to muck out the cows,

00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:07,and in a little bit time,

00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,I've g***t to collect more eggs.

00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,And feed the goats,
and feed the pigs again.

00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,And then

00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,Guess what I'm doing.

00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,I'm gonna feed the pigs,
feed the goats, collect the eggs.

00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,And on top
of all the animal husbandry,

00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:29,we were now getting to that time of year

00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:34,when I'd have to start thinking
about planting the crops.

00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,This is winter wheat.
Yeah.

00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,The durum wheat needs doing.
Yeah.

00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,Spring barley, that needs doing.
Spring barley.

00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,And it wasn't just
the wheat and barley that needed sorting,

00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,because the government had just announced
all the exciting new schemes

00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,that would replace the old EU subsidies.

00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,And as Charlie explained,

00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,this meant I'd have to plant new crops

00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,whose names were
a blizzard of Whitehall gobbledygook.

00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:03,This,

00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,which is all the land
around the farm shop

00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:06,Yeah.

00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,Is Herbal Ley SAM3.

00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,Which sounds like a missile.
Correct.

00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,What's a herbal ley?

00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,A herbal ley is a GS4.
What?

00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,Herbal ley is GS4.

00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,The sustainable farming incentive.
That's the SFI.

00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,Yes.
That covers the GS4.

00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,That covers No. That

00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:30,The SFI has a code of SAM3
for the herbal ley,

00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:34,but Countryside Stewardship,
which is another scheme

00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:37,That's CSS HT.
Yes, the higher tier,

00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,which covers this.

00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,So But I'm planting

00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,It's a SAM3, but it's also a GS4.

00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,And it's a herbal ley.

00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,It is a herbal ley.

00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,How many f***g meetings have Defra had
to come up with this?

00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,The bottom line was that
the government would give me money

00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,so long as I didn't grow food,

00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,only stuff that would make
the soil healthier.

00:09:01,800 -->...