The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E21.Growing.Pains.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,(theme music playing)

00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:19,Look at this, America.

00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,It's Nessa's test scores.

00:00:21,129 --> 00:00:23,Seems so small, doesn't it?

00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:26,But Bernie Mac had to work
long and hard for this.

00:00:26,351 --> 00:00:29,Tell 'em, Nessa,
how hard you made me
work for this.

00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,Tell 'em.
Can we just
open it now?

00:00:31,973 --> 00:00:33,No, no. Come on.

00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,America loves
my stories, Nessa.

00:00:34,810 --> 00:00:36,Go ahead
and tell 'em.

00:00:36,228 --> 00:00:37,Tell 'em what happened.
They'll love it.

00:00:37,979 --> 00:00:41,(sighs)
Okay, well, I had...

00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:45,I can't do this!

00:00:48,698 --> 00:00:49,(clears throat)

00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:51,Well, I'll tell you, America,

00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:52,because y'all
don't change up on me

00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:53,like some people around here.

00:00:56,632 --> 00:00:59,Ooh, Nessa, watch
that pot for me
right quick, ok?

00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:01,Oh, and tell your brother
to come in for dinner.

00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:02,Thank you, sweetheart.

00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:05,(indistinct voices)

00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:07,Hey, Jordan, come in.
It's dinnertime.

00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,JORDAN (annoyed):
In a minute!

00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,No, now, Jordan.
Uncle Bernie said so.

00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,And I said
in a minute!

00:01:13,890 --> 00:01:15,(hoots and laughter)

00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,Fine. Stay out there.

00:01:17,269 --> 00:01:19,I'll let Uncle Bernie
deal with you.

00:01:19,196 --> 00:01:20,Did you see that, America?

00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:24,Basically, Jordan just
challenged her authority.

00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:26,And as far as I was concerned,
at the time,

00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:28,that was Nessa's problem,

00:01:28,731 --> 00:01:32,along with the problems
she was having at her new job.

00:01:35,245 --> 00:01:36,(clears throat)

00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:39,I said nonfat double mocha
Grande cappuccino

00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:42,with soy milk, extra cinnamon
and nutmeg on the side.

00:01:42,094 --> 00:01:44,Yes, ma'**.
I can taste the fat in it.

00:01:44,647 --> 00:01:47,Oh, well, look, somehow

00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:48,you picked up
the wrong cup.

00:01:50,051 --> 00:01:51,You gave me the wrong cup.

00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:55,You're probably right.

00:01:55,390 --> 00:01:57,Please accept
a fat-free biscotti

00:01:57,851 --> 00:02:01,and your properly
prepared drink
as an apology.

00:02:12,115 --> 00:02:14,Wow, so this is
your new laptop. Sweet.

00:02:14,618 --> 00:02:17,What are you doing?
(login sounds)

00:02:17,495 --> 00:02:18,I'm just going
to AOL.

00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,They have a link
to Moviefone.

00:02:20,924 --> 00:02:23,I have to buy some tickets
and your computer
is way faster than mine.

00:02:23,460 --> 00:02:26,I'm busy.
You won't even know
I'm here.

00:02:26,588 --> 00:02:27,Score!

00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,How do I get
to Tarzana?

00:02:29,341 --> 00:02:30,Ah, MapQuest.

00:02:32,728 --> 00:02:33,Hey!

00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:34,I almost
had my ticket!

00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:37,Jordan, I'm busy.
Now go use
your own computer.

00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,But I'm already here
and yours is faster.

00:02:40,152 --> 00:02:43,I said no. Good-bye.

00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,Fine!

00:02:52,948 --> 00:02:55,Touch it and I will
hurt you.

00:03:12,467 --> 00:03:14,Did you see it, America?

00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,Jordan gettin' physical.

00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,I never thought
I'd see this day.

00:03:17,472 --> 00:03:19,You remember
when the lad first g***t here.

00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:23,Pathetic. Some of y'all
even sent in money.

00:03:23,144 --> 00:03:24,America, just
take a look at him.

00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,(chuckles)
Little bitty...

00:03:29,567 --> 00:03:31,Hey, you talking about me?

00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:33,Hey, hey, hey, take it easy.

00:03:33,989 --> 00:03:37,-BERNIE: I thought me and you
had an understanding.
-Sorry.

00:03:37,701 --> 00:03:39,Yeah.

00:03:41,213 --> 00:03:44,That attitude right there,
it's my own fault.

00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:47,America, let me show you
how it all g***t started.

00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,Weights?

00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,Yeah, you g***t
to be ready.

00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,It won't be long
before your sister

00:03:52,716 --> 00:03:54,come hunting for you
for revenge.

00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,Women don't play.
I know.

00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:58,I g***t two sisters
and a wife.

00:03:58,763 --> 00:04:01,You should have
seen her face
after I pushed her.

00:04:01,099 --> 00:04:03,Calm down.
Calm down.

00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:04,I mean,
I was just trying

00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,to hold myself back from
hurting her, Uncle Bernie.

00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,(chuckles)
Well, if that's the case,
you won't need these.

00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,You be fine, huh?

00:04:10,191 --> 00:04:11,I'll hold onto these.

00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,I need an exercise regimen.

00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:15,In case something
jump off.

00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,(growls)
Tiger.
(growls)

00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,Listen, word's going
to get around

00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,about what I did
to Vanessa.

00:04:27,618 --> 00:04:30,But I just want you
to know that me and
you, we're cool.

00:04:30,253 --> 00:04:32,As long as you respect
the boundaries.

00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:34,What are you talking about?

00:04:34,591 --> 00:04:38,Okay, however you want
to play it, little sister.

00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:50,(sighs)

00:04:52,317 --> 00:04:54,I don't see how
they can be this bad.

00:04:54,569 --> 00:04:56,I studied really hard.

00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,I know, sweetie,
but you know what?

00:04:58,573 --> 00:05:01,These are the PSATs
and you can always
take these again.

00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,This was my second time.

00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,I'm never going to
get into a good college
with these scores.

00:05:08,750 --> 00:05:11,You see how the balance
is off now, America?

00:05:11,636 --> 00:05:13,The boy's talking like
he's tough,

00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:15,and Nessa, who is tough,

00:05:15,423 --> 00:05:18,is letting these test scores
get the best of her.

00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:20,But my baby Wanda and I,
we're a team.

00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,So she came through
with a solution.

00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,It's an SAT prep course.

00:05:28,103 --> 00:05:31,Yeah, they say they guarantee
better scores or our money back.

00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,Honey, I didn't say
anything about the
money back.

00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:35,Then it's not
a guarantee.

00:05:35,827 --> 00:05:37,(chuckles nervously)
You know what?

00:05:37,612 --> 00:05:39,If you're willing,
it's Thursday night.

00:05:39,465 --> 00:05:40,Of course
she's willing.

00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:41,Thursday at what time?

00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,7:30.
Okay.

00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,Hey, Baby Girl, Jordan,
come on. Dinnertime!

00:05:48,623 --> 00:05:51,-Come on.
-(gasps) Oh, my.

00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,What the hell
is wrong with you?

00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:57,What? ** I the only one
who's hot?

00:05:57,382 --> 00:05:59,-Uh, yeah.
-Boy, get in there

00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,and put a shirt on
for dinnertime.

00:06:01,469 --> 00:06:03,Don't be afraid
of the cuts, Uncle Bernie.

00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,What!

00:06:07,392 --> 00:06:10,(indistinct chatter)

00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,Vanessa! There's
an extra shift on Thursday.

00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:17,Would you like
to cover it?
This Thursday?

00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:20,Yeah. It's cool
if you're busy.

00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,Well...

00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,What ** I thinking?
I can use the money.

00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:24,Of course I'll take it.

00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:26,Thanks, Vanessa.

00:06:26,202 --> 00:06:27,You are
a really good worker.

00:06:27,579 --> 00:06:29,No, thank you.
I just do my best.

00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,Mmm. Coffee--
I love it!

00:06:31,916 --> 00:06:34,(scoffs)
Coffee.

00:06:38,715 --> 00:06:41,(door shuts)

00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,Hey, Nessa.
Hey, Nessa,
how'd it go?

00:06:43,845 --> 00:06:45,Honey, she didn't get
her results yet. Come on.

00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,That's...