The Bernie Mac Show Bernies Angels Aac2 0 H 264-squalor S05E22 Subtitles

At 00:00:02,986, Character said: (theme music playing)

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At 00:00:17,584, Character said: (knocking)

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At 00:00:19,720, Character said: How's it going?

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At 00:00:21,472, Character said: Mm.

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At 00:00:23,090, Character said: Come on, let's see!

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At 00:00:29,030, Character said: Well. "Mother's name:"
Oh, I see you used Stacey.

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At 00:00:33,350, Character said: They better not do
a criminal background check.

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At 00:00:38,480, Character said: "Father or Guardian:
Bernard McCullough."

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At 00:00:41,274, Character said: Why you put that?
It's your name,
isn't it?

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At 00:00:44,194, Character said: Don't nobody know
Bernard McCullough.

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At 00:00:46,047, Character said: But everybody knows
Bernie Mac.

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At 00:00:47,656, Character said: You g***t to know how
to use the angles.

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At 00:00:49,783, Character said: That's the name of the game.

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At 00:00:51,043, Character said: I thought the idea

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At 00:00:52,920, Character said: was to get in
on my own merit.

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At 00:00:55,038, Character said: And I don't want
to use any angles.

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At 00:00:58,625, Character said: Honey, she's right.

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At 00:01:00,460, Character said: So, Nessa, what are you going
to write your essay about?

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At 00:01:03,797, Character said: I don't know yet.
It's supposed to be
a personal statement.

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At 00:01:07,467, Character said: Well, you personally know
Bernie Mac.

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At 00:01:10,053, Character said: A lot of kids
can't claim that.

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At 00:01:13,723, Character said: (sighs)

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At 00:01:15,150, Character said: America, you know me.

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At 00:01:17,152, Character said: And I don't usually like to play
the Mac Man card,

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At 00:01:19,580, Character said: but desperate times call
for desperate measures,

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At 00:01:22,232, Character said: and I'm desperate to get
at least one of these kids

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At 00:01:24,985, Character said: out of my house.

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At 00:01:27,421, Character said: Ah, yeah.

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At 00:01:29,281, Character said: Hey! (loud tapping)

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At 00:01:30,757, Character said: Come on, let's go! Dinner!
Let's go!

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At 00:01:33,076, Character said: (shouting and tapping)
Come on, let's go!

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At 00:01:36,496, Character said: Hey, baby!
Drop it like it's hot!

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At 00:01:39,332, Character said: Come get it
while it's hot!

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At 00:01:41,042, Character said: Honey, it smells fabulous,
but I gotta go.

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At 00:01:43,804, Character said: I'm in a rush.

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At 00:01:44,680, Character said: What?!
Yeah, honey,

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At 00:01:46,256, Character said: I'm going to that sales
conference at the Westin.

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At 00:01:48,383, Character said: Babe, I g***t a roast served
for six--

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At 00:01:50,152, Character said: me plus four--
come on, now!

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At 00:01:51,737, Character said: Oh, and you know what?
Don't wait on the kids.

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At 00:01:53,847, Character said: Jordan has play rehearsal,
Bryana has soccer

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At 00:01:56,266, Character said: and Vanessa's having
a salad in her room.

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At 00:01:58,310, Character said: Fine. I'll eat dinner
by my doggone self.

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At 00:02:01,062, Character said: I ain't g***t to worry
about nobody belching
at the doggone table.

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At 00:02:04,065, Character said: Chewing with their
mouth wide open.

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At 00:02:05,543, Character said: Sitting up there, man,
grabbing without asking.

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At 00:02:08,653, Character said: I'll have me a nice,
quiet dinner

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At 00:02:10,405, Character said: in a civilized atmosphere.

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At 00:02:11,907, Character said: Hey, where you going?

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At 00:02:13,283, Character said: In front of the TV. Where else?

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At 00:02:19,089, Character said: (door closes)

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At 00:02:22,292, Character said: I'm hungry.
I need dinner.

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At 00:02:24,336, Character said: You ever think to call?

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At 00:02:26,087, Character said: Sorry.

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At 00:02:28,423, Character said: Here. You're a big girl.

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At 00:02:30,967, Character said: Heat it yourself.

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At 00:02:47,367, Character said: (electrical popping)

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At 00:02:49,486, Character said: BERNIE:
I hear that
cellophane.

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At 00:02:50,688, Character said: You best not be eating
my fudge strips.

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At 00:02:53,740, Character said: What the...?

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At 00:02:55,450, Character said: (electrical popping
continues)
Lord!

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At 00:02:57,377, Character said: My Baby Girl know better

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At 00:02:58,637, Character said: than to put aluminum foil
in the microwave.

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At 00:03:00,372, Character said: She ain't g***t the sense
God gave a pigeon!

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At 00:03:05,085, Character said: (zapping sound)

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At 00:03:08,922, Character said: (strangled grunt)

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At 00:03:12,634, Character said: (fantasy flashback music
playing)

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At 00:03:25,772, Character said: (somber music playing)

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At 00:03:37,284, Character said: Mrs. Mac?
Yes?

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At 00:03:38,952, Character said: Would you like to bring
your children up now?

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At 00:03:41,413, Character said: They're not
my children.

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At 00:03:43,090, Character said: You can take
them anywhere.

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At 00:03:45,667, Character said: Children?

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At 00:03:54,259, Character said: SINGER (slow song):
♪ Peace, peace ♪

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At 00:03:58,096, Character said: What are we supposed
to do up here?

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At 00:04:00,473, Character said: (mumbles)
I don't know.

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At 00:04:01,975, Character said: Act sad or something.

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At 00:04:03,727, Character said: (stifled laughter)

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At 00:04:05,246, Character said: Uncle Bernie!

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At 00:04:06,813, Character said: Uncle Bernie!

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At 00:04:08,189, Character said: He can't hear you.

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At 00:04:09,357, Character said: He's dead.

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At 00:04:11,026, Character said: But I need sour cream.

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At 00:04:13,695, Character said: (sighs)

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At 00:04:17,082, Character said: (somber harp music playing)

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At 00:04:18,658, Character said: Oh, Shimmy, he looks good.

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At 00:04:20,452, Character said: They did a good job.
He looks so lifelike.

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At 00:04:23,130, Character said: Yeah, except his gums
aren't flapping.

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At 00:04:25,957, Character said: I don't think I've
ever seen him this quiet.

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At 00:04:28,894, Character said: It's actually kind of nice.

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At 00:04:32,773, Character said: Well, I'm out of here.

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At 00:04:38,395, Character said: Huh! Thanks for the Escalade.

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At 00:04:44,434, Character said: Well...
(grunting)

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At 00:04:47,863, Character said: you won't need this
where you're going.

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At 00:04:49,647, Character said: (pants)
It might burn up.

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At 00:04:55,296, Character said: BERNIE (voice echoing):
Go ahead, take my chain.

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At 00:04:57,906, Character said: I'm still going to haunt you.
(menacing laughter)

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At 00:05:01,677, Character said: (screaming)

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At 00:05:06,206, Character said: (laughter fades)

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At 00:05:11,044, Character said: BRYANA:
Is he dead?

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At 00:05:12,087, Character said: Should I poke him?

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At 00:05:13,380, Character said: No. He's still breathing.

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At 00:05:15,182, Character said: Uncle Bernie?

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At 00:05:16,299, Character said: Uncle Bernie?

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At 00:05:17,809, Character said: JORDAN:
He's coming to,
he's coming to.

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At 00:05:19,361, Character said: (groaning softly)
BRYANA: What's wrong?

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At 00:05:20,720, Character said: (panting softly)
Is he sick?

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At 00:05:22,555, Character said: (peaceful harp music playing)

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At 00:05:24,808, Character said: BERNIE: Oh.

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At 00:05:26,101, Character said: Hey, angels.

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At 00:05:29,455, Character said: My darling angels.

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At 00:05:32,065, Character said: He's delusional.

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At 00:05:34,401, Character said: (sirens in the distance)

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At 00:05:36,778, Character said: Oh...

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At 00:05:37,612, Character said: (tinkling music playing)

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At 00:05:40,990, Character said: WOMAN:
Mr. Mac! Mr. Mac!

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At 00:05:44,661, Character said: Mr. Mac, I'm going to take
your blood pressure.

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At 00:05:47,247, Character said: Oh...
Did you see the angels?

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At 00:05:51,218, Character said: Pupils are
slightly dilated.

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At 00:05:53,420, Character said: Oh...

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At 00:05:55,088, Character said: B.P.'s 100 over 60.

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At 00:05:56,798, Character said: Mr. Mac...

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At 00:05:57,858, Character said: ♪ Angel, oh... ♪

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At 00:05:59,717, Character said: Mr. Mac, do you feel
any pain?

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At 00:06:01,403, Character said: ♪ Do you feel the pain? ♪

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At 00:06:04,064, Character said: (sobs)
Oh, the kids are angels!

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At 00:06:08,327, Character said: I knew they were angels!

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At 00:06:10,871, Character said: He's in shock.

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At 00:06:12,297, Character said: Mr. Mac! Mr. Mac,
do you know what day it is?

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At 00:06:15,358, Character said: Don't you know
what day it is?

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At 00:06:17,986, Character said: It's my birthday.

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At 00:06:19,755, Character said: I been reborn.

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At 00:06:21,382, Character said: I know what's going on now.

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At 00:06:23,258, Character said: There-there go the angels!

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At 00:06:24,960, Character said: Remember the angels
I was telling you about?

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At 00:06:28,255, Character said: America, they Bernie's Angels.

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At 00:06:30,165, Character said: And it's my birthday.

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At 00:06:31,958, Character said: (squeals)

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At 00:06:39,632, Character said: (Bernie mumbling gibberish)

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At 00:06:41,384, Character said: WANDA:
All right, honey.
Here we go.

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At 00:06:43,761, Character said: Here we go.

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At 00:06:45,221, Character said: Where are they?
Honey, are you okay?

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At 00:06:47,732, Character said: I'm fine. I just
want to see them.

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At 00:06:49,476, Character said: Oh, look,
there they are.

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At 00:06:51,227, Character said: (moaning and blubbering)

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At 00:06:54,314, Character said: Um... Uncle Bernie,
are you okay?

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At 00:06:56,816, Character said: Oh, Nessa...

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At 00:06:58,836, Character said: I'm fine.

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At 00:07:01,255, Character said: Thank you so...