Tusk.2014.LIMITE64-GECKOS Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:35,915 I'm gonna- I'm gonna fuckin' piss my pants. 2 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,134 Hey, if you wanna watch this video, please go to our Web site- 3 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,052 Not-SeeParty.com. 4 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,221 - N-O-T- - S-E-E. 5 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,969 Not Nazi with a “Z.” 6 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,348 That'd be like a cross-dressing Adolph Eichmann-Liza Minnelli impersonator. 7 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:54,851 If I die of laughter during this segment, I don't want you to feel bad. 8 00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:58,685 I want you all to know that I died happy, because this video is the greatest thing ever. 9 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,691 You seen how many hits he has? It's up to, like, 30-something million. 10 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,317 Here we- Here we go. 11 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:48,363 - S***t. Oh! - What the f***k? 12 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,069 I'm gonna talk to this kid about everything. 13 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:51,950 I wanna know what he masturbates to. 14 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,623 I wanna know if he kept the leg! Did he keep the leg? 15 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,575 I gotta say though, man, I've watched this video enough... 16 00:01:56,658 --> 00:02:00,208 I'm starting to feel bad for the kid. I'm not laughed out yet, but I'm feelin' bad for him. 17 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,210 Feeling bad? The kid's g***t tons of hits! 18 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,964 'Cause he's famous, right? I mean, what more do you want? He's g***t more hits than I do. 19 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,764 I'm kinda in a weird way jealous. I don't need both legs. I'm not running marathons. 20 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:11,260 So look out, you crazy Canucks. 21 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:13,092 Something weird-a***s this way comes. 22 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,598 Next week, wandering Wallace takes a raunchy road trip... 23 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:18,396 up to the Great White North to meet with a star. 24 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,474 My only hope is that he doesn't cry too much. 25 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:24,778 Join us next week while Wallace sits down with the, uh, one-legged wonder... 26 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:29,108 the master of self-mutilation, of Internet humiliation, the Kill Bill Kid. 27 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:31,489 Which is about all you can do if you're the Kill Bill Kid- 28 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,821 You just sit your one-legged a***s down forever. 29 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,702 - Oh! - It was too easy! It was right there! 30 00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,625 - You're goin' to hell, man. - They're like plums, like low-hangin' plums. 31 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,953 - I had to grab it. - Until next time, I'm Teddy Craft. 32 00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,755 And this is Wallace Bryton, reminding you to... 33 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,709 join the Not-See Party. 34 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,353 Welcome to Canada. 35 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,149 Yo. 36 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,811 Hey there. 37 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:08,864 Hey there, yourself, uh, fellow facial hair aficionado. 38 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,941 Yeah, not as good as you. My God. 39 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,947 - New Jersey, eh? - Yeah, years back. 40 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,404 Now it's, uh, “Los Angle-eez.” 41 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:18,411 A man torn betwixt devils and kings. 42 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:24,497 - Oh! Hockey. - Yeah, you're d***n right, hockey. 43 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,799 Mmm. Don't really follow hockey. 44 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:31,299 Okay. Hands off the counter, please. 45 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,722 - Really? - Yeah, really. Thank you. 46 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:35,140 - Sorry. - “Sore-y." 47 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,967 - “Sore-y.” - “Sore-y." 48 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:37,972 “Sore-y.” 49 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,270 When you're visiting the Great White North of Canada... 50 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,645 you g***t your Sana-dos, and you g***t your Cana-don'ts. 51 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,567 Top shelf, right there, number one: 52 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:48,771 Don't go tellin' a Canadian you don't follow hockey. 53 00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,948 Of course. I should have known that. Makes 'em sad, right? 54 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,740 A Canadian doesn't get sad. 55 00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,693 Sadness was made by the USA. 56 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,529 - Oh, come on. What does that mean? - Take off! It's true! 57 00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:59,285 Right there on our flag. 58 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,368 It's right there when you look at it, and you see past that sacred maple leaf. 59 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:04,545 - You know what you've seen? - A white wall. 60 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,587 You see that in America... 61 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,506 you may be red, white and blue. 62 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:13,179 But in Canada, you're red, white, but never blue, eh? 63 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,005 - Ever. - Gotcha. 64 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,341 That's actually- I've never thought of it that way before. 65 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,347 I always think of Canadians as just nice. 66 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,428 Well, that right there is another Cana-don't. 67 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,388 We're not nice, we're optimistic. There's a difference. 68 00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:25,190 - Right. - And we're tolerant. 69 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,939 - Mmm. - And we're hung like moose. 70 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:29,565 Oh. 71 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,358 That's good. 72 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,283 Back to business then. What are you doing in Manitoba? 73 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,831 Um, I'm, uh- I'm recording a podcast. 74 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:45,377 So what I do is I-l, uh- I travel around... 75 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,205 and I interview weird or interesting people... 76 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,086 and I describe it to my best friend... 77 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:53,044 who does not see it firsthand... 78 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,628 since he won't fly anywhere. 79 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:58,011 - It's call the Not-See Party. - Whoa, whoa. The Nazi Party? 80 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:01,593 Oh, no, it's- it's spelled N-O-T-S-E-E. 81 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,555 Not the other... hatey one. You know? 82 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,891 - That was Hitler. - You don't say “Hitler” in an airport. 83 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,199 All right. 84 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,641 What the f***k is this? 85 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,785 Hey. 86 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,496 S***t. 87 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,931 Oh, f***k. 88 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:32,230 Hey, f***r. Are you ready for this? 89 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:37,405 Fuckin' Kill Bill Kid f***g killed himself, sir... 90 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,982 with his own fuckin' sword. 91 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:43,115 You believe that s***t? I ** not f***g kidding you. 92 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:46,664 Couldn't hold out for two more days, selfish little peg-leg piece of s***t. 93 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,368 I'm so pissed off right now. I gotta find a flight back tonight. 94 00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,453 I'm thinkin' I don't want to come all the way back with nothin'. 95 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,379 We need a show this week, so... 96 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,208 I'm in fuckin' Winnipeg in a bar... 97 00:06:56,291 --> 00:07:00,091 called, uh, Bar H. 98 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,343 I don't know what the f***k I'm gonna do. 99 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:06,393 Try to find some other Canadian weirdo up here I can talk to, but- 100 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:10,223 I gotta be honest, man. There is nothin' weird about Canada. 101 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:13,400 It is painfully boring up here. 102 00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:17,730 But, s***t, $550 for a fuckin' plane ticket. 103 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:19,814 Selfish little prick. 104 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:24,074 I know it's f***d up to say, but, goddamn it, it's killin' me. 105 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,950 All right. 106 00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:28,157 Signin' off from the Great White North. 107 00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,667 Oh, s***t. Beep. 108 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,165 Hey, man, where's your bathroom? 109 00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,323 Hello. I'm an old man... 110 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,322 who has enjoyed a long and storied life at sea. 111 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:09,407 I'm a proud Canadian who has traveled a peculiar path lo these many years. 112 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:14,916 And after aeons of oceanic adventure, I find myself a landlubber... 113 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,714 with Manitoba as my final port. 114 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:23,216 I know I do not wish to spend my remaining years alone in a giant house- - . 115 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:26,047 not when I have such stories to share. 116 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:34,060 No, it's-it's not the room I'm interested in, as much as you, Mr. Howe. 117 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,608 Yeah- Tonight would be- That'd be amazing, sir. 118 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,436 Yes, thank you. Uh, where ** I going? 119 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,193 Bifrost? Sounds erotic. 120 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,450 Okay, let me just ask somebody how far I **. 121 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,698 Excuse me. Hey, uh- 122 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,370 Uh, how far is Bifrost from here? 123 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,790...