10-03 Lemons Subtitles

00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,Stop whatever you're doing, bud!

00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,We're having a crazy golf
championship in the medilab.

00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,It's gonna be insane!

00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:52,I don't think so!

00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,You won't say that
when you see the course. It's amazing!

00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,Best hole's the fourth,
on the autopsy table.

00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,The bath-lift takes you up to the tee.

00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,Out of bounds marked
by the commode cushions.

00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:05,You have to land your drive
over the bunion plasters

00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,in between
the two kidney donor dishes.

00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,Then a straight shot into
the medical students' practice rectum.

00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,Not now, man.
Can't you see I'm cooking?

00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,Steak? What is it, pork?

00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,I found a deep-freeze down on B Deck,
next to Kryten's quarters.

00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,- Enough for me?
- Just one steak, one chop, one rib.

00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,Great! Just enough!

00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,- Catch you later.
- Hey!

00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,I'm loving this pork!

00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,Maybe needs a little more soy sauce.

00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,Oww!

00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,Lister, I've been meaning to say.

00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:46,Books?

00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,You've been reading again,
haven't you?

00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,Listy, I've told you a million times -
don't read, it messes you up.

00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,It's like giving a hamster,
who's only used to his little wheel,

00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,the keys to an Aston Martin.

00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,Crazy things are gonna happen.

00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,It's part of my robotics course -
I've g***t to read it.

00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,Makes you feel so inadequate.

00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,You know Mozart was only five when
he wrote Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?

00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,I wasn't even toilet trained
when I was five.

00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,You've barely mastered it now.

00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:18,How did these people
get to be so great?

00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,I mean, Shakespeare.

00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,I don't understand anything he wrote,
but, man, what a dude!

00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,Plays, poems...
and a whole bunch of expressions.

00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,"A dish fit for a king" -
that was Shakespeare.

00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,What a great expression!

00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,Is it, though? Is it a great expression?

00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,A dish fit for a king?
I say that all the time.

00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,This is a dish fit for a king -
that's a great expression.

00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,I love that expression. That Shakespeare,
you've gotta hand it to him.

00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,He could really write a good expression.

00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,Who couldn't have thought of that?

00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,"In a pickle" - that was another
Shakespeare expression. In a pickle.

00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,How brilliant is that?
You know what it means?

00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:56,As confused as the mixed-up, stewed,
spicy vegetables in a pickle jar.

00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,And how are we supposed to know

00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,what the inside of a 16th-century
pickle jar looks like?

00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:02,And how is that relevant

00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:06,to our non-pickly lives
here in deep space today?

00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,When will people learn?

00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,Shakespeare, it's over!

00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,The money that guy must have made out of
a few lousy expressions and a bad haircut.

00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,Bad haircut?

00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,Don't tell me
you haven't noticed his bad haircut?

00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,But because he's had a few
hit expressions, he gets away with it.

00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,What's wrong with his haircut?

00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,He's g***t a skullet.

00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,A skull what?

00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,A bald mullet - a skullet.

00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,Bald at the front, mullet at the back.

00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,You wouldn't wanna go out in public
with this guy.

00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:42,- Sirs, the most incredible news!
- Someone's died,

00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,- and you've been left a new mop?
- Ohh!

00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,Please, sir, give me some credit.

00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,I'm not the one-dimensional
cleaning droid I once was.

00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,I've evolved into something
far more complex and multi-layered

00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,and, if I may say so, superior.

00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,- Stain.
- Where?

00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,- Smudge.
- Oh, where?!

00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,- Smear.
- Oh!

00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,- Speck.
- Oh, speck!

00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,- BOTH: Smeg.
- Smeg!

00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,The crates were in transit, sir.

00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,- I opened the first one and found this.
- What is it?

00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,It's a rejuvenation shower, sir.

00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:18,It rewinds each individual's genome and
returns the body to any point in its past.

00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,It can restore you to your physical prime.

00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,Oh, man, how great is that?

00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,I can go back to last Thursday!

00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,- Ahh.
- What?

00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,It's Swedish.

00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:32,So?

00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,It's a flat-pack - self-assembly.

00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,We have to build it ourselves.

00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,"With just an Allen key
and a Phillips screwdriver,

00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,"assembly should take
less than three hours."

00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,That's Swedish for a week.

00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,It's not a million miles away, you know.

00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,What about all these spare parts
we didn't use?

00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,Alignment bracket.
What the hell's an alignment bracket?

00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,Oh, look, we have taken this thing apart
and put it back together a hundred times.

00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,It's aligned, all right?

00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,In what area is it not aligned?

00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,In no area.

00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,It's good to go, it's aligned,
let's do it.

00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,Who's gonna test it?

00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,Mm, we need something
unimportant and meaningless.

00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,Listy, you're up.

00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,There might be something here.

00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,Bits of black plastic,

00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,bits of metal that don't look important.

00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:35,Old battery.

00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,What we really need is something organic,

00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,something alive,
something teeming with life.

00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,Oh, sir, what about your socks?

00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,Stand back, everyone.
They're coming through.

00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,OK, I'm rejuvenating the socks.

00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,Oh! The beams.

00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,We're getting covered in beamer light.

00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,They're misaligned!

00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:03,That's what those alignment brackets
were...for!

00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,What's happened? Where are we?

00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:10,D***n cheap, Swedish, flat-pack,
self-assembly rejuvenation showers!

00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,Where the hell has it sent us?

00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,I fear we may have time-travelled, sirs.

00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:19,And I told you those white plastic
clippy things were important!

00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,Trees! This may be Earth!

00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,Earth! It's always Earth with you guys.

00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,You see some trees, it's Earth.

00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:30,Who's to say it isn't a planet entirely
populated by n***d warrior Cat babes

00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,who need me to make love to them all?

00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,And what are the chances of that?

00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,If you've never had a dream,
you've never had a dream come true.

00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,- (BEEPING)
- Hmm.

00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,We're in a land called Albion, sirs -
better known as Britain.

00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,And the year is 23 AD.

00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,23 AD. Weren't Britons
all nutters back then?

00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,Running round sporting blue tattoos,
out their heads on booze,

00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,fightin', vomitin' and passin' out?

00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,A phase that doesn't end
any time soon, sir.

00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,Maybe we can stay.

00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:02,We've gotta get back to the Dwarf
and find Kochanski.

00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:03,AR, no fear, sir.

00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,I have the...