00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,Max, come on. Daddy's here.

00:01:08,715 --> 00:01:12,- G***t my trainers.
- Ooh, he'll be pleased. Lil?

00:01:12,478 --> 00:01:15,- Don't ask, I'm ready.
- Right, have you g***t everything?

00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:17,Oh, baby, don't forget those.

00:01:17,816 --> 00:01:19,- Mum!
- Sorry.

00:01:21,478 --> 00:01:22,You all right?

00:01:22,361 --> 00:01:23,- Yep.
- Cool.

00:01:24,237 --> 00:01:26,Right. No books,
no filthy looks,

00:01:26,826 --> 00:01:29,no looking on your phone
all the time, Lily.

00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,- Dad!
- Dad.

00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,Only in an emergency, OK?

00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:33,- Yeah, my social life's an emergency.
- OK.

00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:37,- Notice anything?
- Yeah, haircut.

00:01:37,593 --> 00:01:40,Look at this.
Lot shorter now, turn round.

00:01:40,894 --> 00:01:43,Look at this handsome
young chap, hey?

00:01:43,191 --> 00:01:44,What a transformation.

00:01:45,118 --> 00:01:46,Who's that in the car?

00:01:46,212 --> 00:01:47,That is Gemma.

00:01:48,469 --> 00:01:49,Who's Gemma?

00:01:49,854 --> 00:01:51,Well, she wanted to meet them.

00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:53,You just turned up
with some random woman?

00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,Is she your girlfriend?

00:01:57,078 --> 00:02:00,- OK, go say hello. Go on.
- OK.

00:02:01,092 --> 00:02:02,Come here.

00:02:04,503 --> 00:02:05,Off you go.

00:02:08,025 --> 00:02:09,I'm not talking to her.

00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,Look, Dad wants you to,
so you will.

00:02:11,386 --> 00:02:12,What's it like?

00:02:12,269 --> 00:02:13,- What?
- Periods.

00:02:13,173 --> 00:02:14,Shut up.

00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:15,Hiya!

00:02:16,082 --> 00:02:17,- Hiya!
- Hiya.

00:02:22,564 --> 00:02:23,He cut all his hair off for you,
you know.

00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:27,All that lovely hair.
You know what that meant to him.

00:02:27,501 --> 00:02:28,Isn't there a little bit
of you that wanted it, too,

00:02:28,906 --> 00:02:32,or do you just want to do this
and have a go at me again?

00:02:32,588 --> 00:02:33,Is she staying
the whole weekend?

00:02:33,812 --> 00:02:35,That's the plan, yeah.

00:02:36,301 --> 00:02:37,Bit young, isn't she?

00:02:40,234 --> 00:02:41,You should have told me.

00:02:43,565 --> 00:02:45,All right,
I'll see you on Sunday.

00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:49,- Stephen.
- Yes?

00:02:50,398 --> 00:02:51,Have a nice weekend.

00:02:53,438 --> 00:02:54,Thank you.

00:03:43,698 --> 00:03:45,So, I photoshopped
myself with this app

00:03:45,905 --> 00:03:49,- to make me look, well, you know...
- Perfect.

00:03:50,641 --> 00:03:53,Good idea, everyone else
is doing it, aren't they?

00:03:54,113 --> 00:03:56,Every bugger on there,
pretending it's all great.

00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:00,Look at me,
on the beach in Hawaii.

00:04:02,622 --> 00:04:05,Gosh, look at Max.
He hates football.

00:04:05,401 --> 00:04:06,Does he?

00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,Yeah, well,
he's trying not to, but...

00:04:14,161 --> 00:04:18,- Two burgers, a Caesar salad, yes? And...
- Yeah, yeah.

00:04:18,054 --> 00:04:19,Warm goat's cheese salad.

00:04:19,348 --> 00:04:20,Bloody hell, really?

00:04:20,572 --> 00:04:21,- Yeah.
- OK.

00:04:22,228 --> 00:04:23,Max,
you want chips with that burger?

00:04:23,793 --> 00:04:25,- No, thanks.
- He's watching his weight.

00:04:26,753 --> 00:04:28,Oh, what's that all about?

00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,Footballers don't do carbs,
do they?

00:04:31,519 --> 00:04:33,Is that what you wanna be,
you wanna be a footballer?

00:04:33,887 --> 00:04:35,Yeah, I suppose.

00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:42,Probably not good enough anyway.

00:04:43,359 --> 00:04:47,OK, so, er...
what do you wanna be?

00:04:47,493 --> 00:04:48,You know.

00:04:53,413 --> 00:04:54,An astronaut.

00:05:03,417 --> 00:05:05,So,
what are we doing after lunch?

00:05:08,815 --> 00:05:11,- Christ, that one's g***t big jaws.
- And teeth!

00:05:11,414 --> 00:05:13,- It won't break through, will it?
- Come on.

00:05:17,524 --> 00:05:18,Max.

00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,Who'd have thought there'd
be a career in baking soap?

00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:24,I really want to make a go of this, what
** I, a part-time teaching assistant?

00:06:24,731 --> 00:06:28,Stephen's g***t something new
in his life and what've I g***t?

00:06:29,718 --> 00:06:30,Soap.

00:06:35,567 --> 00:06:37,Oh, dear.

00:06:37,123 --> 00:06:39,I've g***t you.
It'll be all right, come on.

00:06:41,337 --> 00:06:42,What do I like to do?

00:06:42,671 --> 00:06:44,Drinking wine in front
of a roaring fire.

00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:47,Or eating fire in front
of a roaring wino.

00:06:47,789 --> 00:06:48,Better!

00:06:49,474 --> 00:06:51,- Profile pic.
- What should I be doing?

00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,- Dancing.
- With who?

00:06:52,635 --> 00:06:55,Just dancing. Show you're still
fun, and you're not arthritic.

00:06:56,047 --> 00:06:58,- Marital status?
- Single.

00:06:59,358 --> 00:07:00,Separated.

00:07:00,632 --> 00:07:02,Well,
you wanna be clear about it.

00:07:02,759 --> 00:07:05,Separated sounds like you
could still be tangled up.

00:07:08,418 --> 00:07:09,You still are, aren't you?

00:07:09,703 --> 00:07:12,- I'm just saying, technically...
- Are you?

00:07:13,004 --> 00:07:14,Vicky, you wanna give
yourself the best chance.

00:07:14,298 --> 00:07:18,All right, well,
I'll lie and say I'm divorced.

00:07:19,295 --> 00:07:21,Really lie, say widowed.

00:07:22,797 --> 00:07:23,Yeah, brilliant.

00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:24,What's she like?

00:07:25,917 --> 00:07:29,Well, she's a bit
Kardashian goes to Primark.

00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:31,And she needs her tan
streaks sorting out.

00:07:31,807 --> 00:07:33,Liquid bronze
would do the trick.

00:07:33,573 --> 00:07:34,Bitch!

00:07:35,991 --> 00:07:37,Behind her boob job.

00:07:37,215 --> 00:07:38,Why are you being like this,
then?

00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,- Cos Dad's made a bad choice.
- She's nice.

00:07:42,433 --> 00:07:43,What are they like together?

00:07:45,794 --> 00:07:47,- How'd you mean?
- Were they...

00:07:48,955 --> 00:07:49,Lovey-dovey?

00:07:49,938 --> 00:07:52,Mum, they didn't
touch each other once.

00:07:52,898 --> 00:07:55,She's not a patch on you
and Dad knows it, too.

00:07:56,089 --> 00:07:57,You're a sweetie.

00:07:57,634 --> 00:08:00,You want to get changed,
don't you? Go on.

00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:06,What's she really like?

00:08:07,498 --> 00:08:08,She's OK.

00:08:11,611 --> 00:08:12,Mum...

00:08:15,043 --> 00:08:18,Do you think it's still a phase?
With Max and everything.

00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:24,I think puberty will sort him out
and he'll grow hairs on his chest

00:08:24,294 --> 00:08:27,and his voice will
drop and so will his...

00:08:27,746 --> 00:08:30,And he's not gonna be seen
dead in a pink vest top.

00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,Not even in his bedroom.

00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:37,Is she better than me?

00:08:39,957 --> 00:08:41,Solid nine, I'd say.

00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:42,Nine?

00:08:43,178 --> 00:08:44,And a half.

00:08:44,603 --> 00:08:48,- Well, what ** I?
- Probably, like, a five.

00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:52,- He doesn't even like blondes.
- He does now.

00:09:40,270 --> 00:09:42,Ready for the first
day at big school?

00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:44,You look really grown up,
darling.

00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:45,Yeah, you look 11.

00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:47,I look...

00:09:49,502 --> 00:09:50,How does it feel?

00:09:50,395 --> 00:09:52,- Is that the right size on the shoulders?
- Scratchy.

00:09:53,937 --> 00:09:55,Can't I wear something
else with it?

00:09:55,211 --> 00:09:56,What, a body stocking?

00:09:57,127 --> 00:09:58,I mean, like an earring.

00:09:59,897 --> 00:10:02,Not two, just one,
just something else.

00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:03,- Er, rules.
- Yeah.

00:10:03,288 --> 00:10:05,The school only allows stud
earrings and that's only for girls.

00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:06,Like at ours.

00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,In our house, you get to do
girls things, but nowhere else.

00:10:10,422 --> 00:10:12,How about something
they can't see, then?

00:10:12,389 --> 00:10:14,Well,
I can give you one of those.

00:10:14,506 --> 00:10:16,You can wear that every morning,
how about that?

00:10:19,011 -->...